Well Veeky Forums, this will be one of my last TFTD threads. I'm starting a new job Sept...

You better have alot of stories as penance
Make em up if you have too, I'll believe it

Are we going to see you on /g/ now that you're finally in IT?

Hes like a living Veeky Forums meme. That's pure

>oh_god_kill_me_now.tiff
>circle back around and explain to him again that a classic car auction would be the best venue for him given the values he is expecting
>try and push a little in regards to just buying/financing a minivan without trying to trade his old Mustang in
>he again gets off on tangent about how he's just not willing to "leave that much money on the table"
>literally I have done everything but shout "leave your piece of shit old car at home fuck head, we don't want it" at him over the phone
>he ends conversation saying he's going to put car on a trailer and bring it down because he really needs to make a deal
>jesusssssssssss
>so of course later that day, I see him come in,
>it's literally a fucking shitheap
>the car looks like it's been under a tarp out in the middle of a field for 30 years.
>interior is completely gone
>exterior is rusted and a mash of mismatched paint and bondo
>all 4 tires are flat
>trunk is full of water and 30 years worth of leaves
>now, you have to be wondering what this guy was throwing out for value on this car earlier when I was talking to him on the phone
>this crazy motherfucker was dropping 15-20 GRAND as what he "knew his vehicle was worth in it's current condition"
>again, I put in place a plan to just cut this bullshit off at the pass, I walk straight out to the parking lot, with the intention of never letting this guy make it to the showroom
>guy is in truck with his wife, who looks nice enough, I approach just as they get out and immediately ask him if this is the car he was talking about on the phone
>he says yes and does his best to start giving me the entire life story of this car as we stand in the parking lot, but I cut him off
>throw down as blunt as I can "Sir, as I stated over the phone, we are not going to offer premium prices on car like this. As the car is basically in an unsalvagable state, we'll offer you 75% of scrap value
>I literally see suns start to implode in his eyeballs

Posting in last of breads

kek

whats your new job?

Knob polishing

working out of your miata then?

Always lurked and rarely pay but I shall miss your stories LPG

Lpg why u leave us, you the only decent tripfag

>it's a lpg shills for himself episode

I work at your mom's "massage" parlor

>he basically screams "SCRAP?!?" at me, I can see little flecks of spit flying out of his mouth
>his wife already has this "fucking christ, THIS AGAIN?" look on her face as she grabs his arm
>I endure a solid 90 second of him screaming about how every dealership in town thinks he's some idiot who was born yesterday
>also that I am some clueless kid who has no idea what I am looking at
>after he screams himself out, I square up with him, hold very direct eye contact and say "are you done?"
>fuck it, I quit in less than a month, not even in the mood to deal with this motherfucker today, after literally screaming at him to keep his shit at home
>I catch him off guard, so he just repeats it back to me, "Am I done?"
>Me: "Yes, because if you are, I am going to walk you through the reality check that you desperately need, and that no other dealership has taken the time to do"
>literally spend 10 solid minutes walking him through how car that's been under a tarp for 30 years and basically rotted away into nothing-ness is not worth 20 grand
>basically spell it out for him that he has an unsalvageable hulk of shit that is worth nothing, and never will be
>he actually waits out my entire explanation before he starts chewing at it again
>"don't give me that shit, I see what these cars go for at auction when you put a little work into them"
>"you guys will spend 2 weeks on this car and sell it for 50 grand!"
>he_really_is_this_stupid.js
>again have to explain that we, as a used car dealership, do not have the facilities to perform a frame off factory restoration of a completely destroyed car
>nor would it ever been remotely financially beneficial for us, as a car dealership, to buy a scrap car off someone and try and pay someone else to restore it
>it's like trying to explain to a 5 year old that Santa isn't real, and that the letter he wrote didn't really go to the north pole

