Car Crash Greentext Thread

Seeing as I was in my first wreck yesterday, lets have a crash greentext thread. I'll start:

>Be me
>Sitting in back seat with a bomb ass pair of raybands sunglasses on
>Riding in car with GF and two ignoramuses
>Having a fun day, riding around, eating Taco Bell
>Everything is going great until it's time to take ignoramus number two home
>Based ignoramus number one decides that instead of driving directly to ignoramus number two's house we take a detour through a backwoods bumfuck dirt road to get there
>Based ignoramus yells amidst the blaring ACDC, "WE'RE GOIN BAHA RACIN BOYYYSSS!"
>While ignoramus number two is yelling "YEEHHAWWWW" gf grabs my hand tightly and looks me in the eye and says without words, "I didn't sign up for this"
>Herewego.mp4
>Based ignoramus immediately speeds up to 70 mph as we blast accross the dirt road like a bolt of KFCô chicken greased lightning
>Riding along in backseat while thunderstruck plays, gripping gf's hand with a fist of steel
>We make a turn past an old graveyard approaching mach 7
>Boiwasiwrong.jpg
>We make our final turn of the day at 50 lightyears per hour
>as the two decade old Ford Explorer makes the turn, the wheels start to slip
>our direction immediately changes from going along the dirt road to charging ahead at 50 lightyears per hour directly into Shrek's swamp complete with trees and a 5 foot drop off the road
>Based ignoramus notices it and oversteers by 900,000%
>Our direction immediately does a 180 as our car is now traveling sideways towards rough farm tilled soil
>We slide pretty ok for about 1 millisecond before the right side wheels catch on the bumps
>As we hit I hear "THUNDERSTRUCK!" being yelled by Brian Johnson over the stereo
>Now the car flips through the air with the force of a thousand suns
>we roll across the ground, car is upside down, i am suspended by my seatbelt
>sothisiswhatspidermanfeelslikeinaweb.avi

>pic related: The 99 Explorer we were in
cont?

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=HxGoN6vrcPY
twitter.com/NSFWRedditImage

>letting other people drive you

>i frantically look around as gf is screaming for her life
>I noticed the front windshield has evaporated along with the dash and somehow ignoramus number two has already gotten out
>Based ignoramus checks for me, feels me, and escapes
>I gather my senses and reach for the knife based ignoramus had in the back of his seat, realize its on the roof because we are upside down, and push my entire body weight up with one arm so i can undo my seat belt
>Gf is still freaking out as I collide with the ceiling of the car and turn myself upright
>ignoramus number two has found a broken window in the back and directs me to it so i can escape
>Gf manages to get herself out as well
>I stand up, Based ignoramus has blood running down his leg, ignoramus number two is trying to make sure everyone is ok, everyone is confused and screaming
>I emerged without a scratch, aviators still on my face
>I just look at everyone and whip off my glasses
>"Now THAT was fuckin' GNARLY duuude!"

>Be me driving home from work
>Feeling fine, no rush
>Almost home, one last light to get through, and it is green
>As I enter intersection, I see SUV approaching from right, fast
>He doesn't stop, I start doing what I could to steer away and brake
>No good, the joust is on
>During spin I'm thinking, "Compared to hockey, this isn't too bad."
>I get out quick, look at truck, no good to be seen
>I call wife, tell her truck is dead
>I realize I need papers from truck, truck is locked
>Witnesses help me break window for the papers
cont.

>I stay calm, knowing wife and cop won't be mad at me
>Moron walks over to look at my truck while on phone, I'm chilled, so I say, "If only for better days."
>Cop arrives, talks to us, goes to cruiser
>Wife shows up, she walked from home
>I'm cracking jokes
>Cop gives him the ticket, and we're free to go
>Wrecker shows up, we get hooked up on flatbed
>During drive home, find out the wrecker driver is son of coworker
cont.

>Next morning, gotta get going on something
>Have Ranger sitting in yard for 2 years
>Grab battery, not expecting anything good
>Ranger fires up like it has been driven the day before.
>I knew my day just got good
>We make Ranger legal with buddy's help with a ride to state office
>We go to dealership where we bought Expedition
>Not expecting to find much
cont.

>After walking lot for a bit, salesman says hold on....
>He takes us to the rear of the lot where new arrivals are sitting
>Shows us blue F150 supercab
>Same year as Expedition
>Runs better than Expedition
>Less rust cancer
>50,000 less miles
>F150 needs a few small things like tires
>Expedition has good tires and other parts I need for pickup
>We put $2,000 down, finance $3,000 at 2.59%APR
>We cannot believe our luck
>New truck in driveway 22 hours after crash
>Now to move 3 ton rock, and get money from insurance

did insurance finalize your pay-out for the expedition?

looks like a gnarly collision, good thing you didn't have any passengers.

