If you had a time machine what would you do ?

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SEX BUM SEX BUM YOUR MY SEX BUM BBY U CAN TURN ME ON

Steal lots of gold using modern weapons and take it home to become rich.

Save Franz Ferdinand

Kill Hitler in the early 20s and take his place as eventual Fuhrer of Germany.

>kill hitler after he's already become a member of the national socialist party
>SA beat you to death in some back alley

Help Napoleon to win every single battle. I'd like to see a world where Napi wasn't defeated.

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point that shit straight at the sky and shoot heaven on down for you

I don't follow economics, what would have been the profit rate?

Imagine investing in Google in 2000

I said I don't follow economics... Give figures please. 1000$ invested on bitcoins for example.

Stop the Great War of 2035.

third post best post desu

Go 20 years into the future and be really poor with my massively inflated paperbucks

> Travel back some hundred years BC
> Have a shitton of atomic bombs with me
> Drop them all over Germania
> Go back to my 2017
> Live in the glorious worldwide Roman empire

fuck some primo soldaten boypussy

Bitcoin was valued at 0.08$ on July 2010. Today it's around 2000$. So investing 1000$ then would be around 50 million today.

Hatefuck Anne Frank.

Save her in some kind of time machine

Fug, that's huge!

>if only I had put it all on black

Imagine investing in Amazon in 97, or Facebook or Twitter or Google or Tesla or Apple or Microsoft or all the successful companies ever.

Kill Muhammad

THIS

You could just convince some of the real assasins to shorten the fuze timers

Impregnate Anne Frank over and over again.

Kill myself at 25 because its all downhill from there.

Posting on past Veeky Forums won't prevent it faggot, get off your ass and start working on it.

This. But it would be awfully challenging to get an audience with him. Assuming you could, I'd tell him to NOT FUCKING OVEREXTEND his army in Russia and secure his supply lines before moving onto Moscow. And don't invade Spain/Portugal. God the Peninsular War was such a dumb mistake.

Make Anne Frank pregnant, fuck her right up until she pops, and then post her nudes on /b/

Show up in future clothes and tell the soldiers you are an angel from god and that you need to speak to Napoleon??

Save my ex-girlfriend from death

Fuck history

Also pic related.
The Middle East wouldn't be the total mess it is nowadays, and it's probable that islam would be a minor sect.

That's way too late of a point to make Islam a "minor sect". Also keep in mind that Algeria remained almost entirely Muslim even after a century of French occupation, so I don't see why Egypt (other than the Coptic minority) would be different.

>women
>not deserving death

I would go back, save Majorian, become his loyal palatina, restore and reform the western Roman empire, and bring about a new golden age of Rome.

Honestly though I probably wouldn't use it because of the butterfly effect.

t. Peter van Pels

Get on the Titanic first class and get on a damn lifeboat

Travel forward in time, become an international celebrity (The Amazing 21st Century Man), and fuck sexbots.

>That's way too late of a point to make Islam a "minor sect"
In early 19th century islam in ME (its base ground) was made up of irrelevant peasants, it was more a folklore than a cult. If it wasn't for the Ottomans, a declining empire, the cult was dying.

>Algeria remained almost entirely Muslim even after a century of French occupation
A French occupation AFTER Napoleon's end. Those who ruled after him obviously had a very different political view.

I'll fuck that bitch and save her

I would push my fingers through her mouth to make those muscles move

Pussy

>and then post her nudes on /b/

Nah, that would be rude of me.

>A heavily pregnant Anne Frank will never pin you to the wall, kissing you deeply before throwing you onto the bed
>She will never guide your throbbing hard cock into her pussy.
>She will never stare at you in pure lust as she rides your dick
>ywn cum deep inside her when her water breaks
>ywn help her pull herself off herself off of you as she moans in a mixture of orgasmic pleasure and excruciating pain
>ywn try and calm her as she begins to panic
>ywn see her clench her teeth as the contractions start to roll through her body
>ywn sooth her skin with a wet rag as the sweat rolls down her, mixing with the tears that run from freely from her beautiful eyes
>ywn hear her grunting and realize she can only hold back her urge to scream for so long and she'll wake up the whole city
>thinkfast.jpg
>ywn French kiss Anne as she breathes in to shriek
>she will never feel an instant sense of relief for a few short moments
>ywn promise to kiss her passionately if she doesn't scream
>ywn kiss her and rub her stomach to relieve her aches with each contraction
>ywn feel Anne biting down your lip as she pushes, tearing the skin off bit by bit
>ywn have both your lips and hands locked with hers as Margot delivers the baby
>ywn pull your mouth from hers, your lips bleeding profusely, and kiss her rosy cheeks, leave a very wet and very red mark on them
>ywn sit in the bed with Anne, holding the baby together, soaking your pants in her blood
>ywn have your seemingly endless contention be disrupted by Edith complaining that you two completely ruined the bedsheets and that she'll never be able to get them clean
>"Oy gevalt, you two could've at least cleared the bed BEFORE bringing my first grandchild into the world on it! Made my job a little easier."
>ywn ignore the pain and kiss Anne on the mouth again, leaving her lips red as if coated with the brightest French lipstick

Retard

Tell General Lee to take Cemetery Ridge on the first day at any cost.

