Please help me with ideas on how to lie on my resume to stop being a NEET

If you're not larping, list 10 things you've learned in your NEET life that you can do well.

I will help you, user.

Background: MBA, promoted many times, kick ass at life.

>Learned about index funds and could explain passive investing to a person who does not know anything about investing
>Can type 110 wpm
>I know how to lift weights
>I can cook food well because im good at following a recipe
>I can play chess pretty well
>Explain cryptos to normies

that's it

That's not true.

You can do more than that.

You can type @ 110 WPM but can't compose a sentence, or write a letter? Can you talk on a phone? Use Excel? Learn new computer software?

I guess I could do all those things but I wouldn't consider them skills because they seem so basic. Hell I could barely come up with my list because it doesn't sound good.

A skill I would consider is "Years of professional experience with C++" or "Good at financial modeling"

There you fucking go, buddy. Type up 10 skills that you have that normies wouldn't that relate to your field of interest.

Make sure they're not completely made-up and, ideally, that you have some materials to verify them if called out.

And what do I do with that?

I'm 21 years old and everyone at my age has a degree or years of professional experience. At this age people have become millionaires, or set world-records or begun companies that would change the world.

>wagecuck
>kick ass at life
Lol

...

kek

dont lie on your resume. if the job is any good, theyll do pre-employment screening and find that shit out. If job is sucky, why bother?

embellish a little, sure. but that will only get you in good part of the CV pile. if that is all you got, you still wont get it.

just own that shit, man. hussle like a mofo.

hit an employee up on Linkedin. Tell them: hey, i spend a week on this financial model that's relevant to your business. coded it in c++ and put it on Github, because i am down with low-level shit and open source. gimme a chance and ill make your company lots of money. if not, fire my ass in a few months, no butthurt. ok if we have a chat/lunch about this, or else can you refer me to someone who is looking at open positions? else can you show me a research paper or code project that your company is very fond of? Ill learn it and get back to you in a month.

that way, they wont even look at your resume.

this is like a 4/10 for plumbers

Nigga, I'm you two years from now.
Can you fucking imagine my despair being in this situation whilst being already 23?

Also, anyone willing to hook me up with a solid gig, I'm more qualified than OP. (Maybe)

I don't know man i don't have a degree, or any professional skills (I could definitely learn things, but I need an employer who would take a chance on me, in today's buyers market of hiring I don't think I can easily expect this to happen), or any work experience.

This sounds like it would work in a cool film with a 23% rotten tomatoes rating but in real life would just make me embarass myself if it even gets past the actual linkedin employee thing.

i have a fucking high school diploma. dropped out of uni after playing too much Silkroad Online.

sat down like a fucking neet. even worked factory jobs. get paid just enough to buy rice and weed for a long time.

then i started hussling my network and within 2 years i had to turn down fortune 500 companies from the other side of the world.

You can start earlier than me. practice your pitch. find something you are not only good at, but want to do in your spare time.

im embarrassing myself daily. i work with phd's. and you know what? they are embarrassing too. you think the business world is only for Stanford perfect GPA's? sure, they have it easier. but you can beat them. in common sense thinking and communication. you are closer to the IQ bell curve top. being fucking smart and getting perfect grades is an anomaly. these guys are literally freaks. you are already setting yourself up for failure with your "todays buyers market". i dont want to see that in your face when you come for a job. i want curiosity. diversity. drive. passion. someone without a degree who mildly impresses me to offset the dunce with rich parents who learned the exact same algo's as everybody else in that top school.

with the drive i am describing you could start your own business. nobody gives a fuck (except you) if you are your own boss. but you want a job.

i guarantee you that if you either, learn:

- tensorflow
- blockchain / smart contracts

and master that shit like the degree-less, degenerate, Veeky Forums-beard, you are, you can get a job at any major tech or consulting company of your choosing.

do it faggot

t-thank you user

>>I can play chess pretty well
Let's say I'm a recruiter and just challenged you. You need to beat me to get the job
lichess.org/kl2P1HUo

I thought the "slob" tag said "skub"

Fuck you both. I turn 31 this year and have never achieved anything of significance. Everything I have ever attempted just blows up in my face. Go fuck your hat.

holy fck i use to play the same guy...

