ITT: History's most hilarious executions

Thanks to the neutrality of Venice (which had signed an expensive peace treaty with the Turks the year before), the crossing of the Strait of Otranto was quiet. In the early stages of the landing there were isolated skirmishes between soldiers of the garrison and the enemy forces that landed, but soon the soldiers, intimidated by the steady build-up of the Turks, took refuge within the walls. On July 29 the garrison and the citizens retreated to the citadel.

The citadel was without artillery and its walls were continually pounded by the formidable Ottoman artillery. After two weeks of desperate resistance in the vain hope of relief from the king and his son Don Alfonso, Duke of Calabria, it fell to the Turks.

According to tradition, all the male citizens were rounded up. Archbishop Stefano Agricoli and others were killed in the cathedral, while Bishop Stephen Pendinelli and the garrison commander, Count Francesco Largo, were sawn in two. On August 12, 800 citizens who refused to convert to Islam were taken to the Hill of the Minerva and beheaded.The women and children were taken as slaves.

>tfw when Scottish and so many executions got fucked up by drunk executioners that they introduced a law stating that the executioner must be sober or face severe punishment.

Plenty of stories of ropes being made too long, missing the chopping block and even one story of someone surviving a hanging and waking up en route to their funeral.

...

Why would you silence a man before shooting him in the head? Who did they not want to disturb? The time spent shutting him up could be spent shooting him.

>Woman called Margaret Dickson has a bastard child out of wedlock after husband disappears
>baby is found dead and dumped next to a river
>she claims it was stillborn
>ORLY.jpg
>she is hung by her neck for 30 minutes as is dictated under Scottish law
>on the way to the family grave, coffin begins to move and shake and they here screaming
>she is alive
>they want to hang her again but under Scottish law you can't punish someone for the same crime twice. (Like double jeopardy)
>lives another 28 years and becomes known as "half hangit maggie" (half hanged Maggie)
>law is changed to state you were to be hung till dead

Can you please tell us of their execution?

Or he's wondering why someone would shoot a man before throwing him out of an aeroplane.

im surprised people blindly followed law like that in the past. Even when it's abviously flawed

Scotland was a very legalistic place at that time. We were at the peak of our we wuz "Greco-Roman kangz and shiet" phase.

If a person survives their execution, they were given mercy just about anywhere in the modern world that still practiced death sentences.

Except the USA but they keep the death sentence around as a cost-saving measure (since you can't let those people go and life-long sentences would cost them several percent of their GDP with such a high criminality rate as US enjoys).

Considering that a proper hanging is carried out in an instant and you merely snap their neck, 30 minutes have nothing to do with the fact she survived it.

You're just wrong, the costs of the death sentence per inmate is way higher than life in prison.

Why do you say something that's totally counter-factual when the truth is just a Google away? Laziness? I understand that it might intuitively seem like the death sentence is cheaper but I don't understand why you wouldn't look up the facts before spreading misinformation.

how is it cheaper?

In 1683, he launched a campaign northward into Austria in a last effort to expand the Ottoman Empire after more than 150 years of war. By mid-July, his 100,000-man army had besieged Vienna (guarded by 10,000 Habsburg soldiers), following in the footsteps of Suleiman the Magnificent in 1529. By September, he had taken a portion of the walls and appeared to be on his way to victory.

But on 12 September 1683, a Polish army under King Jan Sobieski took advantage of dissent within the Ottoman military command and poor disposition of his troops, winning the Battle of Vienna with a devastating flank attack led by Sobieski's Polish Winged Hussars. The Ottomans retreated into Hungary, much of which was subsequently conquered by the Habsburgs and their Holy League allies.

The defeat cost Mustafa his position, and ultimately, his life. On 25 December 1683, Kara Mustafa was executed in Belgrade at the order of Mehmed IV. He suffered death by strangulation with a silk cord, which was the method of capital punishment inflicted on high-ranking persons in the Ottoman Empire. His last words were, "Am I to die?"

literally he went full WAT

then got offed

Courts, lawyers and medical staff cost a lot more than putting someone away for a long time.
Understandably they often allow more appeals and more due process for people condemned to death, one hour of court is extremely expensive.

>en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosa_Luxemburg
Lovely. Fucking cunt.

It'd be cheaper if the process wasn't dragged out. Court appointments, triple checks, and special housing drive up the cost more so than anything inherent in the death penalty.

He's right. Since it's already rather taboo to kill someone as a punishment, criminals are given multiple retrials, they can appeal, and everything needs to be checked over and over again. It's a long process and special housing is just an added cost

I'd argue that for a civil society which values justice this will always be the case. Being wrong in when it comes to the death penalty vs life in prison has a lot higher price, which is understandably reflect in the way that they triple check etc.

Depending on the time period, hanging was also done by you being lifted off the ground on the rope so you suffocate to death rather than breaking your neck.

