How much bullshit was Deadliest Warrior?

The only time Americans ever lost was Green Beret vs. Spetsnaz
youtube.com/watch?v=207Ld0CBeMo
Teddy Roosevelt fucking beat Lawrence of Arabia after taking a round of .303

Conquest is way better

Episode about Roman weaponry/tactics:

youtube.com/watch?v=VtLa2mWGMbI

wow, just wow
I cant even

They said Washington was better than Napoleon
Nuff said

>GSG9 vs SWAT
>Testing non-lethal weapons
>Stinger grenades are gay because they didn't kill anyone
>TASER SHOCKWAVE FUCKING WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Good joke
Napoleon actually killed enemies (British soldiers) in hand-to-hand combat during the Siege of Toulon (and got wounded to the thigh with a bayonet)

I seriously doubt Washington the aristocrat immediatly ranked upon joining the army ever fought in close quarters (or fought himself at all for what matters)

washington was actually pretty brave he has a few stories of heroic leadership

Yeah, stuff like standing within reach of the enemy's fire maybe
But I doubt he ever killed anyone

>pirate takes flail to the face from charging mounted knight
>gets back up
>can run straight
Wut

I remember one thing from Vietcong and SS episode.
It may be a little detail but I laughed my ass off when that vc guerilla managed to shoot down a Huey helicopter by spraying from his submachine pistol all over the sky

I also remember it. The SS guys said something like "Those traps are not honourable. You would get killed for doing that in the SS."

>shooting down a helicopter with a machine pistol
Don't seem like a little detail to me, user

Yeah but the SS team were the biggest fucking LARPers ever on the show
>One of the SS weapons is a fucking MP28
>Another is a C96

I'm sure they were pressed into service, considering the severe lack of equipment on the german side.

No I mean the "experts" they called in, they were LARPing like all fuck turning up in SS uniforms and everything

Don't all of the """""""""""""""""""""""""""""(((((experts))))"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" do that though?

Never to that degree, it'd be like if the Samurai team were in armour for the whole episode

>british documentary
youtube.com/watch?v=VtLa2mWGMbI
>american documentary
youtu.be/QHSXZnxLZ0I

dailymotion.com/video/x517ku7

Christ...

Joan would win against William as she has God on her side. But yeah, Washington winning against Napoopan was such horseshit.

ATATATATATATATATATATATATATA

m8 william won his war and got burned at the stake, if anybody had god on his side it was the bastard

*didnt get burned at the stake

I'm just shitting you. Joan wouldn't even physically kill another person

Is that true? Did she refrain from stabbing bongs?

She was in the thick of things (she was shot in the shoulder with a bolt from a crossbow) but she wasn't this Xena like warrior dicing up Englishmen left and right.

>thinking Napoleon had a chance
manlets when will they learn

>manlets can't be good at wa-
100 kills for every foot of height

He must be 7 feet then

he's got 538 kills afaik

literally a glorified cheerleader that got hit with a bolt once while she was cheerleading in the back

please stop mansplaining me

we're talking about war, its impossible not to mansplain something that only men can relate to and understand.

Even today bitches get all the easy safe jobs in the military.

...

Yeah, but she had magic Anglo defeating powers. William would have seized up and died on the spot if it was 1V1, or his army would have been routed if arms were in play. Joanie doesn't lose

well memed, friend

It's true

nuh uh

William was French user

>inb4 Normans aren't frogs

God would recognize the difference. Plus, Deadliest Warrior pits fighting forces against one another, and Charles VII's army had cannons, so that's already game over for Bastard Bill

Its 5v5 combat, there aren't enough dudes to man a fucking cannon

Still leaning Charles VII here, due to weapons technology and armor, even if Jehanne herself is a liability

In Deadliest Warrior one man is enough to man to a cannon, or a catapult
youtube.com/watch?v=liFZN_zZzvY

This hurts my brain. Why does my country have such shitty television programs and documentaries? It's like the shows are literally designed to dumb down the population.

if it was 1v1 william would rape joan tbqh

It's SPIKE TV dude, what else are they going to put on?

more "thousand ways to die" episodes. I like getting high and watching them.

No, this is something that is typical of most American television, particularly documentaries nowadays. They are filled of flashing lights, strange flashing pictures that occur for one second or so during scene changes, dramatic and unfitting music, and outright idiots in charge of production.

