Cold War jokes thread lads

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radio_Yerevan_jokes

They had great one liners

>Radio Yerevan was asked: Is it true that the capitalist world is on the edge of collapse? Radio Yerevan answered: It is, comrade! And as always, the Soviet Union is one step ahead
>The Armenian Radio was asked: "Is it true that the poet Mayakovsky shot himself?" The Armenian Radio answered: "Yes, it is true, because his last words were Don't shoot, comrades!"
>Radio Yerevan was asked: "Could an atomic bomb destroy the beautiful city of Yerevan?" Radio Yerevan answered: "In principle, yes. But Moscow is by far a more beautiful city."
>Radio Yerevan was asked: Why did they establish a Ministry of Navy in landlocked Armenia. Do you have a sea? Radio Yerevan answered: To spite Azerbaijan. They established a Ministry of Culture.
>Radio Yerevan was asked: What is the socialist friendship of nations? Radio Yerevan answered: It's when Armenians, Russians, Ukrainians, and all other peoples of the USSR unite in a brotherly manner and all together set out to beat up the Azeris.

On the meeting in the american embassy US ambassador says that there is a wizard in Alabama and he can resurrect the dead. Molotov answers unperturbed that there is a runner in the USSR who can run faster than an airplane. Nikita Khrushchev finds out about the conversation and appoints a meeting with Molotov.
What if they'll ask us to show that miracle runner?
We will ask them to show their necromancer first.
And if they will show him?
We'll ask him to resurrect someone... Stalin for example.
And if he'll resurrect him?
Than it'll be you, Nikita, who will run faster than a plane.

youtube.com/watch?v=mN3z3eSVG7A

these are gold.
This thread is great!

How did all political jokes in the Eastern Bloc start?
>with looking over your shoulder

>I once found a tumblr full of this stuff, and good ones too, but it seems to have closed.
Of course it has, like half of tumblr shut down after the takeover.

Who were the 17 first communists?
Adam and Eve, as they were naked and lived in Paradise. The three wise men, because they followed a star. And the twelve apostles, since they taught yet didn't know how to read or write.

Epic.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lenin_was_a_mushroom

>Radio Yerevan is asked: What is the difference between a revelation and a miracle?
>Radio Yerevan answers: if Jesus appears in front of the Central Committee to solve economic problems, it is a revelation. If the Central Committee does something by itself, it is a miracle.

Question for Radio Yerevan: "Does heaven have socialism?"
>Answer: "Don't be stupid, what kind of heaven would that be?"

Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev are all riding on a luxurious state train towards the Proletarian Utopia. Suddenly the train screeches to a halt, the tracks are out.
"Perhaps we can call out the local peasantry to fix the tracks for us," Lenin suggests.
"Fuck the peasants!" Stalin snaps. He sticks his head out the window and shouts up at the engine, "If this train doesn't start moving, the entire crew will be shot!"
"We should tear up the tracks behind us and lay them in front," says Khrushchev.
"Comrades, please!" slurs Brezhnev. "Let's just draw the curtains, put on some music and pretend we are still going!"

When we have daytime, America has nighttime.
>Serves those bourgeoisie scum right!

You forgot the punch line.

Eventually Gorbachev suggests "let's get out and push".

>Khrushchev visited a pig farm and was photographed there. In the newspaper office, a discussion is underway about how to caption the picture. "Comrade Khrushchev among pigs," "Comrade Khrushchev and pigs," and "Pigs surround comrade Khrushchev" are all rejected. Finally, the editor announces his decision: "Third from left – comrade Khrushchev."

a man walks into a store and asks "you don't have any fish do you?"
the clerk replies "no, this is a butcher shop, we don't have any meat"

>One day Stalin was at his office and is looking for his cigarettes in his pocket only to find nothing. He then calls Comrade Beria (chief of the NKVD) and tells him "Someone stole my cigarettes, I want you to find him" to which Beria replies "Absolutely comrade Stalin"... Later that day when Stalin returns to his office from an inspection he reaches his coat's inner pocket finding his pack of cigarettes. He rushes to the phone to call Beria telling him "Abort operation comrade Beria, I have found my cigarettes"
Astounded Beria replies "This cannot be!" Stalin surprised asks "Why?" to which Beria says "We have already found 40.000 suspects of which 15.000 did admit their crime, 10.000 died during interrogation and 15.000 are still being interrogated!"

