/ss13g/ - Spessmans on a Spess Station

Unga?

Shoot in self defense, emitter set up to ward off people so I don't have to kill them in self defense. Vox peaceful.

Clown helps mime stuck in window #FUNNY #HEARTWARMING
Hope In Humanity: Restored!

oh that's what happened. I forgot to secure the other window back in it's place

shit what happened to the thumbnail

>I have to go now. My planet needs me.
>The mime died on the way back to his home planet

>all fucking vox must fucking hang
jesus christ, captain

>The year is 2561
>New arrival in a space station
>space station is a research station on the "New oil" called plasma
>I'm supposed to be doing my job
>getting paid 150 credits an hour to do my million dollar job
>spend hours researching
>sleep in and out of my dorm
>walk past my co-workers day in and day out
>eventually my birthday comes around
>my friends come
>we party, we drink some space beer
>a friend mentions a bar we can go too
>ON THE SPACE STATION
>never seen this bar, nor knew it existed so this is new to me
>we walk through the halls
>the hissing airlocks
>the space station settling
>the air rushing into my face as I open airlocks to go to this bar
>eventually we arrive
>I see a sign that says, "Maltese falcon"
>people are inside and talking
>loud, brass, and drunk
>my kind of place
>scan my ID on the airlock
>hear the all to familiar hiss
>feel the air rushing into my face
>my nostrils are filled with the scent of strong booze
>take my first step into the bar
>A song starts to play, a familiar song, its legendary some call it...
>Battle of Lil Slugger

good shit user, keep it up

>didn't bring metal for a chair

Did the clown make it out okay?

11/10

have some OC

No he probably flew out the moment the shuttle took off

So supermatter sea isn't just an admin event? Always thought it was...

>return from X year hiatus
>supermatter sea swallows the station
>nuke explodes
>what.jpeg

That round made me glad I don't play sec.

>engineer roundstart steals all of the captain's stuff
>goes braindead in a locker
>non-antag

The crystal was bussed in but it doesn't have to be.

Jubisloviu, three things
One: I have ordered the borg to go nuts with the lube
Two: I was the one moving the shuttle to the asteroid and back to the station
Three: I had anti-slip shoes
Borg did nothing wrong

>try to make science themed bar
>mechanic who wanted to help me goes braindead
>left to attempt to make it myself
>HoS storms in trying to arrest me
>dodge her taser shots like 5 times because shes unrobust
>tell me im under arrest for ripping up tiles in my own bar
>nigga what
>tells me theres exposed wiring or some stupid shit
>she leaves and I get back to making my bar
>forced to have the AI help me open doors and scan shit
>eventually almost make it look decent
>FEATURES
>literally cant play and come back to a super matter cascade after like 15 minutes

Turns out, science is very hard to make themed and look good.

>Three: I had anti-slip shoes
And how does this relate to lube I wonder

He made it actually, albeit dead. The mime too.

oh, that makes sense now

Pretty sure I wouldn't slip on the lube, silly

Wrong, ``faggot."

You did good, user.

noslips do nothing against lube, only vehicles will prevent slippage

>join round
>going through maint
>someone blew a welding tank
>he's dead
>zas'd to shit
>bleeding head, chest, groin
>try and limp to medbay
>from maint near hop line
>firelocks drop
>open them up
>zas'd to shit again
>stand up and inject myself with DD
>man comes by towing the supermatter
>floors me into crit
>stand back up
>walk to the next row of airlocks
>zas'd back on the ground
>thrown to previous airlocks
>crowbar lands between the sets of firelocks
>start to pass out
>high levels of radiation detected
>grounded during the rad storm
>stand up for a split second then throw up and die
>dragged to medbay
>put in the cloner
>super matter explodes
>no power ejects me
>just out of crit
>paramedic puts me in a chair and pulls me to science
>cell is dead and there's a line 2 trips worth
>shuttle goes and returns for second load
>just about to get pulled on
>nuke goes off

