Tales from the Dealership

what's going on Veeky Forums, I'm going to be busy with school in the upcoming weeks so thought I'd post some stories before I get too bogged down with work and studying.

For those of you know don't know, I'm part of the management team at a very high end used car dealership and have hijacked TFTD in longpostguy's absence.

Bear with me as I'm still new to writing these stories, any feedback is appreciated.

Other urls found in this thread:

82.199.155.15/pdf/Tales From The Dealership.pdf
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

Hype!

>be me at work
>having a shitty day because an IT guy came to upgrade our modem, had no idea what he was doing and completely fucked our internet saying he’ll come back tomorrow
>left behind a gut wrenching stench that still lingers on a chair he only sat on for about 5 minutes
>in comes a small Asian girl wearing a full fucking racing suit
>sparco shoes, fire retardant suit, gloves
>literally everything but a helmet
>she starts wandering around checking out the cars in our showroom
>one of our salesmen goes up to her
>she speaks absolutely ZERO English
>eventually wanders out, hear some BRAP BRAP as she drives away, we think that’s the end of her
>wrong.wmv
>she comes back with a translator, who can barely speak English himself
>find out he is her real estate agent or something
>she wants to trade in her car for a C63 AMG
>okay so she’s a rich foreigner going to school here so her parents can fuck up the housing market by buying everything and inflating prices
>we get a few of these every now and then, but she’s something else
>at this point can I remind you she’s STILL WEARING A RACING SUIT
>alright lets go have a look at her trade in….
>HO_LEE_FUCK
>Current gen WRX riced from top to bottom
>Replica volks
>Fake carbon fiber tape on every piece of trim
>reflective tape around the lights (???)
>bright blue interior lights
>BRAP cannon
>to top it all off….TWO SPOILERS, BOTH AFTERMARKET

>sales manager and I take a moment in the back room to burst out laughing into tears
>she’s serious about this deal though, what the fuck do we even do with this thing
>we can de-rice it a bit but we can’t do anything about the wings bolted into the trunk unless we replace the whole thing
>let’s just lowball the shit out of her because we’re gonna lose a lot of money if we take it as a clean trade in
>it’s still a very new WRX, low mileage, clean history
>”…..$18k….let’s see if she’ll take $18k”
>he goes out to tell our sales rep what we think the rice rocket is worth as I watch standing a couple cars across from them
>the translator tells her the number and she’s immediately struck with a confused face
>she starts speaking some flavor of Chinese
>this is the rough translation
>”Car I buy new not long ago for over forteeee thowsandd dorror, how cum now onleee ayyy-teeen”
>I’m not being an ass that’s literally how the guy translated what she was saying
>”cars in this country lose value very quickly when they are modified, original condition gets top dollar”
>apparently she doesn’t understand that mods DEVALUE a car
>I jokingly throw in that it’s also an unlucky color (blue, in Asian culture red is lucky)
>He actually translates it to her, I was just kidding around
>Both their faces are stricken with the sudden realization
>in my mind I’m just like “wat….you can’t be serious”
>they were
>I couldn’t actually tell what she was saying but it’s almost as if she was like “OHHH so obvious how could I be so stupid, buying a blue car. OF COURSE, silly me”
>she accepts $18k for her almost new WRX
>mfw we now own the cheapest current gen WRX anywhere
>the rest of the deal goes without a hitch

that's story #1

now story #2 is more like an ongoing story, because while this deal happened a while ago this guy has been coming back frequently and generally weirding us out

>guy rolls up in a BMW 5-series with a “FOR SALE” decal on the windshield
>yeah a decal
>I mean it’s not hard or expensive to do just haven’t seen anyone do that before
>this is where things get weird
>guy walks in like he owns the place
>starts talking to our salesmen like they’ve been friends for 30 years
>he starts hitting on our receptionist
>he literally asks her what she would do if he choked her
>what the shit
>I start wondering if I should call the cops
>he turns his attention back to one of our salesmen and expresses interest in an E63 AMG
>they seem to have things under control so I leave to go run an errand
>come back, turns out they settled on a deal for the E63. The guy left and he’s scheduled to pick the car up in a week.
>awesome
>two days later
>guy comes back, brings in a 3” tall wooden horse
>ask the obvious questions, what are you doing here why do you have a wooden horse
>turns out he wants to trade in his antique wooden horse on the E63, a deal which was already written up
>we politely decline his wooden horse
>he’s furious, storms into THE OWNER’S office while he’s with a client and tries to convince him to buy his wooden horse