The version I was told has Gorby tell them they were going the wrong way, before Yeltsin runs the train off the tracks.

Sign at Soviet army mess hall: Please do not drop food on floor, rats have been found poisoned
-
An American and a Russian arrive in hell at the same time and the devil gives them a choice: American hell or Russian hell. What's the difference? they ask. In American hell you have to eat one bucket of shit a day and you're with Americans, in Russian hell you have to eat two buckets of shit a day but you're with Russians. The American chooses American hell, the Russian chooses Russian hell.

A week later they meet up and the American smirks. "Well, how are two buckets of shit a day?"

The Russian shrugs. "Well, it's Russian hell, it's just like home! Either the shit's not delivered, or there's not enough for everybody!"

I know a few. For clarification, Montenegrins are stereotyped as lazy, Slovenians as sophisticated and uptight, Bosnians as hardheaded, Serbians as overly proud, Croats as Austrian stable boys.

A tourist comes across two Montenegrins laying under a pear tree with their mouths open. He asks "What are you doing?"

"Waiting to eat."

"Damn that's lazy. Which one of you is lazier? I'll give the lazier one five bucks."

One Montenegrin extends his hand into the air, waiting for money. The other says "Put it in my pocket."
-
An expedition consisting of an American, a German, and two Serbs (unlikely as that is) lands on Mars. The American jumps out, plants his flag, and says "This was only possible using American money, so Mars is ours!"

The German jumps out, plants his flag, and says "This was only possible using German engineering, so Mars is ours!"

The two Serbs jump out and plant their flag. One pulls a gun, shoots the other, and says "Serbian blood has been spilled here, Mars is Serbia forever!"

Oh yeah, and this isn't even getting into Hase and Huse jokes.
A Bosnian and a Croat go to the train station and are waiting in a crowded line. The train starts to move and suddenly a Serb shoves them aside and runs for the train. They sprint after him and while the Croat is fast, the Bosnian is faster and jumps on. The Croat falters and almost makes it, but the Bosnian kicks him back and the train goes by.

The Serb pants "Who was that crazy guy? Fighting to get on the train!"

The Croat shakes his head, looking confused. "He just drove me here, it wasn't even his train!"
-
A Bosnian and Slovenian are on a train through the Alps and are offered a complementary apple. There are two to pick from and the Slovenian politely lets the Bosnian pick first. The Bosnian picks the bigger apple.

After a few minutes holding his silence the Slovene starts an argument over why the Bosnian took the bigger apple. "So you would have taken the smaller one to be polite, if you chose first?" the Bosnian asks.

"Yes!" the Slovene says. "It's the civilized thing to do!"

The Bosnian shrugs. "So either way you get the smaller apple!"

A Bosnian, Serb, and Croat go to Saudi Arabia on vacation, get wasted on rakija, and fight the police. They're brought before the stern judge. "Though you are citizens of foreign nations, you came here and blatantly disregarded our laws. But because you are foreigners, I shall only punish you with fifty lashes each, and you shall have one wish each in regards to the punishment. The Bosnian gets two wishes, since he's a Muslim like us."

The Croat goes first and asks for a pillow to be tied across his back. After ten lashes the pillow is in ribbons and he gets forty raw strokes across the back. They carry him away, bleeding and almost insensible.

The Serb wishes for three pillows and the same thing happens, so he only gets twenty raw lashes. They guide him away, in pain but still conscious.

The Bosnian says "Two wishes, huh?" and thinks and thinks and thinks, until the impatient judge demands the wishes and punishment. The Bosnian gulps. "Okay judge. I want...one hundred strokes of the whip." The courtroom gasps, why would he double his punishment? "And I want you to tie...the Serb, very tightly, to my back."

Somewhat related, I've hears it claimed that this acctually happened, though I've also heard it's just an urban legend

>at the height of the space race NASA has now successfully put a man in orbit around Earth
>everything is going smoothly, but they soon realise that the lack of gravity means that their ballpoint pens no longer work, rendering it impossible for the brave astronauts to note down the many important discoveries that are made
>said and done, two years and $200 million dollars of R&D later they now have a perfectly hermetically sealed pen, with a production cost of $10000 a piece, that can not only perform it's task in zero gravity, but also under several hundred atmospheres of pressure and at nearly 100 kelvin
>the soviets meanwhile used a pencil

>"Dear Radio Yerevan, can you establish a communist state in Sahara?"
>"Of course, but you need to account for the sand shortages."

