I've read the bible, not all of it, but I have read a good portion, and it just reads like fiction...

I've read the bible, not all of it, but I have read a good portion, and it just reads like fiction. It really has only convinced me that it's full of shit, although once in a while something poetic or reasonable pops up.

I've read Genesis, Revelation, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, some of Exodus and Psalms, Song of Solomon, and The Book of Daniel.

Are there any books in there that are interesting as well, or have I read the best parts? It's not a bad source of entertainment, but the shit in there is hysterically unbelievable.

Did you guys know that 666 = Nero Ceasar in Hebrew numerology? Some people think the author was writing Revelation to the 7 Asian churches about the 7 Roman Emperors of the time and used coded messages to go under the radar of the Romans.

Also, the story of a virgin giving birth to God is in ancient mythology, and the Adam and Eve thing was kind of in Greek mythology with the Golden Race of superior humans.

Can someone also explain the full context of Lucifer/Satan and his story, and the origin of hell, and when/where people reference it?

Why do you guys think humans lived to 930 and other really old ages in the bible?

Can somebody give me a summary of the entire bible, excluding the parts that are irrelevant to the main storyline?

When was the bible written? It seems sources say from roughly 3500 BC to 100 AD? And who is "John of Patmos", is he the same as John the Apostle?

Is Ham actually black, and is the story of Ham being cursed referring to black slavery and oppression of the past 400 years?

Was the Kingdom of Israel real? Was King David even real? Was Moses real? Did they actually write the bible? Was Jesus real? There is little evidence of historical records outside of the bible for any of these things.

What is the story of the first Church?

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Sauce on the instathot

>Can somebody give me a summary of the entire bible

People were shitters and got kicked out of paradise

God looked over a whole world of shitters and got super depressed. He saved the least shit and a couple of animals and drowned the rest.

The world was still shit after that but he had already promised not to drown everyone again, so he promised to help out this one dudes family and focus on him

That one dudes family were a bunch of ignorant and combative shitters who couldn't follow directions for fucking shit. God would repeatedly beat them with a fucking hammer to get them to do what he wanted.

Finally God got fed up and said "I gotta change the rules or none of you fucks are gonna go anywhere". So he filled out some paperwork and fucked a married chick, then arranged things so his child would be ritually sacrificed in a manner that let him change all the rules.

With the Rules changed, God was allowed to broaden his pool of followers so some of them might not be as shit as the Jews. Most were just as shit as the jews. Still, the new booklet was making waves.

Eventually some Roman co-opted the religion cause it was popular and it mollified his ignorant, stupid soldiers. Then he called for an official church to be formed.

>I've read Genesis, Revelation, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, some of Exodus and Psalms, Song of Solomon, and The Book of Daniel.
Differentiate between the genre first. I'll give the quick rundown

Genesis: Antediluvian, Ancient Near Eastern history form, poems, genealogies, ceremonies.

Revelations: Jewish Apocalypticism

Proverbs and Ecclesiastes: Wisdom and Philosophical thought

Exodus: Origin narrative, laws, ceremonies, genealogies, traditions

Psalm: Psalms

Song of Solomon: Romantic Poetry

Book of Daniel: History, apocalypticism


>Also, the story of a virgin giving birth to God is in ancient mythology, and the Adam and Eve thing was kind of in Greek mythology with the Golden Race of superior humans.
I know no source that comprises of this. Most of these theories were debunked by the early 20th century. Adam and Eve narrative though being similar to Enuma Elish, Sumerian and Assyriologists believe this to be too speculative.

Lets play devil's advocate and assume this is true, why would Jews be so non-sensical to make a more exclusivity religion be more syncretic? Especially since the New Testament is laden with Jewish beliefs and not a single form of paganism.


>Was the Kingdom of Israel real? Was King David even real? Was Moses real? Did they actually write the bible? Was Jesus real? There is little evidence of historical records outside of the bible for any of these things.

Little historical records is not evidence they didn't exist, 99.5% of all Delta Egyptian inscriptions and papyrus have disappeared, yet we still know cities and towns existed there, their lifestyle and culture, just as such multiple mini-state kingdom's existed around these time with very little mention from official records. Plus the assumption that the Kingdom of Israel didn't exist is problematic, since we've found multiple ostracons, Assyrian inscriptions, artworks, pottery, statues, Stelae from Egypt, Moab and Assyria.

If you haven't read the new testament, you haven't read shit. Old testament is a reference book to find out what the fuckers thought at the time. The message is in the Gospels.

