Tales from the dealership

sup Veeky Forums, with the absence of stories that LPG has left in all our hearts I thought I would take a crack at posting some of my own stories.

As a bit of a background, I'm a part of the management team at a very high end dealership (we sell Ferrari's, Astons, Porsche's you name it)

However we carry some real pieces of shit in the back of the lot that we get as trade-ins from either here or our other dealerships, and that's where the majority of the fucktards we deal with come from.

We never post the ads directly on our site, and try to get rid of them by any means possible (auction, wholesale, classifieds even)

Here is one story I wrote up, I'm not as creative of a writer as LPG so I apologize but I hope you guys enjoy anyways.

>having a slow day, went up to the Auction house to pick up cheques for some cars we sold
>come back and run into our oldest salesman (he’s 80, terrible memory forgot my name for 6-months)
>he’s hysterically trying to find a Porsche Cayenne we have for sale
>the one he’s looking for is a vehicle we sent up to Auction
>it’s a total shitbox, on 20” nigger-tier dubs, high-mileage, obvious signs it was abused it’s entire life
>we don’t want that shit on our lot so we send cars like that to the auction so Pajeet and his cousins can flip it on their BHPH lot
>although despite not wanting it on our lot or our website, we list it on a classifieds site to see if we can low-key get rid of it for a better price before next week’s auction
>now for his customer
>guy is middle-aged, looks like he hasn’t slept in years
>turns out he’s here to get a car for his daughter
>from his polite description of her I gathered she’s a spoiled brat who totaled a brand new car within 2-weeks of getting it
>now she wants a luxury SUV but her dad only has a budget of $10k
>for $10k you’re only getting a gigantic shitheap

Other urls found in this thread:

82.199.155.15/pdf/Tales From The Dealership.pdf
archive.4plebs.org/o/thread/14228818/#q14228818
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

...

Yeah ok. I'll read the rest of it.

>break it to our salesman and his customer that his ghetto cayenne isn’t actually on the lot, we sent it up for auction a few days ago, but we can arrange to bring it back if he’s interested
>however, as luck would have it we just got another cayenne yesterday
>now this one looks much cleaner than the one we sent to auction, but it has frame damage in the history
>never the less, the guy is interested because we would also like to be rid of this shitheap and would let it go for $8500 as-is
>he takes it on a test drive, it drives smooth enough
>obviously needs his daughter’s approval
>calls her up, tells her to come have a look
>she rolls up with her boyfriend, now I understand why she was interested in the ghetto-cayenne
>Stacey and Jamal climb out of Jamal’s clapped out 3-series, blacked out lights, fenders scraping wheels, muffler cut off etc
>she looks the cayenne up and down, says it’s unacceptable
>”dad, this car is beige! I’m going to look like a grandma driving this, and the rims are too small!”
>dad looks defeated, lets out a big sigh
>Jamal steps in “well babygurl, we can just plastidip it matte black like the kardashians do, it’ll look sick. One of my boyz could even hook you up with some rimz.”
>She gives him a hug, “aww Jamal you’re so smart you think of everything”
>Dad rolls his eyes, “well are we taking it then or what?”
>she wants to see the one with the nigger tier ghetto rims first before she makes a decision

>now I have to send a driver up to fetch this thing just to show the car for this cuntscab
>fuck it I’m not wasting our resources like this on a garbage deal like this we have bigger fish to fry
>”let me call the auction house and see where the cayenne is at and if it’s available”
>pretend to go into office and make a call, actually just explain the story to our receptionist and laugh about it
>go back to them, “sorry turns out it actually sold this morning, so where do we stand on the frame-damage special?”
>”fine I GUESS I’ll take it, but dad you’re paying for the plastidip and rims”
>dad reluctantly agrees just to make her happy and not throw a shitfit in our multimillion dollar showroom
>we sell the frame damage special to her, and the nignogged cayenne sells a few days later at auction
>two shitheaps out of our lives

That's all I got for now, just gauging interested. If you guys want to hear more I'll post more, but if not no worries I'll go back to lurking.

Any feedback is appreciated

People doing stupid shit is always good for a laugh. Keep crackin'.
By the way, does anyone know if we ever got that LPG christmas special he promised?

kek
moar.

