Brainlet History

When i was >6 :

>thought between the medieval time and Napoleon the period was called "Age of Piratery"
>thought Roman were from usa
>thought spain was part of France

...

I thought Newfoundland was discovered by Finns because it sounds like New Finland when Canadians say it

>Thought WW2 was only germanyVsUsa
>Thought Britain is still a absolute monarchy
>Thought Romans had conquered all of europe

Pretty tame i'd say

Spain is a part of France

>tfw remember one of the guys in my elementary school friend group used to put swastikas everywhere
I wonder if you still do that, Zack.

I used to think that there was two countries in Africa, all of North Africa being called Egypt and the rest of Africa being called "Africa".

I was reasonably confident, for some weird reason, in thinking that Teutoburg was near Poland rather than near the Netherlands. I could've sworn I read that somewhere.

but USA alone beat german italy and japan

I thought concrete was a completely modern thing and upon discovering that Romans and medieval people had concrete I was completely flabbergasted, it was like somebody telling me they had airplanes and cars.

>I assumed Nazis and Germans in world war two were the same and drew a picture of a frog wearing a wehrmacht uniform with a giant "JOIN THE NAZIS" sign

>used to think that Spain was part of South America because the Spanish are non-white

About 8yo
>Thought China and Japan still used Samurais today
>Thought Germans were still Nazis
>Thought most Africans were still chucking spears at everyone

>i thought some Germans Russians and Austrians just decide to create new language and they made Poland in 1918
>i don't have idea how USA and Japan could wage war since they are on opposite sites on Earth map
>was thinking Hitler already rule Germany in WWI and he later made second cos he has butthurt for his first lose

>american education (has to be)
+
>I am 12 and visit pol
=
kill yourself

This recent one is practicullary embarassig

>get bored
>visit x, read about the mandela effect
>a while later come across a map of cold-war germany
>notice that the border is way outside berlin
>so why was there a berlin wall?
>logical conclusion of course is the mandela effect
>the sovjets must've pushed further into germany than in my old reality
>actually look it up
>feel retarded

>Be 8yo
>Read a picture book of the song "London Bridge is Falling Down"
>It depicts London in the 17th century
>Think that's what the UK still looks like today
>My Dad worked for British Telecom at the time, and suggests taking us when he goes on business trips to London
>I refuse because I think London won't have electricity
>When my Dad's British coworkers come visit our house, I ask if they have electricity

i am American and i do not go on /pol/, the project was you had to draw objects and mine was a toy rubber bullfrog

Well I used to think the wall was part of the iron curtain too, but that was because I never realised how much to the east Berlin really was.
The Mandela shit is hilarious though.

Shut the fuck up poltard you have been found out

I thought Alexander the Great was a Bronze Age figure and not someone who was kicking around just a couple of years before Rome became a thing.

I thought that medieval popes were Chinese emperor-like figures that the common people couldn't look at directly, and that could make and unmake kings at will. Like, if the pope said you were no longer king, you abdicated out of sheer piety and respect for the office. Turns out that the popes were mostly bitches of French and German monarchs.

I thought that money was a very recent invention, and that until the modern age the armies all throughout history fought not for any sort of pay but purely out of loyalty to their kings.

Associated monarchy with the middle ages, and it blew my mind as a kid when I discovered that there are still kings and princes out there today. And some years before this, when I was very young reading fairy tales, I thought of things like kings and castles to be just as fantastical and imaginary as dragons, and was similarly shocked when I found out such things existed.

Anything ending in "Stan" is a shit name.

Not me, but I used to live in the deep South US. These were people who spent most of their lives in the same state, and whose idea of "going abroad" was going to Canada. It's worth mentioning that my family and I are Spanish.

> Friend was convinced bullfighting ocurred in Colluseums
> People thought Burritos were typical Spanish food
> one girl thought Guadalajara, Spain was named after Guadalajara, Mexico
> the Mexican of the class tried to pin the Native genocide on me, while his last name was Fernandez

and for my favorite
> younger brother's class
> mom is invited to show and tell to talk about Spain
> end of presentation, question time
> little girl asks about if there's still gladiators in Spain
> teacher interjects before mom can answer
> "No silly, gladiators fought in Ancient Greece"

Now for some of my misconceptions:
> thought the crusades had been successful
> thought Great Schism and fall of Rome were at the same time
> thought Paris was on the coast
> thought Columbus had circumnavigated the globe
> thought Pyramids were built at the same time as the Acropolis

>thought between the medieval time and Napoleon the period was called "Age of Piratery"
My sides

>There was democracy in Athens and then the entire history mankind was nothing but absolute monarchies until America was founded

I didn't realize the Mediterranean, black and azov seas were all connected via straits until I was like 21.

