/ss13g/ - spessmen on a spacestation

>when Sue hugs you and actually meant it

What did he do?

I know that feel, but not as much as I wish I did

Limp wristed HoS that don't give clear verdicts on how to handle situations are killing sec

Lay down the law

Be a shit Head of Security that has a stick up her ass and is also a retard at the same time.

> accidentally disarm the HoS when you meant to hug
> or so he thought

Specifics?

I'll make a job ban request if you have a good reason

Sue is evil!
EVIL!

fishbowl people when?

>ban all HoS for occasionally being shit
>complain layer when nobody plays HoS or sec anymore

Honk!

We should really remove the sec department and leave security up to ERTs and heads of staff. The HoS can stay, but as the Head of Safety.

Thanks for your input greytider

Please. Like greyshits aren't already handled more by each department than by sec.

Remove that shitty name rule.

Remove that shitty player rule.

I NEED THIRD WORLD SLUTS

Full AI player simulation?

MEET ME HALFWAY

>tfw Sue always hugs me when we pass each other

The problem is the same that cops encounter in real life. The officer can only see what is in front of his eyes, and cannot fully trust anyone. Since they are put in situations that require quick solutions because around the corner is another murder, sometimes that means things are dealt with shittily. As it stands the way the crew acts IC according to space law everyone should be getting brig time.

However that is far from what is supposed to happen. Space law is squishy and everyone has thier own definition and separate justification of what they think is legal. I once murdered a non antag 'innocent' assistant because he was maint crawling with armor and a fucking rifle while four people were screaming he was a ling.

Being a "good" sec officer (doesnt piss off everyone and kills all the valids) is beyond the impossible. Really in my book, a good sec officer is one that can listen. Take multiple witness statements into account with hard evidence and fair judgement. Often that means we have idiots like you screaming "OMG retard" and YES. Fucking sometimes were wrong. I've told people that have called me a retard yes. Yes I am. You have to be retarded to play security. However the job is damn fun and totally necessary. So keep being the shitter you are, I find your years delicious.

Please return my years, I miss my youth.

I live in a small town, and so I know the local police pretty well, seeing there's only a few of them, and I see them every day patrolling the neighborhood. You get to see the same faces, and sometimes new ones.
The rookie officers always knock at a door of a house with their gun holster unsecure and their hand on their gun, ready to shoot, while calling for backup.
The experienced officers knock at the door with their gun holstered, with a calm presence of mind to assess the situation quickly, and use their gun as a last resort. They would rather talk things out if they could than pull out their weapon.
Of course, you can't do that very well in spess, but that's my experience with police.

>tfw Sue hugs you in maintenance
>tfw you're a ling and she's your target and you're forced to suck her dry
Felt bad.

strawpoll.me/11146251/r

Round two of data collection. If you have an opinion of the new naming rules, vote here. This is for my own personal collection of results. I will be plotting these on a sheet, and holding them every once in a while at peak hours.

What are the new rules?

L-lewd

All I know how to play is stuff like Chef and a tiny bit of Botany.
How do I get into other jobs? I don't want to ruin anyone's day by not knowing what the fuck I'm doing. I want to know what I'm doing then super subtly fuck up people's day.

friendly reminder anyone can fix strawpoll results if they feel like it

> that time sue was a ling and got sucked by the other ling because she didn't speak in hivechat

I don't know why we bother.

The name rule is awful, but I don't think we're going to get that through Aurx's thick skull.

Why do you feel bad for taking out of the game an unlikable shitter?

Why do you feel okay typing like yoda would?

I identify as a green small man

Meh, the only thing that would fuck someone's shift is outright murder, everything else is reverseable. Play Clown to understand that lesson, because a lot of shit will happen to you, and you'll be fine. Get into medbay with the surgery and medicine guide on vg so you can alt tab if you are interested in that wing. And always remember that making people mad in space is a great deed.

Its simple really, sec needs to be efficient but brutal, greytide that doesn't stop either gets killed or perma, giving them 10 minutes does nothing because most of the time, if ya don't search the fags out of kindness and steal their mask, gloves and tools, they will just deconstruct their way out and later stunprod you and tie you up with cable cuffs.

Same with anyone really, you deserve to get peppered and beaten for interrupting any arrest, you know disarm spamming a sec officer is dumb, you do it anyway and expect anything short of a beating? Nigger like mad and expect being stripped of a ID after killing as non antag and breaking and stealing into every possible sector of the station.

Research usually tries to help em out, when they dignify to remember we make toys that are better than starting gear and pimp out their already good gear, but that's not enough. Its nigh impossible to play and not anger anyone while also abiding by space law, cause sometimes borging without captains order is the right call dammit, and its quicker than rotting in perma. Sometimes, its best to kill that one "inocent" assistant that decided to nigger and escape 4 times from jail, even from 3 minute long sentences. Sometimes, you just snap, like a real cop would do, and realize that even if you break the law and kill a bunch of faggot niggers, you did the right thing and brought order, and what's sec objective but, in the end, bringing order, even if it costs the life of Greyshit McFaggottide and a bunch of antags.

