All 45 Presidents of the United States (Or 44, Cleveland was a thing I guess) are placed inside of the Roman Colosseum (287x180 ft wide), and are armed with nothing but a melee weapon made of steel of their choice, sandals and a loincloth. They are the ages and physique they were during the prime point of the period in which they held office.
Who would emerge victorious and why?
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Either Jackson or Teddy because they were both Veeky Forums and actually knew how to fight.
Well they were cavalry officers, so the fighting bit might not necessarily transfer over on foot combat. Also, consider Taft. The sheer mass of him might easily allow him both the constitution and strength to survive long enough to remain the last standing.
We can boil it down to those who have actually seen combat.
Of those, I'd say Zachary Taylor, Ulysses S Grant, Rutherford B Hayes and Teddy Roosevelt have the best chance of winning
My money's on Teddy
Anyway shit thread OP
Teddy had fucking asthma
Gerald Ford was quite the athlete I hear
obama.. because he is black
I think Teddy would take it. He would also be one of the youngest combatants in the fight.
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Teddy got fucking shot in the chest, looked himself over, found that he was fine, then gave a 2 hour campaign speech. He was also a cavalry commander in 2 wars, and an avid outdoorsman.
He was also 5.8 while abe and washington were giants.
Abe was a sickly lanklet. Washington could kick ass, though.
Pretty sure Abe is in the wrestling hall of fame with a (near?) undefeated record.
The latter presidents would have an advantage over the earlier presidents.
A large number of them would know about Jackson, Abe, Teddy, and Washington's physical prowess. However, someone like Teddy wouldn't know anything about Ike for instance.
My guess is that if there any personal feuds, those would be settled first. Then it would probably break up into trying to group by awareness (Obama, the Bush's, Clinton, etc. would absolutely team up initially). After which it would come down to taking out the biggest threats and cleaning up guys like Taft and FDR.
Honestly, just pick a middling president from any time period and you've likely found the answer just as much as the next.
Washington stares everyone down until they give up and/or kill themselves.
Washington organizes an uprising, they kill the guards, take the spectators as hostages and settle somewhere as an independent nation.
Cleveland because there's two of them
Except Taft was an incredibly fat fuck and would probably be winded in no time. Actually, Taft might be the first to die.
Teddy or Kennedy because of their youth, I'd say. Jackson was like 62 during his presidency, Lincoln was 52. 40 year old men still have a little bit of energy.
Then again, Kennedy was addicted to pills because of his war injury, so maybe he wouldn't be able to fight.
I wonder if FDR would get a steel weapon or if they'd see his crutches and assume those are what he's taking in
Ulysses Grant with the coke nose for the win
Kennedy? My dude, read an account of Kennedy's health while in office. The dude was falling apart before he even entered Dallas, and his doctors were pumping him full of meds.
Teddy is top seed.
Washington if he's younger or younger Jackson would win though in an age adjusted bracket.
I bet Obama does well because he's young and fairly athletic.
Too bad Hamilton was only ever shadow President. He had some solid battlefield exploits.
Whichever president is the biggest would eventually win.
Reminder that have weight-classes in all combat sports because mass and leverage trump skill and training any day of the week, and manlets never learn.
they'd all be too busy looking at the black guy and wondering what the fuck
I think the earlier presidents would fare better. Guys like Jackson were normalized to pretty extreme violence from a young age. Some one like George W or Obama would probably faint at the sight of someone getting hacked to death.
trump could win with 4d chess
You didn't mention anything that would make them wanna fight each other.
FDR
they would all feel back about killing crippley the wheelman, or he would be overturned from his chair and remain un noticed untill the last man standing was felled by a stab to the ankle and then one to the chest
This
Which weapon do you think teddy would choose? I vote for a set of brass knuckles or a big club.
Which he overcame.
Hearthy kek. Theodore was pretty racist even for his time right? He would be fucking stunned.
They'd prganize a union and overthrow the guards and create a new independent nation
kek
The "Rough Riders" dismounted to fight.
Anyone saying anything other than George Washington the first President of these United States is an unpatriotic cunt, a traitor and probably a commie as well.
Boy I sure do like George Washington.
He's a swell guy. I'm not gay, but if he asked I'd let him fuck my pooper.
doubt george w would faint
I think everyone would underestimate him, just like you just did, and hed come out on top
depends, is grant sober or not?
*misunderestimate
Teddy did martial arts.
>Ulysses S Grant
>Unfit alchoholic
had
Lincoln was known as "rail-splitter", so I'm guessing he could do some serious damage.