Ok retard

>Used to think America was the first democracy and turned all the other countries into democracies by invading them
I used to be fucking retarded

>thought the US Civil War was fought over slavery
>thought black people join gangs as an act of revenge from slavery
>thought all Spanish people looked like Mexicans
>thought Antarctica was the largest continent because I once saw a distorted Mercator projection depicting it so
>thought all people in the Middle East were terrorists

Used to think the US invaded Iraq because Saddam was Bin Laden's brother

I thought Saddam Hussein was Sodom who's insane

>Be 6
>not fully comprehend linear time
>wonder why some people still use swords when guns shoot through armor
>ask my friend
"Because if you accidentally stab your ally he is still ok, but if you shoot him he will die.
>we both thought bullets had poison in them and that's how they killed people, so this made sense
>thought this for 2 more years until I realised that time is linear and people don't still use swords.

are they not in essence?
dont know much about native americans, but didn't they just defend against invasors?

> the Mexican of the class tried to pin the Native genocide on me, while his last name was Fernandez
Apparently, that's something pretty close to them even today, fellow spaniard
Talked with a girl from uruguay, and she told me a lot of people still hate spain for something that happened half a millenia ago
backward faggots

Fuck no, they were constantly fighting each other. Lots of early American wars like the North American theater of the Seven Years War and the American Revolution had various native groups fighting on both sides, who saw the conflicts as a way to settle tribal disputes.

so then, all that peaceful and calm imagery of the american natives is false?

Yep

>Thought the Roman empire expanded and then created the modern nations of the world by civilizing them and didn't collapse but rather transformed into like England and France ect
>Thought Italy was run by the Pope who was a decedent of the Roman Emperor
>Thought there was nothing between the middle east (which I thought was just desert tribes akin to a native american reserve linking back to point one) and China (didn't know where India was)
>Thought the Vietnam war was fought between Russia and USA conventionally with like tanks and shit
>Thought the US civil war was to do with cowboys and Indians
>Thought Germany was still like dark gloomy forests and WW1/2 was German barbarians (but steam punk as I thought they developed independently from the Roman nations) vs civilized post Roman nations
>Thought that China and Japan was just like Asia and they were all Ninjas and Samurai and fought against each other but as the factions of straight sword samurai vs curved sword samurai
>Thought the Greeks fought in south America against the Amazonians and I thought that Amazon women existed
>Thought Mexico borders Brazil and both were south america
>Thought the Scottish were the confederates of the English civil war due to the flag and that is how the UK was made by thatcher
>Thought Henry VIII had all his wives at once
>Thought King Arthur was the first King of England
>Thought Russian cavalry was better during the medieval period because they rode bears
>Thought Attila the Huns horse was Genghis khan and they fought the Chinese together
>Thought Switzerland was far to the north where Svalbard is and it was snowy and like a fairy tale there as they never fought anyone
>Thought Vikings were from Canada
>Thought Catholics and Protestants fought over whether the crucifix should be shiny and gold or brown wooden
>Thought Poland was covered in ice and Iceland was the iceberg that sunk the titanic
>Thought Africa was one country ruled by a king but he couldn't cross the desert

Not him, but yes. All societies had war. Read Lawrence Keeley's "War Before Civilization".

Take a look at this too: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crow_Creek_massacre

>>thought I somehow caused 9/11 because I pointed to a globe at Afghanistan and said it had a stupid name

>I thought Alexander the Great was a Bronze Age figure and not someone who was kicking around just a couple of years before Rome became a thing.

This so much, blew my mind when I actually looked up the dates

>thought for the first 21 years of my life that Scotland was an island not connected to England
>Made Mel Gibson seem even more badass in braveheart
>Disappointed when I realized Mel just walked to York to invade it.

>thought that afghan blankets were stolen from Afghanistan and we went to war with them to get more blankets
>thought Native Americans basically sat in a giant continent-wide drum circle and smoked whatever's in a peace pipe and told stories and hunted buffalo
>thought horses were indigenous to the Americas
>read about press-ganging and thought that like 1/4th of England's population were in the navy because of it
>thought trebuchets flung missiles farther than catapults because of AoE (they don't)
>thought Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa and Gandhi were all paragons of virtue because everyone always seemed to admire them and not seriously flawed multi-dimensional characters

>>thought horses were indigenous to the Americas
This one blew my mind too.

I used to think oranges were indigenous to the Americas, but at least there's a good reason for that.

That probably has to do with the Teutonic Knights being active in modern day poland, so I don't think that's too bad.

I was heavily confused about the Berlin Wall for a long time as well user, you're not alone

I'm 23 and that's the first time I've ever known that

That's the thing. The South Americans' ancestors with very classical Spanish last names were probably more involved in the genociding than mine were. After all, mine stayed at home.

>B R E I Z H

>FREE GALLIC BREIZH REEEEE

>something happened
The past has consequences that are felt today. History will never EVER be forgotten.

Well there used to be indigenous horses in the Americas but the natives whipped them all out. The Spanish then brough them back in the 1500's.

>used to think Latin was a old Church language and nothing to do with Romans
>used to think Buddha was straight up Chinese
>used to think India was related to Arabia
>used to think the Middle East in general looks like pic related in modern times

>Thought the Jews built the pyramids until I was 20.
>Thought America and Russia were on opposing sides in WWII until I was 12
>Got into an argument in 7th grade with a teacher because I thought Kyoto was the capital of Japan from playing Shogun Total War.

