Sell me this saw, Veeky Forums

Sell me this saw, Veeky Forums

How long have you been looking to buy a saw?

Not long, I just saw it in the window of your store

Cut down that tree in front of your house or I will report you. Oh you don't have a saw?

Buy the saw to get whatever is inside this MYSTERY BOX

Remember that time you cut down your own christmas tree with your pa? Relive those memories beside your own son with the SaulSaw2000

Ask about Sauls Saw Sale and mention this ad for 15 percent off!

Buy this saw or I'll shoot you in the fucking face.

Sorry. The saw isn't for sale. Heh, you probably couldn't even handle it. Nothing personnel, kid.

Only 8.99 down from 13.99 only for today

*Cocks hammer back even though pistol is semi-auto and double-action, just for dramatic effect*

"I'm warning you, OP, buy the damn saw or I'll make you Harambe's room-mate."

Do you want to be sold this saw?

Sure that'll be $8.99

Here you go
Thanks!

Thread's over

>Surrounds customer in a cage of pallets and nails them together
Hey champ wanna buy this saw? :^)

This user gets it

>Give a man a tree, and he'll provide you with shade under a tree. Give a man a saw, and he'll give you whatever you want out of that tree.

Really makes you think.

Write you name for me
oh you dont have a pen?
then buy this fucking saw

YOU ARE THE 999.999ST VISITOR IN THIS THREAD. FOR JUST 99,9 $ YOU CAN BUY THIS SAW AND LEARN HOW I GOT RICH IN JUST THREE SIMPLE STEPS. CLICK HERE TO GET IT NOW!

Hey sir, this saw here you see...belonged to the very first meme that ever lived online. That meme is being kept a mystery still to many memeologists and meme spectators. But it has been said that if someone uses this saw, they will be visited by the ghost of the dead meme and be taught the secrets to getting laid. The price for it 100 pennies, a great deal I say, a great tremendous deal fantastic deal, a sexy deal, I'd fuck this deal if I could.

>smooth blade
>all teeth perfectly aligned
>3 stainless steel screws to keep it secure
>finished wooden handle
>ergonomic grip
>hole at the end to make it easy to hang in your tool shed

Identity background of market,
utilize psycho analysis to determine suppressed wants of consumer
determine that they are a low test cuck who wants to be masculine
sell saw as symbol of patriarchal masculinity
tie saw to values of craftsmanship, quality, and power

Almost exactly what i said yet i dont win