Open Bible

>open Bible
>first chapter
>a talking snake
people DIED over this shit

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=U9uEspZpYlo
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

You're done.
That's that.

>open Hamlet
>ghost in the first act

Set the book on fire then and there. What can I possibly learn from something so ridiculous?! In fact, all fiction is stupid because it is nonfactual.

Hamlet doesn't advertise itself as non-fiction. It was always intended as an entertaining yarn to keep the English peasants pacified for a few more days so they wouldn't rise up and do what the French peasants did.

Genesis isn't a factual account. The OT Bible isn't one book but a compilation of histories, laws, poems, and philosophic teachings. Nonfactual fiction reveals truths..

>open Veeky Forums
>another shitpost

Why does this board exist?

>open Veeky Forums
>another shitpost

Why does this site exist?

What about NT?

No man with any aesthetic sensibility can read the NT without disgust...

>reads a book with metaphors and symbolism about spirituality reality
>takes it literal
Genius

>not being a biblical literalist

lmao enjoy eternal damnation fag

What is the metaphor for a talking snake?

>It's a metaphor!
>It's symbolism!
>Except this specific thing that is literal! At least until it's proven impossible. Then it's a metaphor again.

its not a factual account either, the four gospels were written by different people for different audiences over a span of about 50 years

>Open Danish newspaper
>Turn to the funnies
>have a few yucks
people DIED over this shit

What makes you think that the Bible is meant to be taken as metaphors and symbolism?

The snake doesn't come in until chapter 3, faggot.

...

>open Danish newspaper
>turn to the funnies
>see pic related
people got the sickness unto DEATH over this shit

All people died for all their mythologies everywhere. That doesn't discount their value as cornerstones for society.

>opens bible
>in the beginning...

Jesus christ, hasn't Moses heard of 'in medias res'? I don't want to hear how the world fucking began, just get to the action and plot. This is why George R. R. Martin is a much better fantasy writer.

>open New Testament
>guy takes fish and bread from child
>Divine ctrl+v
>feeds crowd

Remember, people actually believe this is possible and actually did happen.

Well, to be fair, for most of history the average person probably barely ever went more than a few miles from their home village. For all they knew there could be all sorts of weird shit over the hills and far away, or in the distant past. What's really almost inexcusable is that in this day and age millions of people still believe this bull crap.

Spoiler alert

>talking snek revealed to be Satan.

>open The Birds, The Frogs, & The Mosquitoes
>first chapter
>Suzanne Vega
>50 pages later
>ayy lmaos
>another 50 pages later
>kids with progeria
>literally next page
>reverse aging experiments
>by Nazis
>100 pages later
>Jehovah Witnesses
>Donald Trump
>lol Bane lol CIA
>quick rundown
>another 100 pages later
>Jews totally did 9/11
>except they totally didn't
>except they totally did
>except NOTHING
>500 pages later
>Suzanne Vega again
>American Psycho?
>Twin Peaks?!
>The X-Files?!!?!?
>THE DARK KNIGHT FUCKING RISES?!?11/!!?!?!
>put down book for a while
>pick it up a whole year later
>literally next page
>dude communism wasn't so bad my dude
>next page
>Catholics are totally evil satanists lmao
>except not all of them?????
>last chapter
>dude God is real and stuff lmao
>dude the real conspiracy was concealing God's name all this time lmao
>last sentence:
>"I want to believe... do you?"
>THE END

Take some advice, don't read this shit. This shit is over 10,000 pages long btw.

>being obsessed with religion

you arent any better than them

>All people died for all their mythologies everywhere. That doesn't discount their value as cornerstones for society.

Some mythologies have credibility behind them though.

youtube.com/watch?v=U9uEspZpYlo