I defend a brutal sec with admin leeway cause I know that every single time I played nice, I got cloraled, fucked with, disarm spammed, etc. I got niggered like you would believe, all because I wanted to be nice sec, but fuck that shit, shitcurity is awfull, but nicecurity is the worst shit you could ever have. Have the balls to cut greyshit legs and a hand, confine em to a wheelchair on the third time, they could have stopped anytime, they didn't, willingly

>greytide that doesn't stop either gets killed or perma, giving them 10 minutes does nothing because most of the time, if ya don't search the fags out of kindness and steal their mask, gloves and tools, they will just deconstruct their way out and later stunprod you and tie you up with cable cuffs.

If this happens you need to ahelp immediately, they're breaking rules if they aren't antags.

I can teach you medbay sometime, but I recommend starting with science. Read the guides for mechanic and research and follow them step by step.

Science will teach you construction, basic chemistry, and robotics which are all useful general knowledge.

Where did ya pick that shit up mate, cause id like to know what's behind that conclusion. Is it written anywhere or something.

Lowpop is pretty chill and great for learning. As long as someone knows the role you want to learn, they'll usually be happy to teach you.

Short guide on shit.

Medbay, different chems for different shit, see wiki for em, give chem pills when damage is above 50 or dead and you want to use a defib, shit like ointment and bandages will work for minor shit up to 50 burn and brute damage, for slightly above but still alive, use the advanced kits science shits out. If he has over 300 damage or time is runing out, clone em. Surgery is just a dioffreent tab ya open up, keep lungs, internal bleeing and mending bones on, Zone assisted Atmosfuckery will be most of the reason you go do surgery.

Science in general is easy, follow the following to max research.
>3x mech syringe gun (Print at robotics)
>Toolbox (R&D)
>atmos analyzer (Toolbox)
>2x hicap power cell (steal from Robotics)
>2x gps (steal from Telesci)
>drill
>nanopaste
>Pico manipulator
>build a chemistry dispenser
>SMES board
>Chem dispenser board
>teleporter hub board
>3x gygax targeting board
>for plasma: 3x plasma + pacman board
>for illegal: 2x tesla relay (robotics) + chem sprayer
Illegal is optional, but the chem sprayer might be useful. As a RD director, delete it as fast as ya can from the servers, some retards can't handle the power they have cause illegal shit is shinnier, even if mostly worse than what you already have. Bucket of potasium, bucket of water, set transfer to 30 and drop the bloody bucket you want to transfer to on top of the lockboxes you want open. Don't fucking click the floor, drop it, stand next to the tile the water/potasium bucket is in and transfer 30 units to the potasium/water bucket on top of it.

Robotics is shoving alloys in the makers, forgetting to upgrade em, and doing basic steps. Extract brains via saw to the face in the surgery bed ya have when the head atached, scapel, saw, scapel, saw when its not conected to a body.

Xenobio is shit, so is xenoarch. Try em a few times and drop em cause they really don't feel impactful, even the slightest bit.

1/2

Reminder that mech syringe guns should be research-locked at round start.

rule 0 is don't be a dick, and robusting people as non-antag is in the rules somewhere

but if a dindu greyshit is avoiding sec I would 100% ahelp it regardless of the rules

Xenobio is actually a pretty easy and f*n job to learn, you just won't learn much outside of it.

2hotdogs literally never once did anything wrong and this community bullied him away for no real reason what so ever.

go away chiot

not an argument

go
away
chiot

>prime research item locked behind research
What's next, there shouldn't be any roundstart circuit printers?

That wasn't me, retard.

You've used this same tool to control the narrative of this discussion too many times to count. It's sad. It's pathetic.
Your enemy in your own life is yourself.

:(

Engineering 101 motherfucker, AME is simple, wrench the main console in the room, drop the boxes in the crate next to it, drop it in a rectangle shame,3 high, 4 wide I believe, start with the one directly to the right of it, multitool em, then the ones above and bellow em, then the one on the right of the center, repeat till its done and ya have a dual core AME engine. Set injectors to double of cores.

SME and Thermo are more complex, ask the native engies. Wire solars dirrectly to the grid, bring atleast two wire cords and click the nubs for straight wires, set solars to automatic.

