Wife and I are getting divorced. Lawyers are way too expensive so we've sort of agreed that we're going to cooperate and agree on the terms ourselves. Things have been fairly amicable but today she mentioned that's she's going to ask for half of "our" savings.
I work, she doesn't (her choice - she's quite employable). We had been married and living together for 7 years and it wasn't until last summer that I was able to put my foot down and control our finances enough to actually save anything. I had to take a good hard look at the budget and the glaring problem was that my wife spent an insane amount on groceries. Like $750-800 per month just for the two of us. I told people what our average monthly grocery spending was and I had parents of two or three children telling me they don't even spend close to that much. I tried to tell her to stop buying so much shit (it was also apparent that we were wasting a ton of food because it spoiled before we cooked it), but she basically whined and acted like I was downgrading us to poverty-tier spending. I had to take over the grocery shopping myself and I was able to cut the grocery expense down by about 40%. That was when I was finally able to start putting away $400-500 each month instead of living paycheck to paycheck. Through discipline on my part and absolutely no encouragement or help from her, I've saved almost $9,000 in 9 months.
So I know that generally speaking, it's not unusual for this to be split 50/50... but it's fucking soul-crushing. She has been nothing but a hindrance to saving money and now that I have some, she wants half of it.
But that brings me back to the fact that we aren't going to have lawyers. I've been thinking of just telling her I won't agree to more than a 25/75 split and hoping she'll feel she has little choice but to agree to it since the alternative would be involving lawyers that cost many times more than what she would get out of it.
Any other ideas though?
Cameron Gutierrez
How is the money saved? In an account under your name or a joint-account? If it's the latter, you're fugged.
Isaac White
If it was morempty than 9k it'd be an issue but just split it and call it a day man. Get it in writing and both of you sign and date it. She's gonna make this a hassle.
Yeah she's a retard and you only saved despite her. She will never understand so just cut your losses and leave. One more reason to divorce.
Jaxson Rodriguez
Game theory 101 my man. If she doesn't have money for lawyers you dictate the rules. If she ends up lawyering up, lawyer up and drag it out for as long as possible till she runs out of funds and they kick her to the curb.
Western cucks need to stand up for themselves.
Jacob Bailey
Joint, it didn't make sense to save money in an individual account as a married couple.
Ayden Mitchell
I mean, I also don't have the money for a lawyer, so I'd argue that all either of us can do is obstruct an agreement.
Angel Turner
Plus giving up $5,000 is a more sensible thing than spending $15,000+ just to try to avoid giving up $5,000 without a guarantee of success.
Xavier Butler
This op. You just got a $4,500 life lesson. U need an official contract from a lawyer for the money split and have it notorized. This bitch will likely find a reason to ask for all of it and women most always get wtf ever they want. Sure hooe yall dont own a house...
Fucking females
Gavin Ramirez
You anywhere near vegas. My buddy bars in about may.
John Campbell
Legally you don't have a leg to stand on and if it does go to court you might be stuck with her court costs.
Don't be stupid.
Nolan Davis
These. Just give her half and move on. She'll burn through hers in no time and you can increase your savings significantly without her.
Xavier Brooks
50/50 suck it up and move on >together for 7 years sounds like you're about to be prime real estate while she'll realize she made a mistake. if you decide to keep in contact with her after this, might I kindly suggest getting advice from
Then write it off as a relatively expensive lesson.
Nathaniel Parker
I would be very happy to split everything 50/50 in the scenario described. It burns a bit, but I'd wager that it's probably the best option available to you.
Obviously I can't offer legal advice, but I am a law student (in Canada) and there are plenty of cases here where a woman like yours (not working) is actually given significantly MORE money precisely because she is unable to provide for herself and has become dependent on you. It runs completely contrary to the logic about who actually earned the money in the first place, but given this info (and it wouldn't surprise me if courts wherever you are behave similarly), I'd consider a 50/50 split a massive victory.
Get everything signed and made official as other Anons have suggested. If she's a real sabotaging bitch you might find it advantageous to play things out and argue in a way that makes her feel as though she 'won' the 50% of your savings, but know deep down that you're dodging bullets beyond bullets here.
Glad to see that Veeky Forums has a rough consensus about this as well.
Easton Wright
So here's a follow-up question.