Aw, that felt like it was leading up to something much more cringeworthy than what actually happened. Bit of an anticlimax.

Congrats on getting rid of two nig'd out VWs though, and your writing's fine. The lead-up had me cringing and eye-rolling a good bit.

yesssssssss

more

im so glad i don't live in fucking america
that is one dad cucked by his kid tho.
t. someone whos getting a new 2 seater mid engined sportscar from his dad for a gift

thanks! I'll definitely work on this stuff more if you guys like it, I'll admit this story wasn't the craziest but it happened fairly recently so I remembered more details about it.

Maybe I'll keep more shitboxes to get stories out of them lol

>a very high end dealership
Do you get a lot of nigger-rich customers?

Spoilers: this is in Canada

mfw Veeky Forums suddenly just got a whole lot comfier

That's pretty decent OP. Write some more.

this could be fire, but it didn't fix my LPG need
>needs
*Details; describe the people more, you could have easily padded this out to 4 posts with better descriptions of the players especially dad and grill, tyrone kinda writes himself
i want to know the anguish of the boomer/gen-x dad in detail;
is he sleepy b/c his coke ran out while he saved up to buy that bitch's poorsche? or did he look defeated b/c his daughter loves tyrones BBC and he can't do nuffin?
what was grill like besides self-centered/bbc-centered? was she hamplanet or 8/10?
you can take a little artistic license with the descriptions
>the sauce is in the little details even if they're just your opinion, MARY!

Good goy compliments:
*great job describing vehicles
*great job defining your role in this fiasco
*good use of narrative style
9/10 GREAT FIRST EFFORT
>need to keep more shitboxes
indeed

a couple anons here know me IRL (one just made a trip for me lol) but just so you guys don't think I'm full of shit

thanks for the feedback!

I might have a bonus story for you guys, stay tuned

Good job OP!

Are dads cucks this often? I'd tell my daughter to fuck off if she talked to me that way. (I mean if I had one)

>be lube monkey
>this rolls in
>laugh my ass off and snap pic
>BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE
>my little pony hanging from rear toe hook
>everything that could possibly be leaking is
>suspension is FUCKED
>the guy wants to actually come unto the shop and look at it while it's on the lift
>he actually has the balls to show his fucking face in here with a pond on his car and loli stickers everywhere
>I can barely contain both my laughter and my excitement
>moment of truth arrives
>everything you've ever thought a brony /a/utist would look like
>horrible baggy rags for clothes
>vacant stare
>balding at the ripe old age of 23
>wanders over and mumbles something about "shitty AutoZone bearings"
>walks off


I love my job

How did you get a job at a dealership OP? I've been wanting to sell cars for awhile now.

I got a job offer doing new car sales working cashier at a Taco bell

Was starting at another dealership that week though

Just go in, apply, and act like a salesman.

Careful, selling cars is one of those things that sounds exciting but can easily become tedious and absolutely depression-tier.

Same for tech positions

So I don't need to go through years of college to do it? Guess I'll look for a job to get experience as a salesman.

Noted. Thanks senpai.

Nah man, most sales people are retarded as fuck. They're just good at the bantz.

What is your favorite high end car?

What are bentleys like?

What german car would you recommend?

What else do you like in the fancy car world?

My god man, Who brings these children up?

I started as a detailer

fav high end car? Definitely like my Porsches, other supercars can be fun but a Porsche is the only one I'd actually own

Bentleys are very comfortable (that's obvious enough though), surprisingly very easy to drive for how big they are.

German car I'd reccomend? Depends on what you're looking for. Sporty daily? Porsche 911. Maximum Comfy? Mercedes-Benz S-Class.

What else do I like in the fancy car world? I actually like meeting the owners, the type of people who are into high end cars and can afford them are infinitely more interesting to talk to than some vapelord at a car meet

Would you ever go to a Veeky Forums meetup? I'm a wealthy guy and this is going to sound terrible, but I'd feel shy about showing up in a nice car at a meet with a bunch of shitboxes. Nothing against shitboxes but I'd just feel out of place.

BONUS STORY TIME!

