Well Veeky Forums?

well Veeky Forums?

>a fucking leaf

Shit's fucked yo

An examination of Canadian history will reveal to you a distinct pattern, a pattern of the Canadian people being perpetually obstructed by an incredibly dysfunctional and obtuse governmental system yet somehow, likely by sheer luck alone, managing to apathetically glide past any potential turbulence with any effort at all, turbulence that has torn other past nations to shreds seems to narrowly miss us despite nobody really steering the country in any discernible direction. We have somehow, completely blind, deaf and dumb, navigated a fairly extensive minefield of potential turmoil that many other nations couldn't navigate even with the most sophisticated mine detector.

I mean we really should not exist as a country right now, but we do.

Netherlands
>Spanish king wants Spanish nobles in Dutch court.
>Spanish king wants to eradicate protestant heathens(mostly Calvinistic, because Calvin said the people could revolt if they disagreed with the rulers faith).
>Spanish king wants even higher taxes.

>80 years war, led by William of Orange, who used too be stadtholder of the Spanish king.

>Union of Atrecht(Arras) + Union of Utrecht

>golden age + empire
>V.O.C. is the succesful East Indian Company, tradingposts in among Indonesia.
>W.I.C. unsuccesful West Indian Company, settled in the caribbean islands and Suriname.
>Colonise South-Africa.

>Become client state of the French empire.
>we wuz batavians and shiet
>Brits invaded South Africa so it would not fall in French hands.
>Dutch get independent and get Belgium and Luxembourg.

>In WW1 germany does not attack, because the Netherlands is important for German trade.

>In WW2 get invaded, by the Nazis, and Japanese in Indonesia.

>Indonesia has too be an independent country, says the USA. Suriname follows.

>Make new province called "Flevoland"


And you OP?

Somehow we always can fuck up even more.

meh

eternal balkan and christian butthurt

The eternal country of the future stuck in the past.

to be fair like America, Canada is in a good position

pre-20th century, mess with Canada mess with British Empire

post-20th, mess with Canada, mess with US

either way not much in the way of external threats

>bullied by brits
>bullied by ethiopians
>bully ourselves

mestizaje maligno

Shit country, cool flag

Civil revolt in British colonies create country. mostly just fuck with natives and Mexicans until large-ass civil war breaks out due to state's right to keep slaves. Get bank with industrialization and immigration and lose it all in Great Depression. Japan attacks our military base causing the country to chimp-out and rip and tear their island (and nuke it for good measure). Fight a bunch of proxy wars with dirty commies until they ran out of money. Chimp-out again when buildings get blown up.

USA

>dregs of British society flee to exotic land in search of bling
>British Empire has moment of political crisis
>Chimp out and start shooting people for no morally justifiable reason
>import niggers
>chimp out
>join the winning side of world wars right before they end
>niggers want rights
>chimp out about it
>muslim scum blow up some buildings
>chimp out
[you are here]

WE WUZ ANCIENT EMPERORS

>Poland

>always got fucked by neighbors
>always got fucked by unreliable allies
>we somehow still survived and are still a soverign nation
>live in the past because we're still bitter about getting fucked so much
pretty much sums it up

America.

We ate right as kids, got big and strong, beat up a bunch of people who didn't matter, went to the moon, and then retired to a well-deserved life of burger-eating luxury.

This, or

>we only exist because of furs

Punching above our weight and winning.

>Australia

Nothing happens for 60,000 years and then whites come and make an okay-ish country

>United Kingdom/England
--------------------------------------
>constantly being invaded every couple centuries or so
>always fighting among ourselves or others
>get shit together
>sail around and shit
>start fighting people with generally inferior weaponry to ours
>dominate and prosper
>punch well above our weight
>continue punching above weight

>got fucked over by the brits, religion and a lack of potatoes

We get fucked a lot, then suddenly communism

In non memetic way - most powerful tribe conquers other tribes, the son of the tribal chief becomes the first king of unified country, dies the same year. Then 100 something years passes and we are back at tribes, now a little bit more civilized, mostly christian and sharing similar values. Then one dumb motherfucker asks Teutons for help. Then we get 2 good rulers in a row, they unify and strenghten the country, then one of the best kings dies without a legal heir, we get like 4 foreign rulers in the span of 40~ years, then we BTFO Teutons for the first time, a good dynasty begins ruling in the worst political system possible, then we btfo teutons for the second and third times. Later on we get btfo by Swedes, Teutons and corrupt nobles. Then we get miserable, weak rulers, some pretty good rulers and mostly good commanders, get a pretty good and recognizable cavalry unit, then we got partitioned, then we got most of our country back, then we got attacked by germs, backstabbed by ruskies and betrayed by frenchies and anglos. Then we got communism which has drained us of anything of value and killed any non-commie inteligentsia that survived the war(s), and after the fall of communism, relative stability and no sensible elites to rule the country.

we wuz vikings
......
multicultural rapes

There was one good leader, at the beginning of our statehood, who was forcibly removed from power and everyone that has come after him has been terrible.

what country?

