ResurrErecting this goldmine of a thread
This is a thread for scandalous, prurient, erotic, or otherwise sexy historical anecdotes, tidbits, or events, along with tasteful artwork that depicts them.
Posting with Based Drawfag's OC so that way he knows we love his work and that he should continue to improve on it.
Other urls found in this thread:
constitutioncenter.org
en.wikipedia.org
twitter.com
en.wikipedia.org
youtube.com
youtube.com
youtube.com
twitter.com
Starting off with the original American sex scandal
>Richard Mentor Johnson, the only candidate in Electoral College history who saw a mass defection of electors push his race out of the Electoral College and into Congress to decide.
>Johnson was on the Democratic ticket of 1836 as the vice presidential candidate for Martin Van Buren, the heir apparent to President Andrew Jackson. Johnson, a Congressman from Kentucky, was picked to balance the ticket as a partner for the New York-born Van Buren. But the Virginia delegation at the party convention in Baltimore refused to vote for Johnson as the vice presidential nominee. It rose to object after Johnson’s nomination announcement, stating he couldn’t be recommended to state voters and accusing Johnson of supporting the Bank of the United States.
>The vice presidential candidate was best-known nationally for claims made by his supporters that Johnson had personally killed the Indian leader Tecumseh during the Battle of Thames in 1813. It was also well-known in political and social circles that Johnson has inherited from his father a slave, Julia Chinn, who was an octoroon. Chinn became Johnson’s common-law wife, since the couple couldn’t marry under miscegenation laws in effect, and they had two children before Chinn died in 1833. Johnson then had two other relationships with women who were black or mixed race, and his personal life had been a campaign issue in several prior elections.
Sauce
constitutioncenter.org
Stealing greentext from another thread
>Cleopatra reportedly had her first lover at twelve and built a temple where she kept male lovers drugged with performance boosters. She also purported had 100 lover in a single night, slept with her slaves, and heavily taxed or killed some men after the love-making was over. She learned many tricks it is said from courtesan at an Alexandria bordello. The Romans, who wanted to portray Cleopatra in the worst light possible light, were the source of many of these stories. In reality it is thought she spent much of her time sleeping alone and was busy managing her kingdom to indulge in too much debauchery.
>When black pussy gets the best of you
Augustus Caesar hated her because she sided with Marcus Antonius, who in turn cucked Austus' sister, Octavia, for Cleopatra.
I know this isn't something 4chins like, but Cleopatra was a based, strong, independent woman in a time of raging patriarchy, so it makes sense that Romans would tarnish her legend with such silly claims.
BLEACHED
This whole book is basically one long ass act of debauchery. It was so explicit that not even the rabidly abolitionist publishers in the North (who routinely attacked supporters of Slave Power as lusting after black women) wanted to publish it at first.
Oh yeah and Joan of Arc is best Veeky Forumsfu
Read the secret histories about Theodora they are amazing.
>Often, even in the theater, in the sight of all the people, she removed her costume and stood nude in their midst, except for a girdle about the groin: not that she was abashed at revealing that, too, to the audience, but because there was a law against appearing altogether naked on the stage, without at least this much of a fig-leaf. Covered thus with a ribbon, she would sink down to the stage floor and recline on her back. Slaves to whom the duty was entrusted would then scatter grains of barley from above into the calyx of this passion flower, whence geese, trained for the purpose, would next pick the grains one by one with their bills and eat. When she rose, it was not with a blush, but she seemed rather to glory in the performance. For she was not only impudent herself, but endeavored to make everybody else as audacious. Often when she was alone with other actors, she would undress in their midst and arch her back provocatively, advertising like a peacock both to those who had experience of her and to those who had not yet had that privilege her trained suppleness.
I am currently reading this book, The American Slave Coast about how profitable it was to "breed" slaves. I mean, you could buy a horse and fuck it, but it wouldn't bear a $1,000 colt, which was really more like $8,000 or $10,000 back in the day. Jefferson, of course, was infamous for breeding with his dead wife's half sister Sally, a high yellow slave, and all their issue were slaves, because of partus sequitur ventrem. There were reports of 11 year old blue eyed blond girls who were 1/16th black for sale in New Orleans for up to $5,000. It might have been looked down on, but there was no such thing as a molestation or statutory rape law for slaves.
