Be me

>mfw I can get my dick sucked 100 times a day for a year with 1 btc

1. put everything in btc
2. never sell
3. dont trade shitcoins

>be me
>elder gay man keeps offering up to $1000 to give ME a bj
Fucking disgusted, ready to punch him out

Seriously tho man just wait for this weekend's dip in bitcoin's price and put a few k into that. It WILL go up, and quite steadily.

AND DON'T FUCKING PANIC SELL AND DON'T LET YOUR EMOTIONS CONTROL WHAT YOU BUY

I know nothing about the digital currency shit other than I need a wallet and to choose an exchange.
Also that it's volatile as fuck, which is good if you're confident and a gambler I guess.
If I could get a return of $1000 in a few months I'd be ecstatic. That's almost better than drug dealing

>want to make fast money
First mistake.

>This crypto currency thing strikes me as the kind of investment where an everyday pleb like me will lose his savings
>not very smart
You lied, OP. You're ahead of 98% of the board already.

Invest on low-TER, broadly diversified index funds. It's the optimal way to invest. Just ask anyone who's not a crypto currency shitposter (i.e. get out of this cesspool).

bogleheads.org/wiki/Getting_started
reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/portfolioquestions

Not really, not any of that. If you want a very solid long term investment, go to coinbase and buy bitcoin. Nothing more necessary if you want it steady and stable. Of course if you want to try your luck with the weird new coins go to bittrex or something but you have been warned

This is the kind of response I was looking for thanks user. Looking into this stuff.
I intend to keep saving but I need to do something with this money I have sitting in the bank. Inflation has been flat for a decade but now we're staring down the barrel of an incoming socialist 'tax and spend' government within the next couple months. Not even elected yet but one of the coalition partners is already talking about printing money for social spending.

I can't put into words how happy I am I've helped someone from getting into the Veeky Forums crypto currency frenzy and steered towards sane and worthy investing.

There's not much more you need to know. But just make sure to keep costs low, invest regularly and stay diversified (ideally you want to buy the whole stock market, with a single fund/ETF if you can).

Feel free to check those resources and ask whenever you can't find the info or just want some clarification.

I'd wish you luck, but you don't really need it.

I'm a prostitute. Give me his contact

>telling him to invest in index funds right before the stock market crash
*Breathes in*
HAHHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

>He can predict the future.

Wow, user. Tell us more. What's going to happen with the North Korea situation?

Lol. Tell me more about how people arent going exit the stock market and move their money into bonds/gold/bitcoin/savings when the federal reserve raises interest rates.

They will get the interest rates up because the economic is already back on its feet and you guys are near full employment.

I'd be more worried about Trump being for over a year in office in Mueller doesn't get up to speed before Mr. Pussygrabber drags the US into some stupid war.

I'm eagerly waiting for Monday to buy index funds now that the NK instability has brought the market down.

Your point being?

The second interest rates are raised, rich people are going to move their investments into almost risk free investments like bonds. Poor normal fags will move their money into crypto.
Tldr. Buy high sell low. Never change Veeky Forums.

Also you really think north korea is going to do something? It's all just bullshit. The US has a higher military budge than the next three countries combined. If they do, the us will do what it does best and terrorize and exploit the resources of north Korea, turning it into a democracy, and establishing a central bank controlled by the same people who control every other central bank. Nothing new here. We've been doing this since vietnam.

Dividends and hedge funds
Crypto is too risky to have guranteed passive income
Use crypto to become a millionaire and then invest in funds to live a good life

>We've been doing this since vietnam.
Your memery is out of this world, you uneducated shitter. You couldn't pick a more appropriate example, couldn't you?

Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Libya, Soon syria. You can pick whatever example you want.

unironically this. I'm a brainlet as well and have lost to much money trying to trade alt coins. The only reason I'm not in the net negative is because BTC is as close as you can get to a sure thing. Buy BTC and just fucking hold it for years.

The US lost the Vietnam war, user. I'm sorry to break it to you.

The Rothschilds didn't lose though.

/pol/ is leaking again.

>implying (((they))) lost

Or maybe you're just in denial. Keep investing in your good goy index funds. It cant possibly go down.

I don't see the Jews in that text. But I guess I need /pol/tard googles for that.

They can, and they do. Just like right now with the diplomatic crisis. The point is that nothing goes up ad infinitum in a world with finite resources.

>1 year after the war that caused so much death and destruction their national bank is reorganized into a central bank to lend debt dollars to "rebuild" the economy but at the same time transfering the ownership to the people who sell the debt dollars.
Jee. What a coincidence.

And yeah the index funds go up because they're artificially inflated. Like I said, once the fed finally raises interest rates people will get the Fuck out after they realize how artifically inflated this shit is. I cant wait for you to tell me how cryptocurrencies are volatile when you're down 60% on your index funds after the collapse.

>advises to invest in stocks near the top of the bubble
>brainwashed into using liberal media buzzwords
When the crash eats up your retirement money don't get angry. Consider it karma for being such a moron.