Ask a Buddhist Anything!

High levels of estrogen in the womb.

yes

Did your mom FREAK when you came as a zen master? Wow so exotic.

>The arrow has flown past Korea
I would have accepted
>a pile of dog shit
>three pounds of flax
I don't think you're a real buddhist. What's your school?

How's high school treating ya?

Back pockets?

Mahayana.

I mean I bet you really showed her after she made you wake up early on Sunday all those times. You're truly an independent thinker.

The most independent.

Mahakashyapa's boys branched out quite a bit
You told me which vehicle.
Which school?

None, officially. No sangha, I live in rural New England, so.

Wow.

I bet you cook your own vegan food too. Wow. Avoiding those stereotypes society wants to impose you I see.

ah. so you have no fucking idea what you're doing.

What is the Eightfold Path?

Is it walked on purpose or not?

Have you read the Gateless Gate?

Society is a construct, my dude. Communism all the way.

The eight ways to reach enlightenment,
Depends,
No.

>Society is a construct
>Doesn't realize that he's advocating for a construct and literally opened this thread by subsuming his own identity in....

>A CONSTRUCT

wew lad

Its all a construct, my dude. I'm simply above it. I'm a Buddhist, you see, so I'm instantly better and morally above.

A Buddhist, a postmodernist and a communist! So original! *__*

Who would have thought?

A vegan, too. Don't forget. My identity is important to me.

Does showcasing your exotic cool religion in an anime board lead to enlightenment?

Yes.

Ouch.

Ok. Time for a lesson.

First of all, the Eightfold Path is what happens when you're already doing it right. I don't even remember the points, but the really important one is the meditation.

Second, you clearly haven't developed the mental skills you're going to need before you get serious about this shit. The Way is a way like the ways; every path to mastery takes similar bends, similar curves. The pursuit changes as you near the object. So, read the Tao Te Ching (Mair's translation). It will build up your fundamentals so you can understand what the Zen guys are doing.

Third, get into actual Zen/Chan. Read the Blue Cliff Record and the Gateless Gate and the Book of Equanimity (last one is optional). You'll figure out a lot of shit. It will terrify you. And then, fear will be made irrelevant.

Y-you wanna hang out on Starbucks some time senpai?

Thank you. Though most of the stuff I've written in here was humorous, you did actually help me. Thanks for that.

I've never stepped into a Starbucks.

What? You're not cool. Fuck off loser I bet you don't even have a cool beard and a MacBook.

I can't grow facial hair, it's just not in my genes. Sorry to disappoint you, maybe we can meet at a Panera Bread?

No. You're not as enlightened as I thought you were.

Can we quantify enlightenment? Maybe put it to a mathematical scale?

You know what, I'm really bored, so I'll just spoonfeed you fuckers with some of the best passages from the Tao Te Ching and deliver a bit of commentary. Of course, We HAVE to start with the intro.

>The ways that can be walked are not the eternal Way;
>The names that can be named are not the eternal name.
>The nameless is the origin of the myriad creatures;
>The named is the mother of the myriad creatures.
>Therefore,
>Always be without desire in order to observe its wondrous subtleties;
>Always have desire so that you may observe its manifestations.
>Both of these derive from the same source;
>They have different names but the same designation.
>Mystery of mysteries,
>The gate of all wonders!

Laozi's language is elegant and sometimes even beautiful. He (and many other figures worth reading) have a dry, scoffing, ironic wit that makes their work fun as hell to read even just as entertainment.

The pursuit of the absolute lies beneath imagery and language. It also requires the pursuer to constantly live a double life. He lives as the man and the sage at the SAME TIME: the man to drive the sage in certain directions, the sage to drive the man in certain directions.

Are you teaching Buddhism, or Taoism? Because they are different.

Yes, you were just a few items away from reaching 10/10 enlightenment levels.

But then you failed by showing that you're not hip enough. I bet you're white too. Boriiiiing... -1000 points. Wow so not exotic.

The dogmas are different, but the object is at least similar.

Plus, the Tao Te Ching trains reasoning skills that are important for further pursuits in Zen in particular.

The object of the two doctrines is basically the same. The dogmas of both are just bullshit. The pursuit is the same.

I never said I was Zen, but I do like hearing about it.

How do you deal with the fact that Buddhism's ultimate goal is committing metaphysical suicide, i.e. suicide with reincarnation in mind?

I know you didn't, but the other guys are dicking around with philosophy, not the pursuit.

The Vajrayana and Theravada are concerned with their silly hats and cultic dogma faggotry

The Pure Landers at least do the Amoamitofu shit which is helpful if not the right idea

but only the Chan/Zen guys perform the pursuit for real with every fiber

Trust me on this.

