/ddlc/ - Doki Doki Literature Club! #168

Misumi!

I love her too.

Anyone got the Just Sayori pic?

Well, here's poem 20, which is about some of my thoughts on the general, because why not.

Under darkness, a world of acid,
Conversations like minefields.
Sometimes things can be placid,
And other times some don’t yield.

The place ain’t bad,
And most people are okay.
Yet sometimes, there’s trouble to be had,
And many may jump into a fray.

Often some may rant,
And some may bulli,
Yet fall to negativity we can’t,
But instead enjoy other things fully.

A cycle of emotions,
A slowing of traffic.
A sea of motion,
And content that may be graphic.

Yet all of us are but man,
And man is not malicious by nature.
Under this general of a VN by Dan,
In some ways all we can mature.

Yeah, some of it's a bit of a generalization, but there's some accuracy to it on a lot of days here, you have to admit. Feel free to criticize/comment on my opinions or the poem itself. This is a nice general that I hope lasts a good long while, partly because it's a pretty nice community overall, and another part, a smaller one, because I can't imagine any other place(other than maybe Veeky Forums, if even then) where I could regularly create and post poems for, because it's a pretty interesting side thing to do.

I love her too

...

>We're probably gonna get a super wholesome fic on Christmas that involves loving happy sex in front of a roaring fireplace followed by cuddling and cocoa drinking and drifting off in eachothers arms while the snow gently falls outside

I can't wait!

...

I'm glad people post poems. It's one of the best parts of these threads honestly.

I love Yuri.
And speaking of Yuri, what would her voice sound like? She kinda seems like she'd sound a bit like Kukuru Anrakutei for some reason, I think.

Ok, so since somebody else posted the actual/recent one, I'll post this one for you.

Now that you've said it, I'm on it, user.
Granted, I'm going to try finishing my current piece first; however long that takes.

I liked Dodger's voice for her when Jesse Cox played the game.

Please let me post

...

Oh no need to hurry yourself just for me!
I'm more than patient!

You folks remind me of katawa shoujo general, except more depressive and somehow more degenerate despite there not actually being any porn in the game.

You'll always be my dearest friend

Back on the question of futa dokis
Balls or no balls?

No balls.

Yep. In general, more 'messed up' stuff happens/is implied in the game, is what I'd attribute it to. Sayori's whole thing in Act 1, Act 2 Yuri, the hints dropped about Natsuki's background in either act, and how Monika behaves overall are probably contributors of the degeneracy here. Also at least partly due to "Monika's" tweets.

Balls.

Forgot the music of the thread, my bad.

youtube.com/watch?v=JyNYkWKHf1Q

Balls.

And why would you say that, sir? What is your intention hereeven if it doesn't matter which you pick in-game?

Alright. I finished a nice part of my Yuri fic. Might as well update you guys on it .
pastebin.com/2BHfYhmG
Enjoy it, I appreciate feedback. I'm probably gonna call it a night for writing and just relax and post here now.

Monika giving the other girls big black cocks hoping it will make you hate them!

...

you know, freakishly, I was JUST about to ask if anyone here had this gif.

Just trying to be honest, officer, sir. No bully was intended here, I swear.

This is excellent.

Awww Yuri's so cute when she's all worried and concerned. I love this

NATSUKI!

Glad you do! I'm trying my best to make sure I get her concerned down right. Glad to see I''m doing it well so far

Yuri but she only cums from butt stuff

Alright then... Wording seemed very deliberate, but I'll let you off the hook.

Nice update, really enjoying the fic so far.

Glad you appreciate them, I try to write a nice amount so each update gives something nice to read

Yuri!

She gives off a very concerned motherly tone. It makes me feel very cozy~

Nice fic, I like it. Have you considered creating a pastebin so people could track your work more easily?

Yeah that's the style I was going for! I"m glad you think so as well!
Thanks man! I do have one I just keep forgetting to use it. I post under the name WholesomeMan, I have a couple of stories up in the general pastebin actually

Natsuki but she's twice as cute

What fruits/vegetables would the other Dokis be?

Natsuki is a strawberry
Sayori is a peach
Monika is a mango

Observing hypothetical Hyper-Natsuki would kill a man.

>Natsuki: Strawberry
>Sayori: Apple
>Monika: Pepper
>Yuri: Blueberry

tfw cant express yourself

I don't think that's possible.
I think she can only get marginally more cute.

Hello friends. Hows it going?
Are you the man that could take care of your doki?
What do you do to make her proud or take better care of her?

The dokis but with their main body attributes swapped
Monika with ass
Sayori with thighs
Yuri with tiny body
Natsuki with tits

Try'd to make her eyes stand out more with this artsy filter. I like the result.
Should i try the same for Monika?

>I post under the name WholesomeMan, I have a couple of stories up in the general pastebin actually
I know, I recognized your style. I like your work and it may be easier to go straight to your pastebin and check for updates instead of searching the general pastebin. But it's your choice, no pressure.

I was waiting for someone to say I have a style, honestly. You're right though it would probably be a lot easier for me to post there as well. So I'll give it a shot. Thanks man!

Does it make any sense to have a pastebin as a poem writer? I was considering making one if/when I hit 50 poems and I still want to make more, but I'm not sure about the idea of it in the first place.

I don't see why not. We have prose/fics on there. Verse/poems should be on there, too.

Maybe someone should select some of the best poems in the general and send them to Danlet as a book.

