How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a
Scotsman, dropped in the middle of a forgotten
Spot in the Caribbean by providence, impoverished, in squalor
Grow up to be a hero and an an anaconda?
The ten-foot long Founding Father without a father
Slithered a lot farther by working a lot harder
By being a lot smarter
By being a self-starter
By fourteen feet, he's as long as 10 garters
And every day while snakes were being slaughtered and carted
Away across to the trash, he struggled and kept his guard up
Inside, he was longing for something to be a part of
The brother was ready to constricting, strangle, and swallow
Then a transformation came, and devastation reigned
Our man saw transformed, rebirth,
He's now a slender creature of significant girth
Put a pencil to his temple, connected it to his brain
And he wrote his first refrain, a testament to his pain
Then his arms fell off and he was long as a train
Well, the word got around, they said, “This shit is insane, man”
Took up a collection just to get him unstuck from a sewer main
“Get your education, don’t forget from whence you came, and
The world's gonna know your name. What’s your name, man?”
My name is Anaconda Hamilton
And there’s a million things I haven’t done
But just you wait, just you wait...