>50k for a 72 mustang
wew lad

People like this let those poor cars rot in their fields or lawns saying that they will fix them some day. But they won't sell them while they are fixable because they think they are sitting on a god damn goldmine

i could see it for an original with 5k miles in mint condition

>he mumbles something as his cell phone rings, and walks off to take the call
>his wife walks over and actually apologized for him without even a word
>explains that her son has already tried to tell him the car was worthless multiple times
>explains SHE also knows it' worthless, she actually worked in a dealership in the title/business office years and years ago
>she chuckles that he's like a smoker having to deal with the fact that years of smoking have given him lung cancer, as he's had a fantasy of restoring the car for 20 years
>when he finally comes back over she grabs him and pulls him to the back of the truck to talk
>i do my best to listen in without looking to obvious
>wife basically tells him to either take the damn thing to a scrap yard, or give it to their youngest son, but she want's it gone
>he paces back and forth for like 15 minutes, but it looks like the wife has sold him on just crushing the thing or pawning it off, and just getting the minivan
>wife walks back up and asks me to show her the best Honda Odyssey we have, she needs a minivan for the grandkids.
>show her two, she picks the one that has the color she likes the most
>writes check for full value of the damn thing thing
>husband comes back for end of the sale and grumbles that he's going to take the shitpile to the other son's house that weekend

Dang bruh sorry to see you go I always enjoyed your threads when I caught them
Good luck in your new job & may the auto gods bless you to be shiny and chrome

LPG you we're the chosen one. The only worthwhile tripfriend Veeky Forums ever had.

thanks for running my vincheck on my NA 3 years ago LPG, I'll never forget you

does anyone really need a minivan to haul around a few grand kids every once and a while?

this would be okay if it was still in solid shape
but giving your son a complete piece of shit that hasn't even gotten all of the mother nature scraped out of it yet?
nah man that son is going to get saddled with having it rot in his yard now, or he'll scrap it and say fuck you to his dad

what the fuck does an old couple who's kids have moved out even need a minivan for

I'm not leaving, just won't have new stories

I'll have a epilogue thread at some point (maybe around Christmas) for stories that I couldn't tell while still actively employed at this dealership lol

Maybe, but probably not. Most trips to /g/ last less than 60 seconds for me

Senior IT manager for a company here in the research triangle

It's always boomers. They entertain some wild fantasy of going the full Chip foose on some old shitbox, but end up just letting it rot away in a backyard, then stroke out salespeople asking obscene amounts of money for shit that belongs in a crusher

Again, boomers think they need a Tahoe to take 1 grandkid and a cooler to the lake for a saturday afternoon

Postin in an epic thread. Gonna miss you LPG.

would be a nice story if it were true.

>I'll have a epilogue thread at some point (maybe around Christmas) for stories that I couldn't tell while still actively employed at this dealership lol

Holy fuck I can't wait.

>had the car and was planning on restoring it for 20 years
thats a really sad story

Bitter story, had a shot at a pretty sweet car. Little old lady story line, unbelievable low miles because it was only driven to church and the market. Not a desirable combo/color but it would of been awesome. Old lady was going into a home and it was being sold cheap.

Boomer swooped in and bought it while I ran to the bank with cash. It sits and rots in his yard to this day.

>i'm not leaving
Shame....

>epilogue thread
Can't wait.

Also checked.

Similar retard trade

>Mid-50s guy pulls up in 2001 Porsche Boxster, base
>"Tired of his sports car, wants to get into our top of the line truck"
>Start appraisal on his Boxster
>138000 miles
>5 previous owners
>4 accidents on CARFAX, 1 being severe front-end impact with airbag deployment
>Spotty service history
>Obvious very poor paint work on entire front of car
>Rear bumper has broken clips and driver's side is hanging slightly
>CEL and exhaust leak
>Seats have tears and heavy wear
>Tell the guy it's worth about $1500
>He LOSES HIS SHIT
>Goes absolutely fucking insane about how we're thieves
>Lecture on motorsport history of Porsche
>Wants at least $12500 for the Boxster, not a penny less
>Find out he owes $11000 on the car, he bought it about 2 months prior from a buy-here-pay-here
Laughed him out of the showroom.

Hauling grandkids is a bonus.

Old people like cars they can get in and out of quickly and without much bending.

