Can we have car-related stories? Whether driving or fixing, funny green texts

Here we see the Fattus Americanus attempt to calculate a simple numerical problem. Alas, it is a well known fact that the size of the Americanus' brain is far smaller than others of the great ape family, seen by the obvious fucking failure to work out simple maths I mean come on lads its 16+4 christ I need to get off this board.

>attempts to rip into American for not knowing simple arithmetic
>throws basic sentence structure and grammar out the window while doing so

You mean at the end of what I said? It was intentional. And if you're going to tell me that they were intentionally coming to the wrong answer I'll fucking neck myself.

>buy and drive my first car
>2008 Ford Fiesta zetec 1.25
>sweating on way back from dealership, first time I've driven on left side (Britfag but drove a lot in US and Europe)
> can't figure out my road positioning
> destroy a parked car's side mirror and sweat more

>day after
>driving down country lane
> have phone in hand
> drift into other lane
> almost get killed head on by a defender

I sorted my shit out QUICKLY after these times but it scared me how dangerous I could be to myself and others. Now I go apeshit on anyone texting or generally being a reckless cunt

Thats a very sad story user, I hope you're doing ok now

Go to sleep Kevin.

>buy first car a week before getting license
>1986 MB 190e 2.3
>5sp rare in the US
>excited about my sweet new Euro sports sedan
>start daily driving, feels awfully slow, perhaps something wrong?
nope, just 119hp moving 2600lb
>carried surprising amount of speed once going
>1 year after i got it (to the day) i was late for something
>attempting to wrestle it around a curvy back road
>see cop ahead, hit brakes, brakes suck but slowing down
>pulls me over
>gives me a ticket for 62 in a 30, made me look at radar myself

Didn't know at the time but must've been doing 75. Still zero idea why I didn't get a reckless driving too

You should have changed the story for the internet's sake, user.
>It obviously had at least 1 broken leg, and was running on pure adrenaline.
>Took that poor dog home with me
>Fed it and patched it up the best I could
>Owners never came for it, so she was now mine I guessed
>Found out at vet that she might lose her leg
>Pay to have it removed, decide to keep her and buy her a wheelstand to help walk
>Little buddy kept me company throughout my divorce, and generally made me feel better about life.
>Eventually learned to walk without the wheel.
Little 3-legged Lexi is now 8 years old.

>had my license for 2 years
>bought a new car (civic type r ep3)
>1 month later
>race friend
>going 140 in an 80 zone
>didn't know the area so got caught by speed camera
>$700 fine and lost my license for 12 months

Oh well.

youtube.com/watch?v=4ud0TImHgVo

>Used to work retail at the other end of the city
>highway there
>highway back
>worked closing shifts so late nights were my thing

>I remember the drives back home
>the city lights passing by
>passing the red tail lights
>there wasnt a care in the world in my head driving home
>it was just me, my car, the road, and the night sky, littered with all kinds of lights
>I knew every bob, crack, and bump on those ill repaired highways
>i burned a lot of gas and racked up plenty miles but i felt it ok since i felt so good coming home

>that was last year
>ive got a new job
>its much closer, so i save gas, but its on residential streets
>i cant stand hitting 5 reds in a row
>i want to feel free
>i want to feel at home

if anyone asked me what peace was, i'd tell them it was 30 over

Stories from initial d - noocastoole stage

>small town
>nothing much to do except drive down country roads and to the dock
>driving to Maccys with the lads
>country road
>first guy takes off in raceastra
>most of the other people take off with him
>can't drive fast because I'm bussing these thots in my car
>friend drives around me like he's being chased
>he is
>by literally the most non threatening car ever made
>a yellow Volkswagen Beetle
>a fucking beetle
>fat bald Manlet at the wheel
>jesuschristtakethewhel.jpeg
>chase after them
>thots start reverting back into their primal state screaming that I'm going to fast
>I'm in the Z O N E
>relatively straight road but theirs a invisible bend at the end which is just bush and the farmers field
>he's too focused on me rather than the road
>activate brakes way before the bend because it's a 10 marked bend so anything over 30 means your fucked
>the beetles chucking in more gas into the chamber then Germany in 1945
>suddenly brake lights then a bang
>the beetle disappears into the farmers field
>whatthefugg.gif
>drive away because I don't want the police to tear me a new arsehole

more?

