ITT: Historical Figures you could beat in a fight

>beating up an innocent girl

That's more than just a paddling for you, that's a bayoneting.

>vet
>glorified post-man
>feeble and whimpering if we believe his mates accounts

>Nicky is 5'7
>Rasputin is 6'4

How is there even any question that he got cucked?

Not a nazi but apparently he distinguished himself, running messages through artillery fire and machine guns is a bit more stressful than delivering mail

The CO who put him up for the Iron Cross (very uncommon for German enlisted men) was of Jewish descent and defended his decision even afterwards.

Hitler actually pulled some strings to get him a visa to the United States.

Yeah, retard bravery. But then he spent like 15 months with PTSD in a hospital. Seriously I would fuck that dude up.

What?

>88
Hitler was hypocrite.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eduard_Bloch
huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/06/ernst-hess-hitler_n_1653547.html

Someone post that pedoshit copypasta.

Yeah but he has more power therefore more physical strength

I'd fuck this old commie up

>I could beat a ww1 veteran
t. Veeky Forums

I'd fuck up this entire conference at once
Stalin is like 70 and 5'3
Roosevelt can't even stand up
Churchill is also a fat 70 year old 5'4 manlet as well

>running messages through artillery fire and machine guns is a bit more stressful than delivering mail
Hitler did not run messages through machine gun fire and most probably not artillery fire either
He was a messenger between upper echelons of command
Not some mythical wehraboo wankfest glorious Aryan trenchrunner hero dashing through mud and the no mans land and the trenches

Feel like saying that again?

>Veeky Forums
>thinking they could beat this in a fight
LOL

>gets 2 medals awarded
>bad service
ok kid

Turns out I was mistaken, Hitler arranged for him to continue receiving his army pension. But other Nazi officials who knew about him arranged for his immigration to the United States.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugo_Gutmann

>be probably the most physically unfit president ever
>immediate successor was the most Veeky Forums president ever

stages of denial ITT
>hitler was a coward
>okay he got medals but it was bullshit propaganda
>okay they were real he was just lucky
>okay but what he did to earn them was easy
>okay he...
fucking hell lads, you dont need a naziboo to be historically objective about his WW1 service. If anyrhing it makes more sense why he became obsessed with the military. Those probably were the best years of his life and the only time like he felt like he belonged. Hence when germany lost, it magnified his butthurt and autism a thousand fold.

he was wounded and received a wound badge. how the fuck would he get wounded if he was nowhere near the action as you say?

beating up small/old and crippled people

you are truly the marvel of hundreds of thousands of years of evolution

truman was a badass in ww1. he made sure every single man under his command made it back home alive

Who 'member Uncle Alf by Turtledove where Hitler becomes an autistic as fuck intelligence agent?

yeah but for all he was short churchill was stupid brave, but for a tiny technicality he would probably have had the VC during the boer war, the technicality being he wasnt supposed to have been fighting at all being present as a civilian journalist.

but unlike Hitler he did see action, and close combat, and doesnt appear t have flinched

Gandhi

Yeah that's the best I can do however

He would've made a far better wartime president than FDR in my opinion considering he had fought in the last one and had previously worked with some of the very generals leading WW2 (most notably Patton).

>Gandhi

t. Fight Clubfag

>beating up small/old and crippled people
best targets?

OP ased which historical figures we thought we could beat up, given that his sample consists of the kind of people who are posting on Veeky Forums its a self selecting group of ooverly indolent couch potatoes and thus hardly surprising.

for example I am fairly certain i could take pitt the younger, but would probably have issues taking on Richard the lionheart.

>Gandhi
By fighting him, you'd lose.

fairly certain I would win the fight, moral victor maybe not.

although it might be amusing to try and annoy him into violence, childish but amusing

He was a lawyer, man. Have you ever held a collection of laws? They're lifting serious weighs daily. Lawyers get crazy gains.

It's impossible to win against a lawyer in a fistfight.

>6'8 in 1700
fucking hell he must have terrified people

I'd whoop his ass

I'd beat the shit out of his arthritic, sickly, slave-holding ass.

>arthritic
>sickly

Still managed to outlive most people of his era by several decades and was still quite strong considering how he died (complications from injuries sustained from an accident while doing repair work on his house).

A gate fell on him.

It's kind if ironic really, one of his black workers had attempted to warn him about it and he ignores them.

Don't let the picture fool you. He was a manlet

>manlet

>wearing high heels

when will they learn?

>be probably the most physically unfit president ever

...

You're forgetting Rasputin's most important, 13 inch feature. (And that's flaccid)

I could kill this bitch easy with nuffin but my fists

He was impotent after the age of 30

>Don't do it, Luigi, I have the high ground!