The pen was developed privately by Bic (I think? It may have been a different corporation) and NASA just bought them to use. Plus the graphite in pencils can break off or leave dust floating around the cabin of the spacecraft, which is really bad considering all the delicate instruments and the fact that graphite is conductive.

It's really dangerous to use pencils in space since graphite dust can get into electric installations and cause short circuits.

USA v USSR car race. USA car wins by 100 lengths.

Pravda headline: USSR car comes in second, USA car comes in next to last.

10/10 thread. Keep it coming, Zizek. Have any pertaining to Finland, out of interest?

This is a story my grandfather told me, I have no idea if it's actually true or not.

>Lived in Brooklyn at the time.
>As a young boy, since he spoke Yiddish, Russian, and English, he worked at this job helping immigrants from the Russian Empire (moslty in what's now Ukraine) get language lessons, find jobs, find synagogues, general integration stuff.
>One particular fellow was from this little shtetl (Jewish hamlet) in the ass end of nowhere.
>Grandpa helps him line up a job in Manhattan, but warns him it's a big city, not at all like where he lived most of his life.
>Guy asks how many jews live in Manhattan.
>Oh, maybe 80,000, it's a big city.
>Wow, 80,000 jews. I never saw such a thing, an entire Jewish city, a real city.
>Well, it's not a Jewish city. There are a lot of gentiles, maybe a million.
>Guy gets this perplexed look on his face, and then asks "How do they all find work? You can't have that many shabbos goyim for so few Jews."

The version I heard continued like

>Gorbachev decides to get out and search for help, but Yeltsin gets them hopelessly lost
>they both look behind them and see Putin wandering off, they ask him what he's doing and he says "fuck you guys, I'm going back to the train"

Not strictly cold war related, but since you ask
(freely translated from swedish)

15C - as warm as it gets in Finland, the Spanish start to wear hats and gloves, finns sun bathe

10C - the French are desperately trying to fire up the central heating in their homes, Finns are sowing in the garden

5C - Italian cars won't start, Finns are driving around with the sun roof down

0C - destilled water freezes, the Vaana flows a little slower

-5C - Californians start freezing to death, Finns hold the last barbecue before winter sets in

-10C - the English turn on the heating in their houses - Finns put on a long sleeved shirt

-20C - Australians are fleeing to Thailand, Finns start to dry their washed clothes indoors

-40C - houses in Paris are cracking from the cold, the finnish army postpones it's winter survival course

-70C - Korvatunturi freezes to death, Finns stay in and watch a movie

-273C - all atom basked movement ceases, Finns start greeting each other with "perked it's cold out

-300C - hell freezes over, a Finn is truly happy

Two burglars break into a building, only to find it empty.

One says to the other "Anatoli you idiot this is grocery store"

>Why do Jaruzelski's troops shoot at workers?
>Because the socialist system targets only the working folk

>Why does Jaruzelski always sit in the first row while watching a movie in a cinema?
>At least then he wants to have the people behind his back

>An ambulance comes for two policemen injured in clashes with protesting workers. A women sees that and weeps. A man asks her "Why do you cry for them, you stupid bitch?"
She answers: "How could you not cry, when there is a place for five of them and they only take two?"

lmao

>Why no communists play hide and seek?
>Because they know that when they hide, no one will seek.

>How to get rid of mice quickly?
>Write "Kolhoz" over the mousehole. Half runs away, the other half starves to death.

>A child is at school and says "My cat had eight kittens, they are all communists." The teacher is happy.
>The next week, thr child says "The kittens are all capitalists now."
>"How can that be, you said they were all communists?"
>"Well, yesterday they opened their eyes."

>Two Red Army soldiers are standing guard on a street, with the order to shoot anyone who's out past curfew.
>They notice a man walking on the other side of the street. One of the guards raises his rifle and shoots the man immediately.
>The other asks, "Why did you do that?! It's five minutes until curfew!"
>The soldier replies, "I knew the man. He lives ten minutes away, he wouldn't have made it home in time!"

>A Soviet elementary teacher is leading her classroom on a nature hike when they see a rabbit on the path.
>"Now, class, can you tell us what that animal is? You've heard about it in plenty of the stories you've read..."
>One of the children runs up to it. "So THAT's what you look like, Comrade Lenin!"

>They say that this generation will not live to see communism realized.
>However, our children... our poor children!

