Wake up as Tito of Yugoslavia

>Wake up as Tito of Yugoslavia
>1949
>What do?

Burn all churches.

genocide serbian untermensch

Kill every Slav I see.

kill myself because i know what a shitshow of a meme country this is

Return Dalmatia to its proper owners

this

That moment when there Austria, Hungary and Austria Hungary as three separate nations.

REMOVE SHQIPARE

Go capitalist. Give up on the state borders in favor of ethnic borders for states. Put capital in Sarajevo.

> ethnic borders for states
This is the Balkan region we're talking about. You would need a lot of genocide to make this work.

Might as well get it over with quickly.

Let Bulgaria annex Yugoslavia

ask papa Stalin to nuke it and save Europe from third world shitholes

Cry a glorious tear of sadness as i get to witness the greatest state the Balkans will ever see and that all things cannot last.

Father, is it over?
At long last, no king rules forever my son.

Get rid of Slovenia, give Kosovo to Albania, and split Macedonia between Bulgaria and Albania. Try to completely merge the Serbo-Croatian language, and turn what's left of Yugoslavia into a nation-state. Also, kick other minorities out.

This would go heavily against the yugoslavian communist ideals, how would you do it without getting yourself ousted form power?

Well, everyone loved Tito, right? Go full anti-communist. Ask for Western help. Make people realize the greatness of capitalism.

Stop suppressing religion because that led to a religious resurgencence and violence later. Meddle in church affairs to make sure they preach south slavic unity.

Deport all Serbs from Krajina and Bosnia to Serbia proper to end the Greater Serbia autism for good, but let them keep Kosovo (and deport Albanians from there) to please them.

Still split with Russia and pull a Deng Xiaoping, gradually introduce capitalism and Western companies while keeping the commie party in power. Open poor areas like Macedonia for western investment first to make them catch up to Slovenia and turn the Adria into one big cheap holiday resort.

Groom a decent successor, maybe one of my sons. Introduce him by appointing him to some importat position, then retire and put him in charge of Yugoslavia and continue to steer him to the right direction.

Institute new atheist holiday, "Glorious Bakery Day of World Peace"

All cakes and fruit pies at bakeries are free, if you show up and eat with someone of a different nationality or religion.

Peace and harmony ensues, and genocide and war of capitalist 90s is avoided!

This is crazy enough to actually work.

Post WWII the only thing that can hold Yugoslavia together is either perpetual tyranny or massive levels of economic growth. And shutting off the border with Albania.

Fucking love this idea.

but how do you prove people are of a different nationality or religion

Fuck off reddit

foibe yourself out the door

>Open poor areas like Macedonia for western investment first to make them catch up to Slovenia and turn the Adria into one big cheap holiday resort.
The majority of the population was still illiterate. First you need at least a modestly educated population. The literacy rate in Yugoslavia was only ~50% but that's the average, it went from a literacy rate of 80-90% in Slovenia to as low as 10-20% in the southern parts of the country. Most were subsistence peasants. There were also only 3 universities in the country, in Belgrade, Zagreb and Ljubljana.

These regions were later still underdeveloped despite 40 years of federal investments. There is no way to "catch up" to Slovenia (and Vojvodina and Slavonia, the three richest regions) short of sabotaging those regions in favor of the south, they were literally 50-100 years behind regarding infrastructure, education, industrial development, etc.

>go in random bakery with buddy
>he pretends he's muslim and calls himself Mujo, i pretend im catholic and call myself Franjo
>get free cake without mingling with filthy different people

>Deport all Serbs from Krajina and Bosnia to Serbia proper to end the Greater Serbia autism for good, but let them keep Kosovo (and deport Albanians from there) to please them.
You're talking about moving a couple of millions of people around. That's obviously not gonna happen.

Commie countries tracked that sorta shit on their identity documents. Nationality was common, but religion wasn't.

Why not? Ethnic exchanges numbering in the millions would not have been anything new for the region.

Notice that my country looks like a hippo looking out of the water.

turn over control of the country to Hoxha and hope he shows mercy towards my revisionism

>hoaxa

Serious question but why are Slovenes and Croats so well off and affluent while their Serbian and other neighbors are not?

>atheist
>"holy"day

pick one

Hoxhaism is the only real communism since Mao became a lacky of the Americans

Why does Yugoslavia look like Iran but with down's syndrome?

Slovenes and Croats were ruled by Austria while the rest was ruled by Turks. You can see the old borders on the literacy map.

But didn't both of them suffer from economic and affluence backsliding once they were forced to share everything with Serbs, Bosniaks, etc...?

Yes it would. That's a hell of a lot more people than were displaced during the nineties. You're talking about deporting nearly half of Bosnia to Serbia. That would fuck the country up something fierce.

Just show your identity card to the vendor

Population exhcnages used to be a thing you know, there is no reason millions of people can not be shuffled around. There is nothing intrinsically impossible about it.

Why is Veeky Forums so obsessed with this country?
Its a pretty irrelevant semi-third world shithole inhabited by mongrels that never even lasted for more than a generation, why are there constantly threads about it on Veeky Forums and /pol/?

t. urk

>le everyone who doesnt care about my meme shithole is a turk
im American, not that it matters

also, arent you quite literally turks in denial?

t. urk

okay

1. This isn't a population exchange. This is dropping half of Bosnia and a good chunk of Croatia into Serbia.

2. I never said it was intrinsically impossible. I'm saying it's politically impossible.

Side with Rankovic and centralists rather than trust Slovenes. Yugoslavia was doomed since 1974 constitution.

>go to Washington to beg for money or else I'll go to commies
>Go to Moscow to beg for money or else I'll go to burger-land
>The idiots fall for it
>Profit

Man was a criminal fucking mastermind

>mastermind
lmao, he was dumb as a brick, but incredibly lucky
still, its fucking hilarious how he managed to outkike both usa and russia

separate voivodina from serbia and integrate it as another federal state same as montenegro

and they even started a club

You won a homage ticket to Rab

>>my meme shithole
>American
whats the difference

>real communism

At least one of you admitted it.

>semi-third world
>you in charge of knowing what the third world actually means.

Tito basically invented the Third World. It's about the only thing I admire about the man.

>see mirror
>what do

not knowing that SRBI are ancient iranian peoples mixed with romans

Based

Nothing, ex yugoslavia will always be fucked up. It is in their blood.

Chose and groom a successor and make sure the country doesnt fall apart after my death.

Go capitalist and slowly make moves to restore the monarchy as a symbol of national unity. This would be achieved via gradual pardons for ex Chetniks, a re-introduction of state 'sponsored' religion, and reconciliation programs.

Another poster mentioned holidays that required interaction between national/religious groups. That's a good idea.

I like your way of thinking.

Yes but that doesn't mean they would become retarded. Their economy was hurt, but they had already existing educational system for hundreds of years, while south created their own relatively recently.

Tsar Boris III dindu nuffin wrong

Develop nuclear weapons

>giving slavs nukes
>giving Yugo's nukes
And this is coming from a croat: ''NO''

>Deport all Serbs from ... Bosnia
In 1949 that means most of the country. You know, Serbs were majority in Bosnia before 1970's.

What's wrong with Slavs and nukes

this so much
i dont forget muh foibe tito ASSASSINO

nuke would be good to have but serb pussies would prolly steal it like they with other military shit b4 the start of the war

From chimpan-A to chimpanzee