/dfg/ - Dwarf Fortress General

>be actually practicing drum rudiments and rolls
>literally doing a drumroll when Tourneyanon posts

>two byes
Huh?

A dog and a throw

He'd better go over his train of thought after the match.

I will, win or lose.

HYPE HYPE HYPE

I definitely plan on entering a Dougie McIsaac equivalent next year

Calling it now
Crabo wins against Herne then dies to the gorilla
Goes down as the worst champion in history of the tournament for causing the most shitposting while being unable to win any fight that wasn't completely rigged in his favor, then dying to a meme

>Herne gets a gun
BAD MANNER
youtube.com/watch?v=8dRsIWYFXvk

>The gorilla will win
?? Nope

when you think about it stabo would have thrown his first fight too if he hadn't been placed up against a dog

The fight commences, and immediately Lava Lad sprints over to the sunglasses-clad greenskin smouldering with determination. Mr Worldwide deftly sidesteps the punch, and jabs at the elemental man with a vicious cackle. A chunk of obsidian is torn loose and a small pool of boiling magma begins smoking on the floor. Although Lava Lad's semi-liquid form is now tilted awkwardly, it presses on, lunging forward! While the gauntlet manages to cause serious pain to Mr Worlwide's arm, it isn't enough to cause the goblin to relinquish his weapon. In fact, despite receiving another glancing punch to his foot, Mr Worldwide's eyes begin to burn with their own seething rage, and he screeches furiously! Redoubling in intensity, the fight devolves into a desperate war of attrition, as both fighters accrue terrible wounds. Mr Worldwide targets the boiling mass that is Lava Lad's legs, and manages to shear and twist his spear at the crust until he actually tears chunks off completely! Undeterred, the plucky elemental man presses on through the pain and delivers a flurry of blows at his smaller opponent. Despite the more serious injuries belonging to Lava Lad, our caped crusader lands a devastating strike on his enemy's leg! A sharp CRACK is heard, and Mr Worldwide collapses to the earth, shrieking in pain! Taking advantage of the goblin's momentary distraction, Lava Lad siezes his wrist, before slamming his elbow into the spearman's hip! Another violent CRACK is heard, and blood wells from the torn and ruined skin, as bone is clearly visible. This is too much for Mr Worldwide, who's jaw grows slack, his red eyes bulge and roll into their sockets. With his foe unconcious and crippled, Lava Lad drags himself up the prone figure, his smouldering body causing small fires to ignite upon the goblin's clothing. Bringing it's steel fists together, Lava Mad unleashes his final strike. As goblin brains are splattered over the arena, the crowd roars and cheers their fiery champion!

>pawnshopped

Damn, that was hardcore.

good lad
gass al gobbos

Fuugggg

YESSSSS
OH SHIT I FORGOT TO BET

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

>he screeches furiously

literally dumb frog

Congratulations Lava Lad, you have 249 points to spend on your upgrades for the next round! You have progressed to the quarter finals in a brilliant battle. Your unarmed exploits rival even those of Trihardin himself, and perhaps you may even have a chance to put your fists to the test against him, should you defeat your next foe. Mr Worldwide, do not despair yet. Your chance of procuring artefact pants is not lost just yet. Should you perform well in the Battle Royale, you may yet be free to walk from this place, perhaps not with glory, but with life.

Our next fight features Reg Cogul the dwarven Gladiatrix, against Gorilla with a Gun, who's name says it all.

Brash and bearded, this battle maiden has acquired a deadly yet beautiful platinum war hammer, who's dull shine brings a shudder to many who witness such a fearsome weapon. Casually carrying everywhere she goes, this dangerous woman has also clad herself in a full set of elf leather armour. From who she purchased it, or rather, wear, is a question best left unanswered.

In his spectacular victory against the naked dwarf Urist McNudist last round, Gorilla with a Gun has gained a wide following amongst the tourney goers. This not so gentle giant, reliant on his trusty crossbow, has merely been spending his time idly shooting at various targets and raiding the kitchens for whatever fruits and vegetables we have at the moment. Now, full of nutritious vitamins and minerals, and with a heartily improved aim, this gorilla is a very, very good shot.

Place your bets folks, this is bound to be an interesting fight indeed.

...

...