>it’s a late evening at the dealership, we’re a couple hours from closing when this sketchbag comes strolling in
>he looks to be some flavor of pajeet trying to act like a gangster
>not all that strange, being a high end dealership we attract a lot of dreamers and looky-loos
>except this guy is decked out in head to toe designer clothing, I wanted to call him 2chainz but he was actually wearing 3, so from now on he is referred to as 3chainz
>3chainz says he’s interested in the Bentley Brooklands we have for sale
>herewefuckinggo.mp3
>this is wear chucklefucks like him get their greasy paws on all the buttons and gadgets, get the floormats dirty, nitpick the paint etc
>he is actually pretty polite for looking like such a shithead and talking like he’s stuck in the “G-UNIT” phase from gradeschool
>”bro this is a sick whip, I wanna leave a deposit with you right now”
>really.jpg
>humor him for a bit, “yeah sure thing bud let me get the paperwork together”
>he goes out to his car to get his “deposit”
>I just want to go home, feel like I’m completely wasting my evening (I don’t even normally do sales, it’s just that it was late and most of our sales team were busy or went home)
>3chainz comes back with a fucking briefcase with 20 grand IN FUCKING CASH
>at this point I’m stunned, I don’t know what to say
>he’s standing there with a shit-eating grin
>I tell him I gotta talk with the upper management, we don’t normally take a cash deposit at all let alone an amount that large
>I go to the owner’s office and ask him what to do
>he built his empire from the ground up, real humble guy, lot of life experience
>he knows exactly what’s going on

lol I go to many actually, but I'm not rich and I drive a really average car

I work around nice cars but by no means could I afford any of the shit we're selling. Especially since I have to pay for tuition (like LPG was, I'm also in school) and I'm saving to buy a house

>he explains to me, “user you gotta watch out for these guys, yeah sometimes these guys are hoodrich but the other half they’re criminals trying to wash their dirty money”
>apparently what they do is they bring in their cash they have acquired through illegal means, put the deposit down
>then they say they changed their mind, want their deposit back so we write them a cheque and they ride off into the sunset
>but the owner has a plan
>he walks out to 3chainz with me with a big smile on his face
>”certainly sir, we’ll gladly accept your deposit”
>3chainz is all smiles and handshakes, leaves the dealership about half an hour before we close.
>after he leaves, the owner takes his cash deposit, hides it in the trunk of the Bentley. Puts a cover over it, locks the car and takes all the keys home with him.
>few days later of course 3chainz comes back
>wants his deposit back, says he reconsidered and found another car he likes better
>no problem
>now it’s the owner’s turn to wear the shit eating grin 3chainz had a few days prior
>he goes to the Bentley, opens the trunk and hand him back his cash.
>”you’ll be glad to find the money is all there sir, please count it if you’d like”
>3chainz is visibly furious, but knows we caught on to his scheme
>tries to throw a chimp out, calls us unprofessional for storing his deposit in the fucking trunk
>owner and I are standing there victorious, and now that our business is concluded I proceed to walk him out
>he calls us thugs, says he’ll report us, all sorts of BS
>gets into his Acura, drives off furiously unleashing 150hp TO THE FRONT WHEELS (only place the power should ever be)
>we make a note of his plates, tell the police what happened
>everyone has a laugh at lunch about it the next day

I'm probably forgetting a few details because this happened a long time ago but we still laugh about it to this day

Dammit type it out THEN post!

The bent Brooklands is a slow piece of shit...i can smoke the fuck out of this in my 1994 EG hatch with a couple of simple mods:
10 point cage with Parachute
3 piece discontinued JoJo frontend
spec-R full drag suspension
Fuel cell with -8 lines from tank to motor
1 044 bosch pump
1200 rc injectors
golden eagle sleeved block
cp 10:1 pistons
Eagle rods
arp headstuds
oem h22 headgasket
Balance shaft delete
competition clutch twin disc
Port and polished head
skunk2 valve springs and retainers
Str cam gears
crower stage 1 cams
aluminium radiator with slim fan
gsr transmission with itr lsd.
qsd h2k intake manifold adapter
k20 rbc manifold
qsd throttle body spacer
blox 70mm throttle body
4bar omni map sensor
6al msd with coil and cap. 3 step launch control
hks bov
Garret 102mm turbocharger.
Custom t4 front facing turbo manifold with 44mm flange
44mm tial wastegate
Custom water to air intercooler set up
aem eugo wideband w/ gauge
tuned on chipped p28
13 inch volks drag rims
2 15 inch volks rear rims
arp extended wheel studs
si cluster
150 shots of nitrous im making 348 horsepower to the FRONT WHEELS because thats the only place the power should ever be