Dunno what hisotry is.

Australia

>Colonized 60,000 years ago
>Not much happens, people go around making up their little religion and fighting giant lizards (look it up) for a while
>Never invent the Bow and Arrow but get a cool boomerang
>White people come
>Massacre the inhabitants, do it easily 'cause the lizards died ages ago and now they don't know how to fight
>Original inhabitants get rights after a while but their kids get taken off them all the way up to 1991 until someone's like, "nah..."
>Everyone jumps on board the PC movement and now the country is full of annoying cucks

Somalia? Kenya?

Tax evasion prank gone sexual

Brazil?

Yep, Brazil

>apathetically gliding

Sums up the national character of Canada pretty well, desu

>go outside
>multicultural paradise of well off pale people staring at the ground
>occasionally people bump into each other, mumble an apology while staring at the ground, and walk off
>one of the worst drug crises in the world basically ignored because "it's not my business"+ stares awkwardly at the ground
>racial tension basically amounts to people staring at the ground passive aggressively and apologizing every time things get too real
>sexual conquest involves trying not to seem too sexually aggressive, then bragging about what a player you are when you're in your 'safe spot'
>the fucking flag is just what everyone agreed would be the least offensive thing

Fuck this "country". So much potential, but it's made of 99.999% sheep. Even the drug addicts here aren't scary like in other countries, just nice and stupid.

or would've if not 9/11

FREEEDOM

which country

>wake up
>conquer middle east
>trigger greeks
>get fucked by greeks
>is now a shithole on in the middle east

And then it gets worse.

>Summerize
>Hisotry

>people building stone graves
>Roman vassal
>Frisians
>Franks
>a bunch of small states
>Burgundians
>Austrians
>Spanish
>Finally independance yay
>Spanish not happy
>We'll show them
>Fucking spics
>Steal their treasure fleet for good measure
>enter a tonne of western european wars because alliances were a clusterfuck back then
>colonize america, carribean, south-africa, india and indonesia
>stuff happens
>French revolution
>become kingdom
>have lost everything except suriname, some carribean islands and indonesia
>hey atleast we have belgium now
>oh wait nevermind
>fucking belgians
>declare neutrality
>be the only good kid in class during world war 1
>cucked in world war 2
>EU

>You're part of HRE now, cunts
>You're all heretics, enjoy your Crusade. And another. And three more.
>You're part of Habsburk monarchy now, cunts
>What's that? You want rights??? 1618 on you, bastards.
>Fight for Kaiser!
>What? You don't want communism? I don't think so.

just like Serbia

>independence
>warlords
>oil
>pseudosocialism
>collapse

Guess the country
>Taught by the Greeks
>Invaded by literally everyone
>One of the poorest European countries
>Went through three regime changes during the 20th century
>Still somehow manages to put out great works of art and scientific discoveries
>Shunned by the rest of the world

Its sad how accurate this is.

Romania?

Fuck Denmark.

> Abo's get here 60k years ago
> Do fuck all
> Whitey comes and fucks their shit up
> civilization.jpg
> Get involved in a few overseas wars

Pretty bland desu

No

>mongol savages meet slavs
>kick the shit out of byzantium
>hab empire
>get shit on
>get independence
>shit on crusaders
>get shit on by the ottoman empire
>get independence again
>have a good time, be on the losing side of two world wars
>communism happens
>now a shithole

guess the country

Ogadenia

Bulgaria?

Backstabbing brother?

Fuck off Albion.

>Summerize
Picture the American Revolution, and everything after it, but hot and sunny all the time.

Bulgaria ?

>Natives Americans
>Vinland
>New France
>British Canada
>American puppet

Spanish libtardism vs spanish inquisition

Periodical suicide.