The divorce will take some time to finalize, and in that time I will continue to earn money and I'll still want to save it. Is there a way to protect what I save starting now? Every month that goes by is another $1,000 I save, or another $500 she'll expect. I want to cut her off here and only have to give her $4,500. I could just... NOT save, but then that extra money still goes into checking and she will likely be entitled to half of that too.
Joshua Davis
It's your fault for marrying a retarded whore. Get fucked normie.
Aaron James
As long as it is only about saving accounts, you could be physical silver and store it. Just be sure to pay cash. If asked where the money went, tell them you paid for services.
Levi Davis
keep enough for emergency purposes so that you can pay bills and eat. bare minimum take the surplus, convert it to cash to avoid a paper trail and buy silver. do not tell anyone about it and hold on to it for awhile. 1. investment that'll increase in value over time reliably 2. you can't track it don't tell anyone about where you store it. this nigga gets it OP, you're spending $800 a month in groceries remember?
Kevin Ross
Now I have a follow-up question and I'm not even the OP. Why doesn't he just start draining his saving into silver, and just go "oops, too many beers lol" to avoid having to split any saving with the cunt?
Jackson Adams
i bet op makes fun of /pol i bet op voted hilary op you got what u deserved
#nohymennodiamond #mgtow
Landon Hill
because that's traceable through bank transactions and receipts. if the court finds that he took money that would've gone to the woman and tries to spend it, then they can reasonably garnish future wages to make up for it.
Nolan Foster
Damn my dude, this is why I will never have a state-sanctioned marriage
Jose Watson
If you're talking about the existing $9,000, probably because it would be too obvious what I was trying to do and she would probably lawyer up if she suspected I was trying to cheat the system. I think it would backfire.
Interesting idea, but the cash withdrawals would definitely be tracked. I could make up an excuse like I decided to go buck wild and buy a bunch of lottery tickets or stay at a nice resort but it would never be convincing, and I think that's important when it comes to keeping lawyers out of this and maintaining the perception of fairness and integrity.
Evan Morris
Say you started buying escorts? She crushed your spirit so you turned to women and liquor.
Lucas Flores
avoid common-law states as well it's up to you user. from this point forward it should be about protecting yourself from her. i'll assume you get direct deposit from your place of employment. you can cancel that and ask for check in hand and cash that in at a currency exchange. best bet for going under the radar.
Parker Ortiz
Losing $4500 in a divorce is pretty reasonable. Just cut your losses, and go make that money back now that you don't have to support her. If you go to court you might lose all of that money, and have to pay 20% of your salary to her. It's just not worth the risk.
Sebastian Bell
did you agree to no shared assets when getting married? if not your choices are: a) convince her otherwise -> she agrees | she refuses go to court b) agree -> lose half your savings c) go to court -> pay for her and your lawyers from your 50%, then give her 50%, the lawyers also take 5% commission from the final settlement amounts
the financially sound decision is to agree to split stuff without lawyers
Easton Powell
I'm military and I'm pretty sure they don't pay in any other way but direct deposit.
Before I told her I wanted a divorce, I moved all of my savings into a separate account that only I owned, not to hide it but just to keep it safe IF she completely lost her shit and wanted to spend it all out of spite, for example, buying a first class ticket home. Luckily that didn't happen, but nevertheless she now sees that I moved the money into a separate account and now she sort of warily reminds me that she's still entitled to half of it, wherever it is.
She can't see that account's balance or see transactions in it but she could have a fairly good idea of how much is in there based on the transfer record.
Caleb Flores
>did you agree to no shared assets when getting married?
That's a lesson I'll carry forth into the next marriage, if there even is one.
Carson Davis
Is it weird that this scenario scares me shitless?
Aiden Collins
Why don't people just settle this shit with a prenuptial agreement? If she starts going on about "waaa you don't trust me" it's clear she doesn't understand personal sovereignty and the responsibilities that entails and is probably not a reliable candidate to entrust with your joint financial endeavours as she is likely to have an inclination for irrational behaviours and prone to emotion-driven decisionmaking.
Adam Morris
Listen to this man. Give her $4500 up front and seal the deal as quickly as possible. Before she starts thinking about alimony. $4500 isn't chump change, but for a divorce that is literally nothing.
Landon Gutierrez
Alright, so the situation is:
She has the means to know how much is in savings right now. She has recently told me she's worried about me fucking around with the money and hinted that she'd be ready to lawyer up if I did. She said she wanted a cashier's check for the amount she's owed.
