/ddlc/ - Doki Doki Literature Club! #487

Me too, user.
Me too.

Morning Brett! How are you? love you

Your doki becomes real but she finds out you're an overweight NEET not even capable of supporting yourself and even less her, how does your doki react?

I'm doing a-ok! How about you? P.S. love you too

I wanna nibble on that pocky until our lips meet and kiss her lovingly.

Well, I'm not.
But if I was, she'd help me improve myself. If I proved I was willing to turn my life around for her, she'd stick with me.

Aight lads! Not wishingwall user here! For thread #500 we’re going to be making a wishing wall!
Here’s what you do. Write a wish for yourself, for the future or for anything really on a 300x300 .png or .jpg. Then fire it over to [email protected] OR link it to this post in thread, either works! You can also shoot me the text you want placed on the wall and I’ll put her up with no image.
Anyone can participate! Feel free to draw your picture or borrow someone else’s or write a personal message for your readers. Feel free to use whatever image editing software you want, be it MSPaint, Photoshop or whatever.

The deadline for this little project is the end of thread #495 which is roughly about Saturday, February 17th. This is so the wall will be completed and ready to go by thread #500. I’m not the guy running this so I’ve got no idea how many entries we have, but I encourage you lads to try and pull something together for it.
Hope you’s lads have a good one!

...

Even when I was a NEET I wasn't overweight. In fact I lost weight as a NEET

Audibly keked.

I am actually feeling really well today

I want to die

I don't

Step 1: Buy a shotgun.
Step 2: Buy a Baclava
Step 3: Invite Natsuki over my Doki's house for a sleepover
Step 4: Wear Baclava and equi shotgun.
Step 5: Enter Natsuki's home and shoot her dad.
Step 6: Go to said sleepover and report the incident, tell her that there's been a robbery and her dad died in the break-in.
Step 7: Offer to sponsor Natsuki and let her live at my place or my doki's.
Step 8: Wait few years for trust to build.
Step 9: I now have a loyal girl that will do anything for me, even die at my command.
Step 10: Ask to marry both of them in a Polygamous setting and live happily ever after

I do, but not like, right now.

No. You wish to die.
You want something completely different.
Learn the difference and you will find a way to get better.

This. I'm a skeleton.

>He doesn't already

Hey i'm a skeleton too,
but please post more pics of best skeleton.

G'day everyone.
It took me four hours, but here I am!
May I present to you, lads and gentlemen, Aussieanon’s own special poetry critiques!
I’ll start by saying just how bloody sorry I am for missing them yesterday, which is why I’ve incorporated them into this one, 41 different poems covered! Everything since this prompt here (excluding last thread for reasons I won’t get into, it will be covered come time do not fret!) Ladnon’s been kind enough to offer to post these for me, since I’m still recoiling from a Jannie ban. I should be back to full posting capacity within 36 hours. I’ve seen some of the kind words left by people asking where I’ve buggered off to, I can’t begin to tell you how much it means to read stuff like that, so thank you all!
But enough about me, onto the poetry!

Today's notices and reminders:
- Please ensure you link the word of the thread post if you want feedback! Whenever someone says I missed their thing, it's almost always because it was not linked to the prompt.
- Please mention along with your poem if you are after more detailed or harsher critique! I'll do my best, although it won't be up to the standard that one user who hands out critiques usually doles out.
- Please, PLEASE leave comments on other people's poems if you have the time! I can't give each work the attention it deserves, so I'm relying on all of you to help fill in the gaps.

Again, everything since I was actually able to leave a comment on this one before Jannie fucked me, right here 205129782. Other than that it was top stuff mate!

I also commented on this at the time 205129782. But I really liked it regardless

Cont.

yo awesome! glad to hear it.

Monika

>tfw not a NEET but still a fatass
was I being meme'd this whole time?

Oh fuck this was the whole package. Lewd, wholesome, funny and meta. I tip my hat to you sir. The rhyme scheme worked well for the comedy aspect and some of the more unconventional rhymes “”B-but she is not for fug!”” had a whiplash to them that got a key out of me. Well fucking done mate.

