Animal Murder General

What kind of shit gets killed by your car?

>be cruising
>bird flies infront of car
>gets wiped out on wing mirror
>side window smeared with guts and shit
>10 mins later
>another bird flies into front bumper
>was going 90mph so it got fucking annihilated
>shook it so hard the towing eye cover came out
>have to buy a new one now

Fuck birds, that's 4 in like 6 months.

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=N_jHGQRvAts
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

...

What!? I've never hit a bird before, that's some terrible luck, OP. You must have some dumb as shit birds.

>Ran over a squirrel
>Heard it's skull pop
>Still remember the sound

Only one I think I've ever hit. Coyotes are pretty smart here in Vegas, they actually look both ways...evolution or some shit, I swear.

I almost hit a fucking bird today, was very scary.

blog posts get hidden

>driving on the touge
>hit deer

0 damage, no fucks given

I once saw a duck walking on the highway for god knows why.
I swerve to not hit it
Dumbass remembers it can fly but into my direction.
Kill it and my grill gets broken.

I pulled over to pick up my fog light cover and kuck its corpse

Kick* wtf phone

>just get done cleaning car windows
>actually put in some effort so the glass is crystal clear
>fucking seagull smashes into windshield and actually chips it
>seagulls head and neck bent at odd angle not moving
Fuck seagulls, flying rats with wings


This morning i almost saw a cat die when i was driving home
>be driving down 40mph road
>chevy truck infront of me
>all of a sudden we see a cat bolting across road
>truck taps brakes but decides against it
>cat goes under truck
>left front tire clips the cats ass
>it spins 3-4 times and nearly goes under passenger side rear tire
>rear tire clips cat and it shoots out from under truck and hits a brand new Mustangs bumper before running off

I was driving down the street and swerved to hit a cat

dogs4lyfe

>Hit a coon
>It squeals after it my rear tire leaves it squashed
>wasn't even a nigger
>feel bad

>be 19
>first car is a fuckhueg Toyota Sequoia
>thing weighs like 6500 pounds
>driving though neighborhood on my way home
>all of a sudden a cardinal flies right in front of me
>hear it smack the shit out of my bumper
>look in rearview
>poor thing is flopping on the ground still alive
>I turn around and decide to finish it off
>It's the humane thing to do right?
>getting closer
>lining up my front right tire
>go over it
>don't hear or feel anything
>look in rearview again and see the fucking bird get up and fly off

>realize I just tried to kill a tiny little bird with a gigantic SUV

>laugh at how ridiculous the situation is

>go home, jerk off and eat some pasta
whilst chuckling

>ya just can't make this shit up

Alphonse
Alphonse on his mobile phone

I hit and killed a Bigfoot. What really surprised me was that it had been tagged with a RFID tag by the California Fish and Game people. I fucking buried that motherfucker and got the hell out of there! Can you imagine the fucking fine they would levy for that shit? Not to mention the "memory wipe" procedure. I read they make you pay for that shit.

I haven't killed anything yet, but I did run over some people's volleyball today. I feel bad.

Last week I headbutted a pigeon with my helmet whilst on my motorcycle. Little fucker didn't see me until the last second and flew right into me, only thing I could do was punt it with my head.

Went back to see if I had killed it and it was just sitting on the sidewalk looking a bit confused with it's wings out. Put my hand out to put it out of it's misery and the dumb fucking thing flew into my helmet again. Luckily it kept flying this time.

Birds are fucking idiots I s2g

>be driving old car (pic related)
>bird flies infront of car
>goes directly in the bonnet scoop
>get home and spend almost an hour pulling feathers out of my intercooler

Fuck birds

>10yo
>see pigeon get squashed by a bus
>even now i still swerve to avoid running shit over

Don't think I've ever hit anything in my car, but I did run over a squirrel with my bicycle once. Dumbass. It was the front wheel, so the fucker lived. It must've been pretty pissed, as it made some noises I'd never heard from a squirrel before.

>Animal jumps in front of vehicle
>Stop abruptly, near miss it
>It wanders off the side of the road
>About to take off
>It casually walks out and stands in front of my truck looking at me like an asshole
>Nudge it till it falls over and drive over it
>Watch it get back up and run away

Stupid fucking animals, I love having a truck, I can push them over without the guilt of killing them.

its still in there too. its like a trophy.

I've seen this before somewhere, is it a meme?

Source?

Ran over a cat this morning, he was still very young. Felt bad but there was nothing I could do.

Thanks for reminding me of this shit again:
>drive bike
>truck in the opposing lane
>bird hits truck then flies into the spokes of my bike
>gore. gore everywhere

Really weird how many of you have hit birds. I've never hit a bird or even seen one get hit. They stand around in the road here and then take off at the last possible second. I've seen them fly out in front of me and have come close to getting hit but they always just barely make it.