Since we're on the subject of slaveholders being naughty boys...
>Hammond's Secret and Sacred Diaries reveal that his sexual appetites were varied. He described, without embarrassment, his "familiarities and dalliances" over two years with four teenage nieces, daughters of his sister-in-law Ann Fitzsimmons and her husband Wade Hampton II. He blamed his behavior on what he described as the seductiveness of the “extremely affectionate” young women. The scandal "derailed his political career" for a decade to come after Wade Hampton III publicly accused him in 1843, when Hammond was governor. He was "ostracized by polite society" for some time, but in the late 1850s, he was nonetheless elected by the state legislature as US senator.
>Hammond's damage to the girls was far-reaching. Their social prospects were destroyed. Considered to have tarnished social reputations by his behavior, none of the four ever married.
>Hammond was also known to have had long-term sexual relationships with two female slaves, one of whom was his own daughter. He took the first slave, Sally Johnson, as a concubine when she was 18 years old. Such behavior was not uncommon among white men of power at the time; their mixed-race children were born into slavery and remained there unless the fathers took action to free them.[13] Later, Hammond took one of his and Sally Johnson's daughters, Louisa, as a concubine when the girl was 12; she also bore several of his children.
This guy was such a piece of shit, not even the most ardent Fire-Eaters could stand him.
That was how the game was played and it was highly profitable for the players. No fucking your slaves could almost be seen as failing to perform due diligence.
Talk about moral hazard!
>his dead wife's half sister Sally,
Even without the slave part, that's fucking cringe-inducing.
>A peculiar aspect of Herakles’ stay with Omphale is the custom they adopted of wearing one another’s clothing. Painters portrayed Herakles wearing a yellow petticoat and having his hair combed by Lydian girls. Ovid says that Herakles wore a diaphanous purple negligee and a girdle which could not fit around his waist, while Omphale wore his lion-skin and carried his club. While the two lovers were asleep, wearing each other’s clothes, in a Lydian cave, the god Pan crept in and began to feel his way through the darkness. When he reached the beds, he first touched the lion-skin; thinking this was Herakles he lay down next to the other sleeping figure and pulled up its dress. Discovering a pair of hairy thighs, he nevertheless was about to proceed further when Herakles awoke and pushed him away. For this reason, says Ovid, Pan hates deceptive clothing and those who participate in his rites must worship naked.
whoops wrong image, that's Penthesilea
jeez, born slut.
Since it's Hitler birthday here's my contribution.
Eva Braun nudes
>black pussy
The eternal weak spot of the White Southern politician
t. Virginian
Bitch please. She was Ceasars whore and probably a greek as well. Ptolemaios the GREAT, not the VIIIth, ok?. Praise anubis
Did anyone still unironically worship Anubis by then? Or had the ancient Egyptian religion completely died out by the time of Cleopatra?
Why did Hitler wait until Berlin was literally under fire to marry her?
He wanted to foster his appearance as a single man devoted to his country, I think.
Also he was kinda busy with the whole war thing.
>He wanted to foster his appearance as a single man devoted to his country
Kaiser Wilhelm II before his death talked shit about Hitler for that specific reason.
In her memoirs, Catherine the Great (1729-96) wrote, as a young girl, she masturbated by '[travelling] post-haste in my bed on my pillows".
Pauline Bonaparte, sister of Napoleon, was a slag who loved to sleep around. She fucked one of her big dicked lovers so much, she suffered from "vaginal distress".
"A doctor was called in, who found the poor girl on the verge of exhaustion. Her uterus was swollen by constant excitement and her vagina was showing signs of damage due to friction." The guy was convinced to go into the army and leave her for her own health.
>Pauline gave birth to a boy, Dermide Louis Napoleon, on 20 April 1798
>it's April 20th, 2017
>He blamed his behavior on what he described as the seductiveness of the “extremely affectionate” young women
Holy shit, this guy is literally /a/
>Hammond was also known to have had long-term sexual relationships with two female slaves, one of whom was his own daughter.