GORILLA WITH A GUN YOU CAN DO IT

KILL THAT DISGUSTING BEARDED ABOMINATION

>5 dorfbucks on a one-in-a-million shot piercing my eyeball first thing

I BET ONE PAIR OF ARTEFACT PANTS ON GORILLA WITH A GUN

a billion bucks on that gorilla, I believe

>Lava Lad 1 is caught in a burst of mr worldwide boiling blood!
holy shit

>wasting points on a platinum hammer
kek

LET'S GO ELFEATER MILDRED

ONE BURLAP SACK ON THE BEARDED LADY

>26 points

FIVE BANANA ROASTS ON THE GORILLA

Either DK somehow manages to land an impossible shot and gib Reg immediately, or he gets splattered like a banana. Odds aren't looking too good.

>104 points

Though, a platinum crossbow would probably be a steal at a mere 80 points.

Imagine that.

>had silver

>tfw everyone is building glass cannons and hoping they get the first strike in

>tfw Akabur is a lazy fuck who takes too long to finish anything
Fuck you Akabur, fuck you so much.

You need too many points to invest into shields and armor, and the dodger vs weapon skill calculation is extremely unforgiving.
Because of the way the tournament is set up, glass cannon is by far the best strategy.

>thinking that armor is a viable strategy when stabo has a lightsaber

People might spec more armor later in the tourney when their main weapons and skills are done. Also against Stabbo, armor is useless, so if he loses this round you might see more armor purchases.

Agreed. Dodge Vs armour is not a balanced choice at the moment

also the most visually pleasing, bloodsport friendly AND hype

>metagame warping around fear of what stabbo might become

It literally already happened, it made Herne do a 180 on his strategy out of fear

I can't wait for when Stabo finally gets what's coming to him. His sins must not go unpunished.

I, too, can't wait for him to go up against He-Man.

what were stabo's upgrades?

I'm betting he'll deflect the first arrow with his knife and then slice off Herne's arm with a single swing. A clean kill in under 5 moves.

*nothin personell kid* in crab noises

>[edgy crab noises]

>people are so caught up in stabo they're forgetting about the next fight
Perhaps it would be for the best if Stabo died today

...

adamantine dagger
knife user
side stepping

crab stuff

As the horn blows, a *swish* *thunk* is heard, and a copper bolt immediately goes flying! Faster than a speeding coconut, the bolt lodges itself right in the shocked Gladiatrix's hip before she can even do so much as raise her shield! Toppling over and grimacing in pain, the burly dwarven warrior drags herself towards the hooting and clapping gorilla. As she is pelted by bolts, the hardy hammerwoman leaves a slick trail of blood in her wake, the useless leg dangling sickeningly. Finally catching up to the simian sharpshooter but already bleeding fairly heavily, she aims her hammer at the Gorilla. Although the ape dodges about (all while firing his crossbow) he is still struck here and there by the hammer, although the already weakened state of the Gladiatrix prevents her from using all her strength. The fight seems to swing less and less in Cogul's favour, however, and her shield now resembles a pincushion, as broken shafts stick out from it in a splintered tattoo. Unfortunately for Reg, the blood spills more and more deeply from her wounds, and soon she drops her hammer and shield, unable to wield it as her shoulders, arms, and chest are pierced. Defenceless and without a leg to stand on, shock and pain take their toll, finally causing the Gladiatrix to fall unconscious. Gorilla with a Gun repeatedly pumps her full of bolts, to the cheering of the crowd, but the dwarf's breathing remains, as thin and wheezing as it is. Finally, actually running out of bolts, Gorilla with a Gun (but no ammo) ambles over to the dwarf on death's door, and brutally smashes in her skull with the crossbow, ending her life.

DELET SPOILERS

It was inevitable

IS THIS THE RIGHT WEBM??????????????

YEAH BOY
GwaG IS DA MAN...or rather ape.
youtu.be/npuuTBlEb1U

Well that was kind of sad.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

brutal

fuck

I'm ok with it because of the spoilers.

WHAT DID YOU DO

whoops

What the fuck is a splint tattoo by the way?

I actually think this is the best outcome possible
t. crab manager

I WAS RESPONDING TO THE ACTUAL TEXT I DIDN'T VIEW THE GIF AAAAAAAAA

;_;

I agree
t. Hercules's manager

REDO

EVERYBODY SHUT UP I DIDN'T WATCH THE GIF DON'T SPOIL IT

I was surprised at the first shot getting past the shield, but the gif makes it all worth while.

