How do I stop birds from shitting all over my car at work?

Pinwheels scare birds. Though somebody might get the wrong idea about you decorating your car with them.

>How do I stop birds from shitting all over my car at work?

You will NEVER escape me. I keep throwing birdseed over your car and next to it so that birds always hang around and poop. At lunchtime, I toss out more birdseed to keep the birds hanging around all day. After several weeks, the birds are now trained, and even hang around your care AHEAD of time. They poop while waiting for more seed.

The giant fifty pound bags are super cheap at costco and sam's club type shopping clubs. Those are the best places to buy birdseed. Carry birdseed in a larger ziplock in the morning. And another smaller ziplock at lunchtime. When you get home, refill the bags for work the next day.

To spread the seed, open the ziplock about halfway and sling the bag in a form motion. About two passes empties the bag. Slide the zipper closed before putting it back in your jacket pocket so the few seeds don't get out. After a few times, you'll get efficient at spreading the seed properly. You want some seeds on the roof because the birds peck. Each peck has a chance of the beak chipping the paint. At the very least, each peck makes a tiny scratch. With enough seeds, you become ScratchMaster Supreme.

On the off chance of getting caught, use the same excuse the Kim Jong-nam assassins used - just a prank. Don't say anything about bird pecks.

>How do I stop birds from shitting all over my car at work?
Get a cheap painter's dropcloth sheet which is very thin plastic. They spread out very large and will cover most of the main section of the car. It is disposable and very cheap so you can put up a new one each day.

Wind or even a passing car blows them off

Just buy a fucking white car

Put a scarecrow on the roof

>rifle
birdshot nigga

Buy some kind of pest poison and mix it with bird seed or something they would like to eat

Rice or mentos

>How do I stop birds from shitting all over my car at work?
Get sticky rat trap glue strips and put bird seed or food remnants next to the trap. Hopefully the birds will step on the trap. The trapped birds will make panic predator noises that scares all the other birds away.

Have you tried asking them not to?

You're going to get the police called for shooting in an urban area. Use a suppressed pellet rifle.

>buy paintball sentry gun
>jam .177 rifle into mechanism
>set up on car roof while parked
>added bonus of hooligan deterrent
Birb pls go

>You're going to get the police called for shooting in an urban area.
No BB gun shooting in my city area either. All shooting can only be done in a licensed shooting range. That includes archery too. And if a child under 18 is caught using a weapon in the city, the adult can be charged with that misdemeanor offense of corrupting a minor.

Birds have defenders. If you trap crows, you can be cited for animal cruelty. I am not lying because someone in the neighboring city was cited after getting recorded in smartphone video. Too many liberals all over the place always protecting everyone's rights to exist.

At least rat traps are allowed. Put birdseed out there and maybe dab a glob of peanut butter on the mouse trap. Then coat the small glob with birdseeds. The bird pecks it and the trap nails it. The caught bird or dead bird body scares off the other birds. No birds come as long as other birds make struggling noises.

Threaten to sue them for vandalism

>How do I stop birds from shitting all over my car at work?

Install covered parking spaces.

>Implying you can fucking stop me

>Threaten to sue them for vandalism
You can try to sue the property owner to remove the tree, but birds have the right to move around. I usually only see crows and starlings in trees. Pigeons seem to prefer linear spaces like power lines or even lawns.

Why is it pigeons sound nice, but crows and starlings sound harsh and nasty?

Because ones saying
> Get Fucked!
And the other is just saying
> your a cunt, your a cunt

Those round magnets at the toy store are cheap and stop the plastic sheet from moving around. They don't scratch the clearcoat because the plastic sheet is there.

>How do I stop birds from shitting all over my car at work?
Get one of those machine-gun BB guns. It is powered by a freon canister in the old days but I don't know if those are still available on the market. It had a huge hopper that you emtied part of that carton of 5000 BB. Pull the trigger and a stream of BB comes out. It's enough to hose down a lot of the birds. It's also quiet so you can do your thing and get back under cover without being seen.

Put a fake snake on the roof. The birds stopped shitting on my dock after I got one.

Pinwheels never worked at my grandparent's backyard garden. However, their cat caught quite a few. To help the cat out, they put a shallow box in the shade under a tree. It was on top of bricks so it remained dry. Cats like to lie down on something clean that they can put their back to. So the cat eventually found it and sat or lay there waiting for birds. It didn't eat them but brought them back and lay them on the patio. Sometimes the bird was brought back alive if we were outside. So maybe the mama cat thought we were kittens needing to be trained?

i liked true detective season 2

...

don't buy a car that deserves to be shat on

simple

Would feeding birds a lot of birdseed soaked in ExLax liquid help them poop more?

shoot them

thanks for expanding my interest towards becoming a hotline miami character user

I saved a baby seagull from a cat and my car stopped getting pooped on for 6 months.
Save a bird or something

Dont park under street lamp

Birds aren't smart enough to be grateful enough to stop pooping on your car.

>I saved a baby seagull from a cat and my car stopped getting pooped on for 6 months.
When I was a kid, there was a wounded pigeon in our yard. I don't know how it was hurt but the wing was lame. It was scared but when bread was tossed to it and we backed away, it would happily eat it. It quickly became tame like pigeons usually do. It got well and POOPED ALL OVER THE PLACE. So that was the opposite of your story of saving the seagull and you were given poop immunity for 6 months.

The pigeon was put in a box and released 28 miles away. It flew back to our house right away! And kept on pooping. Poop. Poooop. Poopy poop. All over the place.

Finally it was taken to a far away place and let go by a flock of other pigeons. It never came back to the house. I hope it lived the rest of its days happily.

Happily Pooping wherever it wanted. Maybe it's descendants pooped on the car in OP's picture. That would be grand.