/ksg/ - Katawa Shoujo General

Just another reason for us to start censoring the use of the word H*nako

Lilly!

>the bust is missing
meta

She never did give his jacket back, did she?

>another deleted post
alright which one of you guys got a janitor position

It was probably the Hanapleb himself who applied for a Janitor role. Imagine being that ass blasted due to your poor choice in waifu.

no, she's an amoral soulless thief.

Because she stole my heart, right?

post your favourite short fic before suzu falls asleep again!

is this loss

Suzu falling asleep in my arms while I,m reading her a cutesy love fic doesn't seem all that bad tbqh

pastebin.com/EkTLwEgn

He also does it for free,

ayy lmao

I don't like this edition.

This is the Emi Tanabata fic I've been working on (inspiration picture related), and I'm finally pretty happy with it.
I hope you enjoy it.
pastebin.com/nLyg0VcD

Post the "consensual sex dungeon" picture. I like that one.

I'm sorry can you be more specific?

I'd still love her

Saved for later, thanks Emifriend I'm sure I'll love it.

"I pull on my sick ass sweater vest. I look at myself in Emi's mirror while she gets ready. Man, I look freaking sweet, I love this sweater."
Currently in the middle of reading, skipping over the sex stuff as I'm not a big fan of that stuff, but I'm glad to see some swaggervest respect, even if it's exaggerated.

hey ksg what do you do when you hate yourself and get drunk everyday and would kill yourself if it weren't for the guilt

I hope you do!

I feel you, I almost marked the first smut, I did mark the second. I love Hisao's sweatervest.

don't

I respect interpretations of Hisao which make him more of a chad befitting of the title of "Master of Romance".
Sweatervests are pimpin' as long as you're pimpin' the sweatervest in your heart.

I'm gonna fuck off to sleep now, enjoy this Snoozune from me.

While I'm asleep, can somebody explain how people find Hanako's route enjoyable?
I genuinely cannot understand how people like the writing or the storyline. I can accept people liking the h scene though, despite me finding it kinda questionable.

"People" dont. The ones that do aren't counted as people. And like you seemed to indicate, some animals simply like rape and violence, yes. That's why us humans shoot them with arrows and bullets.

yeah but i wanna

wew so edgy

It's just a fact that urban areas used to be inhabited by lions and AIDS. Now they're not. If you want edgy, look at the "people" who decided to be animals and ended up writing Hanako's route.

keep drinking? been in that boat for like 6 years user, keep on trucking.

I haven't played it in a while but when the game came out I held the date scene where you play pool with her to be my favourite scene in the whole game. When I do her route sometime soon I'll let you know my updated feelings.

And hey, a lot of people like being white knights. Hanako appeals specifically to that demographic.

Start working out, running's a great start. It will literally improve your mental health, nevermind the physical benefits. It's worth trying.

that wasnt a date scene.

it was a "me and lilly will protect you" scene, because every single scene was ruined on purpose. he couldnt even protect her from himself, so it was a fucking lie as well.

I mostly just focus on going ham on the booze. Eventually I stop caring a fall asleep.

No matter how much you shitpost it won't unrape her.

I haven't been able to see the point of living for over 7 years, but I appreciate you
and you although I'm too useless to try exercise
and you, that's probably what will end up happening tonight. but fuck it gets exhausting

>I'm too useless to try exercise
Excercise will get rid of that mindset.
Starting small is all it takes, just walk on a treadmill for like 10 minutes every day, gradually increase the speed and time spend on it over the course of weeks.
Do it for your waifu.

...

my waifu ain't even a cripple, she's this autistic weirdo. she doesn't give a fuck if I exercise

Yeah, I guess she'd be fine with anyone.

>tfw Jigoro was trying to stop you from wearing that sweater because he knew that his daughter wouldn't be able to resist a man that wore one

>Rin has a kid
>the kid has the same congenital deformity as Rin but now with Hisao's fucky heart
Shiggy Diggy

>hfw hisao puts on the she's wetter vest

rin's was due to prenatal medication

I didn't find it enjoyable, but I at least found Hanako as a character quite interesting.
That's different from say, Lilly, where the character is bland and the story sort of blows its load in the third act, leaning heavily on the same weak "omigosh we gotta fix Hanako" crap which it doesn't have a real excuse to do aside from Lilly's character being boring.
I mean for fuck's sake there's such fertile ground to make the drama about her interpersonal issues with being class rep or her struggling to be accepted as half-foreign in Japanese society but instead we get a teaser for Hanako's route.
You might say that Shizune's route does the same thing with Misha, and I'd agree if Misha had her own route, but she doesn't.