>the beetles chucking in more gas into the chamber then Germany in 1945

Shit boxes are made to bump/be bumped by shitboxes. It's the truck's like twice that weight so it's like a hyundai slammed them at twice the relative speed he did.

we wuz fizziks n shiet

>be me
>buy first car
>burns unhealthy amount of oil
>buy second car
>burns unhealthy amount of oil
Maybe I should stop buying old cars.

>have to use RPMs to gauge how fast im going

Is it weird that I only look at my RPMs?

who No Speedo here

Cool story brah

>be me
>Friend from school has his last day of classes
>we both normally ride the bus
>Decide to go pick him up and surprise him Unlike him I have a car just don't like driving it to school cuz all the cars at my jr. uni are shit
>Hot day
>Park at McDonald's outside school
>Notice weird sound coming out of some car probably some junker
>Get out to go find friend
>Notice antifreeze all over parking lot leaking from car
>Notice steam flowing out of hood
> I'm screwed
>Walk down street almost crying
>Friend sees me as he is walking to the bus stop
>Decide to take bus home with my friend
>Call dad
>Says to fill car with water and drive home slowly (12 miles away)
>Have only a small water bottle and almost empty
screw that just call your friend who has a trailer or something
>Continue sitting at bus stop mopping feels bad man
>Bus is 5 minutes late
>Dad says no one will want to tow because too dangerous have to call tow truck
>Extremelyscrewed.jpg
>Mind is running at a million miles per hour worried about getting towed or ticketed for
the coolant mess.
>notice grocery store across street.
>Lightbulb in.jpg
>Ask friend if would rather help or keep waiting for bus
>Thinks car will be faster so offers to help.
>Go buy 5 gallon jugs of water.
>Poor into what I think is the coolant hole.
>Fill all the way and notice another hole next to it labeled Engine Coolant
>What did I just do??!???
>.jpg
>Tell friend to fire it up.
>Everythings go
>Let sit for a min. No overheat
>Random lady comes to window
>Asks for a jump
>DOES IT LOOK LIKE THIS "THING" CAN GIVE JUMP??!??
>she gets all offended cuz I wont give her a jump doesn't realize shes standing in my coolant mess
>Byebye.jpg
>left a big coolant puddle mess in McDonald's and felt really bad about it
>Dad said would have to pull over multiple times most likely to refill water
>made it all the way home and even to friends house without the temperature needle
even hitting the middle.
>Felt good man

You're lucky. Did he nail you with a ticket or did you give him the "I didn't know officer my speedometer must've been fucked it's an old car haha" schtick?

oh Ive got a story of a dog getting hit
>have neighbor that bought house next to me just for breeding dogs and storage.
>I feed the dogs and watch over the house for him since he only visits once a month
>One day he decides to build a new fence that allows the dogs to play in the backyard instead of the small side yard.
>hes not the greatest landscaper so we build the "fence" out of an old skateboard ramp I dumped in his yard (a full halfpipe)
>He insists on putting a gate/door on our new fence even though its easy to just climb over.
>Installs gate and secures it shut with shoe lace.
>Go over next day to feed dogs its dark out
>dont bother untying gate string because can just jump over it.
>feed the 3 dobermans and leave
>Opening the front gate I hear a dog walking over
>Notice the shoe lace gate is wide open and one of the dobermans has escaped and is walking towards me
>before I can even move the dog runs out of the front gate into the street.
>Can't chase it because its dark and they're fast
>decide to attempt to mend fence so other 2 dogs don't get out
>finish and go back to front gate
>escaped dog is there about to come back in but sees me and knows it will be in trouble so runs back into street
>hear car smack and loud cry
>ohfuck.jpg
>see dog laying in road with a car behind it shining its lights
>run out to scoop it up
>it bites the shit out of me
>stand back and nurse wounds
>dog limps back to yard and lays down
>say thank you to car that stopped so I could see it
>Call neighbor to tell him what happened
>hes mostly concerned about me suing him cuz of the bites
well the dog lived and even went on to have a few puppies a few months later and my neighbor bolted the gate on. I felt really guilty because my neighbor probably thought I had let the dog out

Amen brother

21 is a kid.

