Locked out of 2003 Forester

What a shitshow. 2003 Subaru Forester, worked fine a few days ago. The next day, I get in and turn the key. Nothing. No sounds, no lights, nothing. I get out, lock it, and ride my bike to work. The next day, I go up to it to take a look. I figure the battery is dead or something, might have left a light on inside by accident. I hit the button on the remote to lock, and nothing happens. I stick the key into the lock on the door, and nothing happens. My best guess is that this is happening because the battery is dead. But from what I know, I need to be inside the car to open the hood to replace the battery.
What should I do?

>stick the key into the lock on the door, and nothing happens

Try turning it.

>I stick the key into the lock on the door, and nothing happens.
Try turning the key.

I am well aware of what terrible shape the car is in as seen in this photo. It had been sitting for a year under a pine tree and all sorts of shit had grown over it. I also did not buy this car, it was half gift, half free car no one else in the family wants. It was the family car before my parents got a larger outback to replace it, since the kids were growing up and needed more room in the back.

I did that, forgot to mention it in the main post. Still nothing.
It's the keyhole on the driver's door. There is no other keyhole on the car.

Lube and pretend you're having angry drunk sex with the lock with your key. After several insertions, attempt to turn the key. Is it a wagon?

slimjim that motherfucker you nigger

No, it is not a wagon.

Will vaseline work for lube?

>sitting for a year
99.9% it's the battery. Run to Walmart, grab a $50 group 35 battery, slim jim the door open, and replace it. You should only need a 10 mil wrench to replace the battery.

Does the key turn in the lock cylinder? If it doesn't spray some wd40 into it, and pull on the door while turning the key counter clockwise.

No. WD40 or graphite powder.

Update: The key turns, but nothing happens. It turns all the way to the right, as though it is manually unlocking the car, but nothing happens.
Getting the WD40 from the garage now.

Turn it to the left...

Turning to the right locks it.
t. old Subaru owner

Unless it's a BMW, a dead battery won't prevent you from unlocking the door. Where is the starter on the engine? Top or bottom?

Thanks. I'm kind of an idiot.

...

Holy shit.

Where did you get that photo of me?

It opened. I'm going to pop the hood and take a look.

include me in the screencap

ITT: Veeky Forums teaches a buffoon how to use an ancient Babylonian invention, the lock and key

>kind of

If you can't get the car open with the key often time the police will slim jim your car for free depending on the township.

You sign a waiver protecting them for damages and then they do what they'd arrest brown people for doing in your neighborhood!

Then buy a battery and go watch some youtube and learn some basic car skills. Jesus.

Mechanic fee=$60/hr
Average Workers Schedule=40hr/week
52 Weeks/Year

60*40*52=$124,800. Your time is worth way less than that.

...

I don't see what worst princess has to do with this

You're all special-ed certified now.

Thanks, Veeky Forums

fucking christ, man.

what a time to be a live

Yes it is a wagon you idiots, that's the only body for the Forester.

Holy Christ you are actually a moron

Jesus christ....

Better check your front door, you might be leaving it unlocked at night.

If the alternative wasn't rotting away under a pine tree, I'd say the best thing would be for you to leave the car until you grow some brains, OP.

Enjoy your Forester, and take care of it.

While you're at it, grab an oem positive terminal from Subaru for $13, those aftermarket lead terminals are garbage. Should bolt right on, hate those pieces of shit. You'll need a 13/half inch to loosen it and an 11 to unbolt it. Also you should grab a spray bottle of water and baking soda and wash off that corrosion.

Also whoever added that wire on the negative terminal was stupid and double nutted the ring terminal, just take both nuts off and put the ring terminal under the first nut. No need for the second one.

They also didn't wire the second positive terminal wire through the hole in the cover which is there for that exact purpose.

Give it back.

>Unless it's a BMW
BMW will still unlock manually. There's just a tough spring to push against when turning the key.

>Turn it to the left...
>Thanks. I'm kind of an idiot.

>Your average nipshit owner

You can't be serious.

Take a wrench and put it on the terminals so it touches both, should take the corrosion off and help it charge.

I wish. It's dead so I can't even electrocute myself.

nice

10/10 OP
glad you are licensed

You seriously never tried turning it the other way just to be sure? Fuck me, I hope you never have other problems with your car that requires thinking outside the box. Worst thing is that most older Jap cars have this feature.

Holy shit you're stupid

...

sweet jesus
put me in the screenshot

Goddamn you are dumb as fuck.

...

noice

>nobody posted twist harder nigga

well done

wait you still have the halloween skin?

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.

Thanks, OP.

this has to be b8

Add this one:

...

Ok, in my defense, before I used the WD40, it wouldn't even turn to the left. Plus, when I called the owner to ask what way to turn the key, he said turn to the right.
>that means it must run in the family
If getting immortalized by an Veeky Forums meme means getting into my car again, so be it.

Did you end up getting a new battery?

Probably did, but probably put the terminals on backwards.

No fucking way

Which one of you fags posted this on reddit

I'm dying famalam this is just too funny

Shit cap too, he didn't get a single reply to

If it makes you a little bit happy, i been driving for 15 years and i still turn to the right