Describe your cunt's history in three-five memearrows with short description

Describe your cunt's history in three-five memearrows with short description

This thread is for learning about other country's history without needing to read full wiki page on it.

I'm gonna start so you see what i mean

>Czechia
>600-1300 - Bohemia was a strong kingdom and regional power, spent most of that time successfully fighting of G*rmans or M*gyars, all fun ended when Czech Premyslid dynasty died out and we became playtoy of foreign imperial aristocracy
>1300-1600 - In 1418 Bohemia started our own reformation - Hussite revolution - and asserted "utraquism" different version of Christianity from the rest of Europe. Together with that we also became more and more autonomous estate-controlled state. It all ended with 30 years war and Habsburgian recatholization.
>1600-1900 - We became a Habsburg colony but economically prospered.
>1900-2000 - Pre WWII we were super prosperous, but communism fucked it all up.

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=4ztOV2wrrkY
twitter.com/AnonBabble

Stop ignoring actually productive thread you dipshits

>learning about some shitty dungheap in the middle of bumfuck nowhere
>productive
Nobody cares about your shitty country you dumb fuck, take a fucking hint.

Romania

>The Romans try to play nice with the Dacians in order to get access to their vast gold reserves (the mountains were loaded with it), but are fucked over so many times that Trajan comes in and becomes Romania's new founding father nearly 2000 years later
>Daco-Romanians are overrun by Slavs but somehow manage to convince these niggers to speak a Slacivized Latin instead
>The Daco-Slavo-Romanians somehow survive centuries of being ruled over by Bulgars, Hungarians, and later the Ottomans (though, when not retarded, they all tended to ally against the Turks)
>They decide to say "Fuck it, let's unify," at which point they drop all heritage beyond the Roman one, become francophiles, import as much as they can from France ranging from politics to philosophy, and switch over from cyrillic (this changes later when nationalism becomes stronger, and people want to RP as Dacians)
>They side with the right people during WW1 and are rewarded with Transylvania, and Romania is now fucking huge on the right path, while Hungarians get FacialAbuse'd by Anglos and the rest
>They decide that since Germany started WW1 and ended up destroying their country and legacy, that we want that too, and they'd probably make the best allies for WW2, and after a lot of in-fighting, the Commies storm in and take over, until the Revolution in 1989 (which I think is the only one done by force that ended with the dictator being executed by the people)

>in the middle of bumfuck nowhere
>literally in middle of Europe

Gez, you're dumb enough to do the arguing for me.

>we wuz vikangz n shit
>fucking danes leave REEEEEEE
>oil

>says others are dumb
>his argument is literally "you are dumb"

>Dutch and Spanish come over and are briefly relevant
>Brits and French take it all over
>Taxes are dumb reeeee
>Black people are ok now
>fuck communism

>Brits make colonies and move people here
>Break away and MANIFEST DESTINY
>Civil war over niggers
>Fuck Krauts, Japs, and Commies
>McDonalds

Latvia
>????-1100 - bunch of pagan tribes living isolated lives in their villages and just warring with each other
>1100-1500 - Germans arrive, bring Christianity and become our overlords while treating us like lowly peasants, bunch of wars happen against Lithuania and Russia
>1500-1917 - Live under various regional powers (Poland-Lithuania commonwealth, Sweden and eventually Russia) Society doesn't improve and what """"culture"""" there is is just what the foreign powers bring to us
>1917-1940 - Russian Revolution happens and while the Russians are too busy fighting each other and Germans are too busy losing the war, we seize the opportunity for independence. Considered our highest point in economical prosperity and culture under the leadership of based Ulmanis
>1940-1991 - Get occupied by Soviets, then by Germans and yet again by Soviets. Live under a shitty communist regime but we're one of the most economically strongest provinces of the Soviet Union so life isn't as bad as it could be, since there are basically no dissidents that fuck us over, like in Poland or Hungary
>1991-2017 - regain our independece but our government is corrupt as fuck, and most of our population is poor. 2008 economical crisis hit us very hard. Lots of blown up national hate against russians by the media, because I guess they want to get that EU gibs money, and things aren't looking any better in the future
I hate my country desu

Norway?
USA

>Let's trade mofo's
>Fuck Spain
>Fuck England
>Fuck France
>Fuck Germany

Nederdicks

>DON'T TREAD ON ME REEEEEEE
>NATIVES GET OFF OF MY LAND REEEEEE
>YANKEES GET AWAY FROM MY SLAVES REEEEEE
>HUNS/JAPS GET AWAY FROM MY BOAT/HARBOR REEEEEEE
>COMMIES GET AWAY FROM MY IDEALS REEEEEEEEE

Belgium?

South Africa
>Fuck the Brits, let's start our own countries
>Fuck you, Britain
>Fuck you, Bri... NO NOT THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN
>Fuck niggers
>Fuck people who say "fuck niggers"

Technically that last one violates the 25 year rule by a year but whatever. Right now we're at
>Fuck white people and also fuck productive government policies

>we wuz pastoralists
>we wuz petty viking chiefdoms
>we wuz most powerful scandi kingdom
>we wuz rekt by black death
>we wuz cucked by inheritance

USA

don't know much about Belgium history, but I thought the 'YANKEES GET WAY FROM MY SLAVES' would give it away.