At the very least I want to make sure that she only gets 50% of what's in savings right now so she won't be entitled to what I continue to save between now and the finalization of divorce.
One idea is to withdraw, say, $1,000 cash from savings and hide that cash, then gradually deposit what I save from upcoming paychecks in there until it's back to the original amount and hope she doesn't notice.
or
I could just try and convince her outright to accept half of what's in savings right now and notarize something saying that's all she gets.
Aiden Cooper
Also, my parents burned about $50k in lawyer fees fighting over a $75k-$100k nest egg. Seriously man, just do it.
Logan Scott
No. It's 50% chance and fucks you over. Don't get married.
Blake Rodriguez
No. Diving naively into a standard marriage without a contingency plan is a bad idea.
Alimony will still have to be paid, she isn't that stupid. If I could just pay her $4,500 and not a dime more, ever, that would be a dream.
Lucas Foster
I won't... Both happy and scared to read about this shit. I'm not form the US though, but i think it's pretty universal to share the wealth 50/50 regardless of the person earning it to the household.
Jayden King
Don't hide it, you dip. Be honest, and stand on the moral high ground. You already know what she's gonna spend it on, fucking junk food! Consider it a costly lesson in mate choosing. Document and sign EVERYTHING you do, that way you can say you're trying to be as honest as possible.
Wyatt Scott
idiot.
Isaiah Mitchell
You should be happy she is not asking for alimony.
Jayden Campbell
see
Charles Moore
Agree with this assessment.
Also agree with stacking silver. Put all of your surplus income into silver so she cant get anymore money.
God, isn't it sad that we have to do this? What happened to marriage?
Grayson Baker
This image seems more true every time I see it.
Jacob Watson
>$800/month in groceries for two people
Jesus christ are you guys eating red caviar every meal or what
Owen Butler
-buying way more perishable food items than we consume, and letting them spoil -anything that was just hers (razors, soaps, hair dyes, etc.) was always the most expensive brand they had -lots of snack food and frozen food -some really expensive snack food -lots of juice -always picked up a sandwich at the deli -who the fuck knows what else
I definitely take some blame since it took me so long to put a stop to it, and since I enjoyed some of the excess shit she brought home.
Dominic Jones
Oh and she went through toilet paper five times faster than I did and never took the dogs out when she was supposed to so a lot of paper towel usage as well.
Hunter Foster
>Alimony will still have to be paid Didn't you say she is quite employable? What kind of scheme are you playing in the U.S.?
Jackson Lee
I don't know about other states, but alimony here isn't based on employability. I'm not surprised since that's a difficult thing to put into real numbers. Anyone could lie and exaggerate how unemployable they are if it benefits them. Instead it's based on income, which is much harder to lie about.
40% of my income subtracted by 50% of her income = monthly alimony payment for 36 months. Regardless of what degrees or qualifications she has, her income is zero, therefore it's just 40% of my income. I've talked her into 33% over a slightly longer period of time so the payments are more comfortable.
Hudson Powell
>slightly longer period of time What time frame are we talking about here?
Christopher Stewart
OP, sounds like as good of a deal as you are going to get reading this thread. Just GET IT IN WRITING AND NOTARIZED. The faster its behind you the better.
Wyatt Edwards
Honestly, pay her out and settle it. You'll be able to save a much larger amount post-divorce as you control your costs. Consider it a 4.5k sunk cost.
Gabriel Baker
44 months. It ends up being the same amount in the end, just in easier installments.
Update: She agreed to take half of what's in savings now (which is actually $4,000 of $8000) and nothing more (besides alimony). Sucks to lose 4 grand like that but you're right that it's not so bad. Before the marriage fell apart my goal was to save $10,000 in a year, and with 3 months left in the goal, this will definitely make that impossible but I'll bet I could adjust my budget to save $14,000 in the next 12 months and make up for it.
At least it feels good knowing she'll probably squander everything I give her because she's terrible with money.
Jacob Nguyen
>At least it feels good knowing she'll probably squander everything I give her because she's terrible with money.
This
Elijah Gutierrez
$9k lmao that's fucking nothing. Just write a check and settle.
fucking poorfags
Joseph Rivera
Either give $4500 or spend the whole $9000 for a lawyer. Your choice.