I can't wait for user to be fed soup spoon by spoon even though he insists he can feed himself! I don't know how I feel about him having generic anime sickness, I got sick in a slightly cool pool much worse than he did.

You're welcome. Good luck and keep up the good work!

Monika winning as usual.

I'm here to corrupt picture

I think you should try to make the light the same as Just Monika

>Understanding autism: The signs and symptoms.
>The cover has a picture of a giant squid flailing around an eggplant, a small child and a corpse.

Yeah I'm struggling to get an accurate state of his sickness, I need to work on it

Will do, thanks man!

deer dn slvato

...

I played the game and really liked it but when was I supposed to cry? I've heard people say they cried on here and I'm curious when/why, the most reaction I'd get was laughing or being a little surprised, nothing really sad, and I cried like 20 times playing Katawa Shoujo.

>A burglar breaks into his house, coughs in his face and immediately leaves

This smells like the work of one of those Nurgle-worshipping scumbags.

whoops
captcha:attention route

>He spent two years on this

>Sayori got herself sick and is keeping user sick so that everyone can take care of him

Medicine for my broken heart.
Keep up the good work.

It's all a ploy so they dokis can take turns taking care of user

>All the dokis get sick in cycles to keep user sick so they can take care of him
>They all end up sick and now user has to take care of them all
>Monika can just debug herself but she likes the attention.

It's going rather good for me. I don't think that I truly deserve to be with my doki right now, but I am doing my best to fix it and make her proud.

A coughing burglar sounds terrifying honestly

Glad it can help my man. Will do, you take care!

>debug
Nice pun.

That's really adorable good pun

Just remember that its a process.
The changes you desire won't happen overnight.
They will happen however if you stick to it for a long time.
Dedicate to yourself like you would to her. Best of luck to you!

I will try but i can't promise anything.

Eplain the pun pls, I don't get it.

I would, but it really depends on how you execute it.

Now that's a pun

Sometimes being sick is refereed to as "Catching a bug" and debugging is a term used to finding errors in programming. So monika is fixing the error (sickness) and getting rid of it (debugging)

Dohoho

Okay, everyone! Time for another round of feedback. Today's post covers threads #164 through #167, so if your poem is in #168 then keep an eye out tomorrow.
A quick reminder that I can only find poems that are linked in the word of the day post! Even if you're not USING those words, if you want some commentary you should link the post anyway.
Now, on to the poems:

This is silly! I like the linkage you have going on where you're using the last word of a line for the second word of the next line, though.

Okay...since you asked, I'll see what I can offer. I think you would benefit from having rhyming lines match in syllable count? You do this sometimes, but not always. Another thing to look out for is the cadence of your lines: As an example, you have "Others may be akin to a bath". Try reading that aloud, then try reading "Other scenes may be akin to a bath". See which one reads smoother.
Anyway, the figurative language mostly works (I like "Sanity hitting the mat") although it can be a little blunt in places (the scene/page analogy, for instance). I hope this is useful and not insulting; the poem was good too!

Short, but makes a good point. I find the switch between "I" and "you" a little jarring, though? I feel like maybe this would work better if you picked either first person OR second person. Still good though.

So I like the rhyming scheme you've used here, it kind of tickles my brain. I also like how the stanzas are ordered past/future/past/present and I think your use of imagery helps get the message across.

Why flip pages, huh?
Sounds to me like you've just found...
A real page-turner!

(cont.)

Will do. Thank you, user!

>Sometimes being sick is refereed to as "Catching a bug"
Didn't nkow that, thanks.

That first stanza is a really neat little package, I feel obligated to point out. Those last two lines are pretty heartbreaking, too. I get a good sense of the POV character fighting themselves, but in a very sort of...apathetic way. It's an uncommon and interesting way to talk about a struggle.

I approve of this message! I like how this is structured, although the midpoint rhyme lines might benefit from being in the same place in each stanza (line 3 stanza 1 and line 2 stanza 2). Some minor improvements to how smoothly it reads might also be possible, although I'm impressed at how good the flow already is given how long the lines are. A number of them just have a really nice rhythm to them when you run through.

Wait, what is this ending supposed to- oh. Oh, no. Oh don't do that. Oh goddamit. That's a...powerful denoument to the build-up of negative emotion the poem evokes. Your structure seems to mainly serve to pace the build-up correctly, which is a good example of how structure can be used in that regard and why semi-freeform like this DOES count as a structure unto itself.

A short story! The metaphor used here is good, and I like how it's not revealed until right at the end but it still feels like it makes sense. It's the sort of thing that makes you want to go re-read the piece a second time with the twist in mind. Plus, "upgrading" the common "rain = sadness" association to "emotional pain damaging everyone around you = a storm on the scale of a natural disaster" is clever.

Hmm...interesting. The feeling of hunting and taking comes through here, with undertones of entitlement. The rhyming scheme being somewhat erratic helps sell the frantic nature of the poem. If I may make a single recommendation: "No mercy stays my charge, the wind sings like a harp."

Best i could do. For now.

I can see the goal but it is so distant
To reach it you have to be on the move and be persistant
I have made several failed attempts before
But with each attempt, I managed to pass one more floor

Many did not make it, few have ever passed
Im not the first, nor will I be the last
On my way I see others who pursue the same goal
Yet the further I go, the bigger will be the toll

On my way I saw others who caved in
On my way I saw others who wanted me to win
I made a lot of progress yet my goal is so far away
But I continue walking, knowing I will reach it one day

Feedback always welcome!