Not yet. They won't be picking it up because I didn't have collision coverage, only comprehensive. The most I might get back is $1,000. I've got an offer to buy it from me.

Real lucky, wife is panicky as it is in cars. Son usually sits where the back of his SUV hit on passenger door. How fast was he going? Fast enough to spin a 3 ton truck with a 2 ton SUV.

I thought the other guy's insurance was going to be footing the bill?

at least, I always thought that's how insurance worked

YOU AND YOUR WIFE SOUND LIKE PUSSYS

your friends though know how to get hektic

I'm in a no fault state. My insurance company represents me when going after his insurance, with a max limit of $1,000, regardless of value of damages or car. If I had collision coverage, my insurance would pay for the total of damages, then try to get reimbursed by his insurance. If we can't get his insurance to pay, then we could go after him in small claims court, still can only claim up to $1,000. All we need is a body shop to sign off that the damage is above $1,000 to satisfy the limit, and our ins. agent will take if from there.

Without a doubt the cringiest greetext I have read in a long ass time. Tried so hard to be funny, but that wasn't funny in the slightest.

>be me
>working nightshift at the sawmill
>finish last shift, thurs night to friday morning
>decide to go for 4 hour drive to visit cousins
>drive for an hour and a half
>fall asleep at top of hill before the river and a curve in the road
>somehow stay in the lines for 3 km
>next thing ya know im waking up behind the wheel
>car is bouncing and rolling through a snowy field
>I crossed incoming traffic and survived somehow
>wheels frigged and am stuck
>hitchhike into town and get a tow truck
>tow truck pulls it out of snowy field
>no tire iron so I ask him to change my tire
>I know people don't like others using their tools and it's his job so why not
>to people driving by it looks like I called a tow to change my tire 15km out of town

Waking up in my car not knowing what the heck was happening for a few seconds was scary as hell yeah it was

I have to put my cat down in the morning and your story cheered me up, thanks OP. Hope everything is chill and works out for you too, other guy.

I only have a sorta entertaining story.
>be 14
>18 yr. old brother has 2003 ford taurus that he drives like a mother bitch
>driving back to the house, got papa johns
>shits delicious.
>notice a beat up 90s pontiac infront of us brake checks us randomly.
>didn't think much, people do that when your brother drives like a mad man.
>suddenly everything flung forward, papa johns flying
>papas in the fucking house
>look up, pontiac crackas slammed on their brakes in the middle of a road, with no exits or intersections anywhere
>the pontiac is totalled
>the taurus does not have a single scratch
>most insane thing I've ever seen
>taurus must've been made out of cast iron skillets
>brother not slightly pissed
>junkies freaking out
>cops come, everything's sorted out
>cop pulls us aside, turns out pontiac junkies were under investigation for instigating wrecks (trying to get rear ended to claim insurance, apparently they had done this before, this confirms it)
>drive home, taurus is totally fine
>eat papa johns that was sitting in the floor of a ford taurus.

>be 10
>car is in driveway
>playing gameboy in back seat while waiting for parents
>look up from gameboy
>car is no longer in the parking lot and there is glass everywhere
>apparently my parents forgot the parking break and it rolled backwards down a hill into a tree
>I didnt even notice because I was so focused on catching the red gyarados

>be in rush hour on 2 hours of sleep
>starting to doze off a bit
>microsleep engaged
>pass out for five seconds
>wake up 50 feet away from the rear of a car going 40 mph
>other car is not moving
>slam on brakes
>abs says lol no
>slam into back of car going 20
>no damage to her rest bumper
>red paint on her white bumper
>month old red paint status: shit's fucking fucked mate
>hood status: crumpled
>front bumper status: completely bonked
>we pull over, agree that neither insurance nor police need to be involved
>now have $800 in repairs at my super cheap local body shop

Fucking end me please. Don't drive sleep deprived anons.

man those second gen explorers are fucking hazards turning at any speed above 30mph

I've got a few.

1 (Shit Luck)
>be me
>drive shitboxes forever and finally have some dosh saved up from new job
>always wanted a WRX cause reasons
>never bothered looking at used ones because I know how I would drive it and I wouldn't buy that car from myself
>go to some dealer ships to see what they have
>decide to just get base model because gonna mod it anyway and I dont care for stuff that comes on the upper trims
>no one has a straight base model WRX anywhere
>fine order me one when its here let me know and ill come pay you
>3 months later its been built and shipped over
>pick it up and drive down to my moms house to take her out for a spin
>on way back to drop her off lady runs a flashing red light and T-bones it
>we get 180ed in the intersection
>get out take a look
>yep somethings fucked
>door caved in
>wheel has ridiculous camber
>I've owned this car for a grand total of 3 hours and it had 65miles on it
>Had 9 miles on it when I picked it up
>probably the maddest I have ever been in my life
If i wasn't with my mom I would have murdered that lady in the street (pic related)