>A Russian dies and goes to Hell. Satan puts him in a lake of fire, but he rejoices and cries out "I'll be warm forever!"
>So, Satan puts him in an ocean, but the man rejoices once more and yells "I'll never be thirsty again!"
>Finally, Satan traps the man in a lake of ice, but the man celebrates even louder and says "Hell is frozen over! Russia will be prosperous forever!"

>A woman goes to a Lada dealer, puts down payment for a car, and asks when the next shipment will be in.
>The dealer replies, "The next shipment will be available for pickup in ten years, three months, and eight days."
>"Will that be in the morning or the afternoon?"
>"Why does it matter?"
>"The plumber comes in the morning."

On a similar note:
>Three factory workers are arrested and are waiting together in the back of a KGB van.
>The first says, "I came in to work five minutes late every day, so they accused me of being an American saboteur."
>The second says, "I came in to work five minutes early every day, so they accused me of being an American spy."
>The third says, "I came in to work on time every day, so they accused me of having an American watch."

>how does a Polish sandwich look like?
>one meat coupon between two bread coupons

>One Russian is asking the other "Have we reached full communism yet? Have we achieved Lenin's dream?"
>The other says "Oh, no. Things are gonna get a lot worse."

>A woman walks into a shop and asks "Do you have any meat?"
>The owner says "No, you've got the wrong place, we don't have any bread. Next door they don't have any meat."

A factory worker and his wife are lying in bed when they hear a window breaking and footsteps

They're absolutely terrified, but then a voice calls out from the darkness "don't worry, we are just robbers"

>Lennin is in Poland
kek

show original pic pls

The second one would work equally well with Trump instead of Reagan.

Please translate this I'm dying even though i have no idea what it's about

From bottom left in counter-clockwise direction

>Mister colonel, water is really warm! If you are cold, a glass of French Cognac perhaps?

>Hehe. Pole and Russki: like two cousins, both to pussy and to bottle xD [play at en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pole_and_Hungarian_cousins_be]

>Doctor, fuck. Anything the pool. I am still a bit hungover xD

>Who wants to play with my titties? xD

>Jerzy jump, water's great! P.S. check out her tits xD

>Yes, sir!

>To the Hotel! Pronto! Pick up my lover from Stanisławów on the way!

>Positive, Major!

The whole thing is a parody of a PATRIOTIC painting depicting Katyń massacre which was improved by the lovely anons from karachan.org

oh I found it

This thread is great.

lmao thanks man

>a Ukrainian man is cleaning his rifle in the woods
>suddenly his wife runs up
>"the Russians have gone into space!"
>"all of them?"
>"no"
>he starts cleaning his rifle again

>an old lady is drawing water from a well
>her children died in the war
>her husband died in the purge
>her parents died in the famine
>as she hobbles home, a jet swoops down low and she falls into the mud
>she points at the jet and smiles
>"look how big and powerful I am!"

>a group of workers at a washing machine factory steal parts to build one at the apartment complex for themselves
>however, no matter how hard they try, the parts keep making a T-55

>Lewenhaupt, why did you surrender at Perevolochna without a fight?
>The last Finns died at Poltava.

Soviet watches are fine, i have one, it's pretty classy.

>SINO-POLISH BORDER

>Bce бyдeт кyкypyзoй

My Russian is admittedly pretty shit, but this makes no sense. "All will be of cakes?"

>wizard
>alabama
checks out

>taking a joke this literally

There are wizards in alabama just not the magic kind

My favourite is when there was a poster "With Soviet union for time eternal" and someone added "and not a second longer"

>Brezhnev talks with one of his assistants
>You see Yuri, I really hate timezones, this one time I called American president and he was sleeping
>Or when I called my friend in Vladivostok and he was in work
>But worst was when I called Vatican to send condolences over the Popes death and Pope took it

All will be corn

It wasn't meant as joke at first, though.

You fucked up the pope joke. It refers to a real event, shooting of John Paul II in 1981. Pope survived and it was rumoured that KGB and/or Bulgarian secret police were involved.

Doesn't undermine the comedic timing so idk why it needs an 'ackutually' reply.

The purpose of a joke is to share facts and wisdom in a humorous way.

