How do I become a hitman?

Seriously though, how do I do it?

How do I advertise my services and ensure customer satisfaction?
Any hitmen IRL know anything?

I thought a hit was just to pay off debts and maybe a few grand.

For regular pay, try out as a special forces sniper.

I was thinking more of a killer for hire.

Nothing brutal or messy just a knife to the brain or an ice pick to the spinal cord.

Fuck, I'm not trying to strangle someone to death. As simple as possible, hell even poisoning someone for $.

First, call the FBI and let them know you're considering a career change. They'll be able to guide you in the right direction. However, on the off chance you're not FBI, join the army and then look at CIA when you're out. Then, you'll likely get the chance to take a suitcase full of money to some Pakistani to go kill another Pakistani. The CIA will give you $200k. You take $100k of that and boom, you're kind of a hitman. It's how they did it in Vietnam so probably still the same.

Most of the offers will come from the feds.

You need to ply your trade outside the US but not in Latin America or Canada.

Try a quasi nice place that is also sort of lawless like Egypt, Turkey, maybe a former soviet republic. Advertise through the dark web but do your ad for your country. Still its kinda too risky because you get caught you might get tortured to death which is no fun.

Get a resume of hits, take encrypted photos of all your kills but bar out the eyes because you are classy like that. Victims who come upon that will appreciate your work and maybe come to you to kill their own enemies.

You can live in the USA once you get a serious clientele and cred. If you somehow live through pulling off asssassinations in Afghanistan, you can probably work on rep alone so you don't need to stick your neck out. Congrats you now are one of the maybe 10 working hitmen in the USA but you'll probably still die at some point.

make an app. put it in the app store. be the uber of murder for hire.


and call it muber

>bar out the eyes because you are classy like that

Micro or Macro? What college?

This right here. A proper hit should come from an established handler or someone within the organized crime community that cannot possibly be a narc. Arrange everything in person when possible. Always speak in double entendres. Never explicitly say how and when you'll do something. If they give you a time and a place, you're gonna get fucking busted.

Start with your local gang and get blooded first before you try to move onto the big cash. Build a reputation.

have a chat to your local law enforcement

Actually, you'll probably be given a contract to kill another hitman that they didn't actually want to pay. But, don't worry, they will surely pay you.

asshole i just spit coffee all over my redit

Create the modern day Morag Tong from The Elder Scrolls series. Look up their article and get started.
>>tl;dr an organization that accepts writs (legal documents) to kill someone. They follow strict rules and operate like a business.

>kill people for practice
>git gud
>make business cards

There ya go

>assassinations in Afghanistan give you cred

There was a local warlord in the area I deployed to last time that was famous for skinning his enemies and leaving them on the trash heaps outside the main city so dogs could finish them off. Even small time dudes would beat prisoners to death, cage them naked in connexes until they froze or gang rape them with their pals before finishing them off by stirring up their guts with a broom handle.

You're not going to make your reputation in Afghanistan.

Fly to el paso. Walk across the bridge to juarez. Go about two blocks down to the left and look for the streets lined with pharmacies. Go up to one of the dudes with prescription pad that stand outside the stores. They work for the cartels. Tell them you want to apply. Profit.

Get a rx for some oxy while you're there.

garrote wire and throw them over your shoulder. 3 seconds. No mess.

Ask about it on an online east korean fruitbasket enthusiast forum that totally isnt anonymous, that will probably get you good advice and will not get you arrested at all

idk, last time I was on Oxy and did a hit I vomited all over the body. DNA everywhere

Go to the Philippines, especially with the crackdown on drugs by Rody Duterte. Pay a generous bribe to a PNP officer and they just might let you know who needs to be liquidated.

Serious non-business question.

How can you guys just kill someone with no remorse? Im an autistic neet who has hated everyone around me growing up; especially in highschool, but i dont think i could live with myself if i killed someone.

Afghanistan sounds like a bad time

Relax, op's just a raging edge lord who wants to be worth something. Some people become sjw's and some become edgelords. Either way they're special snowflakes.

you kill someone and then have them leave a testimonial on your website

Hitman here, AMA

If you want to work in America or Canada, this is how you do it:

Figure out what bars and social clubs gangsters - not nigger hoodrats, real gangsters like the mafia or bikers - hang out, and start hanging out there yourself. Eventually, you'll find yourself in a fight or disagreement with somebody. Kill that person. The others will catch on that you did it, and start respecting you and bringing you closer in. At that point you'll be able to offer your services. If you're awkward or fearful at all you have no chance, just to let you know

Kill yourself

Do you prefer your apples cut into slices or would you rather eat the thing bite by bite without cutting it?