>Later, Hammond took one of his and Sally Johnson's daughters, Louisa, as a concubine when the girl was 12; she also bore several of his children.
...
Joan of Arc > all
now this is a man I'd travel back in time to beat up
>Fuck a woman of the royal family half to death
The dream
>probably a greek as well
>descendant of an insular incestuous Greek family
>probably
Other people like Joan as well?
gross desu
Yes.
The Egyptians continued to worship him as Anpu (Anubis is the Greek version), while the Greeks in Ptolemaic Egypt merged Anubis with Hermes, worshipping Hermanubis.
This
Yes
...
...
Check out Year Zero: A History of 1945 by Ian Buruma. The opening chapter talks about how Bergen-Belsen concentration camp survivors became horny as fuck after a crate of lipstick was accidentally shipped to the Belsen DP camp and it experienced a record birthrate within a year of liberation, with as many as one third to one half of all female internees being pregnant at any one time.
>It was shortly after the British Red Cross arrived, though it may have no connection, that a very large quantity of lipstick arrived. This was not at all what we men wanted, we were screaming for hundreds and thousands of other things and I don't know who asked for lipstick. I wish so much that I could discover who did it, it was the action of genius, sheer unadulterated brilliance. I believe nothing did more for those internees than the lipstick. Women lay in bed with no sheets and no nightie but with scarlet red lips, you saw them wandering about with nothing but a blanket over their shoulders, but with scarlet red lips. I saw a woman dead on the post mortem table and clutched in her hand was a piece of lipstick. At last someone had done something to make them individuals again, they were someone, no longer merely the number tattooed on the arm. At last they could take an interest in their appearance. That lipstick started to give them back their humanity."
>ywn be an American paratrooper from rural Arkansas who dropped out of high school to work in construction and in normal times could never hope to land a nice Jewish girl
>ywn run into a lonely and cold 15 year old Dutch Jewish girl who looks practically looks like a walking skeleton except for her breasts and a pair of big ole' bright red lips, which almost comically stand out from her impoverished appearance
>ywn, having been starved of any form of basic human contact that doesn't involve violence for months be instantly attracted to her still very feminine lips
>ywn passionately kiss her, tasting the expensive French brand lipstick and knowing you'll never want to kiss another pair of lips again
>ywn make love in the Rheinwiese on a moonlit night
>ywn ask her for name after a night of steaming hot sex
>ywn hear her answer "Anne... Anne Frank."
>ywn realize you've got to get back to base or your CO will report you as AWOL
>ywn ask her to write down her address so you can see her once the war is over
>months go by
>ywn be finally be released from service following Japan's surrender
>ywn show up at Anne's house in Amsterdam on your way back to England to be shipped home
>ywn be greeted at the door by Otto, who despite his own frail appearance notices your nametag on your uniform and coldcocks you right in the jaw, swearing profusely at you in German
>ywn be saved from a Mississippi beatdown (by an old man no less) by Anne who gets in the way and demands that he stop
>ywn be taken inside the house by Anne so she can bandage your broken nose
>ywn never recover from the initial shock of your beating and get at your first good look at Anne in months
>ywn see that her hair has grown back, she's clean and gleaming in the sun, her lips are covered in the same lipstick you first tasted on her mouth, and that she's eight months pregnant
>ywn immediately ignore the pain and kiss her passionately
>ywn experience the best sex of your life as she rides you like a pony from the Old Western films, with her belly bouncing on and off you like a ball
>ywn come across her diary while she slobbers your knob and casually read it to get to know her better
>ywn ask her to marry you and come home with you to Arkansas
>ywn hear the greatest words of your life "yes"
>ywn smirk like a smug Pepe at her father as he watches on in a mixture of disappointment and happiness at being grandfather
>ywn book 1st Class on RMS Queen Mary, spending almost the whole journey fucking your bride-to-be in you cabin
>ywn be married at sea by a drunken Navy Chaplain, who's performing his 6th wedding of the day
>ywn surprise your parents by showing up on their doorstep since you last parted with them four years ago with a Jewish bride and an unborn grandchild
>ywn help Anne give birth to your first child
>ywn feel all the anguish and torment she's experienced for the past six years be expelled like a baby from the womb, beginning the long process of physical and emotional healing for the both of you
>ywn open your own construction business and raise a large family with Anne in the prosperity of post-war America
>ywn have historian Stephen Ambrose take interest in Anne's diary sixty years later while he's interviewing you for Band of Brothers
>ywn have Anne's annotated diary published alongside Band of Brothers, thus earning both your spots in the history of World War II
feelsbadman
D-Drawfag... Is that you?