>struggling to be accepted as half-foreign in Japanese society
that would be interesting now that you mention it.

Bretty good, especially for a first story!
You ask for criticism, so gonna skim through it again hm..
(most of them will be negative things, but don't feel like I'm shitting on the story or anything, I liked it but I'm mostly gonna comments on things I did NOT like, as you're asking for constructive criticism to improve). Just saying preemptively so you don't think that most of the story was negative if most of the criticism is negative!

So here we go.
-Sometime you spend a bit too long describing scenes that aren't that interesting to the reader; To put it in perspective, by beginning with 'description done RIGHT' : when you describe Emi dressing up (or undressing obv.) it's fine to take your time and describe lengthily because descriptions of Emi in various state of undress will obviously be pleasing to a (straight male/emifriend) reader. But when Hisao is dressing up, or getting out of bed, or doing anything really (that isn't that relevant to the plot) we don't need that much information. Just "Hisao gets out of bed" would be enough. While you might go more in details with Emi's every movement and stuff, with Hisao we care less.

Or if Emi is undressing HIsao, then sure give us the full details, but if Hisao is undressing himself, skip to the end. Just examples like that.

-You seem to use bustle/bustling/bust*** a lot. I'm not a native english speaker and I'm not sure if it's a common word or not but I've never read it as much in any other story I've ever read! That word aside, I didn't notice any other repetition of the sort tho. (cont next post)

The first step is to tell your parents that you feel like killing yourself. If you don't know how to do that, ask /r9k/ for advice.

(cont)
-Ok a positive thing : Hisao strapping Emi's legs : LOVED it. It was a bit short and all but I think it was one of my favorite scene of the story. That's something I've never really thought of/seen anyone write/mention it, but it's great. Just a cute way to show they're getting closer together and that Emi's disability is just 'normal' and I don't know, but it was really cute. Kind of things you read and makes you go dawwww wish that was me doing it.

-A few scenes seems very similar to KS scenes. I'm not sure if they were homage/references or if you just forgot they were in KS and unconsciously made them this way... but like 'Emi tears into the dessert like it owes her money.', in KS there's "emi tearing through lunch as if it insulted her ancestors' or something. I spotted 2 or 3 lines like these, forgot the other ones tho. It's not that big a deal, but to autists like me it's a bit immersion breaking because you go "Ah that's like KS!" then you realize you're reading a story about a game.
-The sex scenes move a bit fast from one position to another, like you wanted to have them all in the story, bj, cunni, fuck in this or that position etc.. I know smut is hard to write and if you focus on 1 positino for too long you find yourself lacking different ways to describe a dick moving in and out, but still, when you swap from 1 position to the next, it feels a bit rushed like you're trying to cram everything in the sex scene.

That's about it! Again, don't feel like I hated most of the story, only commenting on the few things that felt a bit weird to me, liked all the rest.

There was lots of comfy scenes, some teasing lines (big plus to me, and just fits Emi anyway), some lovely moments, and of course some smut, and aside from those few critiques, it was pretty good!
(cont again next post for some random thought)

I don't know if you're the only guy who has a bunch of Honey Select Hanakos saved, but I bust a gut laughing at one where Hanako is in that background asking "Where are we?" and the filename is "the consensual sex dungeon".

To expand on your point about describing certain things more than others, the goal is just to keep the descriptive segments in line with what the reader is interested in. Thankfully in most stories, including this one, what the audience is interesting should line up with what the MC(Hisao) would find interesting. To take your example, both Hisao and the reader are very interested in Emi dressing and undressing, so more descriptive text about those actions fits. Neither Hisao nor the reader are interested in Hisao getting dressed.

(cont, last)
This might be WJ's influence, but there's 2 moments where I expected something bad happening;
1) The hammer contest thingy; Hisao ran really fast all story's long, ate some greasy crap, and then he's making a big effort (the hammer) then you have him do the thing that (in shizuen's path) give him... not a flutter, but a moment of weakness? I was sure you were about to kill HIsao, or at least give him something.

2) Rin's dream wish thingy. This was a bit random so I thought ok this is important... She'll probably kill herself or some shit because she dreams that stuff and the wish didn't help. that line asking if Rin seemed even weirder than usual, reinforced my fears that she was about to do something.
It felt so random that (when it was proven wrong) I kinda felt like it was intentional somehow but couldn't figure out why you'd do that, so probably not?

