Wake up

Completely stop all battleship/battlecruiser construction. Refuse to approve any new naval vessels with guns larger than 8-inch (203 mm) diameter.

I privately apologize for all the stupid decisions I've been making and immediately delegate my foreign policy to Bismarck, and start funding the development of chemical weapons and the airplane

>1909

It's already too late. The interview already happened.

Shoot myself

bismark died in 1898...

he still can avoid the moroccan crises and stop the naval arms race

Abdicate.

Hire and fuck a lot of German prostitutes. After that's done, begin a crackdown on Socilaists in my empire, don't horribly fuck up and lead the world to prosperity.

0730 - have morning sex with mistress
0930 - call my cousin Nicky, ask what's up
1030 - cut the Kreigsmarines' budget
1200 - have lunch sex with different mistress
1300 - call Nicky again, talk to him about maybe building some rail-roads in Siberia in exchange for an oil-pipeline
1430 - order a few Winchester 1907s for the Heer to reverse-engineer, improve and mass-produce
1600 - work-out
1700 - call Nicky again, talk about a super-secret alliance and partitioning the Austro-Hungarian empire
1800 - go out on the town, try and find another mistress

there...I just fixed the 20th century.
.

hire this man!

>Kreigsmarine

should be plenty of time to calm relations with the British and build an alliance with Nicky.

oh...excuse me, Imperial Navy.

maybe sell the battle-ships to the Russians.

But what about your colonial ambitions?

invade france through belgium five years early, they'll never see it coming :^)

new ambition...fucking my mistress in Vienna by 1916.

we can get everything we need by improving trade relations with the Russians and United States.

focus on German human capital.

indirectly fund Chinese and Indian nationalists.

What I'd do if I weren't corrupted by my newfound power. However, assuming I feel like doing some conquest, I'd actually not curb naval expansion; Britain is probably lost as an ally by this point. Rather, I would, with knowledge of how the Great War went, push for a change in German war doctrine to fight a defensive war in Alsace-Lorraine while committing fully to the invasion of Russia and trying to secure trade agreements with Romania, Persia, and Venezuela for oil. To help with the latter I would seek to buy the Danish West Indies for a naval base in the Western Atlantic/Caribbean. Japan would also be sought as an ally after Britain signed an alliance with Russia.

On the domestic front, I would expand welfare programs and provide many more perks to military service, while suppressing the most radical elements of the SPD.

Here's a 1910 map to help the rest of you.

Suggest an EU but make it Christian and conservative.

Destroy Germany immediately. Unifying Germany was a mistake. It's nothing but trash.

So just do the same things Wilhelm did OTL?

send assassins to kill Conrad von cuckendorf.
dig trenches on border to Russia and deploy 100k to defend.
Rape Belgium for keks.
Take Paris because I can actually deploy the men to the Western front and not get cucked by Conrad fucking Austria-Hungary so that they can deal with Russia without massive German redeployment.
See how it all pans out then probably rape Belgium again for the keks.

Are you Dutch or Congolese?

>Emperor of Germany
>Dissolves German Empire

756d chess

Why does everybody in this thread seem to have a grudge against the German navy? Wasn't the army a bigger problem?

the naval arms race between germany and the uk was one of the catalysts of the first world war. Britain had been much closer to germany than france.

Comission someone to research the chinese fireworks called rockets.
Fund the development of planes
Ask someone to build an armored vehicle that moves on treads.
Go look at what someone's doing on a microbiology lab and leave a moldy toast overnight on one of the agar plates.
Fund development of chemical weapons.
Round up the jews.
Call Nicky and tell him to fuck the turks
Make trip to Austria Hungary and hire the hobo artist Adolf Hitler to take shits and sell it in cans.
Call Georgy boy and tell him he's a fagget.
Call nikky and suggest him to kill the thug they call Stalin.
Invade belgium and shit up France because why not
Find Lenin and send him back to Russia to cuck Nickys shit up.
Send the jews as cannon fodder to defend the holy land from the turks
Fuck everyone up with tanks, missiles and antibiotics.
Let the reich rise again.

Just listen to fucking Bismarck. The reich remains secure and groß for the foreseeable future.

If this is 1909, then Von Bismark has been dead for about 11 years at this point.

Use necromancy. Consult his spirit from time to time.

Don't overextend troops to push into Russia, slowly push in, wait for them to collapse. Ram that fat german dick up the Tripe entente's ass. Cap that faggot Zimmerman before he can bring the fucking Americans in.

Not too hard huh.

Also push submarine and torpedo research.

Take all the money and run

Start wars, and make sure to win this time

Don't forget that you would be unaccustomed to having a deformed arm and would instinctively try to use it all the time

>dig up Bismarck's corpse
>shove a rod up his arse
>run electricity through it
>revive him
>put him back in power
>relax

If Zombie Bismarck was here we would be colonizing mars already.