>>gets into his Acura, drives off furiously unleashing 150hp TO THE FRONT WHEELS (only place the power should ever be)
Hearty kek, that's how you do a tale from the dealership.
You may not be LPG, but I sure as hell hope you'll make more threads like this in the future to distract from the constant shitposting.

thats a really interesting perspective. I work in corporate governance compliance (strange but can be good money) and I really like meeting executives and finding out what they drive.

CEO doesn't own a car, just takes UBER
president has alpina BMW and 911 GT3
sales manager has audi s6
strategy guy has audi Q7 sport of whatever the S is
another has tesla, and one more has a jeep wrangler.

very interesting

I was a lube monkey and had this exact experience a few times over with different people/cars.

What cars are the biggest waste of money? Or at least over rated? What are common misconception about owning a high end car or driving it around? How do people react to them in general? Do rich people pay on time?

Not bad user, you'll be a long post guy yet.

Reminder that a collection of TFTD can be found at
82.199.155.15/pdf/Tales From The Dealership.pdf

biggest waste of money is a hard one to answer, because some cars that I view as a gigantic pain in the ass like the Maserati Quattroporte could be worth it to someone who can deal with the high cost of maintenance and horrendous reliability

Overrated...definitely Lexus/Acura. They're really boring, and their new design language sucks.

Common misconception about owning a high end car...is that people give a shit. No one really cares, lesson learned is buy a car you enjoy.

And yes generally rich people tend to be on time with most things, you don't get rich and stay rich by perpetuating shitty habits like constantly being late. There are exceptions of course

...

>Common misconception about owning a high end car...is that people give a shit. No one really cares, lesson learned is buy a car you enjoy.
Biggest misconception about high end cars is that broads will give a shit. High end sports cars attract attention from a bunch of dudes.

why is this image so stressful to look at

RACISTS NEVER LAST LONG IN YOUR INDUSTRY

Obligatory fucking L P G

Do post more tales.

>Are dads cucks this often? I'd tell my daughter to fuck off if she talked to me that way. (I mean if I had one)

Here's a cucked-dad story similar to OP only this girl was very status conscious and had no sense of money. It sucks that so many people used TV shows like Keeping Up With The Kardashians as a lifestyle guide.

archive.4plebs.org/o/thread/14228818/#q14228818

you are welcome

82.199.155.15/pdf/Tales From The Dealership.pdf

Was already posted here:

Were they posted? If so, I'll add them to the PDF.

did this happen? screencap? archive?

If he did, I can't find them.
Searched longpost in archive and that was top 3 latest posts.

Great writing style, perfect descriptions. I could almost smell the afro sheen from Jamal.

I'll share an old one I may have shared before.

>Working at a small family-owned lot.
>We buy auction vehicles, repair them, and resell them.
>All new vehicles get their faults written on the windshield in marker and parked in a fenced-in paddock.
>A 400 LB black (of COURSE she's black...) hambeast walks onto the lot.
>Having not become fully racist yet, I ask her if she's interested in a car. She says she wants the red carpet.
WTF.exe
>I don't know of a red car on the lot; suspect it's a customer's car. I ask her to show it to me.
>I'm hearing tuba music in my head as she waddles to the back of the lot. Red car is in the paddock.
>Windshield says "NO BRAKES!"
>I reply that I'm sorry, but that car isn't for sale, as it has no braked.
I know it's got no brakes. That's why I wants it.
>My brain feels like a transmission shifting from 5th to reverse while speeding down the highway.
>Ma'am, it won't stop.
Dats good. I wants it to run and not stop.
>Ma'am, I can't sell you a car with no brakes.

*Defcon-1 Chimpout Ensues"

YOU JUST WON'T SELL IT TO ME BECAUSE I'M BLACK! YOU A RAYCIS CRACKA!

