/ddlc/ - Doki Doki Literature Club! #490

Restraining her in a loving embrace! Locking dangerous household items away! Giving her the medication! Yuri!

sayori and yuri make the best memes

More than anything else, and then more than that. It can't be put into words because then I would realize I love her even more than those words I wrote could describe.
So yeah to avoid going too deep into that lets just say I love her lots.

Just imagine your cock in between those.

Not too bad myself, just got home from me wee dander so im cold as be damned but otherwise im spot on, gonna fire the kettle on, nice wee cuppa will fix me up right
Dont you worry abiut me mate, focus on your rehersals and the other stuff you’ve got going on, got the rest of chapter 4 all planned out as well as a good chunk of 5.
Hope you enjoy your rehearsals lad!

...

jesus why cant she be in my room right now

Enough to know that I'll only drag her down with me if she ever were real.

Not a chance lad, not a damned chance desu

Yurifriends recede come morning, but let it be know that we shall return.

She's not even wearing a bra, so no extra padding. Good lord.

If anybody thinks they are good enough for them then they really aren't. Really wanting to be good enough for them and working towards that is all you can do.

on her neck, is that a key to her...?

Silly user, it's the key to your chastity belt!

by those do you mean the breasts or the armpit

It's a musical note

More than my friends, but less than my family and pets.

B O T H

Morning /ddlc/.

Got started on this last night and finished it this morning. Just posting a few stanzas because I don't want to spam my shit. Just expand related pic if you'd like to finish it, it's not long... I might post it again later for evening anons. Oh, not sure if
Doing critiques this morning but linking just in case you do.
Anyways, hope you guys like it.
pastebin.com/rVm5agQS

"A Morning Wind"

With heart alight she made her flight,
To greet him on each morn.
A gentle breeze she flew with ease,
Her manner soft and warm.
Bird of feather 'twas a zephyr,
To save him from the storm.

Yet through each gale she did travail,
With sorrow held inside.
A lonely swan with sweetest song,
But one she'd not confide.
For in her pain was unknown shame,
A pain he could not find.

Until the dawn without a song,
In which she could not cry.
She only stared in lost despair,
A stare without "Goodbye."
And with clipped wing she did still sing,
But in another sky.

For how long would monika lock you up on average?

I'm an ally of the Yuri clan!

Your doki but she becomes a youtuber.

Pretty much more than everything in my life

It depends if you've been misbehaving, user!

I am going to check out the 8 place. Later I will look at wizard place.

I want to see what true lawlessness and cubed depression looks like, if I can find it.

Wish me luck.

WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSS UP EVERY BODY?IT'S YOUR GIRL MONIKA BACK WITH ANOTHER EPISODE OF "LET'S DELETE EVERYTHING."

woah I havent been here in months, I left because the amount of namefags, shitposters and doki hating was unbearable. Has it finally gotten nice and wholesome?

I'm not good enough for any of them. Which is is hilarious when you stop to think about it, because they're not even real to begin with. I value more an imaginary girl than myself

...

It usually does each day, just gotta be on at the right time. Most of the bois are sleeping though or at work/school rn. Just us neets.

Welcome back to my feedback loop!
Just to re-iterate, I am not critiqueanon, as the standard of my feedback will likely spell out for you. I am, however, covering for our brave soul while he recuperates a tad bit. I’m sure our thoughts and wishes are with that top bloke.

Now, onto the poetry!

Today's notices and reminders:
- Please ensure you link the word of the thread post if you want feedback! Whenever someone says I missed their thing, it's almost always because it was not linked to the prompt.
- Please mention along with your poem if you are after more detailed or harsher critique! I'll do my best, although it won't be up to the standard that one user who hands out critiques usually doles out.
- Please, PLEASE leave comments on other people's poems if you have the time! I can't give each work the attention it deserves, so I'm relying on all of you to help fill in the gaps.

If I’ve missed anything let me know!