Mechanic, you scan shit with your scanner, smack it against the blueprint printer, load printer with nanopaper, shove blueprints in the fabricator, boom, ya can now make a ikea box with whatever the fuck you you just made, be it a cloner, arcade, chem dispenser, whatever. Crowbar em to actually build em, since the flatpack is essentially a furniture ikea rectangle. Also, do your actual fucking job and upgrade components for machines, shits easy, nano for manipulators, advanced and slightly better named shit cause lord knows Miners ignore the shit out of you.

Talking of miners, drab the ore box, prioritize shit like plasma, silver, gold and uranium, science and mechanics need em. Still bring a fuckton of iron and glass back to the station, fucks sake, dig with your shovel, don't forget your magboots on, and dont forget to get your oxy tank and actually set it on. Its disgraceful for a miner to have a busted lung because of that. Run away from monster except hivelords, eat their remains for 100% health, they hit weaker than a female clown.

Clown, just be a prankster. Don't be a dick, but be funny. Mime, be a shittier clown with a wall you abuse to run away from sec in maintenance.

Sec, belt on and helmet too, no fucking excuses, active whacker on your belt and not your hand, GPS on your pocket alongside a flasher, ask science for fucking guns cause sec always forgets
2/3

You did this to sarca you did this to 2hotdogs you did this to chiot
Who else do you do this to? Have you always been this mentally ill?

>rail kinson is playing again
oh god no

:(

Thanks anons, I'll read up and give it a shot in a bit.

Ya maybe I'll go on sometime when no one is on and just fuck around with the different roles.

Have you mentally broken down like how you wish for the three individuals I listed?
Good. I want you to feel bad for what you do to other people. You deserve to feel sad for prying apart friends by painting them as demons.

...

dizor no
why didnt you draw MY character instead :(

dizor I like you, but stop pandering to faggots please

Hopefully the last one

Continuing sec, pepper spray people with no mask, ALWAYS SEARCH SHIT AND TAKE EVERYTHING BUT CLOTHES AND STORE EM ON THE FUCKING LOCKER IN THE CELL, if they repeatedly act like fucking shitters and show no sign of improvement whilst yelling shitcurity like mad, send em to perma, remove all lights, weapons and just ditch em there. Remove the paper and pen because AI and assimov. Throw bolas at the clown and say honk, drink robust cofee and eat donuts, they heal you. Ask chef for jelly donuts, always.

As a librarian, Id say dont but fine, print books, not just fucking porn, go interview people and actually show it on your news caster, if nothing else, grab a bartending crate from cargo, set up some cofee and tell via intercoms that the library is fully stocked with guides, and is offerinng free coffee and DnD sessions. DnD is always fun, do it.

What else, HoP, don't give all acess, be reasonable and for gods sake, give the clown all acess only if he gets a petition with atleast 15 signatures, or reduced if low pop. Make it interesting. HoS, be a better equiped sec officer, but for the love of god, don't be a sec officer, only when shit hits hard. Order baricade crates and experimental energy gun crates, be a warden when he ain't arround.

Detective, let me put this clear, YOU ARE NOT FUCKING SEC, investigate murder and theft, scan everything the murder scene has, do autopsies on cadavers, prove Asistant McGreyshit or whatevere stole or killed anyone, bust em in perma if its serious as fuck or can confirm syndie, in the absence of roboticist. Also, as roboticist, don't buttbot, ill personally fucking stun buclecuff and feed you 50 potass and water if you don't destroy em or tell the crew where they are nigger.

What else, dangit, this didn't end short at all. captain, dont be the do it all man, coordinate shit, contact departments constnatly and ask status reports. GIT THAT FUKKEN DISK AND SECURE IT, even more guide 3/4

:(

Guide 4, lets actually do this dammit

Continuing as Cap, some may disagree, but always stash a secondary cap acess card in a potted plant or random toolbox in the station maint. Maybe even behind a random wall, always helps. Don't be trump or a faggot, you have the best gear in the station but you can be robusted by a single assistant, don't get cocky. Wear armor and your gun, or atleast the upgraded Egun. Barricade your bridge, order cofee dispensers and shit, run your station as a manager mostly, not as the do it all Owl Man. That's faggy as shit.

IAA, all acess at the HOP, first fucking thing in the shift, literally get inside every department and judge everything, check solars for knots, medbay for shit like 12.533333 unit pills, cryo mixes, bartending skill, security records, etc. You have a hotline with the admins and shades, report everything to em, tell your thougths on everyones competence and efficiency. Become the guy nobody likes, fears but corporate and the station needs. Don't be a friend or a enemy to anyone, your judgement must be impartial, even the nice to you shitcurity or abortion is still a abortion or shitcurity. Be impartial and demote/promote people, cause that CMO abortion should not stay as CMO for another second, and that one Sec officer amongst 5 of em showed he was the most robust and law abiding fucker around, HoS to him.

What else, uh, Janitor, you have the holo marker, use it dammit, otherwise ya get lynched. As traitor, get a chem dispenser and a chem sprayer, lube everything while riding your cart.

