History of the world in less than 200 words

Some kind of catasthrophe happens and you have to transmit your knowledge of history in a condensed oral tale. Let's limit it in 200 words. Show us how you would do it.

With jews you win.

People walk around being nomads. People start building cities. People form kingdoms. Nobody like's the Jews. Kingdoms fight. Here come's Rome. Rome conquers all kinds of shit. Here come's Christianity. Here come's Islam. People enter medieval ages. Europe developed. Here comes guns. Modern period. Damn, here come's 2 world wars. Damn, here comes decades long instability in the middle east caused by British attempt to destabilize Ottoman empire and westerners interfiering in someone's else's business. Europe flooded with refugees. Still no one likes the Jews

Rome

I'm from africa
~the end

Stuff happened

And it was real fuckin' neato.

Man rose from the primordial stew. And then it got worse.

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!

Humans steadily formed larger and more complex social structures, developing culture and technology at an exponential rate.

These developments surpassed the human nature, chiefest being tribalism, and history is predominately tribes utilizing culture and technology to assert hegemony over weaker tribes before collapsing and being absorbed into new tribes, creating periods of advancement and stagnation.

War, peace, and the Internet

Some irrelevant shit happened before 1776 but then in 1776 the great nation of america arose from nothing to become the superpower it is today by beating some irrelevant people.

A fucking kid couldn't get inside an awesome robot.

The mistakes of out elders are repeated as nauseam. The mistake is to assume that everyone else is as awful as you are.

stuff happens
no one learns from it
stuff happens again
no one learns from it
stuff happens again
no one learns from it
etc

--and then it caused the catastrophe that forces me to write this world history synopsis. Sorry 'bout that.

Hitler did nothing wrong.

People want more stuff.
People invent money to trade it for various stuff.
People invent and innovate to get money.
People kill others to get money.
The further you go the more money there is, and it's easier to kill bigger numbers of people.

Rome invented civilization, culture and science.
Christianity happened and destroyed everything, for a thousand years we lived in the barbarous and violent Dark Ages and all knowledge was forbidden by the Catholic Church.
Muslims rediscovered ancient knowledge and gave it to Europe.
This led to the Renaissance, the rebirth of civilization, and also to the Protestant Reformation which destroyed the oppressive power of the Catholic Church and allowed science again.
The two great Western nations, Britain and Germany, invented the modern world through their culture and science and the Industrial Revolution.
Britain conquered the whole world and built the greatest empire of all time.
Thanks to colonialism, Europe plundered the rest of the world and became richer and more advanced than the others.
One of its colonies, America, became independent and built a nation based on freedom and democracy, which surpassed even Britain.
But while the two Anglo powers stood for democracy, Germany was overtaken by nationalism.
This led to the world wars, in which the Anglos saved the world from the murderous Nazism that ruled Germany and conquered Europe.
With the destruction of nationalism the world gradually embraced democracy and Anglo leadership for the good of all mankind.

The gods gave you this destiny. It lies between good fortune and bad fortune, between life and death

Things continually got worse yet paradoxically better.

It's like Nam all over again

Interesting idea, thanks OP. Made me give it a try to convey as much essential information as possible distilled to its simplest form. I got to 200 words exactly.

Single cell, multiple cell, warm blooded, evolution, drama, art, drama, writing, drama, science, drama, rockets, drama.

So basically: a lot of cool shit interspersed with a whole lot of fucking, often pointless, drama.

The end.

A good chunk of it just doesn't work.
You cant use words like medieval, christianity, islam and kingdoms without context.
All of them are meaningless without context of our culture and language.

Tribes
Stones
Bows
Cities
Spears
Shields
Kingdoms
Metal armour
Empires
Swords
Horses
Better bows
Chainmail
Platemail
Crossbows
Guns
Cannons
Grenades
Rifles
Planes
Machine guns
Tanks
Nations
Bazookas
Atomic bombs
Globalization
Sound projectors
Lasers

> Rome invented civilization

>these fucking answers
That feel when realising everyone on this board is 13 years old.