At least Taft could walk. He also lost significant weight in later life.

Who cares if he had no more baby juice, that dick could pleasure a real man even withiut the blood a flowin.

You can only beat her if you find her, good luck user...

*blocks your path*

*Teleports behind you*
*Unsheaths war club from under hide*
Nuffin personal kid

*Reveals face from under robe*
*Prepares to scalp*
Any last words Drew?

you got some walking to do pals

>Not being able to beat up a man with worse lungs than a chain smoker

Napoleon was actually 6'8 as well, they just used different measurements for inches back then

"I decide who is a Jew"-Karl Lueger

Out of all of the things to criticise about Hitler, his service in WWI is the stupidest

Almost all of his former slaves continued to work for him, often for little or no money;[34] whether this decision was voluntary or the result of few other options existing for former slaves in the Deep South is difficult to determine.[35] These servants were with him upon his death. Although old and infirm, Stephens continued to work on his house and plantation. According to a former slave, a gate fell on Stephens while he and another black servant were repairing it, "and he was crippled and lamed up from that time on till he died." The veracity of this rumor is difficult to determine

They murdered him

No he wasnt. He wasnt a manlet but he was not 6'8"

Say it to my face and not online and see what happens

Roman Emperors I'm Confident You Could Take 1v1
>Claudius.
>Capri Tiberius
>Domitian

Roman Emperors That You Might Be Able To Take 1v1
>Vespasian
>Titus
>Augustus
>Ascension Tiberius
>Julius Caesar

Roman Emperors That Would Fuck Your Shit Up 1v1
>Nero
>Caligula
>Elagabalus
>War Hero Tiberius
>Hadrian
>Marcus Aurelius
>Trajan

Maximinus Thrax would break you in half

>His thumb was said to be so large that he wore his wife's bracelet as a ring for it.

Thrax was in a league of his own.

I'd rape this little bitch.

So I heard you like fighting, Willy.

*Sighs
I have a confession to make to all of you…

I am genuinely in love with Anne Frank. She was beautiful, witty, and graceful young woman whose light was snuffed out far too early.

I frequently fantasize about being Peter van Pels hiding with her.

Imagine deflowering that sweet girl on a lazy Amsterdam afternoon, lying and learn what each other's bodies were for.

Nine months later, she's got a massive bulging stomach from carrying your child inside of her and it seems like she’s gonna pop any moment now. Her popped belly button makes it look like she's got a giant third boob where her stomach once was. She waddles around and can barely move half of the time. She's developed an insatiable craving for your dick and you've likewise developed a taste for her pussy. You’re both cooped up in an attic all day have nothing better to do besides fuck like an unsustainable third world population. You lie down, she strips off her almost comically too small clothes and kneels on top of you. She grabs a hold of your rock hard cock, inserts it deep inside of her, and begins to ride you like a stallion. You feel the pressure from her incredible weight and huge round belly bearing down on you but the indescribable pleasure of her tight pussy throbbing on you cock negates any discomfort. You sink into her beautiful soul, into that secret place where no one dares to go. After 30 minutes, you and her are both moaning with ever greater intensity, you know it won't be long now. Suddenly, you feel your cock shaking like a V-2 rocket and the orgasm reaches it's climax as your cum literally explodes like an 88mm AT round inside her Sherman tank, blowing the turret right off. You and her both join as one, souls screaming from the sheer ecstasy. As the elation wears off, she lies next to you. Too exhausted to do anything else, you simply hold her in your embrace. In that moment, there is no family squabbles, no Nazis, no war. Just you and her, watching the setting sun.

You dream of the beautiful face you have found in this place. So soft and sweet.

One day you will both die and your ashes will fly from an aeroplane over the sea.
But for now you are young and all you want is lay in the sun, and count every beautiful thing you can see. Love to be in the arms of all you’re keeping here with you.