>the owner is super confused, no idea what’s going on
>”user who is this guy and why does he have a horse? We don’t want a horse”
>Bosses client looks incredibly confused
>I escort the man out of the owner’s office
>explain to him that the deal is written up, we’re not interested in taking in his “trade in”
>he argues that the law says almost anything of value can be used as a trade in
>that’s true, however that doesn’t mean we have to accept it
>He threatens to cancel the deal
>Then suddenly he puts down the horse and walks over to a vintage Porsche 911 we moved into our showroom earlier in the morning
>he asks how much, we say it’s not really for sale it’s a part of the owner’s collection
>he offers $68,000, and the horse
>Embarrassingly I knock on the owner’s office, “what now user? did he leave yet”
>”no sir he wants to buy your Porsche, he’s offering $68,000 plus the stupid horse”
>”….$70,000….no horse”
>go back out, he accepts and says I can have the horse for free
>boss doesn’t want the horse so I guess I gotta take it
>bring it home, turns out it’s hollow and can be used to store things
>free_trojan_horse.exe

When he came to pick up his cars he asked us what we would do if he came with a bus full of armed Jamaican guys and robbed us. Rich people man what the fuck.

I want pictures of said rice rocket

the horse for proof

Seconding.

Second this, if only to photoshop so it's stanced

Bump keep these coming

not posting pictures of the car to protect my identity and all, but here is a pic of spoiler #2

the deal happened a long time ago, I gave the horse to a friend as a gift because he was moving to florida

It was meant to be like one of those top gear special gag gifts, like "hah you now have to lug this wooden horse all the way with you to florida" but at least he could store things inside it so it wasn't a complete waste of space

thinking about it now, is that a spoiler off a 1/10 RC car body or something?

Got a story #3?

fucking lol

that's all I got for now... until next time!

FUCK, poor WRX. Please one more decent picture. How the fuck will it give up identity

>>”Car I buy new not long ago for over forteeee thowsandd dorror, how cum now onleee ayyy-teeen”
I could actually hear this in my mind. My sides

nigga that's kawaii

>mini spoiler
I'm in tears

IM IN LOVE

sorry man I'm just paranoid lol. rest of my pics aren't that good anyway, you can't see a lot of the rice because the car is so dirty

I can respect that, thanks for story and mini spoiler.

I want to believe these, I really do...

but the nig with the wooden horse story? sounds fishy man

MOAR PICS of the wrx

i'm that horse

i can vouch for the story's authenticity

Holy Christ no

Good lord

I don't blame you, I hardly believe this guy exists.

He comes back almost every week, and everytime he's driving the vintage convertible Porsche.
Even when there's a fucking blizzard he's driving it, guy is mental.

I'm the bus full of full of the bus the the bus full of Jamacans, I confirm.

we've definitely got to see this horse

I can see a porsche anyday

since you insist...

It looks plushie but the center is wood, it's actually pretty well built

>That tiny spoiler

Chinks may as well come from a different planet

What the fuck man?

That's hilarious. I'm going to do this the next time I go into a dealership.

Is this guy getting loans on these expensive vehicles he's buying or is he paying cash or something?

notLPG, thank you for making these threads, they are always a true blast.

cash

I honestly don't even think this guy even works. He's like the male version of a gold digger. He told us his wife makes $300k a year, and he's been through 2 other wives thus far.

Holy shit what kind of dealership do you work at

I wish either of my dealerships were this much of a fucking circus, the worst we got is this paranoid lady with literally blue skin who goes everywhere with all her stuff and an old due who always comes in threatening peoples lives if his service isnt completed within fifteen minutes, the place im at now isnt even half as interesting but at least everyones got cheap beaters theyre trying to sell

glad you like them!

