Daily BMW stories thread, no poorfags allowed edition

I'll just sell it for a corolla. Its a better car anyway.

I couldn't afford to insure it

just buy a new M240i xDrive, make poorfags jealous and get pussy like never before

No im tired of it being in the shop

>bought an '81 E21 for a cool $1300
>have spent probably $2600 in repairs
>however no longer have to pay prostitutes to have sex with me
Mixed bag

>Actual true story
>BMW M3 Pulls up next to me at light
>Looks at my hood scoop and reva his engine.
>I'm not a fag and I know a cop sits behind the sign of the subdivision that is maybe 500 feet ahead
>Rev my engine back
>Light changes and he floors it
>I amble lazily away from light.
>Blue lights
>shiteatinggrin.jfif

Bimmerfag gets fugged

You forgot the part where the cop pulls the BMW over and they point and laugh at you as you floor it going past them at maximum speed of 23 miles per hour

>get dads e90 325i with 200k miles because trade in offer was shit
>Drive around like a normal human
>Use signal
>Full stop at stop signs in California
>Park inside my space
Wew

>be me
>buy bmw
>drive like reasonable human being
>still get comments from people about how much of a prick I am when I'm in parking lots

>be me
>read about bros using bmws to get laid
>buy 328i
>can't get laid
>go on killing spree using said 328i

> drive around town in my e46 m3 lsb
> bitches grab their own pussies and throw themselves at me on the daily
> my car is nowhere around
> don't need a car to get pussy, just skills

>23 mph

>be me
>have E46 330i
>replaced badge with 316i
>people gets mad when I smoke them from lights

How fast can it be if you can't outrun an outdated police car?

>6500
>RPM x1000
>yfw 6500000 RPM

>be me
>drive my E36
>friday night go clubbing as usual
>spot some kinky ass sluts in short miniskirt
>turn off LPG and go full gasoline mode
>rev it up and do donuts
>they are visibly moist and want my penise
>drive closer and ask
"hey sexy pig, you want to ride my penis?"
>she say yes
>take her to nearby petroleum station and fuck in bathroom stall

feel good my friend

kek i done the same except i provoked him to overtake with brake checking and slowing down. knew police was just ahead.

other than that i bully bmw drivers by not letting them in when i have right of way and generally cockblocking them all the time.
bmw owners are always subhumans and need to die.

Depends. If that's a challenger, it can go 196, if it's a charger, 202.

Fucking kek'd. I never noticed that. I'm pretty sure if I ever got the RPM that high I'd shit in my pants.

Seems like this is a meme thread but I'll ask a legit question. Thoughts on 2 series? Looking at getting a used 228i. I really want XDrive, manual and estoril blue but I'm not sure if this combo is possible to find.

you are worse than the bmw drivers though

>be me
>brand new M2
>driving home
>an idiot cuts me on the highway
>try to avoid him
>die

youtube.com/watch?v=8B5MDI-tGFY

Are all BMW owners compensating? Always believe they are owed extra because of the brand seeking others approval and shit. Should one really rely on a car to get laid?

Bmw drivers don't eat because they spend all their income on paying the car month after month, that's why they have to compensate for something.

They won't EVER tell you that their car is shit or they're not happy with it because admitting it would mean that they failed in life and their choices were wrong.

This also extendes to Audi drivers.

911 driver here. Stop fucking trying to race me or pass me when I am already driving 20 over the limit you morons, I've seen two of you guys get pulled over by cops already. You can go get destroyed by on a track, not cause a burning minivan full of kids

>Be me
>Drive a Bmw because I'm a faggot
>the end

...

Currently looking at a E90 328i 6MT.

I don't understand how this car can be expensive to own. Wouldn't it be manageable if you get rid of the run flats, and just replace brakes/tires, filters and fluids at the necessary intervals? Why am I seeing owners replace their whole fucking front suspension or shocks at less than 100k miles, or replacing rotors with pads when they're perfectly fine?

