Going to the casino tonight whats my best play

Going to the casino tonight whats my best play

not going

Don't go,
So easy to get felonies. Went for the first time ever. Played blackjack. Got 6 felonies in 30min cuz I didn't know how to play.

No one will help you learn. They want you to fuck up. They want to end your life.

my fault completely don't get me wrong but. Know exactly what you're doing before sitting at a table.

Huh? How did you get "felonies"?

I'm not actually familiar with what people at casinos tell people who come out ahead so that they give up winnings, so I'm interested in hearing your story.

By cheating

>whats my best play
Putting your entire savings on red at the roulette table

This. If you do this and win 6 times in a row, you'll never need to work a day in your life ever again

LOL. fucking samefag. gtfo

Craps and Blackjack have the lowest house edge out of all of the games.

Roulette (00 wheel) and the slot machines have the highest house edge out of all the games.

Blackjack you have to find the "rhythm" of the cards being dealt, and bet big when you believe the winners will be dealt that round.

Craps has the next lowest house edge and is 10,000 times more exciting and has better bets that pay more than 1-to-1 and 3-to-2 like Blackjack does.

t. longtime Craps player

It was my 19th birthday. Got drunk of course, casino encourages it...I was drunk when I walked in. I capped my bet after seeing my cards. Thought the dealer saw me do it and didn't say anything because I was playing correctly. Did the same thing 5 more times. So on the 6th time the dealer got all pissed like dude wtf are doing capping your bet. Turns out a patron reported me. I leave table and security approaches me. I started with $60, turned into $300 at a 25$ min table. They brought me into the back room. Literally thought I was about to be murdered. They told me I committed 6 counts of casino gaming cheating. Got arrested, posted my bail of $200 with the money I illegally won. Was able to leave because I did not live in the state.

The cop who arrested me was black and he dropped FOUR of the six felonies. So I only had two on my record. black cops are good cops. The casino security were all fat old white ex-state cops. All assholes who shit on my life the entire time I waited to be arrested.

Still got $13k in state grants for college. So it didn't fuck me over too bad. Also. It was my first offense ever so I did a program to get the cases dropped and charges expunged. Didn't fuck over my education or future.

I never played craps before

Why wouldn't the dealer alert you to your mistake. That's dumb

Lmao no way

He was gook that's why. My fault for not knowing the rules. But he is an idiot for not controlling his table. Had to pay the casino $125 as restitution

Wtf is capping your bet

>capping your bet
apparently adding chips after you've already won.

You are only supposed to bet one time in blackjack. You do it before your cards are dealt. I thought it was like Texas Hold'em cuz I was drunk and had two cards. Thought you were supposed to raise your bet if you thought you had a good hand. Capping your bet is adding to your bet.

Put money on the "Pass Line" when the hockey puck on the table says "OFF." That's your ante.

>Dude or (You) picks up dice
>roll them to end of table

If 7 or 11, you automatically win 1-to-1

If 2, 3 or 12 you automatically lose

If any other number, then the hockey puck gets flipped to "ON" and they slide it to the number that you rolled.

>say dude rolls 6
>the "Point" is now 6
>hockey puck moves to 6

Now you have an unlimited number of times to try and roll the 6 before you roll a 7.

If you roll a six then you win 1-to-1 plus extra Odds for hitting the jackpot number of 6.

While you're trying to roll for the Point number (in this example, the 6), you can place side bets for other numbers to come up.

All of these side bets pay more than 1-to-1, and they ride from roll to roll.

The only number that loses the game is 7 when the hockey puck is "ON".

Get on one hot roll and make thousands while eleven people high five you, people throw you tips for your badass roll and women squeeze their titties all over you and grab on your cock while you're king of the dice table. There's a reason why the Craps table is always going apeshit while the rest of the casino is quiet and pissy, and that reason is the ridiculous payouts and ease of winning consistently.

Blackjack my nigga

How fucking retarded are you?

came here to say this

bruh you shouldn't
>smoke
>gamble
>drink
>eat red meat

might as well stop breathing instead of enjoying life for a bit

don't gamble with money you're not willing to lose OP, plain and simple

>too drunk to understand the double down.

Kek.

Seriously thought that was what I was doing the whole time. I was also dabbed out. not ashamed of the situation anymore

no you idiot, just that casinos are like the heroin of gambling

going to the track and playing poker are fun. black jack and slot machines are just irresponsible

you can smoke weed but cigarettes are for retards

you should be able to drink socially but never excessively unless you have planned everything out beforehand

you should eat red meat for natural protein on days when you exercise, but lean meat is better for eating daily or habitually


you can have fun without being a retard, and smart fun is the best fun because there's never negative consequences to it so the fun is stress free aka more fun

>first time gambling in vegas at 21
>new years as my 21st was the 30th
>craps table
>loving atmosphere, making a little money
>I become the shooter, take a drink, roll 3 yo's and a 7 in a row, everyone goes wild
>one old woman kept betting on the horn yo so she made a shit ton
>hit a 5 or something
>hit 5
>win
>hit another 5
>hit 5
>win again
The table went absolutely insane and I felt like the king of the god damn world

You place the cheques next to the first pile -- not on top of them -- before you take your first card after the original two have been dealt.

