What's that word for when you realise that you'll look back at the previous year and a half and realise it was...

What's that word for when you realise that you'll look back at the previous year and a half and realise it was completely wasted?

>finished a degree I hated
>worked retailcuck part time jobs
>barely read more than 5 books
>did maybe a month's worth of productive stuff in my free time
>went to the gym regularly and lifts went up but ate lots of junk food and had coffee enough to harm sleep at times
>main hobby was taking walks or driving and feeling sad about my life and telling myself I would work extremely hard to learn productive skills tomorrow
>wasted gigantic amounts of time on internet and Veeky Forums browsing
>told myself every day that I'd start working hard and eating healthily tomorrow and having genuine false hope almost every time

try /r9k/

There should be a mental health section on this site.

I know that feel

I'm a NEET but I used to work on personal projects to learn useful skills so I can make money in the future, but due to my depression I gradually had less and less willpower to do things and now I basically stopped doing anything that's not sleeping, eating, and lurking Veeky Forums.
Literally everything is an unbearable chore now. Moat days I don't eat until I'm very hungry and don't sleep until I'm passing out.
I brush my teeth about once a month (which is starting to erode the sides a little bit), and shower even less.
I don't even shit until I can't hold it anymore (which is about a week).

I have no idea how to even get out this, and I'm pretty sure I'll keep wasting more and more years until something drastic happens and I'll have to kill myself.

The entire site is a mental health section.

I spend a disturbing amount of time on the internet, but I have a lot of investments, a small business, a good job, and an awesome wife. you can have Veeky Forums time in a good life, you can't have a good life if all you do is Veeky Forums.

>What's that word for when you realise that you'll look back at the previous year and a half and realise it was completely wasted?

Regret

youtube.com/watch?v=0rF-WVA6VQ0

ALL EYES ON THE CALENDAR
Another year I claim of total indifference
To here, the days pile up
With decisions to be made, I'm sure all of them were wrong
Into this song I send myself
AND WITH THESE DRINKS I PLAN TO COLLAPSE
AND FORGET THIS WASTED YEAR, these wasted years
Devoted friends, they disappear
And I'm sorry about the phone call and needing you
Some decisions you don't make
I guess it's just like breathing and not wanting to
There are some things you can't fake
I guess that it's typical
To cling to memories you'll never get back again
And to sort through old photographs
Of a summer long ago or a friend that you used to know
And there below
His frozen face
You wrote the name and that ancient date, that ancient date
And you can't believe that he's really gone
When all that's left is a fucking song and
I'm sorry about the phone call; and waking you.
I know that it is late,
But thank you for talking, because I needed to.
Some things just can't wait.

deja vu

2017

Most of the people in your situation think Veeky Forums is a safe haven...

It sounds like you have free time in abundance. You just need a bit of direction for your time and energy.

Go on a fast, eat 5 dried grams of shrooms with good intention and do some self analysis. It might help you see a happier path for your life. Good luck.

Im exactly like this except i play vidya all time and my piece of shit job is an apprenticeship for and underpaid field and yeah i cant get out because i need money for the clinic so i can get kids since im 98% infertile

Add your best friend shooting himself and we are in the same boat. Good luck seeing tomorrow. I'm probably going to put a vodka bottle to my head and pull the trigger like I do every day...

Sensible chuckle achieved.

The irony.

you have to suffer before you can realize how petty it all is

what the fuck, are you me?

This is me every single day.

It's motivation. I lack motivation. Every time I try at something, I fail. Even if I succeed, I later find out it was a mistake.

I'm not sure what to do. I think I will sell my entire portfolio and travel to Argintina or something and live out my days there.

I just want a carefree life. A life without stresses.

My life is literally Office Space mixed with the worse family one could imagine.

I kept telling myself at 25 things would get better. I'm right on the cusp of it and things are most certainly not looking up.

The only thing preventing me from killing myself is hope. Hope that somehow my securities will reach orbit and I will be able to stop the grind. Stop the suffering.

It is very doubtful tho.

Haha are you a neet? How did you get like that?

>What's that word for when you realise that you'll look back at the previous year and a half and realise it was completely wasted?
2017

Ever considered counselling? You recognize you have a problem, now deal with it.

It's not even a motivational thing - time is precious, don't look to the past but the future. Do you picture in 5 years time you'll be in the same position, or in 5 years time you could be living a life of your dreams?

I mean Problem > Solution.