2 (More Shit Luck)
>be me
>still have the WRX
>going to happy hour to get some dinner with a couple friends
>at a red light behind an escape
>out of no where escape reverse lights come on
>wtf.gif
>starts backing up at a fucking red light
>toss my shit in reverse look behind me
>nope car right behind me
>lay on the horn
>still backing up
>CRUNCH

part 2 inc

part 2

>get out walk up to their window
>its a fucking 16year old kid with his mom riding shotgun
>tell him to pull into the gas station very angrily
>his mom tells me to calm down
>tell her to fuck off this is the 2nd time a shit driver has hit my car
>then ask her why the fuck they were going in reverse at a stop light and why did you not look behind you
>pull into gas station and rage smoke a few cigs waiting for the police to show up for a report
>at least she wasn't a shit bag and said it was their fault
100% convinced there is a voodoo curse on that car but i still DD it

3 (The Golf Cart)
>be me
>12 years old
>grandparents live on a private lake
>everyone uses golf carts and 4 wheelers to get around
>down for the weekend with a friend
>out fucking around in the golf cart because when you're 12 power sliding a golf cart is fucking badass
>driving back to the house to get some lunch
>still fucking around
>swerving and shit like that
>fuck up bad and get gas instead of break
>we are going straight into the ditch
>look at friend and tell him bail out as I tuck and roll
>golf car in the ditch smoked a tree stump
>friend apparently froze up and did not bail out
>have to walk the rest of the way to the house to tell my grandpa I crashed his golf cart
>grandpa is kinda pissed but glad we are both ok
>he comes down with the 4wheeler and a strap and pulls it out of the ditch
>still has that same golf cart

still to long part 3 next

part 3 pic goes with story 4

4 (The Bike)
>be me
>always wanted a bike
>never been on one
>fast forward like 4 months
>comfortable riding the bike at normal speed and casual cruising
>decide today I wanna try and go fast
>things going well leaning deeper and going faster than i have
>this is a fucking rush
>working my way back home on the twisty back roads
>taking a turn
>i could get lower and go faster
>lean deeper and give it a bit of throttle
>rookiemistake.webm
>unloaded front tire
>lowside bike
>get away from bike while its sliding
>hobble over and hit killswitch
>then limp to side of the road
>fuck that hurt
>some road rash on my knee
>look at bike laying there
>FUCK
>this gonna be fucking heavy
>pick bike up first try no problem
>that wasn't so bad
>its not leaking anything
>everything looks straight
>ride bike home
>think well if i rode it home ill prolly be ok
>throw some ice on my ankle and foot
>wake up next morning for work
>holy shit i am the walrus
>cant even put on a shoe
>call work
>hey i can't come in today i crashed the bike yesterday and i cant even put on a shoe let alone drive something
>roommate drives me up to the urgent car for some X-rays
>fractured foot and twisted ankle pretty good
>they give me a tard boot and say 4-6weeks for it to heal all the way
Love the bike still, smoothed out all the metal that got scratched up and I just ride it with the fucked up plastic

>driving on a big 30 MPH road
>road is empty
>increase speed to 70 MPH
>approaching corner
>the song Shock Out / Fastway starts playing youtube.com/watch?v=HxGoN6vrcPY
>I can do it
>adrenaline starts pumping
>perform heel-and-toe down shift
>I-I-I'm d-de-drifting
>don't know what to do next
>going too fast
>I can feel my rear tires losing traction
>mfw this is my life now

>>going too fast
>>I can feel my rear tires losing traction
>>mfw this is my life now

Pretty much this tee bee age.

It's called having friends and going out
Go Jack off to your cartoons or suck on yo mama titty

>Be 16
>At small town airshow
>Everything's parked in to fuck and back
>Trying to leave
>People trying to get in
>People trying to get out
>55mph two lane county highway only service for airport
>Police and municipal workers all too busy showing off in front of the firetrucks and amberlamps to actually direct traffic
>Recipe for disaster

>Disaster strikes when Bob in his 80s vintage red minivan goes for it
>Jim in his world rally blue Camry T-bones the fucker doing 55
>Sheet metal doors on bob's van crumple and crunch, sounds just like stomping on an empty soda can
>Van ends up on its side in the median, pedal to the metal
>Camry ends up trunk in the ditch, right side wheels cambered even worse than a stancefag's wet dream
>Everyone stops
>Shit pants, get out of the way
>Amberlamps fires up the siren and whirly lights and drives 300 feet to the scene of the accident
>They grab the jaws of life off the display stand to pry the poor fuckers out
>Step on it and get the hell out of there while everybody's slowed down to rubberneck