I respect your opinion but still think you're a faggot

Like I said, it's the best fucking game in the whole casino!

That's a damn good come-out roll dude. Repeaters are the best kind of shooters there are.

Last time I was in Vegas, it went my friend, Dad, Mom and me.

Friend has dice for 30 minutes, dad has dice for 45 minutes, Mom (first time playing) has dice for TWO FUCKING HOURS, finally sevens-out, I have dice for thirty five minutes. We took the whole goddamn bank off the table and cashed it out. We did $25,000.00 from $200.00 between all four of us. Harrah's has not stopped sending me comp. shit ever since.

Accuse someone else of cheating and try to scoop up a bunch of chips in the chaos that ensues!

When did Keanu Reeves get a boobjob?

he went to the casino and lost a bet

>tfw you forget you're on a board with IDs

>tfw you're either very stupid or trolling me

see

holy shit. that fucking sucks. Where was this? I thought most jurisdictions don't allow gambling for below 21yo's (especially serving alcohol)

Everything on black, trust me.

There are better ways to blow your money. But if you're going to play, play poker against another player. At least that way you aren't playing against the casino in a rigged game.

Pay for the hooker first, then go gamble.

Most states restrict it, but most indian-land ones restrict it to 18

>all on red
>roulette plays green

What the utter, fucking, absolute fuck?

This has to be some "penis inspection day"-tier ruse, right?

Just open a 50X leveraged Forex account

what the fuck man, you did so many things wrong i'm infuriated just by reading your post.
you could have avoided all this bullshit so easily
why didn't you consult with a lawyer ? you could have gotten all those bullshit charges dropped in a second. it looks like you got tricked into admitting guilt in the back room

Pick a female and let her choose.

>"you can smoke weed but cigarettes are for retards"
>Kids these days actually think pot is better for you than tobacco just because blunts don't come in a box that says "CAUSES CANCER" on the every visible face

So here's what you do. First, get a room at the casino. Then go to the bar and look for a good looking young woman, dressed nicely, and who is not obviously there with anyone.

Go up to her and as her for the " $500 Trump special". She'll know what it means. You will fork over the 500 and have a great time.

This is your best play when at the casino.

>watch someone cheat repeatedly, in the open, no attempt to be sneaky, obviously just a mistake
>let it happen 6 tims and then arrest them
these "people" should be gassed.

btw these are the same shitbags that run games where you can "cheat" by thinking about what's going on and playing logically.
Just fucking kill everyone, best play at a casino.

>legally agreeing to getting robbed
Might as well invest in bitcoin, lad.

Jus lost $600 on slots

This except you meet gentlemen in the bathroom $20 each because casino prices. Wear kneepads.

What the fuck did I just say in ?!

Why even ask for advice when you don't listen to it, OP?!

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Decide how much you want to win. Go to the roulette table and pick one with a return you want. Save yourself some time.

But what if you're not a fucking pussy and like the thrill

00 dubs confirms bet on 00 to win confirmed.

I thought in blackjack they either deal from a really big shoe or shuffle it every time or so often to make any form of counting impossible.

>different house edges
Shut up
You are so dumb, holy shit. The house edge is so rediuouskious huge in every game you listed, it doesn't matter if one is slightly lower.
>what's my best play.
Sports betting, but go away, gambling is for plebs.

moderationFam

>smoke
Intentionally breathing in smoke and getting addicted to it? I hate to sound like a smartass, but why was this even a thing? You get 1 nicotine buzz to start off with then it is cravings from then on. If your brain needs drug to fire up, go to a doctor and get a low dose of adderall or something.

>gamble
How is this less fun than a video game? The psychological buzz? If you're that neurotic you could probably find something else that doesn't chip into your savings.

>drink
Nothing wrong with this unless you have addiction problems. Moderate drinking is actually better than excessive drinking, the optimal 2 drinks maximizes the buzz.

>eat red meat
The problem isn't red meat, it is excessive calories and the main culprit is excessive sugar packed into many processed foods which makes your blood sugar skyrocket then drop down below normal making you feel hungrier for the same amount of calories. Again, moderation is best, by strategically avoiding these foods you can enjoy a nice steak without guilt.

kys

Blackjack is fun, craps is fun because youll likely have no fucking clue whats happening, roulette is fun but the casino will rape your pockets

If you follow a basic blackjack chart you'll have around 45%-49% chance of beating the system. It's still not good, but it's one of the best odds you'll find in a casino. If you're smart enough to learn a basic card counting strategy you can bet high when you know you have a higher chance of winning and bet low when you have a worse chance of winning.

wait for a colour at the roullete to come 5 or 6 times in a row. bet on it after.

except that each spin is unique and color streaks are merely incidental

how the fuck do you not know how to play blackjack

this motherfucker wanders through his own house talking to himself

Yeah, 0.42% is HUGE compared to 16% - 22%.