Was really humiliating when she told me to go look at the map on the wall.

>thought Rome was a Greek civilization until I was 14

>Facts are now /pol/
lmaoing @ ur life

How did you manage to cope with being responsible for 9/11?

I didn't realize just how long the Bronze age was confused it with Iron Age so I thought Sumerians were still around during the time of Judea or ancient Greece.

ROME IS A TROJAN SETTLEMENT REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

RESPECT THE FOUNDING MYTH (FACT)

>thought Rome was a Greek civilization until I was 14
Well I mean...

>Medieval people thought the Earth was flat.
>The Crusades were just young Christians going off to kill non-Christians.
>I thought Martin Luther was black?

thought Napoleon was an utter lose
thought that Battle of the Bulge was the most pivotal battle in WW2

>read about press-ganging and thought that like 1/4th of England's population were in the navy because of it
The image this puts in my head is fucking ridiculous. Like the home guard, but with kids and women and shit. Tally-ho.

>>I thought Martin Luther was black?
Someone post the Martin Luther toy with the guy asking why he's white

I thought Italy was where Florida is.
After 9/11 i thought some guy chopped down both buildings with an axe.

>Wisconsin is a small mid-Atlantic state between Maryland and Pennsylvania. I live half an hour from the Wisconsin border.
>Osama did 9/11 to help his cousin Obama's campaign by making Bush look bad
>Swastikas were a common art motif in ancient Greece. Turns out that drawing a bunch of Swastikas on a 4th grade art project about ancient Greece doesn't go over so well with the teachers.
>the Golden Age of Piracy happened right after the New World was discovered and was long gone when Jamestown was founded
>the Ark of the Covenant and Noah's Ark were one and the same. I was confused why the Israelites were always carrying a giant boat around on dry land.
>also thought that Berlin was on the East-West German border. When I found out they didn't, I just assumed that West Germany owned the very thin strip of land around a road that connected it to West Berlin.
>Athenian democracy existed continuously for 2000 years and became the current Greek government. I just figured the Romans left it alone out of sheer novelty
>Ancient Egyptians thought the world was upside-down. Why else would they call the southern part of their country 'upper egypt'?
>Nobody actually worshiped the Hellenic deities, they were all made up as explicitly untrue myths
>the Egyptians never finished the pyramids, that's why they look so uneven

I used to think Russia was still the soviet union because my globe said so. In fairness, it WAS still the USSR until I was 3.

I thought the wall was the double-wall fortification through the entire eastern line. Turns out no, that was just berlin and the rest of it was basically just a chainlink fence.

>I thought Alexander the Great was a Bronze Age figure and not someone who was kicking around just a couple of years before Rome became a thing.
This. Because in my mind the Greeks and Romans were centuries apart.

Nah he's just a weeaboo

Weren't there horses in the americas long long ago but the natives hunted them into extinction?

I thought Italy still had a king

I used to think that the world really was in black in white back in the olden days and that there was a color revolution

thought roman and babylonian empire were concurrent

Even after being disabused of that I went on thinking Alexander the Great was a Roman and by extension believed the egyptian and roman empires were concurrent

This was me too

>thought Australia was near America, like next to it in the North Pacific
>thought every Asian was Chinese
>thought osama bin laden was a good guy cause I saw home everywhere after 9/11 happened he must've been some hero. See a Muslim guy at the mall, point and say "look it's osama!"
>thought Hitler was some crazy serial killer type that put people in kitchen style ovens
I was like 3-6yo on some of these

Hello fellow Hispanics, Latino here. Is it wrong for a Latino to be patriotic for Spain?

ITT: American "education"

Wait, what is Buddha then?

>literal fanfic starring made up ancestors of the current emperor

>ancient greece didn't have an empire

Its called The Macedonian empire brainlet

The genus Equus originated in the North America but went extinct, hell one of the earliest true horses is a fucking state fossil of Idaho.

Siddartha Gautama, Indian and not the only Buddha by any means

yep
a bunch of cute dog sized horseos made it to the old world during the ice age or something through siberia or something like that
they got hunted by the humans who went to amerikkka

This.

>had a globe with Russia marked as "Community of Independent States" and thought it was like an evil twin to the US
>believed Jewish slaves built the pyramids (thanks a lot, Prince of Egypt)
>believed Jesus was a badass freedom fighter because I saw a documentary exploring this hypothesis
>believed WW2 happened right before I was born, be cause that's where my history book in school ended
>believed arabs were all horse mounted bedouins living in tents and never built cities
>believed the Iliad was an accurate chronicle of the Trojan war, and that the Aeneid was part of it

Buddha is a state of being. Fat Buddha is like a mythological figure in china. He's not actually a person.

One of the famous Buddhas is some hairy guy the Japanese revere.

I thought Budai was some monk way back that reached enlightenment

>Thought Germany invaded Poland to go around the Maginot Line.

France would've never seen it coming.

>Thought Roman and Greek statues looked like they do today and were not originally painted
Biggest dissappointment of my life desu