German engineering.

don't cry over money.
invest in binary robots, easy money, you'll roll in a new M3 soon bro!
mikesbinaryreviews.wordpress.com/

>chilling at a bar
>lady sits next to me
>doesn't acknowledge my existence
>rummage through pocket
>casually place keys on the counter
>lady glances over
>gives me that look
>if you drove a bmw, you are able to instantly notice "that look"
>notions me to come with her
>gag on her cock in the restroom

nice try elliot, stay in hell

hey what happened to the bmw general?

>extendies

...

Underrated post.

Your in it

i'm considering to buy a base bmw 320i, what else should i know?

>go outside
>see a current gen 7 series
>fake exhaust tips built into rear bumper with chrome around it
>lel

>drive an E36
>all these fags at stop lights want to race me
>they all WOT their shitboxes and think that I'm racing
Why can't I have a single peaceful day?
That you should kill yourself if you don't know chassis codes you fucking mongoloid
The current 7 series looks fucking retarded
lol what a retard

>See a cute girl standing next to a motorcycle in a qt fennec fursuit
>Corolla up in my shitbox
>"hey du-cutey, wanna cruise?"
>she says yes
>we go back to my place
>it turns out she was a dude
>and underage
>also the cops followed us because riding a motorcycle in a fursuit is illegal
>police bust down the door
>i get on the floor
>everybody walks the dinosaur

i'm looking at the 2016 f30 sedan 320i xdrive

>new
>xdrive
Buy a corolla and shut the fuck up

Story of my life lol
Everyone wants to race or comments about it

Yeah but at least you can keep up with a TDI Golf

LOL

had a 92 honda since it was new, it's time for something new.

is xdrive bad or something?

Not BMW but maybe it counts?
The coolest guy I ever met was a black guy in a suit and Jordan's driving a manual transmission mercedes. He owned a body shop.

bimmer.work

so all you faggots can run your gay ass vins for free

Guys, should i get an E38 with the V12?

really considering it but idk about the reliability

pretty much the german camry. Don't worry about high mileage

I like your style.

You absolute madman
Usually you buy BMWs for the fun driving and xDrive takes it away by making the car heavier and not RWD. On top of that new BMWs aren't exactly known for being fun to drive compared to their predecessors

You just invented lincolns new design aesthetic.

is what this guys saying true?

Fuck no.

It's the reliability of a BMW with the service bills of a Ferrari.

It is. BMW V12s are basically two I6 welded together so there's not much that can go wrong. BMW I6 are some of the most reliable engines ever produced so it's only logical that V12s are twice as reliable. There was a guy in /bmwg/ some time ago with a V12 E32 and he kept posting that it was nothing but peaches and cream. Also that god tier balance. I'd say go for it.

Fuck yeah man, i can't see a single reason why u shouldn't get it, those V12 sounds amazing, and car is comfy as fuck, but when u floor it, it goes like crazy. Father had one for 5 years and only thing that had to be done with engine were spark-plugs and standard oil changes

This is a car for relaxation. Don't expect fun "handling" and performance. Even though it's a V12 - it's goal was a soft cruiser for grown up people who are tired of sporty driving to travel long distance. Make sure you understand this.

I'm a BMW driver who obeys all the laws of the road and I'm always trying to be as nice as I can toward other drivers.

You are actively making the traffic more dangerous and a shittier place to be with your actions.

Now read your post again and consider to yourself who the subhuman really is here.

>inb4 butthurt bmw-fag

I understand that poorfags can't afford things like nice cars or a good education but I clearly said no poorfags. Please spend your life savings on learning to read instead of on some 1999 shitbox you spent 15 years saving up to buy

Thanks for the input. All these newer car designs looks ugly, so hard to decide which car to drive.

If this is actually a true story, that's pretty rad. Picking chick from a dating sitr though? That's the lame part.

Net lameness: not bad.

