Things your car would say to you today

>마음에 들다마음에 마음에 들다 들다마음에 들다

>please stop looking at other cars
>i've always been a good car
>i do everything you ask me to
>everyone says i'm really nice and good for you
>please don't sell me to another man
>i'm sorry i drink so much
>i know i'm a little slow sometimes
>why are you being like this?
>it hurts

Fix me already, I wanna cruise

>thank fucking god you bought me from that jutlandic porridge-gargler
>i-is that full synthetic oil for me?
>are you changing my oil already? It's only been six months since last time, but I don't mind!
>oh god, that new cam is so good and my new turbo feels so nice when you give me the WOT
>did we just smoke a seat? That was fun! Do it again!
>i love it when you buy me fresh parts, even if I'm an old car

>harder daddy

>HOLY SHIT CHANGE THE RODS ALREADY
>THEY'RE GONNA BREAK
>THEY'RE ONLY CAST AND YOU'RE PUSHING 12 PSI ON 10:1 RATIO
>I AM GOING
>TO DIE

>DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY OWNERS I'VE HAD
>NO DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME
>STOP THAT RIGHT FUCKING NOW
>DID YOU ENJOY THAT EYEBALL FULL OF RUST? HAVE SOME MORE
>WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING
>WHY ARE YOU REPLACING THOSE LEAKY GASKETS
>WHY ARE YOU CHANGING MY OIL ALREADY
>STOP THIS SHIT I FUCKING HATE YOU

>...thanks.

>Wah! *pomf* What are we gonna do on the twisties?

>sorry about the small coolant hoses, I tried to take them as long as I could, but the were cheap aftermarket, so they had to go. Next time get OEM or some of those pretty colorful silicone ones all the cool kids are using.

A-Are you going to wash me t-today, master? I-I love it when you shower me with that w-white foam

>cranks up
>T-that means y-you're not taking me to the junkyard yet, right senpai??

Fuck, I had a mazda like that.
>don't change my fuel lines!
>stop messing around in my undercarriage, you fucking perv!
>i told you if you messed with my fuel tank you'd get grit and undercoating in your eyes
>w-what are you doing with my fuel pump?!
>hey, I drive much better now. Thanks, I guess.

"We need to talk"

너 내 기름을 바꿔야 해.

Yeah. Mine's an old truck from the north, so it's just all rusty and fucking stuck bolts everywhere I turn. It seems to want to fight me every time I try to fix something.

W-we do it for the passion... right?

>"You're brother's a slob and a fag"
>"I smell like a cheap stripper"
>"Clean me please"

>drive faster you faggot, I don't care if its 11am
>You're not even in boost you pussy, be a man for once in your life
>You better take that ramp at 70 or I'm finding a new owner

My car is a bully plz help

>I want to feel what it's like to be pretty again

STAP PLIZ

That fucking hurts user.
>Been looking at T2s
>But she's been so damn reliable
I dunno if I can bear to part with her. Maybe fix the top and just have her to cruise...

"Get a fucking tune already."

It's tough love, user. Just gotta power throught it and oil it up good with a lot of wd-40.

>make a move on that girl you fucking pussy

>It's going to be okay. We're going to go to work today, and we'll have a little bit of fun getting there. I know you're tired, don't worry, I can make myself comfy for you.
My car is treats me better than my girlfriend does.

you really need to fix that damn wiper

please kill me

Go faster, pussy

>My car even bullys me over the internet

>someone's car bullys me

Give it to me you beta, open my throttle wide

Please stop. I look hideous

>how dare you cheat on me, my reliability be damned

>D-do you love me, senpai? Even though I'm FF and I'm not the VTEC model?

>W-what is this? Is this a receipt for a new paint job? It's n-not like I mind or anything...

>Let's go to the track, senpai
>S-senpai! If you go around this corner too fast, I'm gonna-
>*UNDERSTEERS*

>please just let me die already
>the cancer has spread so far already

I only went through two transmissions in 2 years... why did you leave me?

you pieceofshit! You got 5 of my sisters and rent us so unemployed bastards can drive other assholes around!

I'm, sorry my little Fiestas

>I'll fucking understeer into the guardrail and down the fucking mountain if you stop masturbating

Clean me please
Stop fucking underage girls in the backseat

...

>Stop fucking underage girls in the backseat
L A D S

>Are you done with me?
>Is it because I'm not as fit as I used to be?
>I see you looking at Miatas on Craigslist.
>I'm sorry, it's just my ex didn't take good care of me!

Basically my ex, unfortunately.

Please stop trying to slide me, I'm FWD for Christ's sake!

>Go ahead replace the clutch cable AGAIN
>ill fuckin strech it like i stretch your asshole boy

>im a hungry shitbox feed me more money or ill brake something

wash me fagit

...

>A-are we going to seperate senpai?
>I know I'm not turboed like Grand National, but I'm still reliable
>I know I'm slow but I can't help it
>I know I have a drinking problem
>P-p-please senpai, don't sell me.
>I watched you look at other GMT-400s on Craigslist
>Please senpai, I'll try to break 90 mph next time on the highway.

As much as she is slow, I don't know if I can sell her. She's my first.

user...that's a male

>his male car can't be a qt trap car just for him

smhtbhfam

thats a man, baby!

>fix my o2 sensor I cant fucking breathe.

