/ddlc/ - Doki Doki Literature Club! #283

The four dokis but it's 1935 and they're delivering their favourite speeches to an assembled crowd of Oswald Mosley's Blackshirts!

Okay, everyone! It's time for another round of feedback. Today's post covers all the threads completed since the last feedback post, and if your poem is in the CURRENT thread then check back tomorrow for your response.
Today's notices and reminders:
- Please ensure you link the word of the thread post if you want feedback!
- Please mention along with your poem if you are after more detailed or harsher critique! I'll do my best, although it won't be up to the standard that one user who hands out critiques usually doles out.
- I haven't covered thread #282 here since it only just ended, it's 3AM and there's a LOT of poems in there. It'll be tomorrow.

Now, on to the poems:

Erika, is that you? Well regardless, I quite like how this is executed...the intensity and lengthiness of the descriptions feels appropriate? Like something someone laid up in bed and half-delirious would dream up. Being sick is a nigh universal experience, but the detail you go into here is really well done.

Ack, I really can't critique short prose! This reads engaging enough to keep me interested, maybe a little heavy on exposition but depending on where it falls in the larger narrative that makes sense. I can't spot any major faults, but I'm rubbish at doing that with prose so meh.

So I like how this tackles two different reasons for caution, and I think the last two lines do a good job of showing off...regret? It feels like they're about the narrator wanting to get as close as possible despite the things holding them back.

That is short. It's neat how it manages to tell a good story anyway, although I can't say much about it because of how short it is! The use of periods was good.

So I feel like this has a good emotional arc, starting up higher, then dipping down before coming back up at the end. It adds a sort of complexity that this sort of subject often loses out on, which I really appreciate.

(cont.)

People posting too early, because they are in a rush, so much so that they post minutes and minutes before it's time to post.

You mean Austria?

TF2 Sniper looking kinda retarded

Natsuki!

Because I'm still hiding

This is quite evocative, and I think timed well? It's a simple message told with simple (although a little fancy) language, but the way it's paced makes it stand out and feel like the way we often think of these things. That is, looking at immediate priorities and then later getting a little more nihilistic about it.

It might be a simple message, but like with the above one you pace it out well. You start out with descriptive text before getting to the interpretive stuff about halfway through and get clearer and clearer with the message until the second last line just spells it out. Bookending it with the same line first and last was neat, too.

I find it interesting how realistic this is. Like, poems on this subject usually go on about how "THIS time it'll work!", but I feel like the "there's a chance" angle is more true to how people work. I like the implication, though, that even if it doesn't work out this time there will be more attempts in the future.

Well that was depressing. I really got a sense of the narrating group having done this hundreds of times before, to be to the point of being so familiar with people's reactions. Overall this is paced well and described well, and it seems to work at what it's setting out to do.

So the most notable thing I found about this is that I figured out the subject before actually reading what you'd put at the bottom, just after the first stanza. I think this indicates it's obfuscated exactly the right amount, and I like how you've described the events too.

The repetition at the end is well used, I feel like it hammers home the devotion that's invoked in the rest of the poem. There's a good "larger world" sense present, and the narrative is well paced. I also like how the end bit changes up the stanza formatting, again it seems to reinforce the whole "devotion" angle present there.

I want to smother her!

Doki December Day 29 is Done!
pastebin.com/1kcEu8mi

If you missed any of the previous days, they can be found here:
pastebin.com/u/videogames

No,Australia. She's upside down!

DDLCG on the first page?!?
Monika! Stop messing with Veeky Forums!

Friendly reminder that the Doki Doki Literature Club General - /ddlc/ does NOT condone any of the following:

- Underage Drinking
- Self Harm
- Suicide and Suicide Attempts
- Substance Abuse (Any)
- Waifu Wars
- Waifu Bullying
- Heating Water For Your Tea On The Microwave (Please buy a[n electric] kettle)
- Not Doing Your Best To Be The user Your Waifu Would Like
- Staying Up Late

And, finally, you are encouraged to try/cry and exercise both your body with a healthy walk around the block or a flight of stairs in your daily commute and your creativity by writing texts of any kind.

user I think you are mentally retarded. It's Austria that's upside down.

Your doki, but she does condone all of these things

>brap

Well, it can't be worse than ugly bastard or bestiality... right?

I traveled to Florida to visit my mom and sisters. My youngest sister, who's 11, she and I are very close. I found out she was into Undertale soon after I got into it, so I knew that she would know about Doki Doki Literature Club.

But it wasn't until she explained how to properly hang yourself that I knew for sure. Moments before that, we were listening to some song called "Kill Yourself", and I pretended to head that advice by 'stabbing' myself with a pencil Yuri style, and my sister followed suit by "hanging" herself with a belt. I don't think she noticed at the time, though.