Don’t be so harsh on yourself mate! An ABAB rhyme scheme is always tricky to pull of, and I congratulate you on doing so. I think perhaps the rhyme scheme you chose limited your ability to properly express what you were going for, but I quite liked the opening stanza though. Congrats on using 2 of the thread words as well, good stuff mate.
This was a good read, I loved theme of determination and never relenting. The repetition in the first stanza brilliantly sold the hardship aspect of your piece, and the same technique was also used to effect in the second too to show the struggle of persisting. It ended on a sweet note too. Reminded me of this:
youtube.com/watch?v=O_xt9mQuaEQ

This was outstanding, not only did you perfectly use an ABAB rhyme scheme, something pretty tricky to pull off mind you, but you also completely sold the emotion of the piece. Occasional grammatical mistake, possessive ’s’ required for “gods test” and I think you meant to write through in the place of “trough”. Other than that though, he narrative of how Sayori has inspired you to improve and be better for those around you was touching and a lovely read. Outstanding stuff mate!

Bugger, I thought this one was going to end on a high note, but you drag me back in!
Jokes aside the little zinger at the end was well done, and the rest of the poem’s rhyme scheme felt natural and was smooth to read. I loved some of the language used in the opening stanza, “Dusk lay waste to daylight” is a great line. Great piece user!

Cont.

Thanks for working so hard for the thread. It's impressive, and a little bewildering that I can't do as much for the place I love.

This is brilliant, you captured ennui perfectly, and yet were able to sprinkle a small dosage of hope into the final stanza. Overall use of language was superb, “Temptation tugs at me” and other such are great. The third stanza was the strongest, the metaphors worked perfectly. All i’d change is I’d put an ‘is’ between ‘gratification’ and ‘all’ but other than that this is top stuff mate.

I really liked this, it’s like a reflective ode to doki. It felt like you were talking half to yourself and half to someone else, an aspect that really works well in poems dedicated to madness or insanity. Use of language was phenomenal too. The concept of what is truly madness was fantastically explored as well.

A brilliant piece to say the least. It written phenomenally and employed great use of metaphor. It felt almost like a biblical passage or psalm, and the language used reflected that. I’d watch the double use of ‘earn’ in the last stanza but other than that this is tremendous work.

I’d definitely say your first stanza was your strongest, it feels like a more jumpy modern piece in those lines, if you know what I mean. The second stanza I think could use some work, it didn’t really finish the poem as much as throw more aspects into the air. However, that being said, use of language was quite good as is your imagery.

Meta, I really liked this piece. You’ve done a brilliant job of characterising how I reckon most blokes here would feel during hellthreads, that horrible sensation of wanting to get away, but the same time feeling as if you’re abandoning something you care about so you just block it out or ‘go underground’. Your use of language was great, the poems simple style worked wonders for the theme and the last line is an absolute zinger. Good work mate!

Cont.

user I think you're seeing poems that aren't there
half your quotes are going nowhere

This is a cosy feeling poem, I like it!
The exalted comfort and feeling of solidarity you’re able to visualise is a pleasant one to say the very least. I did quite like the last few lines and the repetition of “I am”, makes the piece feel much more intimate and sincere with the person you’re sharing it with. Well done.
Yeah nah yeah nah yeah
Roaches are some cunts ‘round here
Down in NSW

Cute piece mate, if a little self depricating!

>5
>Fucking 6
>5
I’m fucking miffed

This shit’s fucking adorable. Well done ABAB rhyme scheme, brilliant use of repetition, tinged with a slight undertone of sad nigga hours, practically overflowing with emotion and posted on Valentine’s day.
Yeah, this one’s got the lot, fantastic work mate!

I’ll start by saying the rhythm and rhyme in this is beyond outstanding. I can’t imagine the amount of trial and error you’d have had to have run to perfect that, and it shows! It bounces along brilliantly, juxtaposing it nicely to the darker subject matter. I think the last stanza could use some tweaking though. Maybe swap out that last line for something a tad more impactful. Other than that, however, this is a tremendous piece. You asked for and listened to feedback on your drafts, and it shows in your work!