Only thing I've hit has been a bigass raccoon at dusk when the fat fucker decided to waddle out from the side of the road right as I was about to drive past him. I was in a '98 Mercury Mystique, so had I been driving a car that could actually stop when I applied the brakes, I might have bothered, but with things as they were I decided I may as well just grit my teeth and keep going. I could hear the crunch even with the windows rolled up and even as the impact tilted the car and loudly shook the entire vehicle. Found out the fucker bent my wheel when that tire kept going flat.

I've actually personally witnessed a person get hit by a car, which was far more interesting.
>Be me, 13 or 14
>Riding with mom to my sister's house
>College-aged guy with an armful of books crossing the street
>He thinks all these cars are going to stop for him despite there being no crosswalk and in spite of the light being green
>He thinks wrong
>Driver's side of car in front of us clips him going 15-25 miles per hour
>He does a vertical cartwheel for physics reasons I still can't understand
>Mom screams "Oh my God!"
>Lands on his back, immediately gets up and starts picking up his papers
>I laugh
>"That's not funny, he's probably hurt!"
>Turns around and starts going back across the street in the direction from whence he came
>Lady driving the car that hit him gets out, yells "Are you okay?!" to him
>He ignores her
>Some guy on the other side of the road in the opposite direction pulls up to him and evidently convinces him to go with him to the hospital
>Mom pulls into the other lane and drives past the lady who hit him, who is now just standing there next to her car with her hands over her mouth

> I've seen them fly out in front of me and have come close to getting hit but they always just barely make it
Why the fuck do they do this? Is it to get a rush?

Little daredevil fuckers I swear to god one day you'll regret doing that but don't come flying over to me all crying and shit, you dumb bird, because I fucking warned you.

Greatest autocorrect ever

Driving down the road in my NC Miata. Top down, beautiful day, breeze is feeling nice, and here comes a fuckin squirrel.

It must if misjudged it's trajectory because my passenger front tire ran over JUST his head.

I felt his little skull get crushed and when I looked in the review, I'm pretty sure I made him retarded. He was just jumping really high. Everytime he landed, he jumped 5 feet into the air in whatever random direction he could.

Never go full retard.

>Out for midnight cruise last week
>just washed/polished/waxed/EVERYTHING my car
>good feels
>construction on my usual river-side cruise road, so I'd gone up on the highway to to get past that section to not drive on dusty dirty
>Behemothesque pickup truck infront of me, Ford F-550 or something similar booking it, 7-8 seconds ahead
>Notice truck's taillights bounce and the whole fucking thing waggles and nearly hits the centre divider
>get on brakes because wtf was that
>headlights illuminate gigantic gore puddle in the middle of the highway
>too late to dodge it without probably loosing control
>can hear bits of ex-deer splattering all over the underside of my car
>get through and pass a glance at truck as I passed
>nothing but rear legs of deer freaking the fuck out sticking out of engine compartment
>judging by the lake of blood on highway there's no way they could have been still attached to the animal in any meaningful way
>pull into a self-serve car wash and spend the next 10 minutes and probably $10 hosing off the underside of my car

It was still running slightly red by the time I ran out of change, Fucking suicidal deer.

In the UK every country road is covered in those pheasant pieces of shit. For a while slow down for them to give them a chance to move, but eventually you realise it's just in their nature to have absolutely no fear, so they won't move no matter what.

I once was driving along flashing my lights hoping two would get out of the way. They didn't so I slammed the brakes on, they couldn't have been more than a foot from my bumper when I came to a stop, and they still didn't give a damn.

I regularly kill wombats, kangaroos and wallabies, cunts all go toward the light.

Defos need a grill/mesh for that

Pheasants are the peasants of the bird world.

But those fucking starlings and blackbirds that dive bomb in front of my car to seek the ultimate thrill, fuck them. I've got a spiral fracture in my paintwork because one mis-judged the timing and ended up a nice red feathery paste.

How the hell is your car that badly built that a bird damages it?

> Cruising along
> Early morning
> 60 in a 30, as is my way
> Pigeon in the road
> It sees me, and turns to walk out the way
> Not so fast. I know for a fact there's bird shit on my passenger door.
> You're going down, birdy
> Steer for it
> BABUMP BABUMP
> Look in mirror
> Bird rolls along the road after me, shedding feathers and down
Got the fucker.