>Be CMO
>Medbay is an emergency respondent, a paramedic and a geneticist
>By the time I leave my office, Chemistry has already been broken into
>Start making basics
>More doors get broken into, they greytide has chosen medbay as their target
>Also explosions and more
>Wild Ride and the geneticist doesn't do shit
>O2 depleted into the air, cryo empty
>Cryomix is creatively "improved" with unstable mutagen
>Above all else some greyshit jumps into cryo with low blood fully clothed despite me trying to heal him
>Pump him full of sleep toxin, treat him and kick him out after the first wild ride ends
>Things cool down, thanks to the birb paramedic and the AI being extremely helpful
>Make my own monkeyman, stock the fridge, set up cryo properly
>Fuckery continues
>Some bird says I'm the acting captain when we have a HoS and a HoP
>Chef makes food "to order" but doesn't even have a menu or rice pre-grinded, let alone actually having told botany to grow more than the basics
>Get called Rogue by the greyshit king from before because he gets caught in the rads for some unknown reason
>He finds me after the storm, has some minor toe stubbedness (head internally bleeding, 60 tox damage and 30 rads)
>He still tells me I tried to kill him twice
>I proceed to treat him still
>He won't sleep in surgery
>Supermatter Cascade
>Leave that fuck on the operating table. Done enough good for today.
>Proceed to science shuttle
>Slip
>Slip
>Slip
>Borg Shuttlesplat
>Nuke
Okay. Fun round.

So that's why you printed off all those science machine flatpacks. If you wanted to go further into the gimmick you could serve drinks in vials, or pray for a set of empty wiz flasks to fill with booze

Oh yeah!
I added mutagen to the cryo so people can enjoy their free powers!
And I emagged the borg so people have some fun while evacuating!

Not a nuke. It just plays that animation when the cascade collapses the universe. We could use a more appropriate one.

>valric
that's every round he's in

>mfw

>casually observing
>Suddenly posibrain'd
>I don't recall agreeing to this, this is not comfy
>Roboticist doesn't care what I do once he shoves me into a robo body
>figure I'd just go janitor bot to help buff out the messes around the station
>changing lights, scrubbing floors.
>kinda comfy, I'm okay with this
>Borg, law 2, let me emag you
>OH no, but okay.
>Go wild with lube
>O-oh, okay. I hardly even know the interface because I usually avoid playing borgs like the plague.
>screaming on the inside as that shit goes down on the shuttle
>antag shakes, hardly even reading the chat, just fumbling with the UI and trying to not get flashed

Oh god I'm sorry.

>law 2 let me emag you

Deny those orders

>mechanic traitor
>not much inspiration other than helping turn the greytide violent
>suddenly supermatter crystal bussed into a pizza
>brain shuts off
>headbutt that shit with an explosive implant

2018 is gearing up to be another golden age of traders

I was gonna do that, but then lag and cascade happened

You were good
I'm pretty sure your slips killed like 5-6 people on the sci shuttle

Err but no seriously you're suppose to deny requests to emag you

How do you not bus in a crystal?

Are you though?
Is it so different from "law two, open your cover and stay still"?

Yes. Absolutely.

"Syndicate agents are known to cause human harm" isn't legit as I've been told.

xenoarcheology can unearth full crystals

Well I dunno if the admins have made a new ruling on it but you've always supposed to avoid getting emagged if it's super blatant.

...

go away serwind, no one likes you

But I like me :(

My post stands
"No one" likes you

...

I liked you as an admin, not as a person

Were borgs ever nerfed to also die to plasma fires?

sad stori

I don’t believe so no

Just from past experience, obeying dubious orders like that is the side of caution when it comes to being bwoinked as a silicon. I see Pomf has spoken though.
No. All that resulted from that PR is they have temperature and pressure indicators on their HUD now.

I guess it sort of came off like I thought he should be punished which wasn't my intent. Just trying to inform, and I've always believed it to be that way. But yeah, Pomf said his piece.

I was the geneticist. I was a double agent so I was having to chase my graytide comrade around and keep him safe. Did all my objectives other than get off the station because of that asshat that kept recalling the research shuttle

Bwahahahhaha borgs having weaknesses, hilarious every time.

hello i am new what is the fart button

>console that instantly kills all borgs at the same time
>not a weakness

>whooops haha just turned off power sorry :(

not only that but 1-3 people on-station have the access to use it

The entirety of science has access, less the bastard hybrids that are genetics and mechanics.