>I understand that it might intuitively seem like the death sentence is cheaper but I don't understand why you wouldn't look up the facts before spreading misinformation.

I'm sorry for having the slightest bit of empathy for the US. From now on, I will know that they have death sentence simply because they are barbaric butchers and not only enjoy the act of killing people in ways that escape all semblance of rationality, but also pay a hefty premium to do so.

what if there is undeniable proof, like a terrorist attack which resulted in multiple deaths?

icepicks and pickaxes arent the same thing reeee

le edgy XDDD!!!

If people do that now, why wouldn't they have done it in the past?

>>>/leftypol/

t. edgy mcedgelord

>a lethal injection that makes you fall asleep and never wake up, is the same as having your head sawn off with a knife, being locked in a cage and set on fire, locked in a cage and drowned or having detonation cord wrapped around your neck and set off.

This is what liberals actually believe.

On the night of December 17th, 1916, the Great Duke Dmitri Romanov, Prince Felix Yussupov, Vladimir Purishkevich (a member of the Russian Parliament), and Dr. Lazaret invited Rasputin to the Yussupov palace under the pretense of meeting (and according to one historian, to heal) Felix’s wife Irina. Upon arrival, Rasputin was taken to a dining room in the basement. He was told that Irina had some guests, and Rasputin was to rest and drink tea until the guests left.

Rasputin was offered pastries and wine which he initially refused. This somewhat threw the Prince into a panic. He told the other conspirators (who were waiting in another room off the stairs), “…that animal is not eating or drinking.” When Felix returned, however, Rasputin had opened the wine and began to drink. After drinking a couple of glasses, he showed ill effects from the deadly poison lacing the wine. After a while, he may have started feeling something, because he asked for tea. He then stood, walked around the room, then asked Felix to play the guitar and sing. For two hours this “nightmare” continued.

When Felix checked in with is co-conspirators next, he was pale. He said that Rasputin had drank the poisoned wine and snacked on the poisoned pastries, with no obvious ill effects. When Felix again returned to his “guest,” he complained of burping and had some excessive salivation, but nothing more. Nerves of the co-conspirators were beginning to fray. Felix decided to take a more direct approach. He took a revolver, and while Rasputin was distracted by a fancy cross, Felix shot him in the back. Rasputin gave a bestial cry and fell to the floor.

Dimitry and the doctor allegedly went for the car to destroy Rasputin’s coat and boots—though they never completed their task for reasons unknown. In the meantime, Felix wanted to see Rasputin again, so he went and took another look. The body was still warm with small drops of blood coming from the wound. He lifted the body by the shirt and shook it and dropped it again to the floor. He then noticed that the left eye started to open, then the right eye. Suddenly the Rasputin leapt from the floor with a “devil’s look” in his eyes and a wild cry and attacked Felix. Felix struggled for a moment and broke free. Wounded Rasputin fell again to the floor.

The prince ran, calling for the revolver again. When the co-conspirators returned, Rasputin was crawling up the stairs. He made it outside and began to run through the snow near the fence crying, “Felix, Felix…I’ll tell everything to the tsarina!” In a panic, Purishkevich shot twice with the revolver, missing both, then bit himself on the wrist to make himself concentrate. He fired and struck Rasputin in the back. Then again in the head. Rasputin fell, holding his head.

Felix began to beat Rasputin with a rubber truncheon. Finally Purishkevich had him pulled off the body. They took the body back into the house and discovered that Rasputin was still alive. He wheezed with each breath and was able to look at them through one eye. Finally Dimitry and the doctor returned. The body was wrapped in a cloth and taken by car to the Niva river and dumped in.

When the body was retrieved two days later from the river, it appeared as if the Rasputin had tried to claw is way out from the ice. He died from drowning after being unsuccessfully poisoned, shot three times and beaten.

Read that in a Bane voice

just a bit of banter m8

Something like the executioners block or a guillotine does strike me as more humane than lethal injections, gas chambers and electric chairs.

Dude, I know very well what lethal injection is and how they explicitly make sure the patient is aware of everything until the very last minute.

If they just suffocated them by aphrodisiacs, they wouldn't put up all the charade around getting super special chemicals from here.

Not only is it as inhuman as gas chambers of the Nazis, you are also looking at cooking people alive with electricity made specifically so it doesn't kill them outright or the actual gas chambers.

Like holy shit, you people are seriously fucked up in the head.

Normal executions are bloody, but absolutely painless. It is the least bit of human decency that applies to bombs, beheadings, firing squads and all common forms of execution.

You really think Solzhenitsyn would do that? Just write a book and tell lies?