>You're part of Sweden now, cunts
>You're all heretics, enjoy your Crusade. And another. And one more.
>What's that? You want rights??? You're subhumans.
>You're part of Russia now, cunts
>Fight for Tsar!
>Hey, that Tsar guy sucked. We will give you independence t: communists
>What? You don't want communism? I don't think so

T. Balt

I'm not even a BR and even I miss Pedro II

yeah but if it was the opposite it'd be the US

I like how you left out Britain

>Piss off romans helping gauls
>Romans invade
>BTFO
>Romans invade
>BTFO
>Romans invade, win
>go from backwater to major province, invest a number of major emperors including Constantine the Great in York.
>Romans leave, assraped by Saxons, jutes, Danes, etc.
>Danes v Saxons
>Saxon, but in Scandanavian cultural sphere, again a relative backwater
>Normans
>Nobility now norman, later Angevin
>Nobility decides it owns france
>France assraped, later wins
>Civil war
>Welsh guy with mysterious claim somehow king now
>His son breaks with rome
>His daughter takes us back catholic
>Her sister goes back to protestant
>Spanish BTFO
>Colonise part of america
>Trade
>Civil War
>Another vicious civil war, king beheaded
>Redcoats start getting involved in continental wars, entire continent shits self over tactics/discipline/etc
>New king
>More trade, war with dutch
>Dutch king
>German kings
>War with filthy americans, americans claim victory when the largest fucking army in europe which is next to us (france) declares war during it.
>France goes apeshit
>War with france, Napoleon BTFO
>And again
>Americans buttflustered over royal navy impressing their sailors, declare war, try to annex canada
>America BTFO, whitehouse barbequed
>Invent industrialisation
>Become fear of entire world, establish gigantic empire
>Create every single modern state apart from America, which we also created, force others to fight us or become us
>Fight germany, win
>Expand empire but still fucked up by war
>Fight germany again, sell entire empire in effort, USSR and USA help, only country in europe to never surrender to axis/declare neutrality.
>Give America secrets to computers
>Shitty american won't give us atomic bomb, develop our own extremely quickly
>Become major cultural icon to entire world, reinvent american cultural revival of 60s,70,80s
>Don't join euro, europe rages
>Laugh
>Leave EU, europe rages
>Laugh

>>Don't join euro, europe rages
Hah, and are you hiding that thrice you were pleading France to be allowed into the EU, and denied that request twice?

>umm whatever, we didn't even want to be in the EU anyways
>stupid fucking europeans, don't they know who I am REEE

> grassland totally uninteresting to spaniards
> no gold, very warlike injuns
> spaniards accidentally set loose a few horses and cows,
> 10 years after there are literally millions of grazing animals
> portuguese tries to grab clay, spain makes forts

>be barbarians
>greeks come and found cities
>one city grows pretty big
>fuck it, it's an empire now
>collapse
>we wuz longobards
>the fucking byzantines and arabs invade
>we wuz normans
>fuck the middle ages, we gonna comuni
>at the end of the middle ages, be the most prosperous place in europe
>arts and science flourish
>fucking spaniards own the south tho
>now the french want in too, invade from the north
>this shit goes on for 2 centuries btw
>meanwhile a german LARPer causes the church to go haywire and fuck up scientists, country loses in prestige and importance
>fast foward to the 1800's
>spain own 1/3rd of the land, A-H another good 1/5th
>a man in jeans unifies the country with only 1000 men
>"oh shit you be telling me africa is up for grabs?"
>half-ass something
>WW1
>S W I T C C
>win, still dont get everything that was promised
>now THAT was a bad idea
>LARP as romans for a while
>fuck up WW2
>S W I T C C
>we're a republic now
>but fuck democracy, let's forcibly keep the same party in power for 40 years out of fear of communism (thanks USA)
>B U N G A

something tells me you're not american

>forgot the ROYAL fuckups prior, during and after WWII {pic}
>forgot the "Glad the Nazis are gone, let's go Nazi style on Indonesia"

On the 'bright' side:
>forgot the BeNeLux
>Waterworks (Want Flevoland is niet om trots op te zijn :^))

Fucked up by the romans followed by 1400 years of fucking/getting fucked by the English and then becoming a part of the greatest empire in history. Also last 50 years of "Muh Independence"

>Le happy merchants roaming the seas
>Oy vey we got shoah'd
>We Roman now
>"Where da med wimmin at?" Gaiseric
>Back to being Romans
>"Where da med wimmin at?" Muslims
>We allahu akbar now
>Be sophisticated and progressive nation
>Eventually decline
>Become pirates feared by all
>Eventually euros get tired of our shit
>Get into big financial issues without piracy
>Cant pay denbts to France and get annexed
>Nowadays just know for Hannibal and star wars

> ?
> Natural island citadel unusually warm for its latitude, helping progress
> Celts, huge agriculture, megalithic structures, druids
> Romans, Romano-Celts
> No Romans
> Angle, Saxons, Jute kingdoms
> England
> Normans
> Northern England glassed
> Ireland slapped
> Wales slapped
> Scotland slapped
> France slapped
> Black Death
> Protestantism
> Colonies
> Great Britain
> United States
> Greatest Empire of all time
> Ban slavery for all Earth
> Greatest scientific and technological progress in the world
> Complacency
> Sacrifice Empire to former colony in order to slap Europe
> Contract back to England
> ?