>Michele da Cuneo, Columbus's childhood friend from Savona, sailed with Columbus during the second voyage...
>The same childhood friend reported in a letter that Columbus had provided one of the captured indigenous women to him. He wrote, "While I was in the boat, I captured a very beautiful Carib woman, whom the said Lord Admiral gave to me. When I had taken her to my cabin she was naked—as was their custom. I was filled with a desire to take my pleasure with her and attempted to satisfy my desire. She was unwilling, and so treated me with her nails that I wished I had never begun. But—to cut a long story short—I then took a piece of rope and whipped her soundly, and she let forth such incredible screams that you would not have believed your ears. Eventually we came to such terms, I assure you, that you would have thought that she had been brought up in a school for whores."
Simpler times.
Please don't cater to my pregnancy fetish, I'm still at work
this fiction is sick
So cute
you're a bad person
>ywn own a visually aryan loli slavegirl down on your plantation
>Pan almost fucked Herakles in drag
>Samurai Jean 'd arc
m8 that's amakura shiro
Damn, that's actually an impressive monologue for him to come up with on the fly. Didn't think Willy had decent oratory skills.
Holy shit dude, this is even better than the first Anne Frank/Band of Brothers crossover you wrote last thread.
For the love of God, put this in non-greentext format and someone please illustrate it.
Include me in the screenshot when this goes virals goys.
nah nigga, let's make you spooge at your desk
PLEASE I ONLY HAVE HALF AN HOUR LEFT
It's a grotesque distortion of history... And yet somehow quite wholesome and sweet at the same time.
jesus why
TOO FUCKING BAD
Bruh c'mon I'm trying no fap, this is torment
Why in the Hell are you browsing a Mongolian basket-weaving forum at work anyway? Don't you have work to do?
>On August 8, 1969, Tate was two weeks from giving birth. She entertained two friends, actresses Joanna Pettet and Barbara Lewis, for lunch at her home, confiding in them her disappointment at Polanski's delay in returning from London. That afternoon, Polanski telephoned her as did her younger sister, Debra, who called to ask if she and their sister, Patti, could spend the night with her. Tate declined, offering to have them over another time. Later that evening, Tate dined at her favorite restaurant, El Coyote, with Jay Sebring, Wojciech Frykowski and Abigail Folger, returning at about 10:30 p.m.
>Shortly after midnight, they were murdered by members of Charles Manson's "family" and their bodies were discovered the following morning by Tate's housekeeper, Winifred Chapman. Police arrived at the scene to find the body of a young man, later identified as Steven Parent, shot dead in his car, which was in the driveway. Inside the house, the bodies of Tate and Sebring were found in the living room; a long rope tied around each of their necks connected them. On the front lawn lay the bodies of Frykowski and Folger. All of the victims, except Parent, had been stabbed numerous times. The coroner's report for Tate noted that she had been stabbed sixteen times, and that "five of the wounds were in and of themselves fatal".
Dude no...
Work part time at a grocery store in a neighborhood of old people, we're dead and they're all in bed
You feeling funny in the pants yet?
"Funny" is one word you could use, you buttpirate
Fuck I just wanna rub a preggo tummy
Well let's just turn the heat up a bit...
Fine test my will, I (probably) wont give into sexy baby bumps
>known to have had long-term sexual relationships with two female slaves, one of whom was his own daughter
>she also bore several of his children
Oh I'm gonna test it aright.