>car spontaneously developed an oil leak on the driveway

>drips right on an anthill

yay genocide

youtube.com/watch?v=N_jHGQRvAts

Depends how/where it his
I had a fucking sparrow fuck my shit up in my old car

>driving practically mach1 down back road
>suddenly fucking tiny ass bird flies infront of me
>impacts directly into the intercooler
>practically went right through it
>needed to buy a new one and had to have car towed home

Jesus christ; motherfucking pheasants. The landed gentry in my village love raising a fuckton of those half-tame mongoloid birds each year. I have no count of how many i've turned into roadside slop, because fuck stopping for them.

>How the hell is your car that badly built that a bird damages it?

VAG products bro, that legendary German engineering.

Driving pic related
>2 lanes going one direction and 2 lanes going opposite separated by grass median
>I'm in inner lane next to grass median
>car driving right beside me in other lane
>at the last second I see a huge turkey flying about a foot off the ground in front of the car beside me
>I try to slow down and swerve but it's too late
Since the front of my car is slanted, it pretty my I just acted like a ramp for the turkey
I saw the turkey in my rear view flying probably 6-8 feet in the air after I hit it.

>driving 40mph
>Pigeon in street
>waits til last second to try and fly away
>clips top of bumper
>rolls over hood, window, roof, and bounces off trunk
>ded in road
>Laugh my fucking ass off

>driving 25mph
>pigeon in road
>playing chicken
>literally does not move until I'm less than a foot away
>tries to walk away
>Nope
>[Gentle thud]
>[Another gentle thud]
>See pigeon dead in street
>Snicker

>Driving 80mph
>on interstate minding my own business
>all the sudden it sounds like I ran into a wall of small pebbles if they were suspended in mid air
>wtf
>then literally 100 splats of liquefied bug (probably a bee swarm) completely and totally cover every inch of windshield
>holy fucking what
>wipers and washer on full throttle because cant see a single fucking thing, like trying to look through frosted glass
>Regain vision before a disaster happens
>M-m-m-m-multi kill-kill-kill

>>M-m-m-m-multi kill-kill-kill
GODLIKE

>all those birds that keep flying at car level over the road
just fly higher you stupid fucks

>swerve to avoid a bird in flight
>bird swerves too
>maximum swerve

>hauling ass through downtown Oakland at 4am trying to get to work
>see 2 pigeons on road
>not gonna slow down for 2 pigeons
>pass over pigeons and hear 2 small thuds
>look in rearview mirror
>see tweaker run over to pigeon bodies and scoop them up before running into an alley

Fucking gross

>3 years ago
>driving in Orlando, near Disney
>Deer bolts right in front of me
>mfw
>ends up totalling my car, partially going through the windshield on the pasenger side
>end up breaking my arm
>insurance fights me because they wouldn't give me my money
>end up suing them for "medical expenses" and got $20k for the whole ordeal even though TriCare covered my arm

>Last year
>Driving rental car with family to go to Asheville, NC for vacation
>About an hour away from Atlanta
>Deer bolts in front of me again, clipping the front right fender
>My mother is sitting in the back screaming her fucking head off
>After I pull over she starts crying, saying her trip is ruined, immediately posts on Facebook about it
>She keeps crying for nearly an hour, won't fucking stop
>By this time, the rental company already has a car on their way and reimbursed me for the rental
>Car arrives
>Still crying
>During the whole trip she's a fucking wreck
>Driving on Blue Ridge Parkway she starts screaming and crying when we go around mountain passes
>Pull over on an overlook amd tell her to calm the fuck down or she's walking back to the hotel
>Once we get home, tell her I'm never taking a trip with her again unless she calms the fuck down

After both incidents I ended up getting my hunting license to remove bambi.

>driving by a family of canada geese
>one of the adults starts hissing at me and running at my car

Ran over a bag couple days ago. No so long ago ran over some leafs. I don't know if mother tree knows about it. I mean those leaf were playing on the street. The mother tree should have know better then letting their leaf playing in a unsafe area. Wasn't my fault.

>Be Me
>Get new car
>Let friend test drive a day later
>Hits a random racoon that jumped into street
>Dont remember if racoon was okay was more concerned with new car
>check car, thankfully only a small scrape at the very bottom of the car

haven't hit any yet but jesus christ kangaroos are fucking retarded pretty sure their whole life goal is to fuck up your car the amount of these cunts dead on the road is insane

I've hit birds, snakes, frill neck lizard and a shitload of fucking bugs

I think kangaroos are the deer of upside-down land

kangaroos are probably worse because the little fucking shits are even in the city late at night plus there is just so many of them in some places

You're doing god's work, user
>tfw when you slop a faggot deer with your bullbar
I'd feel bad if it was a human, but it's awfully satisfying to crush them with my mazda truck.

