Devilish Thread

>be me
>waiting in stoplight behind 4 cars
>see 8/10 qt approach in 2014 Audi Q5
>light turns greens, one of the cars is fucking delaying
>start honking, dumbfuck does an illegal U-Turn
>whatever.bmp
>roastie fucking buries her hand on the horn to me
>what the fuck you stupid cunt? I'm going.
>light turns yellow, last one on stoplight
>intentionally delay her as light turns red
>watch rearview closely
>she fucking steps on it and runs the red light
>gets t-boned by old Rv4
>mission accomplished
>mfw

this literally happened an hour ago.

>be me
>work at local bakery
>super poor so DD a scooter to work and back
>bakery has strict fresh goods policy so anything unsold at the end of the day gets eaten by employees or thrown in the trash
>start taking old pies out of the garbage and stockpiling them in my freezer
>don't know why, don't even like pies that much
>couple months pass
>entire freezer full of pies
>probably have 50 of them by now
>idea.jpg
>mount a small cooler on my scooter and fill it with pies
>every day after work i practice opening the cooler and grabbing out pies with a single movement
>do this for a few days
>i've got the fastest pie arm in the west
>the time comes to put my plan into action
>city where i live is always full of bikers on the weekends
>guys with handlebars longer than their criminal record and harleys that make your pickup look like a clown car
>systematically ride up next to these guys at red lights with my arsenal of pies at the ready
>just before the light turns green, my arm darts into the cooler and flings a face full of stale freezer-burnt justice onto my victim
>direct hit
>50ccs of chinese apathy drive me away from the raging pastry covered visigoth in my rear-view mirrors while his two wheeled freight train comes lumbering after me
>zip into some nearby alleyways and lose him in the curves
>drive a few blocks over and look for my next victim
>nail another biker with some expired lemon meringue
>my tiny beta-mobile easily outmaneuvers all of my potential murderers

i'm gonna keep doing this until i run out of pies.

>on motorway
>see roastie texting in my rearview
>idea
>just cruise right up behind a huge ass truck going slower than everyone else
>at the last second i swerve around it
>dumbass roastie paying 0 attention slams right into the truck
>it was like a chemical truck or someshit so this big fire breaks out
>i'm fucking gone
>whole rearview is just fire and smoke, no other cars got past the crash either so i see no one behind me for about a half hour
>later watch the news
>suv roaste was the only fatality
>trucker got mandatory drug test for being involved
>they found he was full of fucking methamphetamine so he got arrested

I love the absurd fantasies of the people on this board.

mine was real

I just use these threads as a learning tool for my greentext skills (or lack thereof). 90% of Veeky Forums stories are completely fake anyways, so might as well roll with it.

gods work user
post updates

Roasties BTFO: The Thread.

You're my hero.

>50ccs of Chinese apathy
Lost it at this.
Good work user, keep it up.