That's Jynx Maze, one of the best anal-riding asses in the porn industry.

Now she makes disgusting "amateur" porn with scat, piss and vomit.

>Revelations: Jewish Apocalypticism
It's a christian old man's vision dumbass.

>It's a christian old man's vision dumbass.
show me, instead of giving a no substance response, it is Jewish apocalypticism, it contains many motifs and themes which obviously indicates this. It is Christian but its genre obviously is Jewish Apocalypticism

Wrong, that's Allison Parker

>>I've read the bible, not all of it, but I have read a good portion, and it just reads like fiction. It really has only convinced me that it's full of shit, although once in a while something poetic or reasonable pops up. I've read Genesis, Revelation, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, some of Exodus and Psalms, Song of Solomon, and The Book of Daniel. Are there any books in there that are interesting as well, or have I read the best parts? It's not a bad source of entertainment, but the shit in there is hysterically unbelievable. Did you guys know that 666 = Nero Caesar in Hebrew numerology? Some people think the author was writing Revelation to the 7 Asian churches about the 7 Roman Emperors of the time and used coded messages to go under the radar of the Romans. Also, the story of a virgin giving birth to God is in ancient mythology, and the Adam and Eve thing was kind of in Greek mythology with the Golden Race of superior humans. Can someone also explain the full context of Lucifer/Satan and his story, and the origin of hell, and when/where people reference it? Why do you guys think humans lived to 930 and other really old ages in the bible? Can somebody give me a summary of the entire bible, excluding the parts that are irrelevant to the main storyline? When was the bible written? It seems sources say from roughly 3500 BC to 100 AD? And who is "John of Patmos", is he the same as John the Apostle? Is Ham actually black, and is the story of Ham being cursed referring to black slavery and oppression of the past 400 years? Was the Kingdom of Israel real? Was King David even real? Was Moses real? Did they actually write the bible? Was Jesus real? There is little evidence of historical records outside of the bible for any of these things. What is the story of the first Church?

Allison, do you have any Questions?

Beelzebub

>Also, the story of a virgin giving birth to God is in ancient mythology, and the Adam and Eve thing was kind of in Greek mythology with the Golden Race of superior humans.

God is just trolling the Jews - everyone else in the world knows "Son of God" is a royal title not a virgin birth. The only way you wouldn't know Son of God is a royal title is if you knew for a fact the pagans have nothing to teach you because you already know everything about the universe because you read the Bible.

youtube.com/watch?v=RzlFIHChBdk

literal brainlet. The genre is absolutely Jewish Apocalypticism.

>>Allison, do you have any Questions?

O Beelzebul
Allison the lovely Goddess kindly asked Questions.

The Five Books by Moses (originals below Helel Stone inside mishkan) are cryptograms of my universes' mechanics (the large).

The Five Books by Jesus (originals below Helel Stone inside mishkan) are cryptograms of my particles' physics (the small).

Ezekiel and I (Daniel the prophet) shipped mishkan (tabernacle) to Stone Hedge.

Jesus and I (John the baptist) capped mishkan (tabernacle) with Helel Stone.

Belteshazzar

SMT is a million times more interesting and coherent than this cucked ass religion. Plus it reworks characters with potential into, if not interesting characters, subversions of their original form which perpetuate the question "what is evil?" Effectively juxtaposed, Lucifer and Mr. Clean also serve the humanist agenda, which in the series is something like the eternal return and the acceptance of Pascal's observations combined with rejection of his conclusions.

Ezekiel and I (Daniel the prophet) shipped G-D's mishkan (tabernacle) to Stonehenge.
~ Belteshazzar
Jesus and I (John the baptist) capped G-D's mishkan (tabernacle) with Heel Stone.
~ Belteshazzar

Lucifer, the Devil, and Satan

>The Five Books by Moses (originals below Heel Stone inside mishkan)
>are cryptograms of G-D's 2 universes' mechanics (the large).
>The Five Books by Jesus (originals below Heel Stone inside mishkan)
>are cryptograms of G-D's 24 particles' physics (the small).

5 - The Torah (Pentateuch)
5 - Gospels & Revelation

YHWH Allah

What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you typing like literal retards?

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>The bible is full of shit
>No, I haven't actually read it
>Please guys answer my Bible questions

>Was the Kingdom of Israel real? Was King David even real? Was Moses real? Did they actually write the bible? Was Jesus real? There is little evidence of historical records outside of the bible for any of these things.
The Books of Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, Samuel, and Kings tell a more or less linear story of the history of Israel. Some of the books developed over centuries but they were all more or less finalized some time after the Babylonian exile in 586 BC. Generally the closer they get to that time, the more historically reliable they are. So Genesis is obviously complete myth, but Kings with its accounts of the various kings of Israel and Judah and their policies, military campaigns, etc. is probably as accurate a history as you can get from that time, albeit one that wears its biases on its sleeve, and in many cases is corroborated up by other sources from the time.