Of course it true, it's the power of the BMW. I have many similar stories

the moment you sit inside a bmw your idea of "reasonable" becomes flawed

Too bad the 2 series is for manlets, the seat in the M2 is even crooked because it's so cramped

Is 8 series un-reliability a meme or should I give up on the V12 dream?

Does one ECU per cylinder bank sound fun to deal with?

Honestly though, for an """"""affordable"""""" V12 a Jag is probably your best bet. The engines in those aren't necessarily complicated, there's just a lot of stuff which looks daunting at first.

>one ECU per cylinder bank
How high were the engineers? V12 Jag is a good recommendation, I mostly just want something to go to the grocers mart so in the future I can say I owned a V12.

>he bought a dart

>one ECU per cylinder bank
Does this also apply to the 7 series?

Same engine, so yes.

I hope you crash and die you literal retard

This has to be illegal in some way, right? Nothing that claims it can make cash automatically (well, that's the essence that I'm getting) ever seems legit.

>buy e46 330i a couple years ago
>normies still think its expensive/impressive for some reason
>"oh, you drive a bmw eh?"
its a 16 year old car with 220k on it

the badge meme is real

>buy a 1993 BMW e34 520i for my first car
>excessive oil consumption and overheating constantly
>notice that the piston rings are worn slightly
>that's wierd it's only done 200,000 miles
>take it back and the fag that sold it to me says I've got to change them or something
>instantly start convulsing on the floor
>German """""""engineering""""""""

I'll stick with a toyota thanks, at least I won't look like a small penied fag

>bought s4
>rapes m3s
>pick up no girls
>rape m3/10s

It's because a well kept E46 looks new. It's a timeless design.

Can chime in, actually have a V12 E38.

They need to be driven, or they go to shit quick. Just had my transmission rebuilt at 90k, though the engine itself is fairly reliable. Water pump was just done along with fixing a big power steering leak along with various hoses. Labor cost is what kills these cars.

To be quite honest, the 740il with the 4.4L V8 is far more reliable, easier to repair, and you have an upgrade path for performance; the V12, you're stuck with what you get, but the way the car feels is quite wonderful.

Kill yourself you hazardous road-raging faggot cunt

i drive a W124 at the moment so its pretty much exactly what i want. if i would like a sporty BMW id get an M3.
anyways, the whole thing has time. i can get one the earliest in one year.

>To be quite honest, the 740il with the 4.4L V8 is far more reliable, easier to repair, and you have an upgrade path for performance
yeah man that may be true.
but: youd just drive a V8 then, and lets be completely honest here, driving a V12 makes you just a better person, even if the car is 20 years old. youre still driving the absolute pinnacle of engine layouts. nothing comes close.

>driving a V12 makes you just a better person
Well you're not wrong, but between the trans job, water pump, power steering leaks, and all the extra little bits and shit, I spent nearly $10k to get my E38 back into perfect mechanical shape. Still need to do spark plugs and it needs new tires, and there are a handful of small electronics that need replacing (couple parking sensors, headlight level sensor, etc).

These V12s are not for the faint of heart. Luckily their value is starting to come back up since these have become so damn rare.

The faggot swerved too tight and it's the bmw fault somehow. That first cone can never be hit unless you swerve like a fag.

>Buys a car with 200,000 miles
>Expects it to work like new
Retard

nope i got nothin. life in he bmw is uneventful.

..att3nd wedding in panamera.. yes its the story.

have to get "gas"

old lady across from me complements me on my dressing and makes chit chat.

...well, we obviously live on different planets OP.

>we obviously live on different planets
That's true because your style of writing is out of this world. I didn't understand a single thing you said.

good good.. maybe its some sort of hidden wisdom.

although i cant tell if yoda or jarjar.

...driving civic taking a corner, see girls walking.

look too hard.

rear end car in front.

now i jus dont look.

LEAVE MY THREAD POORFAGS