>FUCK YEAH REV UP MY ENGINE IM YOUR SLOW LITTLE SLUT, HIT THAT 7K AND POUND ME AROUND THE CORNER OH YES

>Plug my AWD back in and stop doing skids, you fucking asshole

> It's so hot out, I can't start up. Let me... catch my breath... You can go and relax inside for another hour, right?
> It's getting hard to steer... I'm sorry I leak so much. T-thank you for repairing the return line.
> I feel like I'm getting weaker... I can't start. I can't start!
> Oh, a new alternator, and a new battery too? Thanks.
> OH YES, HIT THE PEDAL AGAIN! You make an old V6 family car feel so good on the highway.

>Let's go exploring ototo-chan

please dont crash or break me

cute

>Wash me and start keeping me in the garage again

Let me fucking die in peace. That said, I'd like a bit of a good run on the highway before I finally kick the bucket.

t. e36

>Why'd you lift, you pussy?

>hey i need some gas
>feed me more oil
>lol more gas again pls
>don't take any sharp turns over 25 or I will kill you
>how about you stop turning at all
>LOLROLLOVER
>we just ran out of gas again

>QUIT WEARING THE FUCK OUT OF MY TIRES LATE AT NIGHT IN THAT ONE SCHOOLS PARKING LOT
>FIX MY FUCKING BODYWORK REEEEEE
>Can we go do some more highway pulls, user?

>Thanks for washing me every week

these roads suck.

you suck.

i want to go back to finland where i was assembled.

>Don't drive me this Early in the Morning
>I'm cold
>My breaks hurt

>I'm excited for those headers in the garage collecting dust..
>thank you for trying to treat me nice and letting me wake up before driving hard
>I think I need some Medicine, I'm not feeling well.
>why don't we drive as much as we used to. We would go out every other day. Now it's like once a month
>I miss you

>we used to go out every day and

Pic related

>user, when are you going to drive me again?
>it's cold outside
>i want you to rev my engine up
>i want you to drive me over 130km/h on the highway
>i want to feel you gribbing my steering wheel
>my tires are flat, i'm rusting on the outside
>but i keep hoping that you would use me again, user
>i just know that you will
>please
God dammit

>tfw no comfy garage to work on my car

...

Thanks for the 4th alignment. I know I'm a new Truck and I shouldn't have ruined that set of tires in 18000 miles but I appreciate it.

Checked, but also this. Maybe a bit of "I fucking hate you" too.

>driving normal highway speeds is so boring
>push me a little faster, and faster.
>come on, I know you want to. I have a top speed of 198mph even 150 is no sweat for me.
>I know you installed a radar detector in me. I've got you, just push that pedal down a little further and let me strech my legs.

>You didnt even get me warmed up.
>You call yourself a real man?

I hate short commutes.

"user, it's so hot."

>using wd40 as penetrating oil

A man's gotta make due. If it's really stuck on, I'll use something called caramba that's a proper rust-loosener. Dunno if they have it anywhere but denmark, though. Usually wd-40 will do the trick for my things.

I assume all of you are sexually attracted to your cars after reading this thread

That's probably not too far off.

ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US

>You take such good care of me user
>It would be a shame If I
>Threw an apex seal

>I got too much junk in my trunk, user please clean that shit up

"i'm like, 3,000 miles past when you were supposed to changed my oil, asshole"

You assume correctly.

"I'm all sludged up, user. HELP ME."

>Oh, you wanna turn? But, I wanna go straight.
>I bet you thought the back end was gonna slide out when you pulled the handbrake, and not the front end.
>Oh, Scandi Flick? NOPE.jpg IT'S UNDERSTEER TIME.
>user, 65 is way too fast, my chassis can't handle it.
>No my transmission isn't slipping, I'm out of gears.
>What's so weird about having the same acceleration uphill as downhill?
>You appear to have forgotten to slow down for this turn. So I guess we aren't gonna make this bend.

My car consistently tries to kill me with understeer.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=90UPb4i3SxQ

>THIS TASK IS BENEATH ME!
>YOU CALL UPON MY STRENGTH FOR THIS?
>IS IT SHOPPING FOR TENDIES? OR IS IT THE COMMUNITY COLLAGE AGAIN? >LET ME OUT!
>*Fuel pump dies*
>I DESIRE SLEEP, AWAKE ME LATER!

>FIX MY MUFFLER YOU DOLT! I CAN ONLY SCREAM! WHY IS THERE NO FLOOR INSULATION? WHAT? I CANT HEAR YOU!

...

'88 Toyo Pickup 4x4

"... huh? What? What do you want, boy? ... We're going somewhere? Euuugh, lemme warm up, ya young buck. You know the right tickatickatick noise to wait for, yer grandpa taught you to wake me up slow... drink yer coffee and we'll get goin soon enough. Black coffee today? Grandpa always had it black too.

...

What's it been now, boy... 8 years? 8 years since he passed? Haha, remember all that damn granite and flagstone he would overload me with??? Or the time I said screw off to the tow dolly because rustbucket Skylark was talkin shit? Good times, boy. He'd be proud that we're rolling 300,000 soon.

Thanks for putting somma his ashes in the glovebox. Keeps me company when yer out on that deathtrap motorcycle.

Oh, we're warm now. Guess I'll getcha to work now, boy. Off ya go."

i was not ready for this feel

>"Zzz..."
>Freshly washed, waxed, and sitting in a cool garage under her cover waiting for the weekend.