After all your Veeky Forums posting experience you didn't take a job as a blogger or a security guard?

>Santa isn't real, and that the letter he wrote didn't really go to the north pole
L-liar

I live in Missouri and red necks act the same with 90s beat-to-shit diesel trucks with 400k on them

only the names are changed to protect the ignorant MARY. My only regret is not keeping my own archive of these, could have knocked together a decent little collection of short stories

Haha, I have a word document with stories that were too risky to tell while still working, I know it has at least 5, and will let me finally let me call some places out by name lol

Eh, you know how it is, spent all this time on a masters, figured I should probably use it

>buying a Boxster
>from a BHPH

that's a special breed of stupid

I know a place in rural Ohio on US 42, where if you go slow and look past the over grown weeds and corn, you can see a field filled with neatly parked classic cars. Corvettes, MGs, even some Rolls Royce or other land barges. All returning to the earth.
Scuttlebutt is that the guy, back in the 80's had the idea to be a "Classics Dealer", bought the cars but never would sell what buyers would offer. Typical boomer Such a shame.

>risky
how? like you dealt with people you thought browsed Veeky Forums?

whats the difference between a "normal" used car dealership and a buy here pay here deslership?

"Normal" work with outside banks to offer financing. Typically local credit unions, national banks like Chase, Bank of America, Ally, TD, etc. Generally, they also have some sort of Service department, logistics, accounting, etc. "Legitimate" business.

B-H-P-H have "house" financing that isn't regulated. They can offer financing to people that may not get approved by a maintstream bank, but typically at exorbitant rates and borderline thievery and fraud. Think 75% interest, 96 month loan, immobilization systems in the cars, etc.

I stumbled across a place like this in North Carolina, except it was filled with old Mercedes. It was the ancient ass mechanic who had started out buying a few to restore with the idea of then selling them, but he'd end up cannibalizing a part or 2 off every car he ever bought to restore, then sticking it out in a lot behind his shop. had damn near 50+ old mercs out there now, just rotting away, pic very related

no, as in it would make it fairly easy for Veeky Forums to figure out where I worked

Buy Here, Pay Here dealerships aren't loaning you money from a bank. The owner of the dealership is literally loaning you money "out of his pocket", which allows them to subery almost all usury laws, and results in people getting stuck with loans that have 40% APR's and "repo your car if you're an hour late on a payment" clauses in them. is also a great explanation

:(

They are still archived on one of the many sites that scrape the good boards if you care enough to go back and look at all the posts you have made since moot invented Veeky Forums

Aren't the cars at B-H-P-H also dangerous shitheaps, cars that were wrecked and "fixed", flooded, etc. that the B-H-P-H lots buy at auto-auction for pennies and sell with their "In House Financing"/theft scheme.

Yes, usually. Don't get me wrong, I know a few BHPH owners who are genuinely good people who sell good cars and aren't out to scam people, but the vast majority are.

You will find most BHPH places are either in trailers or similar quickly-movable locations. The salesperson is usually the owner, who also does the financing. Since most don't have a real legitimate business license or recognized by the state DMV as a motor vehicle seller, it's usually just a guy having you sign a "contract" and you bring the vehicle papers to the DMV.

They also utilize fake CARFAX reports to hide problems.

>buy for auction for pennies
If only that was true

Happens all the time: on vehicles that will never be worth to sell what it would cost to truly fix them, so only unscrupulous dealers or clueless morons bid on them.

>If only that was true
It is, though. My dealership has wholesale auctions every few weeks to sell the trades we take in and aren't going to sell on our used lot. We regularly sell the shit cars for $1-$200 and will see them for sale a month later at a BHPH for $2995-$7995

>he owes $11000 on the car
He could walk away from the car at any time with no risk to credit rating because he bought it from a buy-here-pay-here lot.