Maybe this too if I have any free time.

See cool places and events and fuck around

Kill Mary before she can give birth to Jesus.

I thought about just killing Jesus but then I realized that's what they did historically and it only made things worse.

>be Terminator send to kill Jesus
>God sends back a worse Terminator to save Jesus
>we now have Terminator 2 play out only instead of guns we have spears and swords and the cars are horses

I approve of this timeline would make for an interesting part of the Bible maybe they call that part Judgement Day

Good luck finding her, no-one knows where or when Jesus was actually born.

I'll just keep an eye out for any really bright stars in the west and follow that.

Destroy the Ottoman Empire

Hop to the future and get my treatment for biological/cybernetic immortality.
>Get either a cybernetic dong or a load of penicillin
>travel through time boning more people in musky pre-shower scenarios than Zeus himself.

Balkanshit detected.

I have a confession to make to all of you...

I am genuinely in love with Anne Frank. She was beautiful, witty, and graceful young woman who light was snuffed out far too early.

I frequently fantasize about being Peter van Pels hiding with her.

Oh god, just imagine deflowering that sweet girl on a lazy Amsterdam afternoon, lying and learn what each other's bodies were for.

Now imagine nine months later, she's got a massive bulging stomach from carrying your child inside of her and it seems like she’s gonna pop any moment now. Her popped belly button makes it look like she's got a giant third boob where her stomach once was. She waddles around and can barely move half of the time. She's developed an insatiable craving for your dick and you've likewise developed a taste for her pussy. You’re both cooped up in an attic all day have nothing better to do besides fuck like an unsustainable third world population. You lie down on your back, she strips off her almost comically too small clothes and kneels on top of you. She grabs a hold of your rock hard cock, inserts it deep inside of her, and begins to ride you like a stallion. You feel the pressure from her incredible weight and huge round belly bearing down on you but the indescribable pleasure of her tight pussy throbbing on you cock negates any discomfort. You sink into her beautiful soul, into that secret place where no one dares to go. After 30 minutes, you and her are both moaning with ever greater intensity, you know it won't be long now. Suddenly, you feel your cock shaking like a V-2 rocket and the orgasm reaches it's climax as your cum literally explodes like an 88mm AT round inside her Sherman tank, blowing the turret right off. You and her both join as one, souls screaming from the sheer ecstasy. As the elation wears off, she lies next to you. Too exhausted to do anything else, you simply hold her in your embrace. In that moment, there is no family squabbles, no Nazis, no war. Just you and her, watching the sky turn pink with the setting sun.

You dream of the beautiful face you have found in this place. So soft and sweet.

One day you will both die and your ashes will fly from an aeroplane over the sea.
But for now you are young and all you want is lay in the sun, and count every beautiful thing you can see. Love to be in the arms of all you’re keeping here with you.

What a beautiful dream that could flash on the screen in a blink of an eye

Suddenly, you awaken from your slumber to the sound of a bloodcurdling scream. You open your eyes to darkness, it takes a split second for your vision to readjust. You feel lonely and cold. Another shriek knocks you back into reality. Anne sitting next to you, clutching her belly, face contorted from pain. A foul smelling fluid lies pooled on the floor around her mid-section. Your hot dirty fuckfest has brought on labor. she cries your name, begging for help, begging for you. The noise. She’s louder than a line of Louisiana Tigers giving the Rebel Yell right now. You raise your finger to your lips to tell her to be quiet. But the agony is too much for her to bear. You’ve got to do something or else it will awaken the entire neighborhood and with it, the Nazis. Suddenly you remember the bulge in your pants. You’ve got morning wood. It’s not the best gag, but it will have to do. You stand up, squat like a slav, using her belly as an impromptu stool, grab your still cum-crusted cock, and shove it right inside her mouth. At first, she tries to scream even louder in surprise, but your circumcised 100% Kosher dong blocks her windpipe, reducing her screams to a barely audible gurgle. Suffering from unbearable pain, she bites down on her your meat with each contraction. Now you’e in pain too. With each contraction, she bites down harder, it feels like she’s gonna tear your cock right off. Eventually, the pain subsides for her and she doesn’t bite down as much. Now it seems almost as if she’s starting to enjoy it. You can feel your child kick on your testicles. Clearly it’s excited too. Suddenly, your cock starts to shake like a V-2 again, you pull it out of her mouth just in time. You bust your steaming hot and sticky load, blanketing her like an incendiary carpetbombing of Dresden. Semen stains her mountaintops (all three of them), along with her hair and most of her face. She quietly giggles from the ironic amusement of it all. You giggle too.

