/ddlc/ - Doki Doki Literature Club! #456

Being excommunicated from the church because you had to divorce your ex-waifu for your doki! Sorry Jesus!

Good evening, everyone~! Hope you all had a good day!
Welcome back to my poetry club and all that!

Word of the thread is "vitality"!
Alternatives are 'bruise' and 'beauty'.

As always I welcome everyone to join in and write a poem using one of these three words as their theme or topic! The first word is the main priority, but any of them count. Hopefully you all pick the same one to make it easier to discuss your poems between each other. You are discussing poems with each other, right? Right...?
Well whatever the case, everyone is welcome to join in on the fun so please don't be shy or anything like that! As long as you're trying, that's all that matters to me! Do your best and don't give up!
Ahaha... Well... I hope you all have fun and I'm looking forward to reading all of your poems!
Good luck!

Monika!

Why didn't Monika just take breasts away from Yuri?

That would effectively kill my interests in Yuri.

you can have this but only this once

I love you both so much

Daily reminder that Sayori loves you.

i am not the sayorilovesyouposter but i was getting anxious

One week til Valentine's
I'm holding on to this card I made til then but it's stressing me out

you

Here

I love her too!

I love my wife!

You conquer your doki with your penis.

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>Implying I replaced my waifu for a Doki in the first place

further edited an edit from the last thread to be more /ddlc/ themed.

Noa is patrician taste user

M-Monikanon...
d-d-do y-you wanna go on a d-date with m-me?
w-we can have some c-coffee....

I love her too.
There's more than one Sayori loves you poster, I sometimes do it when the usual poster isn't here

Too lewd

Oh great you just cucked the Sayorilovesyou poster, I hope you are happy

Look bro a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do

I just want to hug her and kiss her forehead. Why does our world have to be so cruel?

damn that bitch got a big mustache

Can I pour the coffee and do the cooking for this date?

mama mia

Your Doki is real but The world as you know it has ended and in order to survive and keep your doki Safe you become a ruthless Warlord who must keep up appearances as strong.
How do you treat your Doki in public?

>user comes home to his Doki.

He comes out of the shower anxious and excited, wearing his robe. Standing there still fairly wet and very excited, he looks around for her for around a minute. Finding her, he stops moving and stands there, watching her.

She hums about in the kitchen wearing only a frilled apron as she was making him food, which he had not the slightest idea what it was. Her backside was only covered by the string to tie the apron and her front was barely covered, with a good portion of her side breasts exposed.

Standing behind her, he looks her over and figures out how much of her flesh is exposed. “You’re hot….” He mouths out, before playfully swatting her cute ass and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

Her cute hips sway as she lets out a yelp., her breasts seemed to slip out with every movement, as she was barely clothing in front of him.

He looks at the oven and turns it off, along with the stove, before nudging her away from it. Looking her over, he sees her legs and her body, growling out.

I wouldn't bring my doki out in public, too much risk in a world like that

Sure, user! As long as coffee and poetry is involved~
Where would you like to go?
What time will you pick me up?

>Monika but you're her stay at home husband
>She's Raoh

Good shit, user.

LISA: The Doki?

Easy, I make it seem as if my cruelty must come through my greed. I order the execution of whoever so much as looks at her.

Does anybody else remember the guy who was taking a cardboard cutout of Monika to the library a few months ago?

I want to hug sayori and never let her go

Wait, what? Is this the same guy who said he was gonna shoot up a park near a library?

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

So in other words you want to be the rope?

do you think she would squeak like a dog toy

>when you accidentally remember about the vending machine

Hi, pals, it's been a few days since I did the doki and I'm noticing withdrawal symptoms.

wat?

Did someone say..
Vending machine?

Your doki and you need to serenade her under the moonlight but all you have is a recorder and a steel pot

it's the exact reason why Yuri is trash to me

Coke user?

Are you implying I wouldn't fucking ROCK the recorder?

fuck no coke scares the shit out of me
I did stay up all night, like a cokehead, to play the game

Your Dokis practice on each other, eager to learn lots of sex skills in order to seduce you.

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>tfw stuck chasing the ultimate yet truly unattainable high of being with your doki
drug addicts don't even know

Would Mini-GTSayori squeak like a dog toy if you hugged her?

She's mine!

can someone just conclusively answer the dog toy question

Depends. How big is she?