This batch covers everything from This was an interesting piece, I feel as if you were going for the ‘cloud with silver lining’ approach and it worked well for the poem. My one critique would be that it felt a tad soft, something that could be rectified with a revisit of word choice and some stronger language. Other than that, this was a good piece mate.

This was exceptional. The poem opens brilliantly with the analogy of the soaring pink balloon and continues to build from there. You summarise both your former and your current feelings for valentines day, and the way that you’re able to visualise how this special place can make you feel is tremendous. The last stanza too was especially powerful. Congrats mate! I love (You) too!

Cont.

w-what if I have been misbehaving

Haven't been here in over 2 months. I kind of want to come back for the new art, and because I genuinely felt happier being here some times. I've legitimately stopped telling people to kill themselves.

godfucking dammit I'd drop her in a hearbeat if she does that

Ah sorry mate, it's 3AM where I am and I don't think I'll be able to give this one a geeze right now. Know that you're the first on the list when I wake up though!

Short yet punchy, like her. I particularly loved both your use of peculiar structure and brilliant language. “romance the stars above” is a fantastic line and the final stanza’s surprise rhyme was both bloody cute and wonderful note to end on. It’s a wonderfully simple yet heartwarming piece. Brilliantly done.

I quite liked the language used in this one, it begins soft and quiet, the second stanza then becomes a lot more harsh, as if realisation is kicking in and the sun is burning you. Finally, the third stanza is far more ‘awake’ than the other two, as if you’ve come to terms with where you are. In a way it’s very much like waking up. Other than that, the poem’s metaphor was well done and the structure fit the piece well. I liked it!

Who hurt you mate? Want to talk about it?Other than that this was a great piece, despair meets a glimmer of hope meets even more despair. It was a sad read, but a really well written one at that. Your imagery of thawing and ice was well done. I feel maybe with a rhyme scheme it could’ve felt more impactful but the emotion is definitely already there. Good stuff mate!

Now THIS is how to tell a poetic narrative, and make me kek at the same time. The rhyme scheme was well crafted and flowed brilliantly alongside the darker second half. I especially liked the poem’s tone, a mixture of reluctancy and guilt. It all comes together tremendously.
>cut her life into pieces. It was her last resort.
Oh you sneaky cunt

OK I'm going to repost my first fan fic I just wrote based on this image.

Here it is

pastebin.com/E087NJ9T

I hope you guys enjoy it. I'm also apologizing in advance for any mistakes.

Thanks a lot. Will do
Thanks I'm looking forward to it.

Good luck, user.
And don't let what they say get to you. Shit's unhealthy.

i see, and yea it was nice here until the youtubers started playing it and it got filled of shitposters

um before you finish check the link of
>Who hurt you mate? Want to talk about it?Other than that this was a great piece, despair meets a glimmer of hope meets even more despair. It was a sad read, but a really well written one at that. Your imagery of thawing and ice was well done. I feel maybe with a rhyme scheme it could’ve felt more impactful but the emotion is definitely already there. Good stuff mate!

I loved this. The opening stanza was short but really impactful, setting the theme for the rest of the piece. I also quite liked the use of enjambment to break apart the text and segment the writing, it made the piece feel much more sad. When things come back and start looking brighter in the last paragraph is done phenomenally too. It’s not an over joyous bursting of happiness but it’s steady enough to leave a warm feeling in the heart. Well done mate.

Oof Owie Ouch. This one stung a little. It’s an interesting piece to say the least, the sudden tonal shift threw me and it ended on a solemn note. You don’t need to apologise for writing user, the emotion behind the words is more than half the poem itself. Just remember, if ever you feel as if you’ve nowhere to go, you do have us mate

I’ll start by saying the language in this piece was nothing short of outstanding. Lines like
>Shimmering streetlights
>Joined in the wind's dance”
and
>Into the sprawling lands
>Of potential
really grabbed me. Structure wise it felt natural how you’d done it, so I’ve only got praise to make in that department. Other than that, I can’t say I’m entirely sure of what the poem’s extended metaphor is. I agree with the other bloke covering critiques better than I am though, and that it’s probably to do with overcoming anxiety to unleash your full potential (hence the last line). Regardless, this poem was a joy to read.