This was the fakest thing I've ever read, it hurt to get through the whole thing, Jesus
>saved up like 4k to buy a meme car at age 16 working part time
Ya ok

>4k
>lot of money

nigga i made that shit mowing lawns at 12

That's hardly the least believable part, considering that 16 year olds have basically zero expenses.

Was the part about about you splitting with your wife and sobbing in the parking lot actually relevant to the woman hitting the dog? Or are you just looking for pity (You)s?

I'm all for scaring cunts and fucking with them but its pretty ducked up to destroy their property just because they triggered you.

Ya ok

I bought a car for 6k at 15. Saving up as a teenager is easy

I've got something related.

>Be me
>Be 18 at the time
>Borrow my moms jeep to go get grocieries late at night with friend
>Sitting at interection waiting to get on highway
>Roads are dead in terms of traffic
>See a german shepard running across other side
>Ohshit.jpg
>Golden kia minivan is blasting through
>Had to be at least doing 90
>BANG
>Dog goes flying 20 feet into a ditch
>Kia floors it
>Flash hazards and pullover
>Dog is trying to move but cant
>Comfort the poor guy and lay with him until he passes
>Owner fucking screeches through intersection a few minutes later
>Asks me if ive seen the dog
>Tell him what happened
>The guy starts bawling
>He constantly says his name, carries him to his car and hauls ass outta there
>Proceed to get grocieries while i keep an eye out for that van

I feel bad for them both, that shit was heartwrenching to see unfold.

Fuck korean cars and their owners.

I said ya ok, what do you want?

>be 15
>friends parents out of town
>house_party.exe
>ff to 4 am
>only 5 of us still awake but completely smashed
>friend finds his moms car keys
>we all pile into his moms shitbox civic
>speeding around for a bit
>stop to smoke a j
>ask if I can drive
>"yep, but it's too windy to light the joint
>"lets find a better spot first"
>friend jumps back in the driver seat
>we get in
>cop starts tailing us
>kid panics and runs stop sign
>whoop whoop
>car impounded

sucka lol

>be me, 18~, just sold my first truck
>see truck body style near house for sale
>stop on the way to work, get number
>get to work, call, set up a time to see check it out the next day
>get woke up next day from phone call from the owner, completely forgot about it
>hop out of bed and drive to see truck half asleep
>check out truck, it's clean as fuck
>test drive it and immediately fall in love with it
>pay owner full asking price without jewing any
>had only been for sale a day and a half
>drive home, check out glove box
>find OG owner's manual signed by the old man, find the OG window sticker, and an entire list of maintenance since the truck was new.
>almost cried

Driving that truck home the first time was the best feeling in the world, and I doubt I'll ever feel it again.

Also, the old man that owned it must have had bad memory, I have found 3 different Hide-A-Key's on the truck since I've had it, once as recently as a month ago.

based old people
thats how i scored a 28yo car with less rhan 150000 km

the first picture I took of it, sadboi

>be me 3 years ago
>just got in a fight with my girlfriend
>driving home just feel the urge to go fast
>start driving like a dick for the hell of it to keep my mind off the fight
>do about 40 around a corner
>at the time I was in my piece of shit impala so terrible body roll
>lose control around the corner and wrap it around a telephone pole
>cant believe i survived
>get out make sure I'm all there
>look at my car and say oh brother I throw it in the gutter and go buy another