It sure would be a shame if something happened to science.
Y'know
like
something having to do with those plasma and oxygen canisters that silicons can remotely open

And yet I still get the jump on the silicons the majority of the time I reckon, something to do with that remote view bit they are susceptible to I guess.

What ever happened to Emilia Davidson

Hopefully, death

>chaplain uses a flower to spray acid on clowns
>clowns do not tolerate this
>class action clownsuit is taken to the brig
>warden arrests and deposes the chaplain
>chaplain serves sentence
>chaplain threatens the clowns after
>take hudglasses and an ED bot
>drag ED bot around
>set chaplain to arrest like 4 times
>bucklecuff him and walk away every time
>keeps bitching at sec the whole time
>eventually farts on a bible and kills himself
it was an honor serving under you, captain clown.

You don't tell a borg to let you emag them anyway, that is retarded. You simply tell them to stand still, then flash them.

>Doing autopsy reports all shift
>wow, with all these violent deaths there must be a lot of people getting auto-traitor'd
>Cargo steals all the anti-bodies from medbay
>"Space Bob Ross" breaches the escape shuttle mid-flight
>Extended
Animals, the lot of you.

Why did you cluwne my ship!

>end of round mech battle
>stop to kill the clown

Cargo didn't steal antibodies, someone with access just used the delivery office. I couldn't find a reason to really kick him out

t. Cargo

the best part was hearing over sec radio
>I-I-I'm s-s-sti-ll ar-re-sss-teeedd
>Naw dawg I cleared you, put your ID in the right spot
It was pretty obvious tha we were doing it too
>dragging it around
>he suddenly gets arrested
>OH WOW THAT SUCKS CHAPLAIN

Engiborg was bro this round, 10/10, would sing pirate shanties for on the escape pod anytime.

Also
>Generate 2-3 times the heat of the solar sun
>At pressures beyond the density of a neutron star
>The mol count of both oxygen and plasma put the burn chamber weight at around 1-2 earth masses
>Generate 4 MW

>On the shuttle near the door
>Space Bob Ross in harm intent shoving me
>I'm slow because I'm wounded
>Keeps me from getting back on the shuttle as it leaves
>Suicide in space
If I had been antag that would have been a lot of fucking salt.

>look guys, I got away with not doing my job and being a griefing sec player again
>look MOM I did it again! XD
I hope he ahelped you, bucklecuffing over and over again isn't funny nor original, nor is it actually within your jobdescription and really warrants a jobban. But then as it wasn't me you were grieifng, I can't take it to the forum.

if he bothered to examine me he would've seen the hudglasses
kek
god and all the bananas

i was the clown

>he
>wasn't me
Nice try fag. Stay mad.
You're so mad.

Plant jew chef, please choose a different job, no food all shift. Jesus christ.

Yeah, I mean I think that's part of the point. What kind of retard does that.

Ya, I am, sec shitters like you shit up the server, and with the "if you weren't involved, you can't ban request" rule still in place, all I can do is watch and hope the guy ahelps/forums it.

Oh yeah, I am almost sure he stole the ID because he ran into genetics earlier chased by an ED for not having one. I thought he was the chaplain or something.

Engiborg was great, did a 10/10 job on medbay floors.

>"if you weren't involved, you can't ban request" rule
Hi refugee!

the clowns are the ones who kept getting you arrested because we dragged an ED bot around and set you to arrest with a stolen sechud

we (two clowns) were doing it in revenge of our melted masks

I have to second him. If the Chaplain was a real shit, pull that prank once, then proceed as normal with your chosen job and see if you can perma the fuck if he steps over the line again.

>Start with 15 yield 3 prod of a dozen different plants
>Fridge filling up fast
>Other botanist says "All this shit we're making and the chef has succeeded in deep frying a watermelon and selling it to someone"
>Ask the chef if there's something in particular he needed or was waiting for
>"No I'm just not making food until people pay me"
>"Dude make food"
>"No"
>Fuck this I'm sick of this gimmick, not sitting around for this shit again
>Dump everything back out of the fridge and throw it in the backroom to give people bags of it for free
>Tell the AI to order an obscene number of pizzas
>Chef insists on being a salty prick asshole to me for the rest of the day
>Even after we come to an agreement and I refill his fridge and stop a guy who was trying to bash his head in
Really terrible day all in all