James Ross
Congrats on not having to subsidize her for life. Just make sure to get the lawyers and notarization before you give her a cent. Otherwise she'll just take the 4K, and come back in a month demanding more.
Joshua Collins
Half of $9000 is a damn cheap divorce.
I've had rough times with my wife and part of what motivated me to keep going was 40x what you're concerned about
Luke Rivera
LOL holy shit why do people get married?
Fuck that shit op. Turn ALL the money you have now into bitcoin and just move to another country.
I'd rather not see my family and country for years than have to give nearly half of everything I earn to some lazy bitch.
Brandon Howard
reading this makes me feel real bad. Sorry you are poor man. Murica is not what it used to be.
Christopher Ward
Jesus Christ why are you so thick? Open a new account with just your name. Fucking hell it's like you want to continue giving
Brandon Bennett
man imagine being so poor that you're caught up on a piddly $4500
sounds like paradise
Brayden Lopez
Cut her and give her the money. Its not nearly the worse loss I have heard.
Jose Scott
you would abandon your entire life over 4500? are you retarded?
Jacob Turner
If I ever decide to get married, please someone shoot me in my kneecaps. As for OP, you got it easy. 4,5k is a small price to pay for freedom. Consider it an investment in your well-being. The bitch won't last long alone and she might contact you again in a few months. At no reason you should reply.
Camden Sanchez
The big issue here OP is that you're assuming this woman is going to behave rationally. She's demonstrated at least twice that she isn't a rational being. Once every time she's a woman and the other by spending an insane amount of money on food.
I'm getting divorced and my former cunt decided to go the attorney route. I hope it turns out better for you OP.
Maybe try to communicate that she can take an easy 2500$ that she didn't have to work for. Or you can spend the $9000 fighting about it in court.
Either way, I'd start pulling out $500- $600 in cash every few days and hiding it somewhere until you come to a resolution.
Easton Myers
Is the account both-to-sign or either-to-sign?
If the latter, move everything into a sole account in your name right now.
If you told her "no, you bitch, I'm keeping the savings since I accrued it through my money management, and since they represent reduced waste rather than any kind of sacrifice to your previous lifestyle no court in the land would conclude you're entitled to it", what would she do? You mentioned legal proceedings aren't likely.
Jack Johnson
Nice blog post. Just give her the $4500 you nutless loser
Eli Smith
You complete cuck. Give her 100% of your savings and then masturbate while crying. That's what you want, isn't it?
Xavier Flores
So I have lawyers in the family and have seen many divorces.
I get what you are saying, but in the eyes of the law you are incorrect.
When 2 people get married everything is 50/50. Even if the man makes $200k a year and the woman never works. Savings are included in this situation. It's gotta get cut down the middle.
And many divorces start amicable but very rarely do they end that way. Especially because of the key issue: money.
Try to convince her to some kind of split you find fair, but if she lawyers up the law and the system itself are more in her favor than yours.
In 2017 I'm still dumbfounded who ignorant men are about what they are signing up for when they sign those marriage papers.
Jordan Foster
$4500 is nothing man.. My friend recently got a divorce and I think the wedding ring that his wife kept was worth $6k. Not to mention she got the house, land, car that he paid for, and half of the joint bank account.
Connor Anderson
Didn't you read? He also will have to give her 40% of his income as alimony for years. Fuck that.
Joshua Ortiz
Good for you, seriously.
Owen Lopez
Think about this op, if she suddenly disappeared would anyone go investigating?
Landon Hall
7 years and no kids? Why even get married?
Brody Sullivan
I was in same position. Trust.
Move the money to an account in your name only. Dont say anything more. Take any other assets and liquidate. Don't lawyer up. Wait till she divorces you. When you go to court. DENY EVERYTHING. They can't prove anything if you don't say or sign anything. Don't let her manipulate you user. Please don't. Your worse case is alimony.
Leo Flores
How in the fuck do you let your wife use your money?
My waifu and I always split and I only put limited necessary money on the joint account.
Cooper Bell
Buy your savings worth in gold and store it away in a safe in a bank in a good country
Spend it all and she cant claim what you dont have.
Remember to pay a hitman some years after the whole thing
Blake Robinson
Called a black swan. Women pull this shit all the time while complaining about equality.
Chase Peterson
I never ever would think about using her money or her using mine
Granted I've bought her expensive shit but it was shit that I wanted her to have regardless of her oppinion.