In the, I hate to say it, 'spiritual' belief in Buddha, in terms of religion, I think members of any branch really have the capability of reaching Nirvana. Unless, of course, they're more focused on wearing silly hats then, y'know, Nirvana.

amas are for rddit
s*ged

Which is precisely the problem.

Let me give you an example of what makes Chan/Zen different. I'm not an Asian, btw I'm a Westerner who doesn't even consider himself a Buddhist.

Here's a koan (zen mindfuck) from the Blue Cliff Record

>A monk asked Tung Shan, "What is Buddha?"1
Tung Shan said, "Three pounds of hemp."2

NOTES (by the compiler, not me)

>1. Iron brambles; no patchrobed monk on earth can leap clear.
>2. Clearly. Worn out straw sandals. He points to a pagoda tree to scold a willow tree

Got it?

I'd need to meditate on it, but I'll remember the koan. I'm way too tired to think deeply about it.

>Ask a Buddhist Anything!

Are you a tibetan monk who prays, performs rituals, and works for 18 hours a day? Or are you a white hippy atheist.

Why didn't shang tsung just transform himself into sub zero and froze him to death?

What makes a Buddhist?

that's the best part

>you don't have to

koans (at least in my experience) don't work like that. They are best absorbed by reading 40 to 50 at a time. Not even joking.

One thing you can try is putting yourself in an altered state (either by meditating beforehand, doing philosophy really fast, getting buzzed or drinking some coffee) and then reading the Gateless Gate straight through. It's not long; take you an hour, two at the most. Don't think about any one koan for more than 2 minutes. As you read through, the same lessons will return phrased differently or attacked from a different angle.

It's likely that you'll feel physically sick at some point just from reading mind-bending koans. Give yourself a breather and then continue. It gets... different after a while.

Enjoy.

Wait, I think I get it. By the very definition of becoming a Buddhist, nobody can hope to reach Nirvana, since they're putting so much desire and craving into not desiring or craving. I think. I don't think Koans generally have concrete answers.

Since this guy isn't a buddhist, I'll field this one.

The same thing that makes anyone else. He has his head wedged firmly in his own ass.

wut

Thank you, friend. You turned out to be really cool.

He's mocking your gay religion.

Nope.
Discussing what koans actually mean is usually a bad idea because the experience of understanding the answer cements the answer more than just learning it from someone else. This is why people ignore advice but then accept the same lessons later when they discover them for themselves.

What this is really about is breaking the idea of Buddha off a pedestal and breaking the disciples of any preconceived expectations of what the end of the Way looks like. The shock of the unexpected answer is supposed to lead them to that conclusion on their own.

One of the most important (if least used) phrases in Zen is

>it doesn't fucking matter

which is the real answer to the question.

As much as I'd like to use that phrase, and as much as I agree with that phrase, I think it's also important to treat things as if they do matter. For example, one of my first experiences with Buddhism was reading a Koan I found in a book, and thinking about it while I went to bed. If I had simply thought "It doesn't matter.", I wouldn't have learned anything that I didn't already know. I think we need to treat life and adversity as if they DO matter, even if we know they dont.

The Buddha smokes hashish
A butterfly farts
I can't poo in loo

Wow 2 deep. You can't explain that dude! Now pass me that joint.

That's not what I mean.
Irrelevancy is a big deal in Zen. For example, the classic question
Why did Bodhidharma cross the mountains to bring the Way to the East?
is a philosophical quandary, but totally irrelevant to the pursuit.
Cleverness and wit won't help you, they're just distractions. A pretty turn of phrase is worthless in Buddhism.

Even if you joined up for the whole "eliminate desire" aspect, that shit isn't even hard. You forget about that pretty quickly once you get far enough.

When I said "it doesn't matter" that wasn't to say "nothing matters" it was to say "it doesn't matter in the pursuit, so why are you wasting your time?"

6-5-5
Almost a haiku
I give you 2 grapples user

I suppose you're right. If I'm understanding you correctly, if I'm trying to figure out how to reach Nirvana, and doing what I can to achieve that end, what does "is a dog of Buddha-Nature?" even matter?

>My identity is important to me
You are a fucking idiot

Right. If a dog has buddha nature it does. If it doesn't it doesn't.

Another big thing is ceasing to be "the man of yes and no". If you think about it, either accepting or negating anything means referencing it and so tying yourself to it. Take the example of the fox spirit.

>Every time Baizhang, Zen Master Dahui, gave a dharma talk, a certain old man would come to listen.
>He usually left after the talk, but one day he remained.
>Baizhang asked, "Who is there?"
>The man said, "I am not actually a human being. I lived and taught on this mountain at the time of Kashyapa Buddha.
>One day a student asked me,
>'Does a person who practices with great devotion still fall into cause and effect?'
>I said to him, 'No, such a person doesn't.'
>Because I said this I was reborn as a wild fox for five hundred lifetimes.
>Reverend master, please say a turning word for me and free me from this wild fox body."
>Then he asked Baizhang, "Does a person who practices with great devotion still fall into cause and effect?"