That's the Old Testament what you have read, and it's indeed the best part because it's full of genocide, incest, murder, holocaust, sacrificial rituals, holy jews, goy flesh and shit. The New Testament is rather boring so stop there.

Also there's more than sufficient historical evidence of Jesus to say that he was indeed real. Just like Muhammad.

There's also historical evidence of the ancient kingdom of Israel existing and things that happen to them, mostly being the eternal cucks of everyone around and developing as a result a fierce inferiority/butthurt/leave me alone complex. Now whether Moses and the rest of the lads did exist and did the things attributed to them in the Book of Butthurt... there's no evidence. It belongs in the realm of literature and mithology. However it's also likely that at least some of the lads and some of the things mentioned have "some truth in it", as events/people whose story became distorted/corrupted/exaggerated/legendified/shitposted/ as f.i some of the shit attributed to the chosen ones resembles a lot to goys and goy events mentioned in babilonian/sumerian sources.

However these babylads were also a lot into fake news and russian style shitposting so... who knows.

>Are there any books in there that are interesting as well, or have I read the best parts?
Read the Book of Job, as well at least two Gospels (at least one Synoptic gospel and John), and the Acts of the Apostles.

>Did you guys know that 666 = Nero Ceasar in Hebrew numerology? Some people think the author was writing Revelation to the 7 Asian churches about the 7 Roman Emperors of the time and used coded messages to go under the radar of the Romans.
This is generally accepted to be true by most historians and biblical scholars.

>Also, the story of a virgin giving birth to God is in ancient mythology, and the Adam and Eve thing was kind of in Greek mythology with the Golden Race of superior humans.
Perhaps, but most cases of 'the bible shares an element from this myth, therefore the bible's a farce' arguments (*cough* MAHER *cough*) are tangentially related at best and absolute falsehoods at worst.

>Can someone also explain the full context of Lucifer/Satan and his story, and the origin of hell, and when/where people reference it?
In the Book of Job, there's this character referred to as 'ha-Satan' (or 'the Accuser' in Hebrew) that acts as sort of a Devil's advocate (ba-dum tss) and questions Job's faith to God. This character later got conflated with the Serpent in Genesis, the Satan who tempts Jesus in the desert, and the dragon in Revelation, and all got combined into the concept of a singular entity who constantly opposes God's will.
Meanwhile, the idea of Hell as a place where the wicked are punished after judgement comes from the Gospel verses as "the furnace, where there will be wailing and grinding of teeth." This is also where the notion of Hell being on fire comes from.
The modern western image of Satan and Hell mostly comes from two books: Dante Alighieri's Divine Comedy (Hell tiered by sin, ironic punishment for the wicked carried out by demons, and Satan being there) and John Milton's Paradise Lost (hierarchy of demons, Satan ruling Hell).

>Why do you guys think humans lived to 930 and other really old ages in the bible?
Because that's what it says in Genesis, and some people take Genesis at face value. The rest of Christianity doesn't.

>Can somebody give me a summary of the entire bible, excluding the parts that are irrelevant to the main storyline?
Old Testament:God creates the Earth. Mankind sins. Mankind develops situation. God takes favor with the Israelites and makes a covenant with them not out of any particular merit, but out of boundless divine love. Gives them the Holy Land and prosperity as a gift that is freely offered if they remain faithful to Him. Israelites follow other gods, God sends prophets. Prophets get ignored. Israelites punished, invaded by Assyrians and Babylonians. They return to God and the Covenant, so they return to the Holy Land.
New Testament: God sends His only son Jesus to save mankind. Jesus becomes man through the Virgin Mary. Preaches, performs signs and wonders, instructs people how to live. Angers religious authorities. Arrested, and executed. Through his death and sacrifice out of endless love for mankind, all people may now freely receive God's salvation. Rises from the dead. Tells his apostles to spread his word and ascends into Heaven. Paul gets converted, becomes important member of the Church, writes letters to other Christian communities about how awesome Jesus is. Revelation uses trippy metaphors to cover up a message about how someday life won't suck for the Christians.