Pic unrelated
>Be me
>Soldier, came back from Afghanistan less than a week ago.
>Buddy flying out Saturday to go on leave. Asks me to drive him to the airport.
>I agree, but I also decide to go with some friends to the beach in Seattle earlier that evening, since ole' boy's flight doesn't leave till like 3 AM.
>Get to beach with friends, no parking.
>So being unfamiliar with big cities. I park at an apartment complex, thinking they won't mind for a few hours.
>Around 1100PM. Decide to go to my car and pick up ole' boy who lives 70+ miles from Seattle.
>Cars been towed. FUCK!
>Call towing company and walk to their impound lot.
>Get car out well after paying $300
>It's well past midnight know.
>Ole boy calls me and asks if I'm on my way.
>I tell him I'm just leaving Seattle
>He tells me if I'm not there in 45 minutes he'll just cancel his flight.
>Drive like a bat out of hell, out of Seattle and blast through the back roads to his house.
>Get there a little over an hour before his flight leaves.
>He gets in my car, I don't go below 75mph on the backroads and start doing 110+ once we get on I-5 (It's like 2:00 AM at this point)
>ole boy's worried he's not gonna make it.
>I get to the airport and he tells me he'll call if he's missed his flight.
>I wait twenty minutes and no call. Start driving back home to Tacoma.
>Sleepy af
>Get home, too tired to get out of car. Fall asleep in driver seat.
Next day
>Text ole' boy and ask him how his flight was.
>He said he got in, checked in, and waited at the terminal for 15 minutes before they started boarding.

It was both the most fun and most rewarding experience behind the wheel of a car.

>>Fill all the way and notice another hole next to it labeled Engine Coolant
>>What did I just do??!???
>>.jpg
What was it you ended up filling up, user?

He probably just put it into the radiator instead of the overflow.

Crazy Taxi is a rewarding game

>be in college, live on campus
>parents live an hour away
>waste a lot of time smoking weed and playing vidya instead of studying
>run out of weed one day
>friend says he knows a guy who might have some, lives 3 hours away
>wait until parents go to work
>hitch ride to parents house, take their minivan
>drive like a maniac to dealer's house
>the fucker isn't there even though i told him i was coming
>wait a while and he finally shows, we make the deal
>only have 1.5 hours to get the fuck home and return the van before parents find out
>somehow manage to drive 100mph the whole way back in an old-ass van carrying an ounce of weed without getting pulled over or arrested
>return van in time, walk a few blocks and get a ride back to college. parents had no idea i was even there.

kind of makes me sad thinking about it, that was my fucking loser phase.

>be in high school
>driving a base model FWD subaru legacy, breddy nice car for a broke ass teenager
>there's a grassy field a few blocks from my house that's pretty isolated
>weekend comes, decide to go smoke with friend
>i drive us to the field, no one's around, nice
>we get lit and chill for a while
>decide to go get food, drive out of the field and get ready to turn left onto paved road
>it had been raining the day before and the field was pretty muddy, but i didn't know because we never left the car
>see a gap in traffic and i gun it
>make it halfway into the street before i realize mud caked tires have zero grip
>severe understeer and i'm headed into a ditch
>yank the wheel to the left and overcorrect, now i'm fishtailing toward the wrong side of the street
>look up, there's a fucking dump truck barreling toward me
>time slows down and suddenly i'm ice cold focused
>feather throttle and countersteer out of the skid
>manage to get back into my lane just as the truck passes
>anal sphincter unclenches
>friend is scared shitless
>mfw i go home later and dad asks if i saw the muddy tracks some jackass left in the road near our house

>cruisin' around with cute petite hippy indian chick in my XJ cherokee sport with the 4.0 I6
>not a very quick car despite the top trim engine
>ridiculously overboosted power steering had zero feel, could make 3 point turns with just a pinky
>be stopped at red light waiting to turn left
>very familiar intersection, driven here a million times
>tryna get some of that indian poontang, chatting her up and not really paying attention
>suddenly light turns green. without thinking i just floor it and make the left.
>meanwhile a whole line of cars on the opposite side was getting ready to go, and they had the right of way. i cut all of them off.
>first in line was a cop.
>FUCKING SHIT
>girl is like, 'you just cut off that cop!'
>get pulled over
>cop comes up and is like, wtf are you doing?
>'uh, i forgot i was supposed to wait.'
>he just kind of looks at me and tells me to cool it.
>no ticket, not even a warning. just lets me go.
>looking back i think the cop decided not to give me a hard time in front of the girl i was trying to impress.
>thanks piggy bro.

