When I was a little boy, I read in a book that Nixon would sit down with the day's briefings...

I heard that Nixon once demanded to be administered LSD when the CIA told him about it. That was the start of a 6-month long illicit romance he had with a streetlight on Pennsylvania Avenue.

I heard one time Nixon insisted they use a ouija board at a Vietnam conference to get Intel from dead soldiers. However they were pretty sure the spirit who was there contact was really a Vietcong ghost so they dismissed the warnings about the south being invaded. Turns out Nixon was using a magnet under the table the whole time and was furious when they asked how he knew about the invasion.

I heard one time that to convince the Senate of the need for economic reform, he brought in a nude young male prostitute with the words "U.S. Economy" written on his side in auto grease. He then exposed his penis, on which he had tattooed "Bretton Woods System" in and ornate and intricate script, and proceeded to handcuff and rape the boy before the entire Senate, in a closed session of course.

That's actually Jeb.

Carter was Nixon in a skin-suit, the most elaborate CIA ruse in history.

I heard one time Nixon tried to bribe some US marines to dress up as Vietcong soldiers for a private performance and when they didn't comply,he took out a baton and started swatting around the oval office

When I was a little boy, Richard Nixon ran a train on my ass along with his 3 robot clones.

this thread is gold

I saw Richard Nixon at a grocery store in Washington DC yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

Ironic considering Nixon always looked like somewhat of a diamond merchant himsef