>Baizhang said, "Don't ignore cause and effect."

>Immediately the man had great realization. >Bowing, he said, "I am now liberated from the body of a wild fox.
>I will stay in the mountain behind the monastery.
>Master, could you perform the usual services for a deceased monk for me?"

>Baizhang asked the head of the monks' hall to inform the assembly that funeral services for a monk would be held after the midday meal.
>The monks asked one another, "What's going on?
>Everyone is well; there is no one sick in the Nirvana Hall."
>After their meal, Baizhang led the assembly to a large rock behind the monastery and showed them a dead fox at the rock's base. >Following the customary procedure, they cremated the body.

part 2

>That evening during his lecture in the dharma hall Baizhang talked about what had happened that day.
>Huangbo asked him, "A teacher of old gave a wrong answer and became a wild fox for five hundred lifetimes.
>What if he hadn't given a wrong answer?"

>Baizhang said, "Come closer and I will tell you." >Huangbo went closer and slapped Baizhang's face.
>Laughing, Baizhang clapped his hands and said,
>"I thought it was only barbarians who had unusual beards. But you too have an unusual beard!"

Questions?

fucking DROPPED

SOCIETY REALLY SHOUDNT HAVE TRIED TO IMPOSE CHRISTIAN DOGMAS AND RULES ON ME NOW IM AN EDGY BUDDHIST THAT'LL SHOW 'EM!

Do Buddhists pray, and if so, how do they?

not the ones doing it right
the pure land guys pray to Amitaba but they're not really praying; they're just doing a mantra for meditation

And what are some good mantras for meditation? I know im a westerner and cant really get into eastern religions, but im curious.

Which books or sections are more original in Tripiṭaka versus the Pali canon?

Mantra meditation is shit-tier desu

No-mind is a good place to start

categorically deny everything around you including your own existence

Like so:
no voice
no floor
no legs
no ass
no mind
repeat with different shit and remember to repeat no mind a lot
eventually start doing it silently

also there's just breathing focus meditation (which is fine) and metta meditation (loving-kindness meditation-- good for bad days)

for metta you just run through everyone in your life that you know and mentally tell them you love them
>feels good m7

Lets be original and stop drinking water too. That'll fill our edge quota.

Should bodhisattvas ignore or their desires or embrace some of them, like eating ice cream for instance?

Are you born into it or are you an new age faggot?
If your an OG could you give me advice on what to meditate on?
If your new age can you tell me why you chose this over, most likely, christianity?

If Buddhist are pacifist then why are the Burmese genociding like no tommorow

What are your thoughts on Jesus and Muhammad?

What lead you to chose your school over the others

You are forever blind to the material aspect of the world and you are worth only of pity. Which you don't believe in, ofc.

Also buddha statues are always uesd to smuggle shitty drugs that kill hundreds of people. The larger the statue the more blood on your hands you have.

Remember the time you woke up but didn't really remember what "you" meant? That brief state in which you are totally depersonalized?
Good. Now imagine making that brief feeling the goal of your religion. That's Nirvana. I strongly believe that a pro-virtual reality sect of buddhists will be the first to enter collective consciounceness "machine". They reject the world around them and make anything that can be touched or perceived by senses THE BIG BAD and think that their daydreaming makes them better than the animals that are not budhists.

Taoism is way better and less douchey.

What do you do if you see the Buddha on the road?

Sounds like a docile and ultimately imbecilic populace, fit for domination by malicious people.

What do Buddhist think on Islam (read: Pisslam)?

Can you recommend me a good introductory book on the fundamentals, history, and branches of Buddhism?

do buddhist milfs cheat a lot

Kill him. Obviously.

Look at the top of the thread. This guy is some white kid who just started. He hasn't even read the Gateless Gate.

Taoism is a similar pursuit but the source material is WAAAAAY more surface-level and it's been even more distorted by dogma and bad interpretations by idiots.

How do you stop wanting to stop wanting?

Not OP
by forgetting about it. the not wanting thing is like step 1/1000.
Shakyamuni talks about it because it's easy to understand
but once you figure out how to stop wanting, other, more pressing problems present themselves.

>by forgetting about it
That's an impossible standard.

It's really not.

Subsuming desire isn't about killing it. It's about not putting concious effort towards recognizing it.

When most people want something, they think about wanting it. They choose to bend their will to emphasizing and satisfying something that is purely biological. This first step is about untying the mental from the biological. The biological should be satisfied, because it will become more of an effort to resist it than to satisfy it, but the mental should be reserved to itself.

Tibetan or other?

To do that you would have to want that.

You are selfish.

what do you know that I don't?

As first. But then you would do it cause you're bored. Then you just do it for its own sake.

Like fucking for virginity.

What?