It's like five thousand years ago a car crashed somewhere in Mesopotamia causing a pile-up that still hasn't stopped and just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was Albion.

well yea, but you have to presume the one you are speaking to has some knowledge about our world, if not, you couldn't even describe the car you drive with 200 words, let alone the entire history of human kind

ITT: /k/

Berry picker

No, just egotists

Hunter-Gatherers roam around the world. Some of them start farming in fertile river areas. Cities, Kingdoms, and Empires flourish. This is known as the Bronze Age for their use of Bronze. But then things collapsed when climate went wild and Ironworking happened. New Empires, new kingdoms. Greek civilization is disproportionately influential. Large isolated empire forms in East called ‘China’. Small city-state Rome conquers much, improving on Greek ideas. Collapses under mismanagement and migrating tribes. A religion known as Christianity spreads during this time. Migrating tribes become Kingdoms. A religion known as Buddhism spreads in the East. The followers of a religion known as Islam conquer much. The faiths have a fight. Nomads invade East and West, kill many. They bring a disease that kills a third. Seeking trade to East, Kingdoms explore sea, find Western continents. Natives are quickly subjugated. This pattern repeats across the globe, as Empires form once more. Empires turn on each other as population grows and ideology shifts. Industrialization, the move away from handcraft to machine production, happens. This allows the Empires to fight a VERY bloody set of wars. The Empires fall. New blocs form between victors. One Victor falls, other flounders. Then we died?

Nations are just after rifles.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

I can do it with just three:

>holy
>roman
>empire

...

Jesus Christ

Best so far

Add one more sentence: "meanwhile Asians trade with Europe but generally do their own thing".

best one

not bad

3/10 bait

Iread this in bill wurtz voice

High quality post.

Buddhism spread before Christianity though

Is there a consensus in Veeky Forums as to which book is the best for a brief history of the world?

Least shitty one but still pretty shitty.

Sex and war

Veeky Forums doesn't read books. But if you want my personal opinion read HG Well's outline of history.

Sorry, I meant Veeky Forums

Start with the greeks

Then read guns germs and steel

Also, read Marx, Naomi Klein, read every thread on /r/history and watch every John Green video.

John Green and Guns Germs and Steel.

God makes world, men and angels ruin it, God redeems it, gathers people to live with Him in a new world. The end.

Tbh neither does Veeky Forums they just like to pretend they do.

>Let's limit it in 200 words. Show us how you would do it.

"Diseases are caused by microscopic animals, wash your hands with pure alcohol before preparing food or treating the injured"

People start out as hunter-gatherers. Then they discover agriculture. Due to the abundance of food they multiply like rats and form cities, at first in Mesopotamia, and soon almost all over the world. They develop more and more effective technology to grow food, create tools and kill each other. Large groups of people wage wars, the most successful groups become empires, they try and fail to conquer the whole world. Then from the 15th century people discover ways to contact other people on all the continents. Overseas trade routes develop, some nations create huge overseas empires, other people develop technologies to improve long-distance travelling and communication. By the 20th century all of Earth is one economic system. Meanwhile, the scientific and industrial revolution takes place, which leads to increased technological advancement and production, but also to major pollution. Starvation is mostly solved but this leads to overpopulation by the late 20th century.

People start out as small tribes of hunter-gatherers. Then they discover agriculture. Due to the abundance of food they multiply like rats and form cities, at first in Mesopotamia, and soon almost all over the world. They develop more and more effective technology to grow food, create tools and kill each other. Large groups of people wage wars, the most successful groups become empires, they try and fail to conquer the whole world. Then from the 15th century people discover ways to contact other people on all the continents. Overseas trade routes develop, some nations create huge overseas empires, other people develop technologies to improve long-distance travelling and communication. By the 20th century all of Earth is one economic system. Meanwhile, the scientific and industrial revolution takes place, which leads to increased technological advancement and production, but also to major pollution. Starvation is mostly solved but this leads to overpopulation by the late 20th century. Despite the supposed advancements we have made, everyone feels just as miserable as in the stone age.

OK here is what I'd consider the most essential knowledge we have of what matters most in history, condensed into exactly 200 words:


Man imitates man, in acts and in desire. Thus it is human nature to desire the same things, and violence arises. Violence grows until it consumes all. But it can be satisfied by focusing onto a single one. That is sacrifice, the foundation of order and culture, of gods and myths. Until this truth was revealed and surpassed by Christ.

From sacrifice arose tribes and kingdoms, religions and philosophies, and finally the highest organism of all: civilisations. They are born when cultures align under a common understanding of the world. Each civilisation has a different understanding, but all follow the same path: growth of spirit, concentration into cities, replacement of blood and spirit by gold and intellect, hardening into an empire, stagnation, death. First came Egypt, Mesopotamia, Indus. Then China, India, Greece. Then the Near East, Mayans, Inca. And finally the West.

The West was born from Christianity among the ruins of the empire spawned by Greece, from which it inherited logic. For centuries its twin pillars were the nation of France and the Catholic Church. Their supremacy was broken, but not before creating the philosophy which bore the scientific revolution, a time when human abilities reached previously unimaginable heights.

10/10