-

All in all, good story, especially good first try, and I'd definitely read more of your stuff!
Good going user!

lolizune a cute

Can Lilly resist the Aura of Arousal the sweater vest emits? No

yup, sums it well!
or to put it in a weird metaphor thingy way : Descriptions of Hisao doing stuff is like porn videos focusing on the guy's dick/face. WHY DO I WANT TO SEE THAT!
In a story it's not as boner-destroying as the porn's male-shots, but it's still not that fun to read about. And as (quote) said, it's not interesting to Hisao either, so it should not even be soemthing that Hisao himself pays much attention to.

Thanks sincerely for the criticism! I'm glad you liked it on the whole and I agree with basically everything you said.
I was a bit weird when I was writing with descriptions, when I started I was describing EVERYTHING way too in depth, so I tried combining movements and describing only what I felt warrented it, that said I do think I might've spent too much time on Hisao doing things like you said.
Bustle/bustling was mostly a coincidence, but I had a few words I found myself using repeatedly or at least stopping myself from doing so, for example "warm", "sweet" and variations on those.
The leg strapping thing was also one of my favorite things to write, I'm glad you enjoyed it, especially enough to point it out specifically.
The KS scene alignment was completely coincidental, I think it just ended up paralleling that was because I was thinking of her the whole time and trying to think of how she'd act in a certain situation or something, and it ended up lining up like that sometime I suppose.
As far as smut is concerned, I really didn't want to drone on with it, I wanted it to be relitively descriptive but I felt like the more I wrote, the more awkward the read, so I kept things shorter on the whole.
I was going for /comfy/ originally, so I'm glad that came across well.
Thank you again for the criticism, I really do appreciate it.

All 'zunes a cute.
>tfw no deafmute secret paramilitary mech pilot gf

Oh you mean this one.

Oh, the Rin thing is kind of a reference to something else, so I'll spoil it here.
I've been reading the Necronomicon, it's a reference to Call of Cthulhu.
Was supposed to be mostly comfy, no way I'd kill Hisao in this one.

That's the one. Thanks f.am

np!
and yeah smut is always difficult (to me anyway), always awkward to write, and even when you're kinda satisfied with what you got you wonder if that's not gonna be the cringiest thing ever written for the readers.
yup, it definitely was comfy! Hope we see more of you someday!

>when artists use dillion harper as a boob anatomical model

>I've been reading the Necronomicon, it's a reference to Call of Cthulhu.
Ah, haven't read this, explains why I didn't get it I suppose!

Well you got the gist of it anyways, being something bad is happening, Rin is being driven slowly insane. So in that way it worked well enough.

at least she doesn't look like Seth MacFarlane

and i saved it regardless for the record

>If there was a ren'ai game like this, Raita would be all over it.

Did we ever find out if he liked the game or not?

'Night /ksg/
Stay comfy!

>user's hoverhand

Night user, sleep well.
I'm out too, goodnight /ksg/, don't die without us.

/ksg/ never dies. It merely fades away.

with Suzu holding user like that but with a distance between them, it looks like she's pulling user into a hug. Because if she wanted to do a 'polite' reserved hug at a distance she wouldn't wrap her arms around him like that, she'd just leave them on the side or soemthing.

So she's pulling him into a tight hug, and his hand hovering might just be a surprised reaction.
that's my headcanon and I stick with it.

this hurt.. I'd want a girl to hug me so much. Wouldn't even care if we never sex or anything. Just hugs and cuddles and maybe kisses, I'd be happy.

...

Good morning /ksg/, hope everyone is doing great today !

Good morning, anonymous! Everything is pretty good here.

How are you?

I just woke up and prepare myself for classes, so nothing good, nothing bad for now.

Morning, afternoon, evening. Regardless of whatever time it is, you fall asleep too soon, /ksg/! Show me that breath of life in you!

good morning user, hope you will do great today !

Thanks you guys for keeping this alive while I'm at work/sleeping. Worked hard today. Time to sleep. I'm so tired

Sleep will do you some good fo sure, goodnight user !

Goodnight user. I hope no one __Hs__ you in your sleep.

Whelp that was a long day... Think its time to sleep and dream of hana

Stay alive my dudes, see ya when i wake up

One for Mish
Good lord I need a Mish to cuddle with, and to sit on my face

>Replay Emi route
>Get motivation and stop drinking
>Start running instead
>???
>Profit!!!

Wish it was this easy, though... All the best with your struggle, user.

Nth for a happy Hana!

Good morning user!

I'll be working from home today, I postponed my morning run to the afternoon as I didn't feel too good after waking up and to spend some more time with my girlfriend before she left to work

I hope you are also having a great day today!

Good night user!

It's good you care about your gf, just remeber to do those runs for your health.
Also good luck on that job !