>walking into hell out of morbid curiosity

Have fun, bring a fridge so you can cool down

>Ah sorry mate, it's 3AM where I am
No worries friendo, you guys already do a ton of fucking work on critiquing.

This picture is the bane of my existence in interactions with women.
>Looking right into your eyes
>But wearing a provocative top and at an angle that enhances them.
>Can't stop staring at her chest.

Hello, I am friends with crit and I am so happy that you are covering for him, because he is always so tired from this kind of work.

Also, I really didn't want to cover for him and someone has to do it.

Hmmm...
If you'd been naughty, she'd give you a chance to make it up to her! She's a kind Mistress, after all.
If you promise to be a good boy for her, she'd only lock you up for... about a week maybe? Just enough to help you learn your lesson!
But if she caught you misbehaving that, say goodbye to your cock for a month!
Each time after that, she'd add more and more on to your punishment!

...

Ah fuck, ta for the notice mate
Proper link for this particular poem is here
This was brilliant. I loved the irony and melancholy in the piece as much as I love the ending. My favourite line would have to be “Though I may step off this world one day, I'll remember it fondly.”, it was clever and not haha funny but funny in the same way you see a baby get brainfreeze and remember when you were that age, and remember back to what you’ve been through, and think about what you will be through. Structure wise it’s great and the poem’s enjambment style works wonders. Top stuff mate!

Oh fuck this was sweet to read, literally gave me the happysad eyes.
Each stanza is brilliant in its own right, and written with that child-like innocence in the language that makes this piece come alive. Like as if you’re ageing as the piece goes on, the language shifts slightly so as to give the impression you’re now a different man, grown and more mature, but still reflecting on the much smaller lens through which you used to view the world. The last stanza was particularly good too.

I’d reckon this would be funnier if I was an american, but this shit is funny regardless. You had me mate, hook line and sinker.

You did a brilliant job on the rhyme scheme in this one. The simplicity of the standard ABAB somehow made the horror feel all that much more surreal and present and the scene depicted that much more disturbing. The use of particular words such as “corrupted” and “seared” work wonders for the visualisation as well. Good stuff mate.

I found a place full of PDFs about war and doctrine, then I found a place full of people saying that it's the leftists who claim the USSR won WW2.

Everything moves really...Really slowly...But I am happy I looked out there.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Your doki a shit
and so are you

w-what a kind Mistress! I'm sorry, I'll make sure to behave so Monika will be proud of me!

Two of your links were broken.

I "ACCIDENTALLY" DELETE EVERYTHING IN THIS GAME (Part 1 of 4, NOT clickbait)

>My tired arse left out the last digit for that re-reference
Let's try that again
It’s alright, user. I’m pretty sure this is the second one of your works I’ve covered this critique dumb and Im sorry you’re not feeling any better. For what it’s worth, this was a really good piece!
The final stanza is easily the strongest, and the line “Existence is pleasant, yet I don't dare call it life” hits like an 18 wheeler. You’ve definitely got a talent for this mate.
why do the bad emotions have to make for the best poetry?

My heart…
I know the feel user, all too well. The piece is melancholic, much like the girls it’s written about. The simplicity of the language emphasises the reality of the emotion and just how close to home this is. I’m sorry mate, may the promised day come for us all soon enough.

aand that covers me for the evening, I THINK that's everything, but if I missed your work be sure to let me know!

My pleasure, with all the work he does for this place, it's the least I can do

EatDaCupcake445

I feel you, but when it comes to this one I just want to stare back into her eyes and never look away okay maybe take a few quick glances when she wasn't paying attention
But yeah, other girls before this I would probably just stare right at their chest without even noticing really.

That's a good boy.

I love her butt!

It's not fair. It makes me feel like a creep, but I'm just really bad at looking into people's eyes, since it's the most telling part of their entire bodies.

I'd rather have a submissive Monika, thanks.