>My boss hears the commotion and comes over to check it out.
>I step aside and tell him that she's crazy. He proceeds to call the police.
>Boss: What seems to be the problem?
This raycisss cracker won't sell me a car!
>Boss: It's unacceptable that any employee of mine wouldn't sell a car. Which vehicle do you want?
I want the red carpet!
>Boss: red car?
>Me: The one with no brakes.
Boss: wtf.jpg
Das right!
>Boss: I cannot sell a car with no brakes.
You a rayciss too! Fuck all you white people!

*Resume Chimpout*

>Thankfully, the police came and that hambeast sprinted to the best of her abilities.

>You a rayciss too! Fuck all you white people!

I'm sure the irony was lost on her

man I really miss LPG's writing style, he could really make his stories come to life

How can I get a lower price at private dealerships that are too lazy to remove a car from the showroom and let me test drive? They do not seem to want to make money and sell cars.

I think you'll get better with time. Keep it up man

They don't want to waste time on mentally ill people with no money.

Saying nigger and pajeet doesnt make you funny, it makes you look like a teenager who thinks he's cool. You faggots need to drop this "I'm online so i'm gonna be a cool guy" bullshit 0/10 story as you can't speak properly

new to 4chin i see

...

Proud melanin-enriched individual detected.

It's not supposed to be funny, it's efficient communication.

oh you

Nope, just think its retarded. oldfag who never heard brats saying nigger until the last 5 years or so, and of course it's it's on this shit Korean puppet site..

>ableist slurs

MODS!!!!

05 vintage oldfag here, you're so full of shit someone needs to fucking flush

>oldfag who never heard brats saying nigger until the last 5 years or so

What an inefficient way to say
>liar

look everyone, its a newfag
kys nigger

I've got money though.

>Typical BMW driver not looking where the fuck he's going.

eat shit niggerfaggot

THIS. lmao my friend bought a corvette to get girls and literally only has guys at the gym talk to him. top fucking kek

he persuaded the road to his liking

Practice makes perfect. Who knows, maybe someone else posting stories will summon him and we'll get that christmas package he promised.

A new LPG rises?
YES! I loved the stories. The keks helped me sleep many a night.

Yes. There is the stereotype of "daddy's girl" for a reason.

Parents who were taught that you shouldn't spank or deny your children anything.

...

Pls continue to do this, you're breddy good

>I wanted to call him 2chainz but he was actually wearing 3, so from now on he is referred to as 3chainz

haha glad you liked them
thanks

just got home from work, I'll use the weekend to think of any other tasty stories that happened

>>tries to throw a chimp out
Muh sides

Gr8 stories based new LPG, can't w8 for moar!

>that dialogue
This never happened, but good story nonetheless. You don't have to embellish the dialogue to match perceptions, OP. I doubt she threw out that sitcom-tier line "you think of everything."

Still niggers are terrible.

>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

This isn't /b/. You have to go back.

OMG youre still alive.

Do you really think people won't make up shit on other parts of Veeky Forums?

You really think someone would do that?

Where do you think you are?

>gets into his Acura, drives off furiously unleashing 150hp TO THE FRONT WHEELS
fuggin kek great story user 9/10

Why don't queers start buying high end cars?

because they can't afford it 90% of the time.
There are no workplace anti-discrimination laws based on sexual orientation. It is perfectly legal to fire someone because you found out they were gay.

>It is perfectly legal to fire someone because you found out they were gay.
You're a retard if you think this happens. If there were a bunch of unemployed but talented queers in business, don't you think someone would hire them at a below market rate to save on payroll?

>don't you think someone would hire them at a below market rate to save on payroll?
There's also the fact that gays in general tend to avoid STEM jobs and that's where the big money is.
I have no doubt people would hire them at below market value. But the pool is small enough as it is.

>There are no workplace anti-discrimination laws based on sexual orientation. It is perfectly legal to fire someone because you found out they were gay.
Do you live in Uganda?

I think they just avoid the best jobs in general. They're mostly in marketing, art, film, etc. There are a few queers coming up in finance that I can see at the firm I work at. But they're like the first.

Still, you're much more likely to see them in a prius or tesla.

>Do you live in Uganda?
United States. We have equal marriage (for now) but no workplace protections. What workplace protections there are depends on the state because there are no federal protections.

America really is a 3rd world country