I read and re-read this one until I got what you were going at, and I have to say I really like it! You visualise confusion very well in your opening stanza, I liked how the first two lines played with convention somewhat. The stanza is a nice note to end on, however I believe it may have been more impactful had the last two lines been swapped around. Other than that, good stuff mate.

Cont.

I'm pretty sure most of the poems get deleted during a janitor storm. Don't shoot the messenger though, I'm just posting in AussieAnons name.

Bride kidnapping.

Fuck Natsuki's dad and make him my little bitch.
Now I am the dad and he's the wife. Natsuki, will be my new precious daughteroo.

I love my wife!

Short, but hard hitting Kinda like your doki. I quite liked the imagery too. Using crimson tide and leaving it to the audience’s discretion to discern a meaning was a clever touch. Well done.

I quite liked this. The main ‘gimmick’ so to speak is obviously the continuous sounds repeated throughout the stanzas, and for what it’s worth you’ve pulled it off tremendously. The theme of fighting onwards, not because you feel compelled to, but because you feel it’s what comes naturally was well done here, and the language choice reflects it. I really liked the ending as well, a nice optimism an shred of hope in the monotony of your battles forward.

Simple and punchy. Encapsulates well how lonely I’d wager a lot of us feel come February 14, but hey, at least we have /ddlc/ to spend it with!

The narrative on this one was a nice read, aside from the small editing errors! another one being ‘her beloved, in the place of ‘his beloved’ in the second to last line. Other than that, however, I enjoyed the piece. Considering how the subject material is cards, I think you did well to get as much out of it as you did. Well done mate.

G’day mate, I left a comment on this at the time, but it wouldn’t pass for critique, which this piece is certainly deserving of, so here goes:
For what it’s worth, you paint a painfully accurate picture of regret and despair, the use of simple language is inversely so much more effective at accomplishing this. I guess I’ll leave it at saying you have talent, and are bloody good at writing about the things you’ve sadly had to experience. Where here for you, user mate. Know that you mean something to us.

Cont.

I'm not the one writing these, just posting them for some one else! Thank him!

>tfw still no gyaru Natsuki

Good morning anons. I hope your day is going better than mine.

Holy shit kek. This was fucking well done cunt.
I’m not even going to pretend I was able to crack this poem’s code and figure out what the extended metaphor meant, pardon my brainletness.
But on that note, one thing done brilliantly here is use of language, words like ‘twitching’, ‘failing’, ‘grope’ and ‘pry’, and just from that one third stanza too, really set the tone of this piece and elevate it. It was dark no doubt, and even my retarded self could pick up on the exceptionally self-depricating nature of the piece, but I really liked it for what it was user!

>I was in a banepost this entire time
NOOOOO, THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING, I’M IN CHARGE HERE!
Other than that this was a really cute piece user, I liked it!

My heart…
This was a fantastic bit of writing mate. The ABAB rhyme scheme perfectly complimented the adorable nature of the piece and bloody hell if it didn’t end on a perfect note. Good job lad.

Language here was just superb. That “Plague of passion” line is a masterstroke. Aside from that, this piece fantastically explores how ddlc may not necessarily be real, and yet the impact it has had on each of us struggling in our own ways has been very real indeed. Fantastic stuff mate!

>Yanks still haven’t gotten their keychains even months after ordering them locally
>They’ve got an entire pacific ocean to cross in my case
It’s not looking good for me, other than that this was a cute piece user, my one critique would be that you misspelt the name in the last line. It’s “Danlet” you see.

Cont.

not enough natsuki memes

Oh holy whale cum this was perfect. Language, heart, technique, meta, anguish and love were all both present and bountiful. I particularly liked how well you were able to vocalise what you felt for her in the second to last stanza, and the classic ‘name your doki at the end of the piece written about her’ trick feels as if it could well have been part of the actual piece!
I think you sell yourself short mate, this is almost certainly to her standards, she’d be proud.