Then a look of sharp pain shoot across her face. She’s having your baby. You wish you could bear all the pain for her, but all you can do is sit and watch. You look down at her vulva, still oozing with cum from that great fucking you gave her a few hours ago. You can see a head of black hair poking out. You fear that she’s gonna start screaming again, much to your relief, it seems that she’s gotten better control of the pain, thanks to you. She begins to softly moan, it seems as if instead of experiencing excruciating agony, she’s experiencing an orgasm. You can’t help but grin as she keeps pushing. As more of the head becomes visible, her moaning intensifies. Finally a small head emerges from her vagina. You can see a face wrapped in an umbilical cord. A small pair of hands grab the head, she weakly tries to pull the head out. You put your hands around the head and begin to help her pull. Desperately, she goes into the next contraction with all of her energy, and pushed with everything inside of her. She feels everything. She feels shoulders and hips and feet all slide down inside of her and pop out in one long push, with a rush of fluid behind it, and it feels amazing. She throws her head back with a rip-roaring orgasm that penetrates the very heart of her soul.

You look at the newborn now lying on the floor and see that it is a boy. You have a son. Perfect, perfect in every way. He begins to stir and you realize he’s about to cry. After all that’s happened, you don’t to given away to the Germans from the wails of a newborn. You gently lift him up and place him on Anne’s semen stained mountaintops. The baby quickly finds the breast is soon sucking happily. Semen, blood, amniotic fluid, breastmilk all mix and fill the air with a strange scent that while repulsive, is also extremely arousing. You can’t resist the urge anymore. Your mouth land on top of Anne’s opposite breast, sucking first your own cum, but then her tasty milk. You look into her eyes, she’s somewhat annoyed, but too exhaust to really care. A gust of wind coming from a hole in the wall blows through, cooling both of your sweat-drenched bodies, but also disturbing the little one. You’re afraid he’ll start shivering. You look around the dusty attic for something to keep the baby warm. You settle on Anne’s fur winter jacket, having sat unused for the past two years. You know Anne will definitely not be happy that you ruined her favorite coat, but it’s for the best. She hasn’t been able to fit in it for the past nine months anyway. You carefully wrap your little one in the coat and hand him to an exhausted Anne, she continues to quietly feed him. You notice the dead silence for the first time, not even the other occupants of the Annex, mere feet away in the next room, were roused. You feel a sense of relief. You’re safe, for the moment at least. Eventually you curl up next to her quietly and begin to doze off. Your secret sleeps in winter clothes. Tomorrow, you can find a way to explain the night’s events to your parents and hope they don’t kill each other. You can somehow find a way to get your little bundle of joy to safety. But tonight, you just rest, your first night as a family.

Oh god, just thinking about this is making me rock hard. The hardest I’ve ever gotten. Oh, I think I’m gonna… I’m gonna-

*Cums in Diary*

Kill OP for flooding /pol/ with this garbage EVERY FUCKING DAY

This, but we send Mangum Reese back to 1944 to protect Anne Frank. Instead of battling Terminators, he's fighting Arnold Schwartznegger's Nazi father and John Connor is born 40 years early.

Jesus Christ I should have known this thread would be infested with Anne Frank cancer. What the fuck was I thinking clicking on this thread

/pol/ is already flooded with garbage. What difference does this make?

>flooding /pol/ with this garbage
Isn't that like puking on a pile of dogshit?

I would give her her first kiss :^)

Best reply

That or go back with over 9000 inventions blueprints and patent them all to my name and drown in monies

But will you go all the way and give her her first baby?

No, more like the fucking worst reply

Stealing gold? You'd be much better off going back in back in time to invest in Starbucks, Google, Apple, Bitcoin, or Berkshire Hathaway.

Seriously, what the fuck is it with people and their yellow rocks? Is it just like, a safe bet to make that in the future some people will still be greedy shallow shits who need status symbols?

> not knowing that gold has multiple practical properties as well as monetary

Visit every instance of every religion's founding to see if there's any truth to their magic claims.