Professional NEET

was she hot tho

I'm both disgusted and slightly jealous.

nope, she was beat

I want Brayn to leave and stay leave

I like you OP
Moar stories

God bless you, OP. Can someone add his stories to the LPG .pdf?

fake

bring back LPG

Nice stories, but wondering about LPG. Is he kill? Haven't visited Veeky Forums for a while.

why you gotta politics. now i know ur a shit tier person...
>i miss the real LPG

Not excusing IT guy but when I used to work that industry I did this to a tire place for about 2 hours because they had a
>HUB
from 1997 that had been on the floor since that time and the simple act of holding it up to look at it was more than enough to push it over the edge and it never turned on again.

They had a new switch within the 2 hours but I don't feel bad because it was a
>HUB

>small asian girl
>riced out wrx
>full racing suit
And you MADE FUN OF HER? Why did you not hit that shit?

Can someone post the LPG pdf? lost it.

Dude.

Did you just meet the reincarnated soul of Hunter S. Thompson?

Can we have a pic of the horse?

You donga.

>hitting on a chink
DON'T
Even if you have yellow fever, go for a nip, a korean, a viet, a khmer if you don't mind the financial burden or a fucking thai if you don't mind your ass being sore but DO NOT go after the chinese.
The whole "hurpity-durpity blue is le unlucky colour" is something they take extremely seriously and this sort of cultural pitfalls are everywhere, and they are not willing to explain any of it. It's not rare for random chinks to take huge offense from basic westerners behaving normally. They are very rarely self-conscious and more often than not refuse to take any distance from their norm which becomes a problem when they are not in their home surrounded by cultural peers.

He's said for a while that it was a temporary gig before he worked on his master's degree.

82.199.155.15/pdf/Tales From The Dealership.pdf

Ask any good realtor and they HATE actual Chinese people. They will find them the perfect property with everything they want in their price range, and the people will refuse to buy because there is an arch in a part of the house that it shouldn't be that creates bad luck.

I heard about no stairway at front foyer too

That tiny, tiny fucking spoiler. It's so fucking adorable. If it wasn't bolted the fuck down, I would have one on my car.

Fuck, I just want to put one on my dashboard.

>I'm part of the management team at a very high end used car dealership
So, no 'stupid poor people' stories?

I think stupid rich people are funnier personally. Inflated egos always make for a good story.

You encountered a rich eccentric. He just doesn't give a fuck anymore. Retired and likes to mess with people for his own personal enjoyment. I wish there were more people like him, a rare breed.

Did he finally graduate?

>triggered by a hat
You can't make this shit up

Gotta love tech with the collision light.

>I'll snap this picture of this wooden toy in my trunk so I can show it to people on the internet many weeks from now
>i know! I'll put a MAGA hat in there, too
>that way I can trigger bitch niggers like user on Veeky Forums in the future, when trump has won
you are a precious and special little blossom, user

>triggered by a hat
>You can't make this shit up
I've seen after the election that some of the liberals are so angry they try to immediately and angrily nuke anyone with various labels like racist or hate-crime. On Veeky Forums, they can't just do that with maga, so they keep trying to drop the /pol/ bomb. Or derail the thread or censor the thread by telling people not to post in it. I just wish they'd go away. They lost the election and are bad sports about it.

I have to correct you on one thing

There's a big difference between 3" and 3'

In your story you out 3" which is 3 inches. But from your picture it seems like you meant 3' which is 3 feet

yeah I meant 3 feet my bad

Cool stories bro. Doing good on the formating and descriptions.
My constructive criticisms is that you should link related posts of the same story with a (cont), and link with post number. Then start with ">another story" on the next one. You might also want to add a link to LPG's PDF file in your OP so people will quit asking for it. Might streamline your threads a little and keep LPG out of the discussion. His threads were great and do not need to be forgotten, but that might cut back on posts like these in the long run. Keep em coming though, we like shit like this.

I'm an agent. Just helped a Chinese person buy a house. I only had to put in a few offers and walked away with over 10 grand commission.

When I bought my own house I was way pickier and put in hundreds of offers.

how stupid is it for me to buy from one of those no credit places?

>make 600/month
>spend 300/month
>200/month can be budgeted for new car

no credit history, and not enough income for real dealership. i just want a sporty rwd sedan

Extremely. Did you not read all the original lpg stories? About how people get stiffed paying indefinitely for shitty broken cars?