At 5v5 it's basically anyone's game, though. At that point, tech and tactics don't matter, except maybe armor.

But it answered the greatest question faced by modern historians
youtube.com/watch?v=uas89HWrN_Y

what the fuck nigger

Ironically it's one of the more credible ones because the "experts" aren't just professional LARPers and have written books about the subject

This was so fucking stupid. Why wouldn't the vampires just turn into mist like they're supposed to and go up a drain to avoid the zombies?

Washington was also a 6 foot 2 wrestling champion.

Was he boss of the gym?

Fuck you!

because that would be fucking boring. What are you, some sort of fucking queer?

Redubs of Takeshi's Castle?

Excellent taste, I enjoy masturbating to a few.

They do put a ton of TNA in there, that show is such ameritrash

The episode where the roastie chokes on the cucumber is kino. As is the episode where the girl cuts herself by masturbating with a carrot and dies

Nah, they just accidentally cater to my fetishes.

Right you are Ken.

Where did they even get DPRK special forces experts?

m.youtube.com/watch?v=i9Hz7Kbq6aQ

They got a "tactics expert" (whatever the fuck that means), a former SK officer and a former US intelligence guy, surely great experts on the hermit states special forces

Why did those special forces have absolutely no fucking combat knives? Why did the DPRK have rifles without stocks?

Because they didn't test for knives, dummy, everyone knows soldiers only have 4 weapons allowed when at war

Why didn't they have sidearms and more than one magazine of ammunition?

They were only allowed to have a carbine, a scoped rifle, an explosive and their fists. But don't worry, they accounted for their training and other shit with a number out of 100 that will give only the most accurate results

You mean the training that ensured that both squads immediately lose all rationality and split up during a firefight while assaulting a fixed position?

Yes

>Full Plate vs Chainmail
LMAO

I miss mxc

>woman vs man
LMAO

He would beat her naked, which saves him the trouble of having to take off his clothes when he starts raping her.

>5'10" swordmaster vs some peasant with really good oration skills

>5'10"
A rare case of the French and English seeing eye to eye.

5'10" was probably giant back then desu. Especially considering Joan would have been a peaseant and therefore been stunted.

height doesnt matter. Bitches cant fight worth a damn, especially before the age of steroids. An adult woman is legitimately less of a threat than a 15 year old boy.

>That episode where a Gatling gun beats a Vickers
I really miss this shows unique brand of Americentrism

Incas were superior to europeans, you don't think an american invention would be superior to a european one? ;)

I'd assume they'd use a M1895 instead of a weapon 30 years obsolete tbqh fampai

kek except this was spot on

vickers a shit

At least it isn't fucking horse drawn, and capable of being moved into position by just 4 men

You are doing it wrong.

that time samuri beat a knight. with their shitty pig iron swords

I dont think knights ever fought samurai on the show. Vikings and samurai fought though

Too stupid to take seriously, not stupid enough to find outrageously entertaining.

Too bad Veeky Forumsfags weren't writing the scripts, we could've come up with some funny shit like a nine month pregnant Anne Frank armed with a Bowie fighting William T. Sherman atop an erupting volcano fueled by the souls of millions of dead Germans sacrificed to please the fire god, Bomber Harris himself.

yeah you're right , realized my mistake. but still vikings with steal weapons and Armour. unless they are a berserk filled with rage, adrenaline and some sort of drugs

stamford bridge viking vs 5 samurai
Who wins? No dickshots allowed.

I just came up with a few more ideas.

Judges Roger Taney and Roland Freisler beat each other to death with gavels

Ulysses S. Grant and Georgy Zhukov fight with broken beer bottles

Obese Bugs Bunny and Max Stirner duel with 12-gauge shotguns

William T. Sherman and Bomber Harris fight with flamethrowers

Colossus of Rhodes and Statue of Liberty fistfight

Nazi Germany in 1941 fights 1914 Soviet Unions

Charles II and Simo Hayha shoot at each other from a mile away with .50 caliber sniper rifles

Anne Frank and Joan of Arc (both nine months pregnant) duel with USMC M1859 NCO Swords

Anaconda Alexander Hamilton fights the Pwease No Steppy Snake on the Gadsen flag

Robert E. Lee and Erwin Rommel duel with sabers

The Romanov sisters (all nine months pregnant) fight the Goebbels children