>pheasant pieces of shit
Pheasants nearly killed my father.
No, seriously. He was on his motorbike, and one hit him on the shoulder. The same one he'd broken in an accident years before. The shit stains never came out of his leathers.

I'm also under orders from my mother to hit the bastards, stop, and keep them. It's apparently legal to keep them as roadkill.

Why wasn't said intercooler shielded?

I've had birds literally bounce off cars at 60MPH, and no issues. Not even a bend.
100% sure fire way to hit pigeons is to go way over the speed limit. Fuckers are used to regular traffic, but never expect someone going 2-3 times it.
First pigeon I hit was while doing 60 in a 20. Couldn't even dodge it because speed cushions.

how does being hit in the shoulder by a bird do anything?

I've been hit in the face by a magpie or something at about 80kmh and it did fuck all

>vacationing in Asheville
Why? Dirty hippies and drum circles aren't worth the trip.

That magpie must have been going for your beautiful eyes

A pheasant is a big fucker of a bird, especially smacking your shoulder at 70+ MPH on a motorbike. And especially when the joint is weakened from a prior broken collarbone.

Hit a bat driving from Orlando up to Nashville.

Just fucking obliterated it, poor fucker.

I had a bee hit my bike's windshield in such a way that its rear half was exploded, but the front was still alive. I couldn't pull over, either-I could only occasionally glance down and see its movements getting slower and slower. RIP, bee.

Never hit a critter, but my old shitbox Lada Niva almost ate a cat. I kept it plugged in up in Yellowknife, since it was fucking cold out, and a cat had crawled up into the engine bay to keep warm. When I went to start it in the morning, the cat gave a loud screech and booked it down the road, minus a patch of fur.

That happened to me when I pulled over on my motorcycle to return a missed call.
>In my mirror this pissed off Canada Goose runs up the hill beside the road
>Starts hissing and approaching my idling bike
>When it gets within about 6 feet, crack the throttle, straight cruiser pipes for that ear-fucking BRAAAAAAAAAAA
>Goose's face when

I'm 20 and have had bad luck with animals while driving. Killed a rabbit, a squirrel, an opossum, and a deer. The deer was fucking scary cuz I thought I fucked my car for a second.
>be me driving back from the lake with friends
>deer runs form the woods right on the road
>Bambi runs down the road then veers back into the grass
>I think I should speed up to get the fuck away from this deer while he's off the road
>second I start accelerating he makes a beeline for death
Fucking clip him and he slides off the road making a weird sad noise
>something is making noise on my car
>ohshit.jpeg
>turns out its just the plastic skid plate type of shit under the engine
>rip that shit off and go about our day

Hit a black guy with my car once, maybe killed him dunno

>driving through the ghetto on way to work at 1am
>no street lights work cause all shot out by ghetto trash
>coming around bend
>at last second see black guy crossing street
>hes wearing all black everything so i literally did not see him until impact
>hit black guy and he gets thrown into an abandoned houses overgrown front yard
>panic for a second then remember im in the ghetto
>speed away as fast as i can

No damage to my cars hard rubber bumpers, no mention of any hit and run in news. Got lucky.

Biltmore. I was taking my grandmother there since she was dying. She was born in Black Mountain, so it's right there.

thats a duck

4 in 6 months? I have killed 5 birds in the last month, and user, believe me it feels like shit when I cant avoid them.

Im going to buy one of those deer launchers.

>everyone talking about birds
>barely any deer posts

I live in the Northeast and have a close call with a deer literally at least once or twice a night, and the only reason I haven't hit and killed them is slowing down ahead of time due to knowing where they'll probably be.

Stupid motherfuckers. If I had a truck instead of my shitbox I'd just keep going.

>Driving west into Cali from Yuma
>Highway splits into two one lane roads over the river
>Nearing the crest
>Pigeons land in the road
>No biggie, they'll get out of the way soon enough
>50 yards
>Move bird
>25 yards
>MOVE BIRD
>Impact imminent
>MOVE GOD DAMMIT
>Bird tries to fly straight away from my soccer mom grocery getter
>No success
>Thunk
>Dead center on the windshield
>GOD DAMMIT
>Look in rear view just in time to see it's carcass get jammed in a Ram 1500's grill
>Pic related

>tfw you cuck a dead duck

I wouldn't feel bad if it was an actual nigger though. I have some cousins in south africa who intentionally swerve to hit niggers. ran over some dindus feet once when I was in the car. that place is full of niggers

why would you kill canadians user

even if the bird is only 10 pounds, or even 5 pound, so 2-5 kg, and you're on the highway thats like having a 5 kg weight thrown at your shoulder at that speed. pretty dangerous especially on a bike

kek better than killing an innocent animal

Er, you don't understand the term cuck, do you?