How on earth do you make 600 a month

ive read them and 9/10 its the buyers fault for being a fuckin retard.

im able to find which cars are totally shit and which arent, and can make the payments. its not like im going to go sign for 10k loan on a 98 buick

full time student work 20 hours a week

thanks

i'll take your advice, oh, never

Why does it look like it's covered in sand

I'm giving you a guide to making enough money.
>Get full time job. Even a McJob. Just make sure it's full time.
>Keep that job for 6 months or more. Not that hard if you prove yourself valuable to the organization. Show up on time, do what they ask, don't talk back.
>Get a secured credit card. Use 30℅ of the limit of your card, no more. Never miss a payment.
>Go to bank, tell them you want to get a car loan. They might finance you with enough of a job history and good credit card usage, even if it's not that long of a history. You won't get financed for a large amount. Don't get a loan of over $5,000.
They usually will only finance a percentage of the car's blue book value. Like 75-80℅. Find a good deal or be ready to make a down payment.
>Have a cosigner

My experience:
Have job for one year, 12.50/hr, no credit, good cosigner. Financed $8,000 over 48 month term at 3.4% with credit union. Car booked for $11,000. Have job, have cosigner, find a good deal, get a car. Remember that insurance will rape you unless you are a little old lady with no accidents in 30 years.

>Remember that insurance will rape you unless you are a little old lady with no accidents in 30 years.

tfw mom "owns" and insures my 25 year accident free shitty volvo

You should get a secured credit card and only use 30% like Lots of banks have specials for students.

>Me, 22, no at fault accidents, shitty old van, basic financial responsibility requirements - $88 month
>Grandma, 72, speeding ticket when I was a kid, Ford Focus, full coverage with uninsured driver - $78 month

;_;

tfw i owned 2 cars in highschool. insurance was 120 for both.

cant do fulltime, need school. been in my job a year, and before that was at another job for a year. i dont qualify for student credit cards and that fuckin pisses me off becuase they say its for beginners, then say i dont got credit.

im trying to convince parents to cosign on a 4k loan for a c320, then pay it off a year or two early

Have you tried a credit union? They have good deals if you are eligible.

>if you are elgible

im never fucking eligible. im tired of this bullshit

Maybe it's time to stop trying to spend money you don't have.

im just trying to get a start on credit history for mortgage in 5-8 years.

might just join the army. ill get guaranteed income and a VA loan with low interest

How can you not get a small limit high interest credit card? They practically give those away. Just get one and pay your bill

Just FYI VA loan "guarantee" is not a guarantee that you will get a loan, nor is it a loan from the VA itself. It's a guarantee on the loan from the VA so you don't have to get PMI. You still have to apply for a loan at the bank like normal, although VA loans have lower interest rates most places

darn dude I was picturing a kawaii chick

DONT UPFORCE ME OR MY SON EVER AGAIN

I'm guessing they don't salt the roads where you're from

>me 21
>one at fault and one dangerous driving charge on my record
>have twin turbo modified 300zx manual
>60 bucks a month full cover
>New Zealand is the best country on earth

whAT THE FUCK
>17
>live in NZ too
>get restricted in manual
>buy first car and get it insured
>MINT 1984 ford laser 4 door hatch 1.3L auto with less than 100k on the clock
>FIFTY-EIGHT FUCKING DOLLARS PER MONTH WITH A $420 EXCESS WHAT FUCKING COMPANY ARE YOU WITH

>inb4 underage
I am 18 now

no fucking idea. i guess after the 2011 crash they stopped sending them out as 18th birthday gifts. im 19 and still cant get one.

applied for a store one, they said theyll send me a letter. dude suggested if im rejected to call up the number on it and tell them im just tryna build up a score, and they might work with me

AMI. It's a mum and dad insurer, I just told them it's a "1994 Nissan fairlady z" and didn't mention the word turbo or manual or anything. I also have a long history with them and contents insurance and a daily Corolla. 1k excess though.

I'm Chinese. Obviously being an American you don't understand young chinese people.

You gotta understand Chinese memes are some of the most esoteric shit out there and some of them span thousands of years. What you encountered was most likely a living memelord who lives for this kinda outragous shit.

Is losing 22k on a wrx part of the meme?

>Their parents dont love them enough to pay for their insurance

thanks I was with youi and the guy said that was very low but compared to other companies thats quite high. I guess they make up for it on the excess. Mines only third party so I expected it to be much cheaper