And if hypothetically I was a cuck, I'd still have an undisclosed bank account or two with all my real money and some shitty money on the joint one.
Luke Morgan
Sometimes they treat you as a seed. A seed that grows and blossoms into a pretty flower. Once you drop your seeds, she brings in the wasps to take your paychecks.
Don't let her think she's different. By her doing that, she's already blinded you. As proof, you'll deny what I'm telling you now.
Brayden Carter
Time to re-enlist to pay that alimony nigga. I'm assuming you're enlisted because you can't afford a lawyer and married a dumb cunt. Do what I did from here on out (from one vet to another). Chuck money into your TSP, don't get fucking remarried, don't have kids, save, save, save and use the fucking GI bill. Oh, and don't forget to file a disability claim when you're out. Did I say don't remarry?
Jeremiah Garcia
I agree but I've always been very self conscious about money and business, and separated it from personal life.
I can fall for buying her expensive shit when I dont need to, but I'd never EVER share my savings with her EVER.
Right now she makes more money than me, but I never take from her either.
It's literally fucking retarded. Why would anyone put their life's work into a woman's hands? why?
If my waifu seeded me into giving my money up I'd get the fuck out of there inmediately
Benjamin White
Half of $9000 is fuck all. Pay her the $4500 and be grateful that that is all she is getting. Thank god you don't have children. You can pay her off now and that's it. You can move on with your life. It would be good to see a lawyer to ensure you are not exposed to anything down the track. A few hundred dollars would be money well spent. You could probably call a few lawyers over the phone and get an idea of what is needed. Even go to legal aid.
Michael Miller
Nothig assures she wont lawyer up after OP gives her money.
She probably will since that is a good way of draining OPs soul even more. And she can probably deny any transaction or agreement since OP is a cuck and will probably not record it in any way.
Levi Baker
Have you considered hiring a professional so she has an unexpected accident?
Austin Stewart
Who the fuck pays for beer with card?
Hudson Sanchez
This
Noah Jones
>2011 + 6 what the fuck else would I pay for it with? shekels?
OP, every time you hit up the grocery store from here on out, get cash back and buy silver with it
Kayden White
Here in the US people buy pretty much everything using credit/debit cards. The average person under 30 rarely even carries a $20 bill with them.
Isaac Morgan
>Bitching about 4.5k >Not giving her 4.5k to sign a paper saying that's all she gets.
She could of taken you to the cleaners and you're crying about chump change
Ayden Phillips
This is really all that needs to be said. Consider the 5K an investment in your future. Lawyers will eat up at least that much of it anyway. Depending on where you live she is probably legally entitled to half of your shit. Just think of how much you will save in getting rid of her. Find, download, and use a simple divorce agreement, preferably one that is valid for where you live. Wake up tomorrow and enjoy your freedom.
Ryan Reed
she is taking him to the cleaners... it's all he has >instead of living paycheck to paycheck
Nolan Cruz
>Take out $1000 at atm >Buy bitcoins from local coins in cash >have bitcoins >people ask where ya money went >tell them to eat and dick and that u spent it >???? >profit
Jack Ramirez
Normie here. GFs are the life. Never get married. Had a 3 year relationship and still resisted.
Sebastian Ward
Get your own savings account. Say that you will continue to pay bills but she should get a job to be ready to divorce. At this point you are two individuals living in the same house.
David Young
This is starting to seem like bait. Still not getting married, but still.
Logan Ramirez
You are retarded. He was living paycheck to paycheck without her working. He could be paying alimony every month. Without her he will be making bank and make that money back in half the time.
Nathaniel Myers
OP. This hurt me to read. You are not obligated to give away half of your freaking money in a divorce. That is insane. That is wrong. You never agreed that you would pay for her forever, right? That is completely nuts. Find your fucking ballsack, put your foot down, and stand your fucking ground.
White bois, I swear. >S-s-should I give my divorced wife half my shit How about man the fuck up.
Jayden Brooks
Fuck i knew you were a retard because you fucking married a dumb cunt.
But how hard is this to understand, when you get you pay. You go the your bank and say i would like the withdraw all that is in my account. You take the cash out, and then buy bitcoins, or physical silver or gold WITH THE CASH.
Now when people asks why you took all your pay out you say i spent it on, beers, strip clubs, marrying dumb cunts. Whatever