Tale 2, speaking of Buy Here, Pay Here

>see young-ish but very redneck white couple get out of a motherfucking 2000 Mercury Cougar
>realize I have never taken a cougar in on trade before as they walk in (not that you guys care, but thought I would throw it in)
>walk up and say hello, ask them what they are in to look at
>girl looks out towards the lot and says "I wanna Jeep! (and read that with as thick a mountain accent as you can pile on)
>roll my eyes internally and ask her what kind she is looking for
>Her: "I don't know what they called, but my friend squirrel (yup, she has a friend named squirrel, you read that correct) has that kind where you can take the top and doors off?
>Me: A Wrangler?
>Her: Yeah! I wants one of them!, you all got any?
>pic very related at this point, but I walk them out to show them the couple Wranglers we have onthe lot
>as we walk out, I ask her if she is looking to do anything with the cougar
>her: "Oh god yeah, my ex talked me into gettin that thing and I hate it, I can like, swap it for a Jeep, right?"
>ffffffffffffffffuckinnnnnnnchrist.docx
>ask her how recently she got the Cougar
>has had it 2 months
>she got it from a local buy here, pay here dealer
>guy that is with her says the paperwork for it is in the glovebox, so I let them look at wranglers while I take the keys to go fetch the paperwork
>really, I am just morbidly curious at how much they charged and what the monthly payment is, because I know there is no fucking way she is trading this car
>grab the bhph paperwork, and start thumbing through it
>literally don't even list a price
>it's just 300 dollars every 2 weeks, for a cougar with 168K on it
>write down VIN just for shiggles, go inside and run it
>prior flood/water
>prior frame
>300 dollars every 2 weeks

>pic related
you have disgraced your famiry

Very sad about the end of LPG. The last bastion of hope for an Veeky Forums outmemed.

Goodnight sweet prince.

How does someone agree to $300 every two weeks. That's a $600/month payment. I can lease a new Cadillac for notably less and I only know that from TV ads. How sheltered were these people?

all they see it as "I get a $800 paycheck every 2 weeks, that's less than half of my paycheck. Sure why not?!"

Most people buying from a buy here pay here dealership are too dumb to actually figure out how much they're really paying.

Can also confirm. Wholesale auctions routinely see shit boxes sell for under 500 dollars that will go on to be listed anywhere from 5-10 grand on a BHPH lot somewhere

>so now that i have established the trade is junk/hopless I decide to go out and make this chick do something or fucking kick rocks
>before I put everything back, also notice that the registration has 2 names
>....did she get her ex to co-sign on this car? Why would a BHPH require a co-signer? Point to further investigate when I get back out
>so I go back out and start the conversation like this: "So I noticed the registration has 2 names, did someone co-sign on the car for you when you bought it?"
>this chick launches into a straight out of jerry springer story about how her ex forced her to let him put his name on the car
>and he used that to keep her from leaving because he claimed he could come take the car
>and she wanted to leave because he beat her and used meth, and threatened to kill her dog if she left
>literally 20 minutes of listening to her complain about how white trash her white trash relationship was
>after we get by that, I explain to her that she can't trade the car in, no matter what the value is, without the ex present because he's on the registration
>this is another 10 minute rant about how he's still controlling her life even after she got away from him
>the guy, who I assume is the current boyfriend, just spits into his dip cup while she rants through all this stuff
>after she gets all that out, I steer things back to the Wrangler so I can make these people get the fuck out
>she wants to know if she could get a 24 grand Wrangler for under 200 a month
>complains that she doesn't like 'making 2 payments a month'
>explain to her that no, she couldn't get it for that, and that in fact she'd likely end up paying more than 600 a month for that wrangler, provided she could even get approved
>she wants to run a credit application anyway
>ooooh boy here we go.

LPG have you ever had someone try and offer you sex to get them into a vehicle?