Lucky, if it's only a year and a half

After years of being a shut-in you gradually start changing, and what you once considered ridiculous slowly starts becoming normal life.

I know perfectly well that I'm heading towards the end of this downward spiral I'm on, but I simply can't bring myself to do anything.
I can't even play videogames or do my hobbies (since anything that requires effort is an unbearable chore now).
And trust me, I'd get help right this moment if I could, but I have no way to.

As someone who almost ate a shotgun and lost his best friend this year I can tell you change isn't easy but u have to.

Force yourself to go out for walks and be social. All the meme anti depression shit seems to work for me but u have to do it.

Aside from lifting tho. I try and exercise but hitting the bench puts my head in a strange place.

I dunno user. Just don't kys. U have no idea the impact it will have on others. Try waking up to go hang out with your bro and while scrolling to his name remember oh yeah... he shot himself yesterday....

There are worse pains than hell and most of them have to do with this depression bullshit.

Sorry to hear about your friend man, I'm sure it's hard, and it's in fact the main reason why I don't intend to kill myself (at least until my family and my friend are still alive).
But I have so many unsolvable serious problems (those that put me in my current situation and gave me depression in the first place), that if my situation gets worse, it would mean constant enormous suffering (both physical and mental) for the rest of my life.
I don't think I'm strong enough for that, and even if I was, what would the point be?

Thanks for the kind words btw. I appreciate it.

Depression is a bitch user... an evil bitch.

Just don't go to a shit counselor like I did. I found most meme shit helps. Drugs can help short term but I drink to much. I found being around positive people and mimicking them helps. And listening to lyrics of all music that has words.

Sadly it's also seemingly something u don't just get over. It's a daily battle.

Good luck.

user. Get into meditation. 4 real.

It has helped me through so much in my life.

If you think, fuck that, or try for 3 minutes and can't, it just proves you need it.

Learn to master the mind.

Lol
>Go on fast
>Eat 5g shroomies
>Self reflect for an hour
>Dry heave for 3.5 hrs while intensely tripping over how stupid you are
>Desperately try to pass out but you can feel the blood pounding in your eyelids so you screech and sob until somebody takes pity on you and buys you a water bottle
>Chug water becuz dehydration and immediately puke it back up on strangers feet
>???
>You no longer have an ego to protect and won't experience any anxiety about your lifestyle

What are your problems my dude?

you forgot the part about running around yelling at strangers for a few hours babbling incoherently before you get tazed by the cops and get thrown in the drunk tank.

i don'y know why the fuck people think you should do psychedelic drugs to fix a negative mindset or anxiety, having a negative mindset or anxiety before tripping is a good way to have a bad trip

Mostly a shitty rare and incurable disease that prevents me from doing most of what you'd normally call having a normal life, being a high school dropout, coming from a family that not only is in absolute poverty, but is also getting worse and worse by the month (financially), and that I'll have to provide for (and "thankfully" I'll never be able to have a family of my own, because how am I going to pay for both, when I'm not even sure I'll be able to make money for myself?).
Also have an extremely shitty relationship with my father (I have fucking PSTD just from hearing his voice and my anxiety doubles/halves instantly when he's around or goes away), who I'm stuck living with, because I have nowhere else to go.
Plus a long list of other smaller problems (most of which are the direct result of the abovementioned issues) that I'm not going to list because it'd get boring.

I'm stuck in this situation where I need money to fix all this stuff (some of which isn't even fixable at all), and don't have money because of all this stuff, unless I work tirelessly for years, just to have a chance to actually start making enough to fix some of them.

And even if I won the lottery and became a billionaire, my quality of life would still be lower than that of a regular middle class guy, because of how fucked my body and my mind are.

It's really hard for me to have a positive outlook for the future after years of working only to see everything getting worse. And never actually having experienced "things going well", it's almost impossible to imagine that they can actually get better some day in the future.

Hence the depression and hopelessness.

Thank you for asking user. I appreciate it.

Sorry for the wall of text, but I'm not very good at writing in a concise way.

This. I hadn't experienced true depression until I took a fuckload of acid for three weekends straight. It was temporary but it felt like nothing in my life was real, I was caught in some dystopian novel and I felt paranoid about everyone I interacted with and basically just shut myself in my room and drank

Psychedelics ain't nothin to fuck with

Good stuff

Neither are wu tang.

Depersonalization is a bitch. Happened to me for a bit after a retarded binge on psychs and dissos

Most red pilled post I've ever seen on Veeky Forums