ITT: We poorly describe historical events, either through text or drawings. I'll start with an easy one:

"Emperor" Maximilian "of Mexico"

A bunch of austrians and slavs get drunk and defeated by a turkish army without the turks ever firing a shot.

Marius coming to Rome while Sulla was away?

Battle of Karansebes

Nope, actually asiatic vespers, but I can see how that could be confusing.

A robot takes a trip to asia that didn't go so well, his wife leaves him for a turbo chad she met on the trip and takes half his kingdom as alimony.

>It's over, Vinston, I have the high ground.

Eleanor of Aquitaine?

Correct, the ((battle)) of karansebes.

Perfidious turco-nomads turn the tide in the battle between a very old civilization and a very new civilization.

Correct.

A man takes a trip to asia causing inflation wherever he goes.

>A man takes a trip to asia causing inflation wherever he goes.
Mansa Musa

A major world power loses a decisive battle to backwards barbarians in a foreign land who they think are beneath them

Nascar hooligans start a massive riot in the capital which turns into an attempted coup/revolution.

'nam

Nika Riots

Not the one I was thinking of

A drunk homosexual with mommy/daddy issues takes over most of the known world

Teutoberg?

Alexander the Great wasn't gay.

Horse salesmen won't allow customer to buy their whole stock. Mad customer sends two armies to buy them- by force.

>15th February
>Killing Turks
>Battles of Loznica, Mishara etc

Scottish colony of Darien

A bunch of fishermen attack a church, beginning the age of the fisherman

Ethiopia?

A man wants flags in a line across Africa.

>For a Bucket

Cecil Rhodes

maximum kek

>Alexander the great wasn't gay

Yep

Cardinal decides that he hates protestants, but that he really hates the Habsburgs more.

Danish Vikings?

Fuck the losers desu

Brennus

Man wants to enter a country.

Country says no.

Man says yes.

Country says yes.

Exactly.

Local madman gathers all available manpower together and makes a B-line for the enemy capital, wins a crushing victory and ends up winning the war.

After overthrowing the 'Caesar' new leader declares his empire's allegiance to apocalyptic cult started by some dead Jewish guy.

The first crusade?

FEDORAS OUT OUT OUT.

Its in that region, but wrong time period

some guy was all like "gib freedumbs" so he got exiled and came back and was exiled again and then came back and then was exiled again and then came back and was exiled again and then came back AGAIN and then after some time was once again exiled. the end.

Alexander's Conquests?

He is a Greek!

Napoleon.

Bunch of vikangzo-baguette mongrels invade a backwater shithole and turn it into a major european power

A powerful country intervenes in their weak southern neighbor in order to spread western ideology but other western countries gang up on them and support the other side.

Richelieu's life.

Napoopan's return from exile.

Commodore Perry opens Japan

You probably mean Heraclius

> mentally ill politician snaps and goes on a mass killing

> becomes treasured national figure

Charismatic foreign born nationalist leader goes on Jew-killing spree

Norman invasion of britain duh

Peninsular War

Way off but good guess!

Crimean war

Also incorrect but much closer!

Simon bolivars rush to Lima?

Bunch of lads hate royal family and absolutism win a few wars and set up an absolute dictatorship.

the formation of the soviet union?

Nazi invasion of France

CORRECT!

Old priest from some barbarian backwater unites over 60.000 peasants to liberate some retarted christian king in Egypt but ends up doing kasher kebab on the road there.

the people's crusade?

Sheperd's Crusade actually. Though both are absolutely similar when it comes to idiocy.

had not heard of that thanks. what king were they trying to rescue, Prester John?

Nay, they were trying to rescue good ol' Louis IX of France after his defeat during the Seventh Crusade.

God has another son, Jesus's little brother, he is a Chinaman.

That guy from the Taiping Heavenly Rebellion

A couple of guidos decide that their neighbors need a bit more salt in their diet.

Punic Wars and the destruction of Carthage.

Righty-ho

Spoiled bitch asks horse-fucker to marry him, he expects half the civilized world as a dowry.

A country rounds up and kills at least 100,000 men, women, and children in a purge. Americans take pictures but don't tell anybody. Nobody admits it happened for 40 years, under threat of arrest and torture.

Russo-Japanese war?

Muslims shoot up a wedding.
Religious war breaks out.
Muslims claim they wuz genocided.

The alleged "rape" of Naking

An autist shitposts on the door of a mega-autist group so they ban said autist

Mehmet getting perma banned from Veeky Forums?

Martin "the Destroyer of Europe" Luther

>autist serb shoots the archduke with the help of a furry angel thing
>the archduke is driving alone

...

Yep

There are fun to do sometimes.

Some guy claiming to be "Jesus Christ" was directly responsible for one of the bloodiest wars in human history.

The Taiping Rebellion or Taiping Civil War (simplified Chinese: 太平天国运动; traditional Chinese: 太平天國運動; pinyin: Taìpíng Tīanguó Yùndòng, literally "Taiping Heavenly Kingdom Movement") was a massive rebellion or civil war in China that lasted from 1850 to 1864 fought between the established Manchu-led Qing dynasty and the millenarian[8][9] movement of the Heavenly Kingdom of Peace. The Taiping Rebellion began in the southern province of Guangxi when local officials launched a campaign of persecution against a millenarian[8][9] sect known as the God Worshipping Society led by Hong Xiuquan, who believed himself to be the younger brother of Jesus Christ.

some ugly guy adopts wide dude as pupil and nobody can seem to forget them

Well it could be. Just pointing all revolutions

is "wide" a typo for "white" here or is it referring to his physical size?