What a beautiful dream that could flash on the screen in a blink of an eye

Suddenly, you awaken from your slumber to the sound of a bloodcurdling scream. You open your eyes to darkness, it takes a split second for your vision to readjust. You feel lonely and cold. Another shriek knocks you back into reality. Anne sitting next to you, clutching her belly, face contorted from pain. A foul smelling fluid lies pooled on the floor around her mid-section. Your hot dirty fuckfest has brought on labor. she cries your name, begging for help, begging for you. The noise. She’s louder than a line of Louisiana Tigers giving the Rebel Yell right now. You raise your finger to your lips to tell her to be quiet. But the agony is too much for her to bear. You’ve got to do something or else it will awaken the entire neighborhood and with it, the Nazis. Suddenly you remember the bulge in your pants. You’ve got morning wood. It’s not the best gag, but it will have to do. You stand up, squat like a slav, using her belly as an impromptu stool, grab your still cum-crusted cock, and shove it right inside her mouth. At first, she tries to scream even louder in surprise, but your circumcised 100% Kosher dong blocks her windpipe, reducing her screams to a barely audible gurgle. Suffering from unbearable pain, she bites down on her your meat with each contraction. Now you’e in pain too. With each contraction, she bites down harder, it feels like she’s gonna tear your cock right off. Eventually, the pain subsides for her and she doesn’t bite down as much. Now it seems almost as if she’s starting to enjoy it. You can feel your child kick on your testicles. Clearly it’s excited too. Suddenly, your cock starts to shake like a V-2 again, you pull it out of her mouth just in time. You bust your steaming hot and sticky load, blanketing her like an incendiary carpetbombing of Dresden. Semen stains her mountaintops (all three of them), along with her hair and most of her face. She quietly giggles from the ironic amusement of it all. You giggle too.

Then a look of sharp pain shoot across her face. She’s having your baby. You wish you could bear all the pain for her, but all you can do is sit and watch. You look down at her vulva, still oozing with cum from that great fucking you gave her a few hours ago. You can see a head of black hair poking out. You fear that she’s gonna start screaming again, much to your relief, it seems that she’s gotten better control of the pain, thanks to you. She begins to softly moan, it seems as if instead of experiencing excruciating agony, she’s experiencing an orgasm. You can’t help but grin as she keeps pushing. As more of the head becomes visible, her moaning intensifies. Finally a small head emerges from her vagina. You can see a face wrapped in an umbilical cord. A small pair of hands grab the head, she weakly tries to pull the head out. You put your hands around the head and begin to help her pull. Desperately, she goes into the next contraction with all of her energy, and pushed with everything inside of her. She feels everything. She feels shoulders and hips and feet all slide down inside of her and pop out in one long push, with a rush of fluid behind it, and it feels amazing. She throws her head back with a rip-roaring orgasm that penetrates the very heart of her soul.

You look at the newborn now lying on the floor and see that it is a boy. You have a son. Perfect, perfect in every way. He begins to stir and you realize he’s about to cry. After all that’s happened, you don’t to given away to the Germans from the wails of a newborn. You gently lift him up and place him on Anne’s semen stained mountaintops. The baby quickly finds the breast is soon sucking happily. Semen, blood, amniotic fluid, breastmilk all mix and fill the air with a strange scent that while repulsive, is also extremely arousing. You can’t resist the urge anymore. Your mouth land on top of Anne’s opposite breast, sucking first your own cum, but then her tasty milk. You look into her eyes, she’s somewhat annoyed, but too exhaust to really care. A gust of wind coming from a hole in the wall blows through, cooling both of your sweat-drenched bodies, but also disturbing the little one. You’re afraid he’ll start shivering. You look around the dusty attic for something to keep the baby warm. You settle on Anne’s fur winter jacket, having sat unused for the past two years. You know Anne will definitely not be happy that you ruined her favorite coat, but it’s for the best. She hasn’t been able to fit in it for the past nine months anyway. You carefully wrap your little one in the coat and hand him to an exhausted Anne, she continues to quietly feed him. You notice the dead silence for the first time, not even the other occupants of the Annex, mere feet away in the next room, were roused. You feel a sense of relief. You’re safe, for the moment at least. Eventually you curl up next to her quietly and begin to doze off. Your secret sleeps in winter clothes. Tomorrow, you can find a way to explain the night’s events to your parents and hope they don’t kill each other. You can somehow find a way to get your little bundle of joy to safety. But tonight, you just rest, your first night as a family.

Oh god, just thinking about this is making me rock hard. The hardest I’ve ever gotten. Oh, I think I’m gonna… I’m gonna-

*Cums in Diary*

...

he'd have that retard strength though

Thank you for this

I'd fuck his shit up.

Surprised no one has posted pic related

>Elagabalus
?

...

...

I really doubt anyone here could beat Charles II in a fight. Dude probably had hardcore retard strength.

Tantrum throwing rich boy sissy would probably start crying after a couple of slaps.

I THINK I CAN BEAT O'L ABE!

Abe was old school tough. He would hand you your ass.

I want to CRUSH this mans fat fucking face

...

>julius
only if you're lucky enough to have him have an epilectic fit during the fight, otherwise your anus is gonna get gladius'd

>>

>A FUCKING NECKBEARD

He grew up a country boy splitting wood and doing manual labor. Young Abe was probably wiry as hell. Damn good reach too.

Commodus would be tough too. Delusional motherfucker kept trying to convince everybody he was Hercules

He was also a wrestling enthusiast.