>aphrodisiacs
Dying with a raging stiffy doesn't sound too humane either

>He died from drowning after being unsuccessfully poisoned, shot three times and beaten.
Cool story, but not true
Rasputin was not poisoned, because the person who had to poison the cakes had changed his mind last moment.
According to results of criminal expertise he didn't drown also, there was not water in lungs.
On the other hand there was control shot hole in forehead made presumably by MI6 agent agent Oswald Rayner.

You're a big guy

>Polish army
>2/3 of it was German

Okay

While being led to his execution, Guiteau was said to have continued to smile and wave at spectators and reporters, happy to be at the center of attention to the very end. He notoriously danced his way to the gallows and shook hands with his executioner. On the scaffold, as a last request, he recited a poem called "I am Going to the Lordy", which he had written during his incarceration. He had originally requested an orchestra to play as he sang his poem, but this request was denied.[35]

>the absolute (and literal) mad man!

Sounds a bit like weak propaganda desu.
Sultan mehmed wanted to conquer italy so why would he allow the killing and enslaving of the whole population of a city he just took.
Most ottoman slaves were foreigners instead of ottomans.

>killing guilty people after a fair trial is the same as isis

>murder is acceptable
Fuck off you barbarian.

Not an execution, but a funny death....

Aeschylus, the great playwriter known as the Father of Greek Tragedy, had a prophecy that he'd be killed by a falling object so he began living outdoors. He was sitting outside one day when a Tortoise dropped on his head and killed him.

An Eagle had apparently mistaken his bald head for a rock.

You're the type of dipshit who keeps Breivik cozy in his fucking "jail" which probably has a bigger dimension than your fucking room.

Fucking pussy, I'd love to see Breivik get bent over and killed via a pole shoved up his ass like the Ottomans used to do.

>Breivik did anything wrong

He was just acting according to Islamic law. He did the same when he conquered Constantinople.

>having detonation cord wrapped around your neck and set off.
This is honestly the more merciful than lethal injection desu

Or perhaps he's wondering why someone would silence a man, before shooting him in the head

kek

>humans have given themselves the authority to dictate their own sex regardless of birth, but we should not have the authority to dictate death to those who have committed heinous crimes
Where did it all go wrong?

uuuu

it was an ice axe you mong not an ice pick

>durrrrrr you can change your privates and act like a different person u can't murder peeple???????
You're a moron.

>Considering that a proper hanging is carried out in an instant and you merely snap their neck, 30 minutes have nothing to do with the fact she survived it.

In that era, hanging was not an instant death. It was a grueling death in which you slowly died from the pressure of your own body pressing down against the rope. It could take as long as an hour. If your executioners were merciful they would pull your legs down to hasten it a bit, or let your family pull your legs.

>or let your family pull your legs
Jesus Christ!

Too far, user. Too far.

Say what? How are they made explicitly aware of what is happening? They're literally drugged off their tits so they don't feel anything except a needle prick.

You mean being aware of things on the way to the actual execution? How do you think a "normal" execution works? They don't just walk up to them while they're sleeping and shoot them in the head. They're still physically taken to the place of execution and have to wait around. They still know what's happening and where they're going. Up until comparatively recently youd normally be dragged through the street and have people scream in your face and throw shit at you too. The procedure carried out in the US is subdued in comparison.

>cooking people alive with electricity made specifically so it doesn't kill them outright

What the hell are you babbling about? Where is this done in the US?

What a retard

>via a pole shoved up his ass like the Ottomans used to do.

source? asking for a friend

>In that era, hanging was not an instant death.
It absolutely was. As far as when hanging became a common execution method in medieval times, the hangman employed to this task would be a trained professionnal. They would come executioners from another city if they had none in town.
Executioners didn't have a very social lifestyle, common folks usually regarded them as sadistic outcasts because they could also be torturers, but you needed a "warrant" from higher authority to be a hangman. You could only get this by being able to correctly mesure the body's height, weight, deduct the lenght of rope needed so the fall would instantly break their neck, and perform this flawlessly every time. Failing this at an execution could lose a hangman is warrant

his*
that's a meme

>muh leftypol boogeyman

>expecting mercy from Turks

they behaved the same wherever they went

its like some amateur noble nonsense gone bad

I'm 100% against the death penalty. People like Breivik should be kept alive for as long as possible. Just lock them up in a cold, dark cell. No books, no TV, no nothing. Maybe break their arms and legs too.

>guy instrumental in the formation and operation of the gulags cried at his execution
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
*inhales*
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

It's obviously more merciful. If I had to choose how I died, it would be a metric fuckton of explosives that would blow me to bits in a fraction of a second. You hear all sorts of horror stories about people being concious and in pain through American lethal injections, like Dahmer laying there motionless but shedding tears.

Dahmer was murdered in prison
Gacy was the one they fucked up killing

Right, sorry.

what's funny about that other than a dirty commie getting what she deserved?