>scarcely habitated
>yuros come
>yuros fighr each other, pretend to be fighthing momma yuro then decide its better to be alone
>after conflict momma let us be
>a bunch of landholders fight for control for the next 60 years over how to organize the country
>eventually constitution
>fight war against neighbour
>get political rights
>50 years of coups
>go to war with big yuro because retarded, lose
>finally some sort of democracy
>almost blows up at any minute but eventually survives
>kick one president out
>some years of growth thanks to soybean
>now back to poverty

being invaded, courageously fighting back but stil losing.
hint: not Poland.

800 years of fantasy, 350 years of colonisation and 100 years of fails.

>Germany
>"And if you thought that was autistic, watch this..."

Fucking Chinese won't leave us alone but the Japanese are always mega faggots and we need China to tell these fucking bucktooth nips off and commit sudoku.

argentina?

hungary?

Here. I fixed your pic.

Hi Korea, are your soaps still international hits?

Italy

Belgium/Flanders:
France (countles times), Rome, Spain, Austria, Germany (twice).

I fucking hate K-dramas. They are literally all the same, employing the same plot lines, the same character tropes, and the intoxicating bullshit romance that would make Sex and the City look like Band of Brothers. Why was I born into a generation of fucking faggots?

A country that was great in the pass(XIX century)as a monarchy,but then the Republic came and fucked up evrything.

>beat the shit out of indians
>chimped out when mommy made us pay rent
>got our crazy uncle to beat the shit out of mommy
>bought a bunch of brown people from some hooked nosed guy on a boat
>got into a lot of fights over with to do with them, still have no idea what to do with them
>have to save mom and uncle from some drunk angry guy a few times
>spend several years fighting with some other angry drunk guy
>get btfo by a bunch of asian farmers
>spend the last 30 or so years getting increasingly fatter and stupider

case in point.

You mean until the Nazis came in force after WW2 and tried to turn your country in the fourth Reich.

Fuck the English.

And its produced a stable and comfortable living environment. I'm not sure what you expect out of a nation.

Trust nobody not even yourself

>dad get the FUCK out
>I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE
>FUCKING HELL I HATE MYSELF
>BUT I HATE MY GODDAMN NEIGHBORS MORE
>YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS, THIS IS MINE NOW
>Holy fuck I love nature
>Dad, I'm sorry, you're not so bad and we kinda have a lot in common
>UNLIKE THOSE FUCKING FAGS
>WHO ARE BEING FUCKING FAGS AGAIN
>AND NOW THEIR FRIENDS ARE TAKING MY STUFF
>WELL TAKE THESE MOTHERFUCKERS, NOW I TELL YOU WHAT TO DO
>Dad I think I'll call the shots from now on
>After all, SOMEONE has to keep an eye on those BASTARDS
>Holy fuck they collapsed, I didn't even have to slap anyone's shit this time
>Now I can just sit back and rela-OH GODDAMMIT
>I'M COMIN FOR YOOOOOOOOOOOU MOTHERFUCKERS NOW
>You know what's swell, gay people

My country is an avatar of rage I think.

>WUZ TRADERS N SHIET DID SOME PLUNDERING
>BECAME KANGZ
>FIGHT AMONGST KANGZ AND NEIGHBOURING KANGZ
>COUNQURE SOME SHIT AND FITE SOME
>LOSE SOME SHIT
>SURRENDER SOME SHIT
>GIVE INDEPENDENCE TO SOME SHIT
>BECOME SCUESSFULL FROM PEACE
>SURRENDER COUNTRY TO ISLAM

Come on, let's be fair, Vargas and Kubitschek were decent

The factors that led to the Republic being shit started during the Empire

[citation needed]

Republic of Macedonia aka fyrom

Ireland: invaded by Britain.

niggas realized there was furs and shit so they came north then the french and english bickered for three hundred-odd years which continues to this day but nobody really gives a shit about the french

>go outside

based on the rest of your post I'm calling bullshit