A piece that perfectly encapsulates the power of doki love, pushing you through the Sisyphus-like drudge of the modern day. I particularly liked the “A ____ followed by ____” segment, the repetition perfectly sold the emotion you’re conveying. The little ray of optimism at the end was the perfect note to end on too, brilliant work user!

I loved the use of metaphor and simile here. “The enveloping blue” and “Watery tendrils” both were brilliant touches to the experience of, well drowning. The poem’s length does it a service, too long and it would’ve been maybe too hopeless-laden. Too short and we can’t take anything from it. You, however, were able to achieve the perfect length to capture your scene, so bravo user!

>Thread word: Bond
You clever little shit, I loved this, a quirky and well written ode to the suavest cunt on the planet. I’d offer you all the praise in the world, but the world is not enough.

Quick, yet it captures the emotion of wanting to share an experience very well. Short yet sweet, Kinda like your doki!

>Doki Doki Aztec Club!
Nah I liked this, it was well written and the narrative told with fluidity. Word choice could use a reflection here and there, but overall this was a great piece user!

Short, yet sharp. I liked it. Repetition of B at the start of stanza 2 felt really good as well. Good stuff mate.

Cont.

Almost done lads, sorry!

There’s something about this rhyme scheme that just does it for me, it’s so tricky to pull off well but when it is it’s nothing short of brilliant. I loved the medieval language, armour, arrows etc, it gave the piece a very particular and charming flow to it. Alongside this the theme was bloody cute, and the closing lines fucking adorable. Nice work user.

Now this was some cute shit, I loved it!
The simple language combined with the innocent premise make this a really nice read, something I needed after critiquing 37 other poems!
Thanks mate.

I loved it!
Beautifully written, structured, heartfelt and sincere. You’ve both perfectly encapsulated the fearful love we have for the special docks in our lives and just how much they can truly mean to us. Alongside all of this the poem’s narrative was a joy to read as well, made me feel all fuzzy inside. Impressive work!
My favourite line would have to be:
>’Tis better to have had it and lost it
>Than have none of it at all
God damn if that doesn’t sum up reflecting on anxiety and regret perfectly I don’t know what will. Brilliant work mate!

Well bloody hell if that isn’t a cute premise. Good stuff mate. Aside from the narrative, the language and structuring of this worked in its favour as well, mixing innocence with somewhat heightened vocabulary with lines like “Expectant eyes and mouth agape”. It’s really fucking adorable, user, thank you for this!

I’ve completely forgotten the name of this particular structure, but it’s brilliantly used here nonetheless! Language wise, you use a variety of colloquialisms and quips here and there to fit the rhyme scheme, something I love. It’s very particular in it’s narrative (6:03 etc) and this definitely plays to the poem’s advantage, personalising it to be about you and the special girl in your life. Fantastic work lad lad!
>dinna',
Cute!

Cont.

Amen
Church is now in session. Aside from that I quite liked this, the rhyme structure was brilliant and suited the theme well. I will admit, however, yours is the 41st poem I’ve done this evening and bloody hell was it a whiplash to have it not be about a doki!
Nah I liked it, good work mate.

aaand I’m spent. I’ll be back though!
Have a good one lads.

That's all of 'em. Hope the anons that wrote poems find theirs in this and gets their feedback.

What have You been doing to fill the void of not having a Doki /ddlc/?
I've been reading up on Gunslinger Girl, at first I assumed it was some moeshit with guns, similar to Girls Und Panzer but to my surprise the plot is actually well thought out and is somewhat depressing to read.

Good evening, meine freunde! Welcome to the poetry chamber. It's still valentines, right? R-right? Somewhere...

Anyway, onto the word of the thread!
The word of the thread is "Frantic"! Admittedly this can be used as a theme or structure more than merely being in the pem as a word in itself, but that's why there's a cornucopia of choices!

