Veeky Forums related jobs

Mechanics, dealers, transporters, etc. Share your insights and funny stories, if you have any.

>just got job as valet to earn a little extra cash
>work at fairly upscale hotel
>realize that any desire to own a luxury car is gone because they really aren't that fun to drive, and the leather seats in BMW/Mercedes/Audi aren't that much better than the ones in an upscale Civic
>learn to hate Infiniti and Acura for having various retardations in the layout
>REALLY hate the stupid gearshift on the newer BMW's; yeah it's just a button but I'm in a hurry and it's one more thing to screw with
>realize anything that any Mercedes that isn't an AMG is pretty boring to drive
>literally most fun car to move was a late 60's Porsche
>newer Porsche had an automatic and flappy paddles
>realize now that supercars with flappy paddles are really just the same thing and probably not that fun to drive anyways
>idiot coworker leaves window down on McClaren 675 right before a surprise morning rain
>it's not the best job but fuck getting tip money nightly is pretty decent.

Someone probably has something to say about valets, so I'll just go ahead and say it.

Yes, we drive the cars fast. Even at an upscale joint, most of them are rentals anyways so nobody gives a fuck (for anyone wondering, Hyundai's are the rentals we get the most). When it's something halfway fun to drive, we drive it nice and slow while the person is still in earshot. As soon as they're inside or we're on the street, we'll drive it like we do everything else.

There's a few morons who like to drive fast in the garage, but the bosses don't care unless we do it in front of a customer or someone who actually has ranking in the hotel. As long as we don't actually crash the cars, they could care less.

If you give us the keys to a "cool" car (ie, Rolls Royce, Ferrari, Lambo, etc), we're actually not allowed to park in the garage and have to park out front where everyone can see it. Also so we don't get blamed for bullshit that's already on the car, which we get blamed for. If the top's down when we get it and you don't show us HOW to take it down, we're not going to bother because most likely we're balls deep in people trying to get their cars parked, so we'll put it in the garage and forget about it.

Uber drivers and cabbies are complete cunts. We only have so much space to put cars, and when they park halfway down the narrow ass drive to pick someone up it fucks us up. Cabbies are the worst because they'll take their sweet time. Surprisingly, the shuttle drivers from the airport are actually really decent.

>I hate people knowing that I can work on cars
>Try to tell extended family that I can't fix their cars because I don't have manufacturer specific special tools
>Get suckered into doing jobs for immediate family which isn't that bad, but obviously can't charge them full price
>And can not do the job, because them I am a dick
>Also the stingy jew in me doesn't want them to pay more elsewhere when I can take the money.

Anyways...

>Dad is horrible at maintaining cars
>Slave cylinder goes out
>Have to drop the tranny to get it out
>Didn't order a flywheel and didn't have time to get it worked because it was during a holiday and dad needed a car to work.
>Don't change the clutch
>6 months later, clutch is slipping...

Not to mention it leaks coolant, and has been ran dry for who knows how long. o2 sensor is out. I rather we just get rid of this POS with a new one, but dad wants me to fix it...

Fuuuu.....

Just a sorta-related aside. Did we ever get those stories LPG promised for christmas? Because now would be a perfect time for them.

>Be a lorry mechanic
>in my younger years i worked as a cheap back yard mech for motorcycles and mopeds on the side
>shit was cool
>made some money

actual story:
>work on some fucking chinese scooter for some guy a friend of a friend introduced
red flag nr. 1
>has some electrical malfunction with the lights i cant fucking remember
>fix shit
>drive thing out front for him to come pick up later
>notice his front brake is siezed
>oh well, simple fix, and since its a safety thing i just do it
>he calls me to check up on progress
>tell him what happened
>he calls me an asshole and scammer for doing it and i am gonna rob him from his money for this
>starts yelling about not wanting to pay at all
>sure thing mate
>close the....whats it called? gasoline valve
>he comes over for pickup
>he tries to start
>lolnope.jpg
>WHATAFUK MATE ITS BROKE YOU SCAMMER PIECE OF SHIT
>me: didnt you know? motobikes have souls, they dont like it when you try to steal services, paying me for the electrical shit would fix it
>he reluctantly pays for the electrical shit but not for the brake, oh well at least he is out of my hair now
>open the valve
>fires up right away
>Me: Never come back here again

anyone interested in more tales from the garage BTW?

lowlife scum. I hope someone hears you hooning the car they actually worked for and kicks your fucking ass.

YES!

No. That was an awful gay story, and the others won't be any better.

Fuck you, and thank god for ECU firmwares with valet mode.

>be me
>apprentice at a lorry dealership
>Trucker rolls in
>needs a new alternator
>note we have these signs in multiple languages saying they have to clear out their cab in case we need to tilt the cab
>see trucker clearing out the cab
>ask him before tilting if he is absolutely sure it all clear
>he says it is
>start tilting
>thank god for electronic automatic tilters.jpg
>CRASH.WAV
>huge crack in the windshield
>soupkettle with a shitty homemade onion soup leaking out
>soup is bleeding out of the windshield cracks
>Trucker thought the kettle would be secure on the top bed
>Trucker seems sad over his soup
>pit smelled like onion soup for a few days

I'm a software engineer for a car company.
Is that Veeky Forums related?

Thank you.

How do i into your field?

>he thinks that companies dont know what you did with a rental car

Does it suck?

> Work retail delivery
> Don't get to drive the vans
> Get to ride in them occasionally to accompany new drivers who aren't allowed to be alone with the van/customers
> Or if anyone screws up their legs/back
> Get paid to be driven around twisty country roads in a Mercedes
> A 3.5ton automatic Sprinter with power sapped from a refrigeration unit

Highlights:
> Limboing under oak beams to deliver 10kg+ trays in pairs into the kitchen of a building older than knowledge of America
> Customers telling me to mind the step after I nearly fall the fuck down it
> 50+ plastic shot glasses 'for children'. Apparently to teach them about passover or something and not for a drinking game.
> Van's step won't stay up, spend some time before the next delivery hanging off the side of the van, using my steel-toed boots as a hammer to bodge it back into place
> Walk into customer's house, smack head on low ceiling, customer tries not to laugh
> user, I can't see the names on the houses from the road, get out and go read them for me?
> I can't find this fucking place, what does google maps say?
> Get out and unload customer's order, lazy fuck driver does nothing
> Swap Veeky Forums stories with new driver for entire shift
> Driver discovers I'm being paid more than him for the day, since I was there earlier AND on overtime that day AND got an hour of night shift rates, gets grumpy
> Try to haul 100kg of shopping on a hand truck over a customer's gravel driveway, plough a pair of gouges because the deep gravel won't let the wheels turn
> Karaoke to the radio with one of the veteran drivers, because I was used as a bargaining chip to get him to do a tricky delivery

>>Trucker seems sad over his soup
His wife/mother made that soup for him, and he was probably looking forward to consuming it. Of course he'd mourn his supper.

Trucker made the soup himself, probably sad over his hard work gone to waste

Are you currently making solutions to problems that never existed?

That's what most software in cars are anyways.

Right back at you. You try driving nice and slow when you've got ten cunts screaming about wanting their car parked and there's only three other guys there to park them.

>leather seats in BMW/Mercedes/Audi aren't that much better than the ones in an upscale Civic
>McClaren

Ok, you got me. What?