>"How dare they text and drive! They could wreck into me!"
>Wreck into them to show them the error of their ways

Logic

what's up with all you virgins all having memories of smoking weed with other male friends? you guys gay or something? ;) how about you fuck some women?

bought a 2001 neon with 120 000 km for 600 euro like that this year lol.

Nice projection

>FWD Subaru Legacy
What now?
As standard? But the boxer engine's driveshaft is longitudinal?

just saying man. smoking blunts in a field with other teenage boys sounds pretty gay to me ;)

yeah the BC (first gen) legacy was FWD standard with AWD as an extra cost option. this was before subaru decided to market themselves on AWD everything.

>be driving in my shitbox Corsa
>going up a hill on my regular commute
>have to shift down to 2nd
>somethingbadhappened.png
>cant put the little bitch in to gear
>fuck
>engage brakes, put hazards on
>pull up handbrake, hardly holds the car because it's loose as fucj
>can't even put it in gear in case it rolls
>wind blowing strongly, car somehow holds on hill
>traffic in both directions as I've broken down on a narrow part of this hill
>have to wait for recovery and I stand in dog shit on the pavement
>mech confirms linkage is fucked
>towed home, repair next day
>still own the car to this day, love that little fucker really

>delivering my brother's MK1 MX-5 to him in Cornwall from Midlands
>have phone out on the passenger seat
>go to check the time cos the clock is way off
>drift onto rumble strip on the hard shoulder within a couple of seconds
Never touched my phone while driving since.

>One of my last driving lessons
>Driving on a narrow backroad in a residential area
>Cars parked on both sides, our car barely fits inbetween so I'm going slow af
>Suddenly the engine of a truck parked to our left starts
>Hit the horn and accelerate slightly
>Truck still drives into the left side of our front axle
>Truck stops after almost pushing us into the car parked on the right
>Driver gets out
>Manlet hillbilly with dyed blonde mullet
>My driving teacher who's a bit of a choleric throws a fit but doesn't get physical
>10 000€ of damage
>Car was almost new, I was one of the first students to learn in it
>Have to give my witness report
>Everything's covered by insurance
During my practical exam I also tried to start driving in 3rd gear by accident and went 70 on a 50 street but somehow still got my license

>friends and I leave restaurant
>All get in my car, 2000 intrigue
>FWD for days
>Pull out of parking lot
>I say jokingly "yo guys check out this sick drift"
>Floors it and turns hard
>loud *Clunk* noise from under the car
>Mfw

Damn, thats more effort put into that sign than my senior design project.

Late Evening, hanging out with two friends im rural area
>One is an alcoholic
>Is in bad mood, lamenting about stuff as usual
>"I'mma put myself on fire"
>Grabs can of terpentine and leaves
>Friend and me ignore drama queen
>5 Minutes pass, he's still not back
>Oh boy, he's goofin' around for sure
>Go outside to take a look
>He agitatedly stumbles towards us
>"We gotta leave, shtf, crap etc."
>Drive to convenience store in other friends car
>On the way back he tells us, he's poured that stuff over a car's hood and lit it
>It was an upper class sedan on top of it
>We're jokin' with him, that he's ruined the paint of the whole front and has to pay for the repairs
>He's shittin his pants
>Drive through hairpin turns, see flashing blue light behind the corner
>In a distance of 100 meters you can see firefighters struggling with a fuckin inferno
>Car's completely ablaze, tires, trunk, cabin, everythin
>Guy looses his marbles, friend and me are amazed by that sight
>Turns out he's poured that stuff into the ac inlet, underneath the windscreen
>Police asking around the following days, have no clue yet
>He can't remember where he threw the can, shittin his pants
>Noone ever found out it was him

That's the story of booze-buddy and he has many more

What a fucking manchild.
No that's flattering him, manteenagegirl.