Best short term investments

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wagecuck logic. Wouldn't you rather have regular bowel movements right after you wake up eevry day so you can shit at home, shower right after and not have to worry about when or where you are going to shit the rest of the day because you won't have to shit until tomorrow around the same time?

do u use betterment? It looked the most appealing to me based on its user friendlyness and low rates. I'm new to this

gold and short term bonds both are cheap

No.
Safe and risk is parallel to each other. More safe means less risk. Less risk means less high profit potential. OP did not mention high profits. Best in this case most likely means the safest since, I quote "what would be the safest?".

dat pic... i see the wisdom but i would never put my ass down on those toilet seats.

safest is usually gov bonds and metals.
but you have to wait quiet a lo to cash out from metals when they are overvalued. and governments can collapse. and even these have risks. but in return they offer shit gains.

one more thing the permanent portfolio where you have
25% cash 25% stocks 25% bonds and 25% metals
it's usually not always but almost always when one asset class gets hit an other takes a bump. and if you adjust the values periodically you will not lose any money no matter what happens as long as there is an economy.

My bowel movement always comes after I shower and have done all my morning routine. Any advice?

when you wake up drink a lot it will rush through you and has a very good chance of inducing shittings.

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Wait to shower until after you poop, duh. Make sure you eat, not just drink, because eating gets a bowel movement started. Ideally breakfast should be the biggest meal of the day. Anyways, just eat until you feel full and/or have to take a shit.

Bet you touch a computer keyboard, a doorknob, your face, your work snack.

You literally put me germs in yourself when you do your morning commute.

Just wipe and spray the seat, if you have a mini-sanitizer spray handy.

Magic the gathering sealed product pre-2010

Or pokemon gameboy cartridges.

>Bet you touch a computer keyboard, a doorknob, your face, your work snack.
only my own... yeah i'm ocd about stuff like that. and if i do touch something it's anti-viral disinfectant time. i always carry. handshakes are the most disgusting.

>Pokemon gameboy cartridges
I cant tell if youre serious last I checked yellow sealed went for around $500 and its actually gone down since the rerelease of the original trio on the 3ds.

The rest are all really around $300 but the compatibility to play them are really running out, they stopped putting a GBA slot on the 3ds's I think two models ago so youd really have to find a special collector who is willing to drop min +$300 and have a device to work it plus youd have to replace the internal battery for the 2nd-3rd gen games to keep the internal battery going which would devalue by opening it. unless Im missing something

CSGO Cases&Sticker Capsules

They're not really worth that much. I was shopping around for 2nd gen a little while ago, and people were asking ~$80 and ~$120 for G/S and Crystal, respectively.

And yeah, you DO have to replace the battery for save games in 2nd gen, and clock events in 3rd gen. If you don't ruin something and use the same type of battery I don't get how much you'd devalue it by, though.

Ethereum

spend a minimum of 1 hour a day reading nonfiction outside of what you're required to read for school/work.

>Best short term investments
>I'm thinking 5-10 years.
Is that the joke?