>Late on the night of July 16, Nicholas, Alexandra, their five children and four servants were ordered to dress quickly and go down to the cellar of the house in which they were being held. There, the family and servants were arranged in two rows for a photograph they were told was being taken to quell rumors that they had escaped. Suddenly, a dozen armed men burst into the room and gunned down the imperial family in a hail of gunfire. Those who were still breathing when the smoked cleared were stabbed to death.

Ideological circle jerks over the deaths of your enemies is a clear sign you're a sadistic dumbass who doesn't belong in any leadership roles, regardless of what movement you belong to.

You're the sniveling henchmen who get killed off in the third act by their own leader.

You're the fucking weasels in who framed roger rabbit.

You're the knuckle dragging mongs who get stabbed through the back while unzipping your pants for an alleyway rape

>It absolutely was.

It absolutely wasn't. The standard and long drop, which are the types which specifically use the calculations you mentioned to measure out the proper length and placement of the knot, wasn't developed and introduced until the mid 19th century for standard and late 19th century for long. It was not used in medieval times, or even centuries past that era.

It's possible that some people hanged during this period were lucky enough to have their vertebrae broken or at least fall unconscious, and a few people did benefit from the "new drop" style gallows used briefly in the late 18th-early 19th centuries but discontinued because too many people were just suffocating to death as they normally did, but the longer drops and calculated drops were not introduced until relatively recently and it was not the norm.

Here's an account of a 1726 hanging, which is the time period that Margaret Dickson survived her execution.

>When the time is up - that is to about a quarter of an hour - the chaplain and relations get off the cart, the executioner covers the eyes and faces of the prisoners with their caps lashes the horses that draw the cart, which slips from under the condemned men's feet, and in this way they remain all hanging together. You often see friends and relations tugging at the hanging men's feet so that they should die quicker not suffer.

their executions were awful and not funny at all

...

Innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.

t. reddit.

Nothing about ideology, women dying is always funny and well deserved.

>the death sentence is so barbaric!
>but relegating someone to the equivalent of hell is a-ok

Completely disingenuous, the appeals system is what makes it cost on average so much. hang them the day of their sentencing and it costs nothing compared to a life sentence.

you just made all that up...

No, he's right. There's a reason they wore the hood; an attempt at remaining anonymous

haha wow you are my hero dude

>they're still up there after 500 years

The original idea underlying clemency for people who survived execution was that it represented the intercession of God on the behalf of the accused, and they must be innocent of the crime. It's the same general mindset that gave rise to the "judicial duels" of the middle ages, where God was said to dictate the outcome so that the guilty party would always lose.

Electric Chair
if you truly want you can kill someone a lot quicker with electricity than what happens on that torture chair

electric chair is one of the most cruel official execution methods

user, barbarism isn't the point. The point is to stop doing something irreversible. The state can't resurrect an executed criminal if new evidence happens to come up.

The fact that keeping them alive for decades in solitary confinement could be considered a worse fate than death is a side benefit.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert-François_Damiens#Torture_and_execution

>On 5 January 1757, as the King (Louis XV of France) was entering his carriage at the Palace of Versailles, Damiens rushed past the King's bodyguards and stabbed him with a penknife, inflicting only a slight wound. He made no attempt to escape, and was apprehended at once. Louis XV's thick winter clothes were protective, and the knife penetrated less than half an inch into his chest.[4][5] Nevertheless, Louis was bleeding and called for a confessor to be brought to him, as he feared he might die. When the Queen ran to Louis' side, he asked forgiveness for his numerous affairs.[6]

>Fetched from his prison cell on the morning of 28 March 1757, Damiens allegedly said "La journée sera rude" ("The day will be hard").[7] He was first subjected to a torture in which his legs were painfully compressed by devices called "boots".[8][9] He was then tortured with red-hot pincers; the hand with which he had held the knife during the attempted assassination was burned using sulphur; molten wax, molten lead, and boiling oil were poured into his wounds. He was then remanded to the royal executioner, Charles Henri Sanson, who harnessed horses to his arms and legs to be dismembered. But Damiens' limbs did not separate easily: the officiants ordered Sanson to cut Damiens' tendons, and once that was done the horses were able to perform the dismemberment.[8][9][10] Once Damiens was dismembered, to the applause of the crowd, his reportedly still-living torso was burnt at the stake.[11] (Some accounts say he died when his last remaining arm was removed.)[8][9]

>his reportedly still-living torso was burnt at the stake.
Jesus fucking christ.

Recent botched executions by chemical injections were reportedly very painful

Appeals process

Eh there's almost 350 million of us, one ain't gonna hurt it.

I never understood why we don't just have the guillotine if we care about the suffering of the executed. The entire purpose of the guillotine (aside from that it lets you kill a lot of people per day) is that it kills so quickly and painlessly that that all are equal in death.