Alternatives are "Bounty", "Deceit", "Flower", "Pearl" and "Storm"!

Now, as usual. These words are merely suggestions to give some stock if you want to write any form of short literature for the club. Poem, storylet, haiku, epic, what have you.
Don't be shy if you're worried about the quality of your work, if it really bothers you there's nothing a bit of elbow grease and editing won't fix! And don't be shy about commenting, critiquing and encouraging a particular piece you like! You'd be surprised how much a few words can mean to someone.

As always, take care of yourself. Okay? Okay.
Monika?

I've been writing fics, drinking copious amounts of tea, and trying not to cry myself to sleep.
I love you Erika!

Here's some more stuff from the manga.
I wonder what would happen if the Dokis were in this universe.

>The garbage is here
Well, bye /ddlc/. Looks like it's shit hours now.

>Posting the prompt just as I'm about to take off for the day
Dammit Erika

hope you anons enjoyed valentine's yesterday
have a good one lads

S-sorry...

Is this manga all about suffering?

You are either:
>false flagging
>try too hard to fit in
fuck off nigger, the known Namefriends have been with us since the beginning.

Your Doki becomes real except it's actually a recolored knock-off and you've been pranked by God

You too, Strelok I love you even if ___________

Don't worry lad! I'll try and throw something together before I hit the hay.

you too Jannie

>the known Namefriends have been with us since the beginning
That's like saying "I was born with this fistula so it would feel weird to excise it."

>I've completely forgotten the name of this structure
It's called a limerick, they're usually meant to be funny but i like their aabba style and the way they bounce so i wrote a cute one. Thanks for all the nice words!

>Wanting to remove the people who actively reach out to the community by encouraging writing poems and fics
Right, because that's the fistula and not the Anons who keep doomposting, whining and posting stupid, repetitive shit like "Your Doki but x".

Try again in the next thread negro.

maybe this one makes more healthy food

I've been dwelling in my own misery

Morning bread!
Wee bit late, was posting poetry critiques and what not, didn't notice you hop on board.
How are you today?

Good, I can take my time with it.

Anyone can do that and not need a fancy flourish and a unique poster attached to it, you're just too drunk on your hormone mutated matriarchs semen to realize that.

Reminder to ignore the negative noise and appreciate your doki instead.

>Anons who keep doomposting, whining
Yeah, fuck those anons
>and posting stupid, repetitive shit like "Your Doki but x"
Oh...

>205365950
Stop bullying or I'll gape your fistula out with my cock!
They'll have to excise it with a chainsaw!

I'm fine with it as long as she isn't literally the opposite of my Doki

I'm doing much better than the last couple of days. My days tend to be good or bad based on how the thread's been.

I love

Oh jeez. I kinda like this.

your doki but she's monika

If You say so my dark-skinned friend, I'm not going to pursue this as it's clear You're just here to incite a flamewar.
I assume You do that for free as well.

Glad to hear that lad, here's hoping today keeps doing you right.
If it doesn't, at least always remember that I Loaf you!

What happens if my doki is Monika?

this is one of those games that seriously doesn't need a general

What happens when Monika discovers "Monika"?

good morning lads

Thanks for that valuable input, user. We'll keep it in mind for when the time comes to vote on it again.

Same, I'm okay with this version.
White haired crazies have always been my weakness though...

Ok guys time to close the general

Good morning.

don't

you just get monika i guess..

Objection noted. Now fall back in line.

>I don't like these avatarfags just sitting around inviting more of them by not being run out for drawing flies
>"They were always there!"
>But then they'll bring in more avatarfags that are shit and will kill the thread faster because they'll just point at them and say since they stuck around they should get a free pass
>"I bet you wanna fight, nigger"

...

Literally this

She does not become amused.

Impeccable argument my dear chap.

...

Indeed, you enthralled degenerate. It reminds me that actions speak louder than words.

Man, if only albinos actually looked good IRL

I would ask her to come live with me but I have a feeling my doki would be quite upset with that

She's so fucking cute

>file size isn't 777