>REMOVE ROACH
>fuck Hungary
>we wuz iliryans

>war with germans
>war with germans
>war with tu*ks
>war with germans
>war with germans

Albania

>originate somewhere south of the Danube, speak a weird ass language (probably some mix of galo-thracian), migrate down south due to goths before coming of the slavs
>split into a shitton of tribal principalities, get conquered by byzantines and then break off into an independent despotate
>hold ground due to mountainous terrain, turks come. some kek called Skanderbeg learned the turk ways and defended a united albania for 40 years succesfully
>get cucked after skanderbeg dies, albania becomes ottoman, almost lose all culture to islamization but most of it preserved in the mountains
>1912 albania becomes independent, things go ok but then fascism and finally communism keks us for good

>indians and shit
>some portuguese fuckers decide to colonize the coast
>somehow it prospers a bit
>bring in them niggers
>miscegenate like there is no tomorrow
>bring in some germans and italians to farm the south because the portuguese don't really care about it
>royal family arrives
>they leave as quickly as they came
>muh independence
>monarchy is based
>republic starts getting shitty
>accidentaly a military regime
>back to being a republic
>have a corruption scandal about every year or so

Finland

>3 families living in forest until 19th century
>medieval ages
>suddenly civilisation appears
>actually doesnt exist

Stop appropriating Australian culture, and at least post a romanticised version of history rather than the nationalist version

>?BC~400AD - hurr durr let's build some shitty knock off stonehenges, fight each other and write poems about it
>~450 AD - irish pirates steal a slave boy from roman britain and make him their bitch, he escapes, comes back and teaches us about jesus so we won't be pirates any more
>~800 AD - vikings start raiding monasteries to steal all our treasure, also found a few towns on the coast
>1014 AD - high king of skyrim BTFOs the vikings but then he fucken dies
>1169 AD - butthurt kinglet invites normans over to help him take back his throne, gives his hot daughter to a norman lord in return and the pope rubber stamps the whole deal
>surprise surprise the normans kinda take over the whole place for themselves, build a few castles and then end up going native
>16th century - henry viii makes the church of england and everything goes to shit
>blah blah rebellions n shit then cromwell BTFOs us
>1690 - dynastic dispute in england between king billy and king jimmy spills over to ireland, we side with jimmy, billy wins and BTFOs us once more
>1798 - french revolution happens, france sends a few troops here, most of em die in a storm, the survivors help instigate a massive rebellion which eventually gets crushed
>1845 - potato crop fails and millions of us starve and emigrate, providing infinite meme fuel for /pol/
>1916 - another failed rebellion, this time with help from germany except their ship gets rekt by the royal navy instead of a storm
>1919-21 - war of independence which ends with a truce with the anglos. civil war over the terms of the truce follows (1922-23), pro-treaty side wins
>neutral in ww2 then declare ourselves a republic
also some shit happened in the north but can't be arsed explaining it all

>Where da white women at?
>Ahahaha, Romans filths, it's OUR land now
>Fuck we're losing against these alamani scums, pls god lend us your strength, o-okay ???
>These goths, vascons, and bretons ain't worth shit
>Now we have our own church and canons, fuck the emperor btw
>Based Martel, how can Moors even compete ?
>REEEEEEEEEEE GIB BACK LONG HAIRED KINGS, GIB BACK OUR CHURCH, STOP SUCKING ROME'S COCK
>Fucking Nordscums stop raiding our coast here is some clay for you, i-it's totally not bribe nor submission btw
>Based Huges he showed to these lowly Rhinelanders who is King
>Muh war against evil >Holy >Multicultral >Empire
>Where da anglo women at ?
>Muh doos vult
>Where da italian women at ?
>Muh Hasburg oppressors
>REEEEEEEEEEE MONSTRUOUS KING TIME TO DIE
>Where da european women at ?
>I-i was just joking with you,Prussia, pls sto-
>REEEEEEEEEEE FUCKING HUNS GIB BACK OUR CLAY
>Hahahaha these lowly Germans ain't much
>I-i was just joking with you,Germany, pls sto-
>Wew lad.. it was though but we won(lost) and we never colaborated
>REEEEEEEEEEE FUCKING OPPRESSOR STOP MILITARY DICTATORSHIP
>Refugees Welcome !