No it is to make people laugh, nothing more nothing less

Back in the day soviet authorities were so worried about misbehavior among Finnish booze tourists that the authorities managed to get comrade Brezhnev himself to bring out the topic during Kekkonen's next visit to the USSR. When Kekkonen heard about these accusations he got upset and replied:
-Bullshit! There are thousand times more drunk soviets out there than drunk Finnish tourists.
When Brezhnev heard this he pulled out a nagant revolver from his desk drawer and said:
-You've my permission to shoot the first drunk Russian you find.
So Kekkonen left the Kremlin and soon he wandered the streets of Moscow, looking for a drunkard to shoot. It didn't take long for him to find a man who was so drunk that he could barely stand, Kekkonen took aim, shot the man dead, and then returned to Kremlin. Next day Pravda's headlines wrote:
-Drunk Finnish tourist was assassinated by bald gangster in front of local hotel.

1937. A student defaces a poster saying "20 years of communism in Russia" by scribbling "And that's enough!". He is arrested and brought before the court. NKVD judge looks at the files and asks the student: "How old are you, comrade?"
"25 years old, judge."
"And that's enough!"

At the news of Stalin's death two workers jumped out of window at a construction site. One proceeded to buy vodka, second to buy zakuska.

Man is trying to join the Party in Poland circa 1949. Official interviews him about his past.
"Tell me, what did you do during the war?"
"I grew wheat"
"And you never joined any bandit organization?"
"No sir, that will be my first."

Man tries to join the party, but the official wants to know his motivation. However the man instists that he can only tell that after he signs all the documents. The official finally agrees and the man says.
"Imagine that. I come home drunk last night and see my wife fucking the mailman in the kitchen. I go to the living room and my son is getting pounded by his school friend. I go to my bedroom and my daughter sucks two cocks at once. So I stand in the hall and scream at the top of my lungs >>NOW I WILL MAKE Y'ALL WHORES ASHAMED

The space pen saved their ass on Apollo 11 when buzz broke off a switch to arm the ascent engine. The pen worked as a replacement but a pencil would have broken.

>"Lenin has died, but his cause lives on!" Says the poster.
>Rabinovich says: "I would prefer it the other way round."

>How do you know when the Stasi are listening in on your home?
>There's a new cabinet in it and a trailer with a generator in the street.

>A school teacher asks little Fritzie : "Fritzchen, why are you always speaking of our Soviet brothers? It's Soviet friends."
>"Well, you can always choose your friends."

>Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man.
>What about Socialism?
>Under Socialism it is exactly the other way around.

Honecker (GDR Leader) and Mielke (Stasi leader) are talking about hobbies. Honecker says "I like to collect jokes people tell about me." Mielke says "I've got a similar hobby to that. I like to collect people who tell jokes about you."

A Montenegrin, Croat and Serb have met a hefty bet about who will be able to jump over a church. On the day of the bet, Montenegrin is no where to be found.

''Typical lazy Montenegrins'' Croat scuffs, then walks 10 meters away for a running start. He jumps, and in the moment of flying over the cross, a lightning rips the skies, hits him, and he breaks his legs and ribs during the fall.

Seeing that, the Serb is terrified, but too proud to have the Croat jump higher then him, so he starts praying: ''Oh Lord, if you let me jump over this, I will never use your name in vain...''

He closes the eyes, crouches, then springs over. When his feet finally touch the ground, he opens his eyes, notices he is on the other side of the church and in shock mutters beneath his breath:

''Jesus fucking Christ, I made it!''

---

A fairy visits the poor Slovenian peasant. ''I will grant you any wish you can possible think of, just remember, what ever you wish upon, I will grant your neighbor twice as much!'' she exclaims.

''In that case, pluck out my eyeball.''

Here's an ancient one that every country in Eastern Europe uses to describe their own people. I first heard it from a Serb

>A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Serb are in a plane when it becomes fogbound and they can't navigate
>they're trying to figure out where they are
>the Briton sticks his hand out the window and says "we're definitely over Britain"
>the other two ask him how he knows that
>"only Britain gets smog like this
>the Frenchmen sticks his hand out the window and says "we're over France"
>the other two ask why
>"I can touch the alps"
>the Serbs sticks his hand out the window and says "you two are wrong, this is definitely Serbia"
>"why?"
>"my watch is gone"

Of course, this one is a bit late for the Cold War, but none the less, here goes:

After the Serbs took down the F-117, the soldiers gather to look at the smoldering crater already being stripped down by local gypsies.

''Say, Lazar, can you believe that was their ''invisible'' plane?''