>When was the bible written? It seems sources say from roughly 3500 BC to 100 AD?
The Pentateuch (first five books of the Hebrew Bible) is agreed to have been first compiled from oral tradition around 5-600 BC. The other books of the Hebrew Bible were compiled in the following centuries. The Gospels were written between 65 and 100 AD, with Mark being the first and John being the last.

>And who is "John of Patmos", is he the same as John the Apostle?
The jury's still out on this. Some think he was the same, while others think John of Patmos was a later author transcribing an oral tradition started by John the Apostle.

>Is Ham actually black, and is the story of Ham being cursed referring to black slavery and oppression of the past 400 years?
It was originally used by the Israelites to justify war with the Canaanites (who were said to be Ham's descendants). The Curse's modern incarnation (the idea that blacks were descended from Ham and therefore justified in being enslaved) only appeared in the Middle Ages and didn't gain popularity until the 18th century.

>Was the Kingdom of Israel real? Was King David even real? Was Moses real? Did they actually write the bible? Was Jesus real? There is little evidence of historical records outside of the bible for any of these things.
It's generally accepted that there was an independent Jewish nation around the timeframe of the bible. There's no direct evidence that David existed, though there is circumstantial evidence (mention of a stone stele in Damascus from 800 BC about a 'House of David'). There isn't any historical evidence for Moses being more than a legendary figure. The Bible was compiled from a multitude of sources (Deuteronomist, Elohist, Yahwist, and Priestly sources for Pentateuch, various prophetic origins of rest of OT, four Gospel authors, and St. Paul), though Hebrew tradition ascribes the Pentateuch to Moses. It's generally accepted that there definitely was a preacher named Jesus in Roman Judea.

>What is the story of the first Church?
Too long to summarize here, but a good place to start would be to research early ecumenical councils (especially Jerusalem and Nicaea).

Recharge the galaxies, Planets magnetic shields
Exhume, Universal magnetic reversal, Recharge

seven heads (.0000000), three sixes (666), ten horns (x10), ten crowns
(^-10), and Rev-13's beastly tail (space^3/mass-time^2) cm^3/g-s^2

Gravitation - G, the Letter of God, the mark
Gravitation - JESUS, the Word of God, the name
Gravitation - G'S US, the Sentence of God, the image
Gravitation - 666 x10^-13 m^3/kg-s^2, the Wisdom of God, the number

mason G=c^5/Power, & mason G=c^4/Force
the mark, the name, the image, the number

GRAPES-3 indicates a crack in Earth's magnetic shield
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Dig or Die, Lucifer

Mishkan 1.2m below Heel Stone
@ Stonehenge, United Kingdom

Like the photo; Allison's OO

Shaytan Iblis of Jinn

>Can somebody give me a summary of the entire bible, excluding the parts that are irrelevant to the main storyline?

Good post

Oh it's so funny to be seeing you after so long, girl.
And with the way you look I understand
that you are not impressed.
But I heard you let that little friend of mine
take off your party dress.
I'm not going to get too sentimental
like those other sticky valentines,
'cause I don't know if you've been loving somebody.
I only know it isn't mine.
Allison, I know this world is killing you.
Oh, Allison, my aim is true.

Well I see you've got a husband now.
Did he leave your pretty fingers lying
in the wedding cake?
You used to hold him right in your hand.
I'll bet he took all he could take.
Sometimes I wish that I could stop you from talking
when I hear the silly things that you say.
I think somebody better put out the big light,
cause I can't stand to see you this way.

Allison, I know this world is killing you.
Oh, Allison, my aim is true.
My aim is true.

Lucifer is Venus - bright planet high in the sky - was used as an allegory for success in life and used to refer to king of Babylon, the fall of Lucifer is the fall of that king, jews celebrated it because they hated Babylon. They probably were slaves there or something like that.

Elvis Costello's "Alison" one "l"
Double space after 2nd "mine"

This right here is why Catholics mock Protestants

Here is the Stonehenge cored Micaceous Stump (80/96) summary. The Altar Stone (80) was originally erect in Stonehole 96 and the Heel Stone (96) was originally erect in Stonehole 97. In 586 BC the erect Altar Stone (80) was moved to centre Stonehenge and set recumbent. In AD 24 the erect Heel Stone (96) was moved from Stonehole 97 to Stonehole 96 and set erect, after a 1/4 clockwise rotation. Great Trilithon Stone (55) was still erect in the 1st century AD and recumbent Altar Stone (80) was not broken, only its Micaceous Stump placed below Stonehole 96 at easternmost Scroll Trench bottom.

Lucifer

Most Catholics don't read the Bible at all