Oh fuck me dude...
DELET
JOAN IS NOT FOR SEXUAL, ESPECIALLY WITH NIGGERS
>Five children by four different women
>current wife (pictured) is Myrna Pride
>Although Morrissey admitted having sexual relationships with Pride, then 17 years old, in a plea agreement following a conviction for contributing to the delinquency of a minor, both continue to maintain that no sexual activity occurred before she was of legal age.
This guy might as well be a fucking nigger with a parental history like that. No wonder Richmond voted for him.
>NIGGERS
No it's cool, just pretend he's Dumas or whatever.
>American paratrooper from rural Arkansas who dropped out of high school to work in construction and in normal times could never hope to land a nice Jewish girl
Dead giveaway that was Bull Randleman you were referring to. Except he never worked in construction. His pre-war career was in a foundry and after the war, he sold Caterpillar earth-moving equipment.
THE ONLY GIRL IVE EVER LOVED
I didn't know Jeff Mangum was a fan of Band of Brothers...
When is he gonna write a song where Easy Company rescuing the beloved Anne, striking into the heart of Nazi tyranny like avenging angels with a swift and terrible sword?
>heavily taxed or killed some men after the love-making was over
Huh, I ddind't know I had that fetish.
fuck off, jeff mangum
SEMEN STAINS THE MOUNTAINTOPS
SEMEN STAINS THE MOUNTAINTOPS
Is this /mu/
/mu/ meets Band of Brothers, and it is every bit as autistic as it sounds.
I seriously hope someone draws it though, this is some funny shit.
en.wikipedia.org
"Morrissey initially denied paternity of his son, who was born in March 2015, to his then law office intern, Myrna Pride, who was 17 at the time of the internship."
holy shit lmao; this dude was 57 or so when this happened; literally a fucking age gap of 4 decades
When Darius overthrew Smerdis, the group of nobles he was a part of held a contest to see who would be the next shah where they would see whose horse neighed first in the morning, so Darius had his slave rub his hands on his horse's mate's genitals so his horse would neigh
Do you think IRL Jeff knows that people on this website steal his intellectual property by using his songs to write pregnant Anne Frank fanfiction and posting it under his name? Do you think he even cares?
I think he'd like it
Please do not sexualise Joan of arc.
And yet he almost became the mayor of Richmond, not that pieces of shit haven't been mayor in the past. Glad I no longer live there.
>>Hammond was also known to have had long-term sexual relationships with two female slaves, one of whom was his own daughter. He took the first slave, Sally Johnson, as a concubine when she was 18 years old. Such behavior was not uncommon among white men of power at the time; their mixed-race children were born into slavery and remained there unless the fathers took action to free them.[13] Later, Hammond took one of his and Sally Johnson's daughters, Louisa, as a concubine when the girl was 12; she also bore several of his children.
Sounds like a doujin.
I seriously some /mu/tant or music journalist is able to corner him someday, show it/read it to him and catch his response on tape. Either he'll find it slightly amusing/annoying and blow it off like no big deal or he'll go beserk and start tearing apart the studio in a rage and m00t gets another lawsuit.
That was a pretty shit book desu.
> and catch his response on tap
youtube.com
youtube.com
youtube.com
I....I didn't know I had this fetish....
Exactly, and then the fanfic will start to get on the news and we can all have a good chuckle when normies start challenging each other to read through it without puking and consistently fail.
We learn something new about ourselves every day user.
Who do you think keeps posting it?
As it turns out, that was the wrong book. I am reading it now, but the story about the little blond slaves came from this one.
JOAN IS NOT FOR SEXUAL. JOAN IS A PURE. PURE.
Leave Jeanne alone, Anglo. She's a saint.
Absolute madman
>saint
Could someone translate that French for me I'm too lazy
Would you repost a copypasta that was very clearly intended to insult you and deride the emotional connection you felt with Anne Frank by using your own words to portray her as little more than a sexual object to be used?
>Saint
They didn't call her La Pucelle d'Sodomie for nothing.