Play a game where you win 49.58% of the time versus playing a game where you win 28% of the time.

Wew!

Play some 1/2 and nit the fuck up

Each casino has different methods of play.

Sometimes you are able to find single-deck tables, but for the most part casinos stick to an eight-deck shoe, and use the yellow card as the marker to throw folks off "the count."

Shoot dice. It's much more lucrative and much more exciting than sitting on a stool and tapping the table in silence.

The only games in a casino actually worth playing are blackjack, and craps. Play blackjack if you consider checkers a complicated game, and don't like to have to think while playing. Play craps if you enjoy strategy games.

Either way get drunk, but not trashed.

is that a man?

Also, don't go to a casino you fucking fool.

Take what you are personally willing to lose/pay for a night of good fun

Tell yourself youre gonna lose it 400%

If you do win dont let your winnings run, cash out if you hit 20%

100 dollars roulette, bet on black.

Win walk away and go home

Blackjack advantage play

No way the dealer can pretend he didn't see you adding chips. They have to know all bets before dealing the cards. You've been crooked.

not that adnon but sometimes if you tip the shit out of them they might let one slide. and i mean like 1.

Blackjack is always the best, last, and only answer. Stay away from the pseudo-blackjack games if you can.

Blackjack basic strategy won me on average 200$ a night, casino manger hates this! Local NEET with one simple trick the casinos don't want you to know!

I double my bet everytime I win a hand, reset my bet to the minimum when I lose. Sometimes the deck (or shoe, more likely) is sweet or shitty. It's simple but it works, mostly.

This. For the strategy to fail, you would need to loose like 5-6 times in a row. Which could happen, but it's a small chance of happening.

Keep in mind, if you reach the max bet limit on one table, it's not over, walk over to a higher stakes table and continue your run there. Then return to the lower limit table again when you reset for a new run.

How does this even work?
Blackjack is 21 so you have to either hit 21 or the dealer bust right?
Teach me to gamble anons i never had a dad

Much easier for you to look up the rules for blackjack and play on Yahoo Games or someshit than to explain the rules.

But yeah, you (and all the drunk cow-boy hat wearing faggots sitting next to you) play against the dealer's hand.

Only ask because I watched casino again recently.
Btw how dumb would it be to arm rob a big casino in Reno or Vegas
Just to get black listed

If you try to rob a casino you'd be shot to death.

>pot
>damage your health in exchange for getting high and having fun
>cigarettes
>damage your health in exchange for fucking nothing

buy some shitcoin much better then a casino

Wrong.

The trick in blackjack is to have a higher card total than the dealer. If you go over 21, you lose. There are statistical strategies to have a higher likelihood of having a higher hand than the dealer, or having the dealer bust.

It's a good game if you're too retarded to understand more than adding, and enjoy sitting at a table, saying nothing while you win even money.

If you have half a brain then play craps.

play poker
It's not rigged for you tolose because you're playing against other people, rather then you playing against the house, so it's a fair game

bet on red

Lel, you're still at a statistical disadvantage with basic strat and will lose money over the long term.

Literally the only time it is profitable long term, or advantageous to vary bets, is if you are counting cards or have the dealer or someone else doing some kind of advantage play for you.

What you've said is almost some inverse martingale bullshit.

FPBP

It was i lost $600 in like 2 hours not going for another couple of months ughhhhhh no worse feeling than being poor and loosing money

Lmao @ ur life

At least i still have my trusty bitcoin and eth

>no tumblr dogs coins

Do you even into coin of the future?

>I'm a retard, what is my best play?

Try killing yourself and reincarnate into an animal that isn't braindead.

You are at a disadvantage if you play perfect basical strategy but only flat bet.

My technique is averaging bets so I make money increase bets during a good run and flat bet during the bad ones. Its simple but I do okay. Not going to make a living off it or anything.

You're still at a disadvantage unless you are keeping track of high/low card densities and using that to influence your bets.

bring max of 100 bucks only in cash
play penny machines

I won 3000 starting with 100 in roulette. Got lucky playing with dollar chips. When I ran out of dollar chips I had roughly 12-14 $25 chips in front of me. Started betting single numbers with the $25 chips and hit like 5-6 times.

Nice that is my favorite game so far i won 1700 on a dollar slot a couple months ago think the irs will care if i dont pay taxes

>think the irs will care if i dont pay taxes

lol I think if you ever won enough for that to be an issue the casino gives you a form.

Yeah it was a small jackpot i got one :(

As far as I know, you can win up to $6k and not report it to the IRS.