TURNS OUT THE MINOTAUR CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD

actual spoilers
nothing in the gif had a shield

...

REDO THE ROUND OR RIOT

AAAAAAAAAAAA

As the horn blows, a copper bolt immediately goes flying! Faster than a speeding coconut, the bolt lodges itself right in the shocked Gladiatrix's hip! Toppling over and grimacing in pain, the burly dwarven warrior drags herself towards the hooting and clapping gorilla. As she is pelted by bolts, the hardy hammerwoman leaves a slick trail of blood in her wake. Finally, already bleeding fairly heavily, she aims her hammer at the Gorilla. Although the ape dodges about, he is still struck here and there by the hammer, although the already weakened state of the Gladiatrix prevents her from using all her strength. Her shield now resembles a pincushion, as broken shafts stick out from it in a splintered tattoo. Unfortunately for Reg, the blood spills more and more deeply from her wounds, and soon she drops her hammer and shield, unable to wield it as her shoulders, arms, chest are all pierced. Defenceless and without a leg to stand on, shock and pain take their toll, finally causing the Gladiatrix to fall unconscious. Gorilla with a Gun repeatedly pumps her full of bolts to the crowd's incessant cheering, but the dwarf's breathing remains, as thin and wheezing as it is. Finally, actually running out of bolts, Gorilla with a Gun (but no ammo) ambles over to the dwarf on death's door, and brutally smashes in her skull with the crossbow.

No need for a redo, just repost with the proper gif.

EVERYBODY SHUT UP AND PRETEND NOTHING HAPPENED
PLEASE TOURNEYANON WORKED SO HARD ON THIS DON'T LET HIM FEEL LIKE HE FUCKED IT UP

My battle had a shield, the gif was something else, and Tourneyanon might be sudokuing.

I just love how GwaG was just sidestepping constantly trying to shoot her.

not the gorilla vs dwarf round.
the elk vs crab one because that was the one that got spoiled.

>gorllia literally kites the dwarf to death

>spoilers as well

way to keep us on our toes.

...

He did fuck up but its ok because these things happen and its an online df gladiator esport so ehhh its ok.

also best timeline

Great job Gorilla great shooting!

>how tourneyanon is feeling right now
youtu.be/eVTXPUF4Oz4

I forget every time I try to make a gladiator that the AI is stupid and can't tie their own shoes much less avoid tripping facefirst into a pile of bolts.

As an irregular DF thread visitor, I am very pleased to see tournaments like these.

A gorilla with a crossbow? this fucking rocks

Well done Gorilla with a Gun! By landing that first, well placed bolt you have secured your place in the quarterfinals. You have 182 points to spend on your upgrades for the next round. Worry not, Reg, for if the last tourney was anything to go by, your chances in the Battle Royale are nothing to sneeze at!

Our next long awaited fight, we have Herne, the powerful and mighty elk-man against Stabo, the knife-wielding crab.

In a surprising turn of events, our unstoppable ungulate champion has set aside his bronze pike in favour of a bow! Perhaps in a bid to avoid getting close to the shimmering blue knife the calamitous crustacean wields, he has opted for a ranged approach. Will this strategy be the one to defeat the clawed menace, or will Herne's relative inexperience with such a weapon be his own undoing?

"While we were in the process of rounding up our gladiators for today's bloodbath, we came to the bucket in which Stabbo the Crabo had been placed, only to find Stabbo was no longer there.
What our staff found instead was something much, much more horrifying.
There was a moment of panic, every man for himself, the shaken witnesses screaming about "SUPER STABBO".
What fools we were to place the beast in an adamantine bucket! It has developed a taste for the stuff and now wields an adamantine knife, waving it with horrifying expertise at anyone who dares come near... the crab's cutting power is so great, one of our own men is said to have been cut just from a mean glare.
There was a second moment of panic when we realized /someone/ would have to lure that thing over to the arena. To cut a long story short, we present you with wicked satisfaction... SUPER STABBO!
A razor-sharp whirlwind of pure seething anger!"

The only comment we fished out of its bleeding manager said "he refuses all armor... he ain't scare".

Place your bets folks, for this will be one tremendous fight indeed, I can feel it in my bones.

I wonder who will have to fight the gorilla in the next round!