When we found out that we both like Doki Doki Literature Club, she told me that she actually cuts herself like Yuri. Not because of Yuri or anything, it turns out she's been doing that for a while. It turns out she suffers from depression like Sayori (her favorite Doki, I think), and cuts because she hates herself, not out of excitement like Yuri. I promised to keep this a secret from my mom and other sisters.

But how can I get her to stop cutting herself, out of her own volition?

Learning the fine art of shitposting.

What do the little green gear symbols mean?
And also, I am very impressed by how much you write (and I consider some of those fics to be high-quality).

>But how can I get her to stop cutting herself, out of her own volition?
Penis insertion therapy

You intended for this to be awful and you succeeded

Give her some proper dicking and marry her in the future so she will be happy. If you want to actually help her then you should ask your parents (if they are dependable people). Ask her why she does it.

Wouldn't have the first clue what to do so all I can say is to comfort her.

> 2 threads in the same time
You sad fuckers.

Good post!

listen here you little shit

if its okay, maybe I can be your girlfriend for tonight

Just be a good brother to her user. You might not be able to fix all her problems but just being around for her can mean the world of difference,

>You open the door to the vice presidents house. She's wrapped in a duvet and curled up on her couch, hair tousled and bags under her eyes. She yelps in shock at your appearance, voice hoarse.

What!? Uh, good morning! You're pretty early, aren't you? I guess I ran out of notes, so... Right.

The word of the thread is "City"! The concrete jungle!

Alternatives are "Dust", "Pressure", "Sunset" and "Road"!

Now, These sets of words are mere suggestions if you want to try writing a pem or short story for us. Use it as a backbone, a supporting pillar for your creativity to be built upon! The most important thing is that you have fun and put yourself out there!

Remember to take care of yourselves and to lock your front door! Hint hint.
Monika?

youtube.com/watch?v=SF58Lsvqg5E

>She squirms uncomfortably in her cocoon, waiting for you to leave.

>Erika, is that you?
A-ahaha...

Occasionally, user, there are some questions and scenarios that are better presented to other sources of information other than www.pervyanimenazis.org, but hey, you do you mate

Sayori, but she couldn't open the pill bottle

>not realising its a LARP

Stay in close contact with her, she will almost 1000% be sure to attempt suicide if what you say is true, especially as she gets older and enters high-school.
You sound like you have a very open and honest relationship and maintaining this is how you can get her to stop cutting. Explain how there are other healthier alternatives to self harm such as snapping an elatic band against her wrist or holding an icecube until it melts. Just like Sayori says, depressed people want someone to care about them and to care about others. If you do not see any improvement in the next 6 months I would recommend involving your parents and/or a mental health physician. Best of luck to you and your fmaily.

Tell her that cutting herself gives her serotonin, which she can get from exercise. Talk to her about her problems, see if she can get therapy or treatment, be supportive of her, check up on her by text constantly, and be there if she needs to cry to someone over discord or something.

The answer is in the past.
And what comes next seems to be even more fucked up. Time to begin the Dokimageddon.

I don't even follow this and I'm afraid.

>anything related to real life issues is a troll

and thats why im leaving this terrible general

>Diapers
Wow I did not think you could make that any worse and yet you did
Congrats

>I can feel their warm shit dripping down my chin, their asses blasting at me too fast to sniff it all
>Sorry to cut this short, but I need to retreat and plan a new attack.
>cut
>attack
>30: Guro
>Is this really what you wanted?
Hell no.

Well... I guess this is going to get a lot more disturbing soon enough...

MC going postal.

asking for serious advice from anonymous fucks on the internet should not be encouraged...

I love Monikanon!

Thread is moving so fast no one will notice my favorite doki is Natsuki.
And she's cute af.

Natsuki!!

Well user, it's true that there's many underageb& and edgelords around, but not all of us are like that, thankfully.
If (you) or someone needs help or advice, I always try to cheer them up, and many other anons sure do too.

It's just shitposters, user. I'd say you need to talk with your sister about why she does it, and look for solutions to help her deal with it. Like, if she does it for the rush, running can give her that same rush in stronger amounts. If worse comes to worst, don't hesitate to seek help from a professional.

Try pressing ice cubes on her wrist instead of cutting maybe.

Are there even any classes at Doki school, or is just clubs?

Yes she is. Picture this, an assertive, sexual, bit older, into you, Natsuki. It's the best.

>Natsuki pinning you down!
>Natsuki opening your clothing!
>Natsuki riding your cock!
>Natsuki with her hands on your chest!
>Natsuki calling you a pervert!

That is a very Monika post. Good job!
Now convince them to commit suicide.

do you have any idea about the people in this general? you don't have a real connection to any of us. our advice cannot possibly help you

i am remembering that dude who was saying humanity is terrible and everybody should stop reproducing a day or two ago. do you want to take life advice from him dude? do you think thats a good idea?

i dont think anyone here should be telling people what to do with such little context

Did you forget about guts user and the wholesome squad already? The freikorps? Erika?