Warrior/Cleric on Neptune

Good ol 80/100 Cap.

Dude, lets get married so I can move to the USA, I ain't got shit over there, but I wanna try my luck.

We can be a duo, Batman and Robin, you can even be Batman dude.

We'll start a business,

Two Dudes Diner or Two Dudes SEO Services

Anything we are qualified to do.

Lets do it man, I won't turn on you, cause I have to stay married to you, and you can fuck my life up anytime you want.

Therefore, we can live smooth mah man. Smooth.

Can you go a little more in-depth on what are some of these skills that can change my life?

How did you do it?

I would love to just talk to you for a few minutes.

I'd help you if I didn't know you were a dirty pajeet

I'm not a pajeet, I'm a "white" (lol) Brazilian.
I'd GO to Canada before the month is out.
As long as I knew I had a plumbing job or anything waiting for me.

Then tell me how to get out of a third world country and go to USA so that I can be a H1B corporate slave. I'm sick of these small digital design jobs that I'm currently doing.

oh shit i went to sleep

i can play u now and rek you

bahahaha

sorry but think for a second, what average contractor is really going to waste time on a neet shitlord when there are endless amounts of 16 year old unbroken boys to pick from?

lichess.org/vMGc9Raf
still there?

I'm fed up owning brainlets. OP please comment so we can start a game

wait im making food

come on dude it's not like you can cook anything else than pasta

Can you hire me please?
Be a bro.

can you beat me in chess?
lichess.org/19Bz2jqw

Is this a remote job?
Can you give me a work visa?
Can I work illegally in case you can't provide a work visa?

My willpower to play chess at this hour is dependent on the answer of these questions.

where do you live?

Brazil

Brazil? yes i may find you a position at the local zoo. meals are included and consist of peanuts thrown by visitors.

Just chiming in to bridge this gap, I'm 27 and in the same situation.

Learn to code, we need more of those, I am literally throwing money at these people.

It takes a lot more than money to build a team that can build things. It's totally not a buyers market, we spend thousands on finding developers worth anything.

rude

i was kidding. we can launch an escort agency if he's willing to find poor brazilian hoties who would like to travel in europe to work

it's a 10/10 for me

why not try western Europe? just take a pilgrimage to Scandinavia and check out their .gov immigration websites

I'm not even kidding, if you really wanted to do it I could get the girls so easily it's ridiculous.

only problem is the language barrier

Dude, it's your move.
I can promise bitches. That I can promise.
But, I can't and won't promise English.

People like me are rare as fuck. All you get round here is a bunch of slack jawed faggos running around with their thumbs up their asses.

Too lazy to learn how to correctly read the fucking LETTERS with their "English" sound.

Brazilian English is the most disgusting fucking English I've ever heard. Vile.

>But, I can't and won't promise English.
It's cheaper to make a girl travel from eastern europe than brazil, that's the problem.

Why do you need to lie on your resume if you're just going to get a shitty retail job anyway

but take that tip from me. If you can provide the girls, try to find the americans/europeans who visit brazil. They dont want to go in dangerous places where cheap hookers are. But you can make a business where you provide them the girls in the comfort of their room. If you are smart about it there is money to be made (like 30-40% of what the girl earns). Just find the poorest girls in the favellas and be a safe intermediary between them and tourists. Also dont force them into it like a nasty pimp.

I'm 20 and I was recently promoted as a line manager at a warehouse. The average age to be one is late 20s. All I can truly say is work hard and don't ever forget that you were once in your employees shoes at some point. I only yell at a group and most of the time it's to give positive sayings to up the moral.

Op's resume

>school
>neet
>fluent in meme
>sadfrog.png

>

I lie on my resume with believable stuff. I bumped up my job description to being the manager of where I worked (with friends) for my first job and server stuff for my second. My friends and I have stuff set up just in case they want to look for things too.

Seems to do okay since I get interviews, but then I guess I mess up the interviews because I'm autistic.