''Well, shit, maybe they should've told us that beforehand!''

Another one on the same variation:

After, taking down the same aircraft, the officer in charge of the radar station that shot it down congratulates his man:

''I'm proud of you boys, we just clipped the ''invisible plane''!''

''Where?'' the radio operator asks.

A Georgian carrying a big basket is flying from Tbilisi to Moscow. A hijacker takes over the flight and demands that the pilot fly to Paris. The pilot agrees but the Georgian pulls out his knife, cuts the hijacker’s throat and tells the pilot, “Lisssn here, genatsvale, you fly to Moscow and right away.”
When the plane lands, the Georgian is immediately awarded the highest of medals, he is made a Hero of the Soviet Union. After the award, the KGB take him away and demand, “Why did you really stop the plane being hijacked? You had better tell the truth.”
The Georgian replies, “How could I sell my oranges in Paris?”

Armenian jokes are fun in a genocide kind of way.

>How do you make Turkish coffee?
>Grind up a million Armenian coffee beans and lie about it for the next century.

>An old Armenian is talking to his children on his deathbed. "Always treasure the Jews." he says.
>"Why?" his son asks.
>"Because once they're gone, we'll be next!"

On topic of Monteniggers

Croat tourists visit Montenegro. During hiking, they come across a big sign saying "DANGER OF EARTHQUAKES". Beyond, thousands of men lay down naked on their bellies. Croats ask them:

"What are you all doing?"
"Jerking off"

My friend and I found a show on Amazon called "Comrade Detective," a Romanian show about communist policemen trying to stop capitalists from doing crooked things in the heart land in the 80s
youtu.be/T5ONHUBXABE
The propaganda is pretty funny, like there was just a flashback where one of the characters had gone to New York city, and saw a bunch of people getting robbed, women forced into prostitution, grand theft auto, a religious man screaming about his AIDS, a homosexual/pedophile, and then a cop openly shooting a thief before saying "Welcome to America, pinko"
It's really fun

>Cold War jokes thread lads

Communism

A rare Kazakh Soviet joke.

Purges. NKVD officers are discussing cases of new arrests.

> So an so, a Russian
> Interrogate him and shoot afterwards. Next!

> So and so, a German!
> Interrogate and shoot

> so and so, Kazakh
> shoot
> if we start interrogating him -- we'll find out he's our relative, shoot right away!

I don't get it. Are NKVD officers known for often being Kazahks?

>actually believing it is genuine
It was a satirical American production mocking 80's films. Why aren't you being upfront about the context?

the premise implies that they are in this case.

Anyone could (and did) become NKVD officer regardless of ethnicity as long as you 're committed.

Oh, it must be joking about how all Kazakhs are related, then?

yep

[spoiler]even more truthful because something like 30% of the native population died of hunger back then[/spoiler]

Holy shit that's a good one.

>why aren't you being upfront about the context
Because I thought Channing Tatum wouldn't lie to me
I didn't know, user

...

I feel retarded, I don't get most of this jokes.
Maybe the language barrier is too much for me (thinking in Spanish, writing in English, reading jokes that originally were XXXX)

top kek

what takeover?

Tito is visiting a factory, and talking with the workers.
>''Greetings comrade, how many locks did you make today?"
>"I made five comrade Tito."
>''Really? That's nothing. When I was young I made 20 on average!"
>"Yes comrade, but you are a locksmith, I'm an economist."

One day Leonid Brejnev invited his old mother to Moscow. He flew her by plane, and took her to see the Kremlin. They visit everything, he shows her the secret rooms, the paintings, the gold-plated furnitures...

>"So mother, do you like it?"
>"Yes Leonid yes, it's nice..."

Brejnev is taken aback by his mother unresponsiveness, and take her to one of his private place. He shows her the magnificent bedroom, the jacuzzi, his luxufy watches...

>"So mother, are you impressed?"
>"It's ok son, it's ok.."

Brejnev is almost furious, he orders a private flight to one of his secretive house by the sea. He shows her the bentleys, the fur coats, the wine cave...

>"So mother, are you happy? See, I made it!"
>"Yes, yes..."

Brejnev finally explodes.

>"Why are you not happy for me mother? I have everything you ever dreamed for me!"
>Yes Leonid I know, but I'm so scared.. What if the reds come back?"

The montenegros are using the shaking of the earthquake to jack off.

Ah... I thought It was something more elaborated.
But thanks for the help!