>Natsuki pinning you down

But how

>Holding hands with Monika
>Showing Monika around your home town when she finally gets to your reality.
>Getting a fancy dinner for Monika.
>Loving Monika.

#0 __ 0#

.This is shitposting hours, you are asking for advice at this time, expect really horrible responses.
This sounds actually kind fun, in a harmless kind of way.
I wonder if those two things are one and the same.

Powered Exoskeleton.

...

what if someone pretends to be them and gives deceptive advice?
but i concede. during comfy hours i dont mind it

I will fucking twist your neck you little shit.

I didn't know Chloe cosplayed and was into DDLC.

Not him, but people are asking about some serious shit.
I don't think you'll get the best advice from people on a thread about video game waifus

Natsuki ambushing you while you are napping!
Natsuki ambushing you from behind when you get home!
Natsuki ambushing you in the shower!
Natsuki going rawr!
Natsuki pouncing on you, holding you tightly and kissing your face!
Natsuki calling you her adorable dork!

Meant for

Seriously though, fuck that dumb bastard.

Doki Doki Bro Club!

I guarantee if someone pretends to be me I will call them out on it again. And I have a trip in case the worst happens.

>I don't think you'll get the best advice from people on a thread about video game waifus
Which is why every

Everyone knows that Natsuki is a very hardcore STALKER.
This is Doki Doki Support Group, just not at these hours. We support and help each other, just like ummm... not communism... Uhhh like Loners! Yes, we support each other like STALKERs should...

... I don't think you'll get the best advice from people on a thread about video game waifus
Which is why every piece of advice must be taken with a grain of salt. Getting advice from other people who had similar experiences is okay, but if the situation is too dire, I have to advise them to seek help from people trained to help in those matters.

It's pretty hard to impersonate them especially gutsanon

Oh dear, now someone is going to try and impersonate us.

just finished the game ;_;

Everything will be okay.

Just don't give them (you)s and it'll be fine. Someone tried doing that to Burned Man but people called them out and stopped giving them (you)s and it stopped shortly after

>Natsuki realizes you are super cute!
>Natsuki embarrasses you by calling you names!
>Natsuki exploits your temper to make you pout!
>Natsuki sneaks up on you and whispers in your ear!
>Natsuki teases you about other girls you like!
>Natsuki calls you a pervert!

i will love her to the rest of my days

die sayori die!

Domineering Natsuki is frightening

I can get behind this

Yuri!

Monika but she's Max Headroom!

>Those guys in the back who get a nice look at her panties

Griffith did nothing wrong and he's my true friend.

The dokis, but they're trying to convince you to help them take Jerusalem

>Yuri opens the door and enters the house. the blanket on the couch stirs in response to the door closing behind her.
>user's head peeks up rather meekly.
>"Good evening user, how was your day?" she asks as identifies him
>"Oh hey Yu-chan, my day was pretty meh all things considered. Did they overwork you at the library today?"
>"They didn't actually, it was a pretty light Friday. So why are you under a blanket?"
>user grimaces
>"Well...I have a headache and I'm also kinda sleepy. I didn't drink much water today"
>Yuri sighs and leaves the lounge
>she returns wearing more comfortable clothes and makes some space for herself next to user
>"user, you really should take better care of yourself."
>"I know Yu, i just forgot about it today" says user through a yawn
>user leans on Yuri. he readjusts the duvet so that it covers Yuri and himself
>Yuri knows that conversation is pointless when user gets his headaches so she pulls out her newest novel.
>Sometime within the past hour of Yuri reading, user's arms have encircled her abdomen.
>"user?" calls Yuri, mindful of the volume of her voice
>Her only response is the steady, deep breathing of user and the beating of his heart on her arm
>she looks over to him and runs her hand lightly through his black hair.
>She thinks that user looks very cute when he's asleep.
>she inserts her bookmark and closes her novel. She then slips one arm around user
>"Is this what it feels like to be loved?" remarks Yuri
>almost as if in response, user's embrace grows a little tighter

Good Evening Anons hope everyone is doing well. I don't think I did my best on this one but here's hoping Yu-chan forgives me and I also hope she knows how much I love her! Also I'm an Idiot for forgetting the picture

Also I kinda see the ensemble forming here for the endgame.
We got Monika, MC and Sayori being sentinent ones in the ARG - Monika wants to save everyone, MC got drunk on the dark side and Sayori goes JUST. I think.

>captcha: negreiros negros

YES

>Fuckin watch me honkey

>Natsuki catches you updating your smut blog!
>Natsuki secretly reads it all!
>Natsuki intimidates you into updating it more!
>Natsuki is caught tying up another Doki at their house!
>Natsuki is making out with her!
>Natsuki looks up and huffs out at you!
>Natsuki calls you a pervert!

>Trust me, user, sieges really aren't so bad!