A painful end

Poland
>We unite 966
>We split 1138
>We unite again 1320
>We get gangraped 1795
>We unite again 1918
>We get gangraped again 1939
>We get raped again 1944
>We get finally independent 1989
>Oh shit no, here comes the NATO

>2500BC-900AD - Multiple waves of hunters come and go
>900-1300 - Vikings settle the south, another wave of hunters come from north
>1300-1500 - Viking btfo, but lands are now Norse property
>1500-1950 - Europeans show us how to live
>Now - Autonomous part of Denmark

UK

>Oh fuck we're being invaded
>Hey this isn't so bad
>Repeat multiple times
>Hulk out into empire mode
>Oh shit our empire collapsed, at least Europe won't invade again (probably)

>We are colony now, Viva España
>wtf Spain's trade policy triggers me, INDEPENDENCE!
>we finnally ended our 45 years of civil war/revolution/war against Brazil,Peru,Bolivia,England, France, Paraguay. Now we can bring up Europeans.
>tfw you are richest than France, 1916 best year of my life.
>wtf the goverment triggers me, COUP/FAKE DEMOCRACY/COUP
>wtf everything is shitty and triggers me, Macri and Kirschner BTFO, muh patria grande, muh anti imperialism, castro did nothing wrong/I want the military back. wtf gov funding retirement instead of football? I'M TRIGGERED.

>20 wars between each other
>suddenly mongols, we really need to stop fighting each other
>20 wars with turks and lithuanians
>suddenly communism
>*collapses*

Germany

youtube.com/watch?v=4ztOV2wrrkY

Philippines
>We wuz hundreds of native kingdoms & chieftains n shit.
>We wuz good Catholic subjects of the Kingdom of Spain n shit.
>We wuz Yank colon- i mean, benefactors of American beneficence n shit.
>We wuz fucked up in WWII n shit.
>We iz banana republic n shit.

What Island are you from? Not greenland right?

Fareo or something?

>Be ancient swamp dweller, living in tribes in the higher parts of the land, some swamp parts are roman, others are not
>After Romans are gone, tribe confederations turn into proper kingdoms and some parts are dried up from the middle ages through extensive canalworks, rulers range from Franks, HRE, Burgundians and Spaniards
>Windmills are used from the 16th century to drain more swamp land, and after a succesful revolt we become leaders of our own swamp, a golden age emerges
>Industrialization develops mechanical engines which allow even more drainage of swamplands. Most swamp has been dried up by now but malaria is common
>Create an entire island for fun, because why not? Also have a few floodings in 1953 in our swamp
>Nowadays, alll swamplands have been dried, area is still humid and cold as fuck. However, this swamp is one of the richest and most developed lands in the world.

How can non-swamp dwellers ever compete?

>and cold as fuck
I have been fucking dying from heat these last few days kankerlijer

Sweden
>We wuz
>rapists
>sexist
>racist
>and white/evil
Atleast this is what i learned in school

>Invade Rome LMFAO
>Let`s claim we are the new Rome roughly 300 years later
>Internal division
>More internal division
>We nation now, better start a world war or two

>Strong tribes eventually write some shit that we don't understand
>Greeks, Phoenicians and shiet come to trade because their lands are absolute garbage
>Carthaginians come
>Romans fuck Carthaginians
>Fuck you romans we don't want you here
>Romans finally establish here
>Romans are fucked, call the visigoths
>Visigoths establish some really shitty kingdom that eventually falls
>Visigoth civil war, someone thinks that it would be great if arabs helped he and his friends to win the war
>Arabs take over and conquest 90% of the land
>REEEEEEE FUCK OFF MOORS
>Moors get fucked after long wars
>"Hey, wouldn't it be a great idea to kick off the jews?"
>Jews are kicked off the country and economy gets fucked
>Discover America
>Fuck America, Europe is more important
>Fuck Luther
>Fuck Calvin
>Fuck you France, NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING FRANCE? REEEEEEEE
>Frenchies establish their monarchy
>England and France decide to take half of the territories
>Muh degeneracy
>Fuck you monarchy
>Fuck you republic
>That happens two times, second time is more like fuck you commies
>Fuck everyone, I am in charge now
>F-f-fuck you Franco, we are democrats now because we decided it not because you died and your successor told us it was the best
>Recover from some dumb shitheads fucking economy up
>Some dumb shitheads decide that it would be great to take all the economic decisions following speculation
>Economy gets fucked
>The same shitheads say we have recovered
>No we haven't

Best country

Croatia?

>Canada
>Brits and French fuck over the natives so they can live in a frozen wasteland so they could sell fur hats to rich people back home.
>Southern colonies go full autist mode, call themselves america and try to take over the continent. We win with the help of our british liege.
>Everything from then up until now is uneventful, except for WWI and WWII where the world collectively recognized us as badass(Winning Vimy? You're welcome.)

I might have bit too much pride in my nation.

>The romans leave and everything is very nice and we have some bread
>Oh no, Anglos
>1000 years later
>We have coal holy shit we're rich
>100 years later
>Oh no, Anglos

I miss wales from 1000 years ago

Brazil

nedercuck

>Ariana
>BTFO everybody
>a bunch of shit happened which I know fuck-all about
>le great game xdd
>neutral in both world wars
>by this point in time BTFOd everybody ten fold
>April 27th 1978, oh fuck
>Christmas 1979, oh fuck
>America helps mudshits to BTFO commies, mudshits fuck up country beyond repair, America fucks up Muslims but it's too late and now the country will never recover in my lifetime
Sorry if it's too many meme arrows