>throw together application
>asks me if she can count selling weed/pills on the side as extra income, in a serious way
>long story short, she gets declined by everyone, but I call the tier IV lender to ask how bad the report actually is
>her credit is literally sub-400
>over 15 grand of credit card debt write off, and 2 repo's within the last 3 years
>buy here, pay here still gave her a car for 300 every 2 weeks
>tell her she has to get someone to co-sign
>current boyfriend with spit cup looks over and says "don't even think about asking me"
>at least that guy had some common sense

I haven't but in all seriousness, 2 different salespeople that I work with have had it happen

>older guy who worked there got stuck with this chick in her 20's
>she worked night shift at a local hotel at the front desk
>told him that if he got her approved, he could come by that night while she was working and she'd take him up to a room to thank him

Lol that's 10/10

>>current boyfriend with spit cup looks over and says "don't even think about asking me"
The smartest words that ol' Cletus ever spoke

Lmao he should have thrown his pocket sand and ran out of there

>"don't even think about asking me"
Given the context, wiser words have yet to be spoken.

>>current boyfriend with spit cup looks over and says "don't even think about asking me"
Smart kid

My grandmother bought an RV for that, not even joking. It's mind-numbing.

RIP in pepperoni

see
You really don't have a comprehension of just how many people have just zero concept of money or finance

>My grandmother bought an RV for that, not even joking.
One of my moms Boomer friends bought a $100,000 Mercedes RV to go see their grandkids in New Jersey

When they got back he got a citation for how he parked the $100,000 monster, so he spent another $15,000 to modify their garage, taller and wider, to fit the RV.
I saw him driving it around town once. And that's it.

Boomers are cheap as dirt, but sometimes will throw money around like it's nothing. Insanity

why do you still post retards being retards and basketball americans

I think after the 5th thread this shit would have gotten fucking stale by now

die

eat shit buddy

And just as I was looking for the next Tales thread, you have to drop this bombshell on me

an instant response from the LPGDF

you can put your trip back on, cocksucker

go back to bed timmy. no one likes you

Lpg why do you always make us wait so long for your story's like your threads last hours

he masturbates in between posts and then writes the next one when he's like 90% edged

damn dude, are you that jealous of him?
>why don't people like me the way they like lpg??

I heard this was true. Thanks for confirming.

Heartbreaker is worst trip fag.

Stfu I want stories

my gradparents had a GM conversion van for that sort of thing. they are pretty handy for driving the grandkids around

any business that works with a debt collection agency has the ability to wreck your credit

Well Veeky Forums, this will be one of my last TFTD threads.

Post the next story MARY

>mfw i read the OP

It's harder to find original content on this board than any others. And you shit posting here until you go postal one day isn't good original content.

OH MY LORD OHHHHHHHHHHHHH, AT LAST, I'M HERE, WOW

>shame
>says the fucking furfag
kys

rip dogger

Last tale for tonight, this is a shorter one, but I will try and post a couple more tomorrow here

>guys walks into showroom looking around nervously like he expects the police to bust in at any moment
>he's holding a tennis racquet in one hand, and had a backpack thrown over one shoulder.
>go up to guy and ask him if I can help him with anything
>first off, dude is legit cucu for coco puffs crazy
>starts talking to me about how he needs to find a vehicle he can live out of because hillary clinton is going to take his apartment if he gets elected
>literally asking me questions about putting an AC unit and a porta potty in a ford van
>opens up his backpack and pulls out customer trump flyers he had printed up
>they literally say Trump is a direct descendent of jesus christ and that people have to vote for him
>has hillary's head halfway warped into a reptilian
>runs around lot on his own looking underneath all our cars for god only knows what
>one of the other salespeople is legit freaking out worried he's going to come in a shoot up the place and calls the cop
>local cop shows up, and ends up chasing guy across our lot until he trips and falls, tries to keep cop at bay with his tennis racket
>ends up being like the 7th call they have had on this guy in a week, he shows up at different business talking about a post-apocalyptic 'after hillary' world
>cops think he's from a different county, went off his meds and wandered into ours
>no one knows where he printed his custom trump hand outs
>still shouted he was going to come back and buy a van from us from the police cruiser
>he was suing his previous employer and was going to use mystical sovereign citizen powers to make them pay a 5 million dollar settelment

Sometimes the crazies are the most fun

>this will be one of my last TFTD threads

is there more to this story or does it stop there?

>yfw he is right

Stay mad, newfag