And the bongs would probably declare war on the Deutsche Weltraumreich because their Royal Space Navy would feel threatened.

>royality
>getting locked up for being insane

>Raise 6 more army Korps for the Schlieffen plan per Ludendorff's estimates of necessary manpower for success
>Demand that everybody stick to the plan, either sack von Moltke or tell him to make sure that Kronprinz Rupprecht doesn't counterattack into the Vosges and instead falls back
>Tell von Moltke not to panic and divert men from the West because Hindenburg and Ludendorff can handle the Russians
>Hope that the extra manpower and adherence to the plan is enough to turn back the French and British at the Marne and take Paris.
>If it isn't and it still ends up being trench warfare, listen to von Hindenburg and Ludendorff and allot them the necessary resources they need to trap the Russians in Congress Poland and focus on getting them out of the war
>If that doesn't work, keep going until von Tirpitz asks for muh unrestricted submarine warfare and tell him absolutely no fucking way in hell and listen to von Bethmann-Hollweg
>If he protests, sack him
>Tell Ludendorff to halve the amount of men occupying new Brest-Litovsk land and make do with what he's left
>Bring everybody over for the Spring Offensive, this time without the Americans thanks to von Tardpitz not being there
>Break through
>Occupy France and use their resources to feed the population until the British finally give up
>Send troops to help the White Army crush the Bolshevik uprising
>Create muh Mitteleuropa
>Immediately start rapidly sending Germans to colonize Poland and the Baltic States for eventual annexation.
>Start expelling Slavs to Russia
>Build a nice colony in Crimea
>Wait for Austria-Hungary to collapse
>Annex Austria, Bohemia, Moravia and Austrian Silesia
>Keep building up navy for eventual war of complete dominance against the British
>Eventually strangle Britain with U-boats and destroy their hegemony
>Mitteleuropa is secure
>Germany reigns supreme
>All is right in the world

It was von Tirpitz, supported by Ludendorff and the rest of the OHL, who pushed for a return of unrestricted submarine warfare, despite von Bethmann-Hollweg realizing that it would be pretty much guaranteed that the US would enter the war if they did so and warning them all not to do it.

>colonize Poland
Germans were constantly trying that for 123 years, but most of their colonialists were integrated in the the Polish culture kek

Not if we push them all into the new Russian rump state

You went another uprising and mutinies in the imperial army? Because that's how you get them

>The Poles can't rise up if there are no Poles in Poland

>Proclaim the development of a social democracy and collaborate with the SPD to gradually transition into constitutional monarchy and Rhine capitalism.
autism

I think you're oversimplifying

Well of course it would happen over the course of a few decades. The Polish Border Strip would be a good start, annexing probably up to Lodz as the All-Deutscher Verband recommended, expel the Poles and Jews further into Poland and Germanize the area (while assimilating the ones that recognize the superiority of Deutschtum), encourage emigration to Mittelafrika or abroad. Also, I forgot to mention creating Israel once the Ottoman Empire collapses and offering Eastern European Jews free passage there. That way, a large amount of the Polish population is gone, and we have an ally to help keep the Suez canal safe.

Still, probably oversimplifying, but if the Soviets Polonised half of Germany, I'm sure Germany could do it too.

Undertake a massive alliance with Britain France and USA along with any other European Country apart from Spain.

May also allow some based South American ones in.

Embark on massive armament programme conducted around planes tanks and weapons of mass destruction.

Invade Africa Via Spain. The Middle East via Turkey. No stopping till we reach Cape Town and China.

After irradicating the populace resettle with my New Empire sit back with my bitches.

>Call up Franz Joseph, ask him if he could persuade Viennese Fine Arts Academy to accept one Adolf Hitler when he applies. Also ask him to find Józef Piłsudski and send him to Berlin.
>Give large autonomy to Poles in Posen Province and French in Alsace
>Cede Northern Schleswig to Denmark, apologize for all incoviniences
>Call Nicky, tell him to FUCKING MURDER STALIN ASAP as well as Beria, Jezhov, Jahoda
>Call British PM, tell them that he can have that Cape-Cairo line if he really wants and offer some help. Advise him to give Irish Home Rule
>Call French President, apologize for the Tangier Crisis, offer cooperation.
>Go to Rosa Luxemburg's house, tell her not to chimp out, or she will regret this.
>Call SPD leaders, tell them they can form a new government, but don't they fucking chimp out, or else...
>Announce a new Berlin conference, propose League of Nations and pan-european custom and border union.
>In the middle of your speech start switching randomly between Polish, German, English
>Become known as Wilhelm the Mad, historians argue about you to this day.

It's not like Germany was on a path to victory until the USA came barging in and won the day. I mean, that's basically how it gets taught in the US, but that's not how it happened.

>french in alsace

Order an immediate moratorium on fleet building. Try to repair ties with Russia and Britain. Don't go looking for trouble and a general war, but be ready to fight one if it happens.