>get truck
>remove bambi
>?????
>profit!
Fuck deer. They're only good for eating.

>Er
go back to plebbit my main man.
>he doesnt know how posting works on Veeky Forums
>he didn't look at the post I replied to
>he talks from his ass

ran over to geese

>get in left lane tailgating the fuck outta a camper
>suddenly he pretends to move over, then swerves back
>then he does it again and suddenly there are two geese in front of me
>POP POP

fuck it, id do the same to a mama duck and babies. let someone try to talk some shit.

slow things
>popped my deer cherry last year
>birds
>squirrels
>one time I almost hit a cow
>but I think it would have killed me
>screeching halt from 50 mph, 4 feet left
>cow gave 0 fucks, had to drive around it

Once went popping cane toads after rain.

Fuck fucker.

Hey guys, what is the very last thing to go through a fly's head?

Desert rabbits run at headlights. After a couple minuets I just stopped counting.

This just happened to me today

>driving to work
>go down quiet back road to avoid traffic
>cruising along, when suddenly...
>CHIPMUNK
>swerve to avoid it, but know I obliterated it
>feelsbadman.jpg
>not even 20 seconds later
>ANOTHER GODDAMN CHIPMUNK
>Can't swerve. Can't slow down.
>Eh, fuck it.
>Target destroyed

Kinda related

>see a red squirrel in my birdfeeder
>eating all my bird seed
>realize I still have my red ryder bb gun
>disgonbgud.gif
>fire a single shot at his ass
>being a red ryder it isn't exactly accurate past 20ft or so
>hits him square in the eye
>not a kill because it's a red ryder bb gun
>ohshitohshit
>it's thrashing around
>bleeding everywhere
>don't know what to do
>can't just shoot it again
>don't want to stomp it because soft ground
>grab a bucket and fill it with water
>grab squirrel and hold it underwater until it stops moving, felt like an eternity
>neighbors probably think I'm a serial killer in the making
>tfw

Shooting it in the head would have been waaaaaaaaaay easier.


You fucking physcopath.

Learn to greentext you filthy summerfag porch monkey.

> drowning it instead of putting another bb through its head to end it's suffering
That's fucked up user

Anyone have that gif/webm of the pit worker getting torn in half by the car and only thing holding him together as one half shoots into the air is his intestines?

Was driving my '94 Safari to go pick up a friend,finally changed the spark plugs and distributor cap.
>Approach blind curve,see a few deer crossing
>Going maybe 50MPH,barely see one of the deer crossing
>Before I know it,two bolted in front of me
>One 4 pointer buck,and one doe
>see the first pair of hooves go on the hood,hear plastic and bones breaking
>first deer goes under the front,the buck got his horns lodged inbetween the front bumper and the bottom of the grill
>hear 2 thuds,thank god for stronk truck suspension.
>see the temp gauge go up suddenly
>stop 1/4 mile down the road at the nearest clearing and inspect the van
>front grill is kill,headlights intact as well as turn signals
>see a hoof-shaped puncture in the radiator
>Ohfuckinghell.jpg
>Realize I'm 35 miles from home,so I just chill in the back reading the repair manual for that beast as it cools down
>Slowly drive home,give it a little hug after parking it
>order new radiator and install it myself.

That beast never drove straight again,the alignment and front end was fucked due to that buck putting his horns underneath.

Good fuck that airbourne piece of shit

hit a rabbit (or leper, or whatever the wild ones are called), was pretty big, was going 90km/h, nearly split my front bumper in two, smashed radiator.

all in all 600€ in damage.

well my dog gt ran over last week on my birthday/graduation

Do this work on people as well? Imagine driving into a huge crowd of people.

Nah, it never works that great, people have lower enters of gravity, boots and backpacks and fall over, ect. Also sentience and someone will stop the driver at some point.

Maximum *over swerve

Fellow Z28 bro here, I have a story for you.

>mom takes car to work
>it's like 4am so it's pitch black here in ohio
>driving along country roads and suddenly sees a fuckhuge black figure in the middle of the road
>it's a cow, a fucking huge cow
>car's nose basically scoops up the cow from under it and just pushes it about a foot because she was only going about 15-20 mph
>cow just lumbers off like the stoned braindead mammal it is

Scared the shit out of me when she told me she hit a cow in my car...

I had the opposite happen to me. Driving my car with the windows down, wasp smashed into the side mirror, front end destroyed. Its bottom half flew in through the window and stung my arm. Fucker.

ITS OWN ARSE