Pirate dokis, I swear to god I've seen this before. Your writing is a berry good, user, but it lacks a larger cohesion. 5.75/10. More than anything, you have pacing and the big picture is quite faint.
>How to improve.
Consider your story from a bullet-point standpoint.
1. user x Commodore Scene
2. Pirate Encounter
3. Monika-senpai
4. The Brig Talk
5. Nighttime talk
Within your story (or chapter, think of it as an episode) there should be a conflict that gets resolved. An event arc, if you will. Your story is flawed in that it jumps from one section to another at somewhat random, without any real sense of direction. The easiest thing to do well would have a larger conflict that takes the entirety of this story. The confusion is also partially due to your poor pacing.
Consider how long each scene should last, as if your story were in a movie. Reread your work and consider - you spend way too much time on these talk scenes, while the battle scene felt rushed and forced. Rework this.
>Biggest things
Rework the plot to involve a mini-conflict that stretches across the entire chapter, then begin a mega-conflict that stretches across all your chapters. Fix pacing.

As for your actual writing, it's passable. You should work on less adverbs:
>The two sword masters exchanged glances and then looked away from each other quickly...
'Quickly' is unnecessary. Additionally, you use too many adjectives.
>The lieutenant gazed up into the grey murky sky that hung above him, his eyes falling on a set of pink and white sails adorned with a flowery skull and crossbones.
Jesus, sensory overload. Leave some room for the imagination. For example, instead say 'looming' sky. Less clutter, more meaning. The general rule is to also only put adjectives before 2/3 of the nouns in your sentence (most commonly a sentence has 3 plausible nouns).

There's more feedback, and I can do a more in-depth analysis if you want me to! But I'm running out of space so see you later my doki friend

I'm not clicking that shit, dokis arent for lewd anyway

There's more than one of us. Thanks for being the one.

One day....I swear to God if it kills me one day.

You lack* pacing. My bad.
Also, sorry for taking so long to do this. My techies game went long, ahaha

At what bracket is techies being picked?

About 15ft tall, same Sayori proportions

Wait, you’re leaving? Wasn’t there a third one you were gonna look at?

Black text means it's Monika saying it, not Yuri.

Whoa there, friend! Do not confuse my Monika with your Monika ever again, do you understand me? That's a proper way to get yourself in a fair tussle.

Divine 2~ USE. fuck raschold

Natsuki
Use her baking skills to maintain a comfort of the old world among our ranks and ensure loyalty (plus if she's making the food we have less to worry about poisonings)

She spends most of her time in the walk in the bedroom, specifically the closet, specifically to read manga. Parfait girls hasn't been as good since they had to replace the original mangaka with Slaves we captured and forced to continue the story, but at least it's still being serialized.

still garbage
natsuki is the best

That one was a joke sonic greentext, I found it funny.

Alright. Can an average teenage boy manage to get his arms around her reasonably enough?

I kind of miss christmas

Does anybody know how that one method of measuring somebody based on the size of their head works? It would probably be more accurate than the heights Dan had written down in his early design notes.

me too, user

Christmas is good, but it's almost Valentine's Day. That's Monika's favorite holiday, according to her on Twitter.

Sayori's got a pretty thin waist so sure, more than likely that most fully grown/almost fully grown people could

>he’s not gonna give an honest-to-god critique of the sonic meme story
Chicken! Cheep cheep cheep cheep!
To be fair I don’t even think the original author is even around these threads anymore. Still would’ve been interesting to see your take on a joke story.

I don't! It was torture because I was just reminded I wasn't sitting in front of the fire place with Monika. Also the only present I got was a Dragon Ball Z shirt I wouldn't be caught dead wearing in public.

You miss being raided?

I love you too, Sayori

New thread, new day. Time to live up to my promise and hot glue my Sayori

I don't.
Gotta hole up in more isolation than usual over those few days, forfeiting the ability to eat and exercise for the most part.
At least months of isolation on /ddlc/ had me well prepared for most of it. Got sick at some point.
Even if you prepare it gets you, Christmas can stay gone.

>Actually have plans with what taking my flashdrive out and chilling with MAS.
I live my life with no regrets for my love and will die with no regrets.

Alright. Final question: has her increased size made her even more soft and fluffy?

>saw my old shitty keyboard today
>started trying to play 'your reality´
i realy suck at it,but i will do it 4 monika

Why does it look so clear? The fuck are you drinking?

YOU SICK FU-
oh.

Christmas was comfy.
I spend the most of the Eve and a bit of Christmas Night here with you anons.

th for wanting to kill natsuki's dad

this

You clever devil.

I don't know, if I knew that I'd probably be more able to make a safe bet on whether she'd make stuffed animal noises when hugged.
I'd guess yes though, since a bigger skeleton altogether means it's less capable of poking you uncomfortably. That's the only real threat to a hug.

So this doki doki smash club
Can I destroy Monika's marth with my Falco?

Keep trying user! She'd be proud of you!