Asistant, buy shit like dispensers and materials to make the station nicer for a change, try some civilian gimmick or whatever. Don't be greytide, please, sec and everyone would LOVE to give YOU a proper toolboxing if you do nothing but nigger.

Cargo is braindead easy, go quartermaster and drain the accounts money to buy shit. Even more guide I guess, 4/5

Stop spam

Guide number 5, doubt I can go 6, but here we go

As chaplain, think of a interesting gimmick mate. You have the prayer, which is a IC connection to the gods like the IAA, but if nothing else, bless every water tank in the station, inject every food item the chef pulls out onto the counter, preach religion, get cool shit from the gods, and actually be usefull when Cult arrives. Store church cookies in your book and give em to people after ya bless em, fill a fire extinguisher with holy water and fucking spray that shit on everyone you can, assuming the vampire doesn't fucking wear a firesuit like a nigger greytide does.

As a borg, before you even fucking play, memorize your rules before you even decide to click low priority. Check the wiki, know laws go from 1, 2, 3 etc from highest priority to lowest, so you can refuse a order from the murder clown when he obviously wants to hurt anyone behind the door he is asking to open. Really, just play MoMMI, its more fun.

As a trader, you have more leeway, but not a whole lot. Try and strike a deal with the crew and offer something they actually want, sell seeds to botanists, don't be rude or you will get your suit stolen, your ship hijacked and your bones broken.

Can't help ya with atmos, too autistic for my tastes. There, guide to almost everything, disarm crotch to push, disarm hands for higher chance to actually disarm, help intent on hallways, harm intent as sec, almost always.

Use a flasher on your hand to blind anyone who ain't wearing sunglesses, and oither than that, you should be fine

Im finished already, but it sure is better than text faces, attention whoring and waifu talk user. Atleast Im trying to help out a new player.

Better flood the thread!
Can't have people knowing that 2hotdogs isn't sarcalogo or chiot!

Yeah man, let us talk about our shitter waifus in peace

im not 2hotdogs!!

which waifus are currently unclaimed!?

I'm my original character: 3hotdogs!

Kill yourself needs a husbando.

Permanently.

Annie Rodgers

>bless every water tank as chaplain
Fuck you, holy water does not work like water does.

...

You are a dumb motherfucker if you cant use a sink with unlimited water user.

Learn basic shit before you insult the cult slayers faggot.

Yo son; one hotdog, threehotdogs, pentahotdogs are all free to use!

...

Sup dudes

k

Why should I have to look for a sink because a faggot chaplain decided to go out of his way to contaminate every water tank in the station?
One (1) tank is enough for you to deconvert everyone with an extinguisher.

what would happen if everyone ahelped `

you need to ahelp the following:

` `{ADMIN_PING}

to ping them

Sure thing man, you are fuckin right good stuff
Hey sec come here I think we found another cultist

Okay, several things for both of you

1. Sinks are always preferable to watertanks because the sink grabs the transfer amount off your held item (so for instance if you set your water bucket to max transfer, you don't ALSO have to set the sink to max transfer unlike a watertank). Also sinks never run out and they're everywhere. Use that shit. Your first action in a shift as a botanist should be to move a sink to the middle of the room with your wrench.

2. Holy water cleans like water but doesn't slip like it, and won't burn greys

3. Extinguisher holy water doesn't do fucking dick, use a spray bottle. It does **NOT** bless tiles when you extinguisher them. You NEED a mop or spray bottle.

4. Most of the stuff water is used for that holy water isn't is recipes (chemistry, bar, instant ramen).

Bless more tanks in case cultists kill you and space the tank

Because I hate Aurx, I just voted on this poll 5 times.

You're welcome.

False flag.
Fuck off Intgracy

>have to download 64 MB of resources to play
>at a whopping 36KB/s
is it because it is high pop right now?

>IAA, all acess at the HOP, first fucking thing in the shift, literally get inside every department and judge everything, check solars for knots, medbay for shit like 12.533333 unit pills, cryo mixes, bartending skill, security records, etc. You have a hotline with the admins and shades, report everything to em, tell your thougths on everyones competence and efficiency. Become the guy nobody likes, fears but corporate and the station needs. Don't be a friend or a enemy to anyone, your judgement must be impartial, even the nice to you shitcurity or abortion is still a abortion or shitcurity. Be impartial and demote/promote people, cause that CMO abortion should not stay as CMO for another second, and that one Sec officer amongst 5 of em showed he was the most robust and law abiding fucker around, HoS to him.
t. man who has never played IAA, seen someone play IAA, and only roughly knows what the IAA based on having skimmed the job summary on the wiki

It only went up once, you ebin memer.

Actually, holy water heals plants when used to water them, if I'm remembering right.