What the fuck are these things?

Is this the automotive singularity? The ultimate compromise? The jack of no trades, master of none? Mercedes and BMW call these "4 door coupes" but I think that's a little dishonest. A better name would be "blorbs."

most people buy either SUVs or luxury quasi-coupes.
It makes monetary sense to mesh the two.
I agree, though, they're fuck ugly and to blame for the rising window line on modern cars.

Technically they would be called SUV's in this era due to that clearance.

Too bad. Dumb consumers don't give a fuck about what you think and just buy that silly car. Germans will always be laughing all the way to the bank. Honda must be very jelly of them cuz of ZDX flopped so hard.

cuckold utility vehicles

>THE RESULTS ARE BACK
>U GUYS ARE OBESE

fat people, fat pedestrians, fat cars

I've never seen a car this bland before

The Toyota C-HR on the other hand is a huge succes.

It's so bizarre seeing a modern car so featureless

absolutely disgusting, the lot of them

it's like the flat hood ruins this entire car, or the rounded everything

with shit like this flopping and the space civic taking off in sales it's no wonder honda jams fake vents everywhere now

Ahh ive never heard of a term that so accurately describes these abominations. Blorbs

modern Veeky Forums defends these cars

anyway you can have an x6 for like 30k used so it's definitely the ''I'm trying to be rich but not rich look at meeeeeeeee!!!'' car

Its not a SUV its a SUC

I haven't seen the sales numbers on these cuckboxes but I assume they're outselling real cars. They're everywhere.

you bet your ass

Never seen that merc but I've seen a fucktun of thiccbimmers

So reviving the Cayenne trend?

>What the fuck are these things?
Massive cash cows.

>stretched A3

at least the cayenne is based on the touareg and wont get stuck in mud like the lifted coupes in OP

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how is this any worse than a yuropoor cuck hatch?

It serves the exact same function, only in incredibly inefficient ways.

>muh efficiency
what if I want something nicer than a yuropoor cuck hatch?

about time sedans got lift kits!

i think they made a few thousand of these things. Seen 2 i think

Plenty of trims to choose from, from econo-cuckbox to wrc godmachine.

My coworker here in Seattle bought a CPO '12 GLE 43 Coupe in '16 as his DD. I've carpooled with him several times and I can see the attraction of these types of vehicles. Easy to get in/out of (especially since he's 6'7"), looks really different and fairly luxurious. He also has a JK 2-door 6-speed manual Wrangler and a Yukon XL Denali as the family truckster. As much as I despise the X6/GLE Coupe type of vehicles, I can see why people but them.

My coworker here in Seattle bought a CPO '16 GLE 43 Coupe in '17 as his DD. I've carpooled with him several times and I can see the attraction of these types of vehicles. Easy to get in/out of (especially since he's 6'7"), looks really different and fairly luxurious. He also has a JK 2-door 6-speed manual Wrangler and a Yukon XL Denali as the family truckster. As much as I despise the X6/GLE Coupe type of vehicles, I can see why people but them.

buy v8 merc or bimmer sedan than

What is nice about the blorbs?

Cars have always looked like that.

At least the cayonero is an actual SUV and is a parody of the excursion so it can have a V10.

>german cars after 2005

>german cars in general

Germans can rehash anything and make it sell.

These things can actually offroad.

because it looks like a spaceship

Tbqhwy i actually like the design

They're marketed towards idiots who want to go fast but also want something "practical." Most of the time their wives make them do it. If I were to buy a SUV, I would just get a comfy Volvo XC90 or Acura MDX.

Then save the rest to buy a goddamn whatever the fuck I want.

>Easy to get in/out of (especially since he's 6'7"),
At that point, then getting a SUV is pretty much a solid choice.

Or a minivan, which is more practical in every way.

The AMC Eagle was before it's time

Sup guys, I'm a unibody AWD "4 door coupe" from 1955

I have a 6'7 coworker and he fits just fine in my honda civic

Its almost uncanny how egg shaped it is. For a second I thought I was looking at a pre-production model

All Honda/Acura had to do was just do a mild refresh to fix that shitty beak and visibility issues and they would be golden.

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I actually unironically like these.
I wish the CX-3 was better. It looks really nice but its interior volume sucks compared to its exterior

I don;t think it will work like that.
Acura fell for the gigantic grill meme like Lexus and others.
Noone will buy it.

Lmao. Just get a v8 stationwagon. Didn't Chrysler make a wagon 300c for you burgers?

Dodge Magnum is probably a better option for that.

I love how they look but I'd be scared of the parts cost, build quality, and reliability.

Can't be any worse than the gook shit SUVs that everyone seems to buy

Is that because thots primarily drive them?

>TFW when wanted this car
>Knew it was shit, still wanted it
It was going for like $40k with 50k miles fuck that.
>pic related=best car

Everyone has one vehicle to blame for the rise of SUVs the AMC eagle introduced the concept of a 4 door 4WD family wagon with a sporty engine extra clearance and cargo space. Also happy new years faggots

>
Holy shit I knew I saw this car as a little kid, an AMC with wood side accents. The image stuck in my mind but my parents said I was crazy and made weird faces at the idea of wood sides on a car.

The trick with crossovers is that the more terrible you make them the more successful they will be.

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what episode was this?

Crossovers are a bit like politics.
You don't have to actually do the work you promise to do, as long as you make a lot of promises.

Exactly, you know what your talking about