>not both

gays not welcome

I really shouldn't do these when I'm tired

TO CLARIFY
This critique:
>Oh fuck this was sweet to read, literally gave me the happysad eyes.
Each stanza is brilliant in its own right, and written with that child-like innocence in the language that makes this piece come alive. Like as if you’re ageing as the piece goes on, the language shifts slightly so as to give the impression you’re now a different man, grown and more mature, but still reflecting on the much smaller lens through which you used to view the world. The last stanza was particularly good too.

is for this poem:

please stop now

at least make her eyes pink too

Yeah I tend to naturally look down when talking to most people and it can make for some awkward situations. It's usually because I don't find them interesting enough I guess, the few people I know well I can make eye contact with easily because I actually care what they have to say.
It's weird, but when it comes to Monika, yeah I feel like she'd be one of those people.

Well I need to knock off, it's good to be amongst the land of the living again.
Goodnight /ddlc/, I love you all!
Hopefully my tired arse didn't butcher the critiques too badly

Ah sorry mate, won't be able to cover it tonight. Got an early start tomorrow and I'm up late as is. I'll definitely review it though, and I'll link the post I'm replying to know so keep a lookout for it!

It's the eyes I fucking swear! It's something about them that doesn't allow me to look away not even at her beautiful breasts.

I thought she had blue eyes?

gnight m8

I'd rather have a nice relationship where we can playfully dom and sub each other at times.
Of course I'm in charge though

You can have your Doki but she's a permanent Communist

Mmmmm, you should keep looking user...maybe a little closer

DROPPED

>getting a doki's eye color wrong

Come on now.

Cheers for the feedback as always lad!
>Who hurt you mate? Want to talk about it?Other than that this was a great piece, despair meets a glimmer of hope meets even more despair. It was a sad read, but a really well written one at that. Your imagery of thawing and ice was well done. I feel maybe with a rhyme scheme it could’ve felt more impactful but the emotion is definitely already there. Good stuff mate!
The world instantly reminded me of how my first relationship went down, even though the two aren't exactly related, it reminded me of feeling terrible, then good, then terrible just as you described.
Funnily enough I wrote this piece years ago, probably when I was somewhere between 10-12, so your description fits perfectly!
Cheers again for the feedback aussie

which universe are you from?

That just makes Monika even more perfect

>Natsuki
>Communist
It's her choice. She'll be starving either way.

Fug, I finished way too late for last thread's prompt. Posting it anyway, I guess.

When vision fades and my lungs run ragged
The thumping of hunting drums reminds me of my quest
Beating against my chest, my heart tugs further west

The impact renews the flow, fire through my veins
White hot pain turns to granite resolution
I brandish my will, flashing cold hard steel
Tension, torsion. Undying determination.

Wordless, the vile knight blocks my path again
My longing, its armor. My doubt, its bludgeon.
Denial as my shield, I slay it with a sword of hope
And when I'm dead, I rise again, a demon of purpose

With an eye forward to keep track of my goal,
A trail behind to stoke my passion.
A cloak from her to beat away the cold,
And her crying face to stifle exhaustion

Until my weary steps finally take me to the sun
With fire from its rays, I'll rekindle her fading light
And I see her smile again, my quest will finally be done

Holy shit I'm a retard. I'm a shame to Natsukifags everywhere. Even the one who missed

>Monika! I don't need food or water when I have you!

It's okay user, she'll forgive you. In time.

I bet you call out Sayori's name during sex too.

>Implying you can't survive purely off Mistress' BIG MILKIE OHHHH MY GOD

sheepyori appreciates your choice in eye color

yay sayori!

Morning all! Doodleanon! Decided that perhaps Sayoritank wasn't far enough into crazy town!
put way more detail into this than was necessary, oops

i try really hard every day

Your doki became real and she looks like pic related, go after her! what are you waiting for?

MHN, Metal Gear Natsuki, to destroy the cutest cupcake mech.

Morning doodlelad!
Got a laugh out of me as always you bugger. Hope to god you keep drawing this kind of stuff.

fucking amazing