People who lives would make great movies

I know, even if there were screenplays written, it would never get funded unless you bend the truth a lot and throw in some nudity

last one
>A mockumentary of Tacitus' Germania

I would like an Alexiad miniseries

that and the fact that every roman would have to say "jupiters shiny cock" and "mars erect penis in my butt" because that is the only way hollywood could ever portay romans

>Marius vs Sulla
>Marc Antony's life in the East (Parthian campaigns and then his fall)
I feel like these two would work best as tv series than movies, they're too stretched out in time.

Ideally, get someone like Peter Jackson to make a trilogy of them.

>Antony in Egypt
>Antony in Parthia
>Antony's Fall

>"jupiters shiny cock" and "mars erect penis in my butt" because that is the only way hollywood could ever portay romans
To be fair, even a cursory reading of Pompeiian graffiti reveals that's kind of the way they talked.

Unless of course you made it a political procedural starring mostly patricians, but then there wouldn't be enough sex and violence to draw the average idiot.

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I dunno user. Are you just gonna skip Judea, Sextus Pompey, Fulvia's war, Glaphyra and all the anatolian shitflinging? That's too much for just one movie.
Also I don't get what the first movie would be about? Most of Anthony's time in Egypt came after the parthian campaing.

BELISARIUS
Also seconding Aurelian, Majorian and Constantine

Enrico Dandolo

>literally not a single decent budget Western made film on Cyrus the Great
Its fucking criminal.

Basilarus and his strained long-term bromance with Justinian.

A two-thread movie following Hannibal Sr. and Hannibal Jr. each taking their shots at Rome. The last two scenes are Hannibal Sr. sternly telling his son to "never be a friend to Rome" and Hannibal Jr. hallucinating his disappointed father as he dies from poisoning himself.

*BELISARIUS

Why do I keep making this mistake?

Viriathus.

badassoftheweek.com/viriathus.html

Troubled youth, betrayal and massacre as an origin story. Brilliancy, guile and victory in the middle. A tragic ending.

Make it happen.

>be red blooded American, family in the Americas since the 1600s
>lie about your age to join the Marine Corps, get a commission somehow and land in Guantanamo Bay after its captured
>spend a year doing salty sea shit on an armored cruiser
>Earn a promotion to 1st Lieutenant and get deployed to the Philippines, becomes a raging alcoholic to fight boredom
>got in trouble on multiple occasions, mostly alcohol related (like an Marine worth his salt), but manages to retain rank and billet
>loses his cool for a moment during his first combat action, his First Sergeant out of commission from being wounded and almost half of his 300 men getting BTFO from heat stroke
>Gets his shit together and leads his men to victory with only one Marine KIA against a guerrilla stronghold
>gets sent to the rear after this, gets a huge Eagle, Globe and Anchor tattoo that started on his throat and went down to his waist for shits and giggles
>Get orders to go to Guam for some more garrison duty but gets redirected to China to fight in the Boxer Rebellion.
>fight in the Battle of Tientsin, leaves the safety of a trench to save another Marine Officer
>gets wounded himself, he manages to get the Officer back to the trench, he then continues to lead his men in combat despite his wounds
>get promoted to Captain in the hospital for his actions, all before he was 19 years old
>fight all over Latin America and Caribbean during the Banana Wars
>BTFO Honduran guerrillas, they break contact at just the sight of the US Marines coming
>leads a battalion to victory in Nicaragua in 1912
>Part of the invasion of Veracruz, captures the city and helps maintain order while the Tampico Affair is sorted out
>gets awarded a Medal of Honor for his actions of Veracruz, attempted to return believing he'd done nothing to deserve it, command tells him to pound sand and keep it
>Get sent to Haiti, government forts get bum rushed by guerrillas, Butler and his Marines are tasked to get them back
cont'd

>How did my life come to this

>still mad about West not making movies about non-westerners
Why can't Iran make one?

His name was Smibbly Bibbly.

>badassoftheweek.com/viriathus.html
Is that shit still going?

The Cyropedia was considered an indispensable part of the classics, the original archetype of a "good" ruler, and all of the founding fathers would have read it and put it in a position of esteem along with the rest of their education in the classics

>Get back to the states and get BTFO by young Douglas MacArthur in horseback during the Bonus March

>Marius vs Sulla
>The rise of Diocletian and the fall of his tetrarchy
>Xenophon's March
Those are obvious HBO-series, especially the last one.

Simon Magus
>purchase holy power
>fly around the city casting spells and converting plebs
>larp as greek gods with your qt prostitute gf
>give the church ptsd for centuries

cont'd
>Butler personally leads the assault on the most important fort, fight descends into hand to hand combat
>somehow his company takes no casualties outside of a Marine who lost his front teeth when it was bashed with a rock
>all of the Haitian insurgents in the fort were killed in the fighting
>Gets awarded a second Medal of Honor, this time earning it, and goes on to enforce order and organizes public projects as commander of the local police force
>Refused a combat post in WWI despite requesting one multiple times, he is put in charge of a garrison in France
>the garrison was a mess, unorganized and unsanitary, manages to turn it into the cleanest, most orderly debarkation depot the US had in France
>Come to the US after the war and becomes the commanding officers of Quantico, somehow finds Stonewall Jackson missing arm after a local told him he couldn't do it
>takes a break from being a Marine to be the Director of Public Safety in Philly, he cracks down mercilessly on the mob
>publicly swears in his radio addresses and models the police force after the Marine Corps, cracks down on police corruption shuts down hundreds of speakeasies, tells the mayor to go fuck himself when they tell him to cool it
>Political pressure leads him to lose the job, 4000 people gather outside the Academy of Music to try and get him to stick around
>Writes an expose on the Banana Wars after he retires, somehow had time to get married and have 3 children and gave lectures against War Profiteering
>backs veterans during the Bonus Army situation, gets BTFO by shithead Douglas MacArthur and Calvary Units
>Gets humiliated during the Business Plot, gets vindicated when an investigation proves there really was something funny in the works
>is immortalized in Marine Corps history, every Marine knows who Smedley Butler is what he did.

He led an eventful life guys

>be dwarf
>believe that slavery is wrong
>believe that animal products are wrong
>inform Quakers of these objective facts
>Ben pls go
>inform them for the next 30+ years
>Quakers motion to ban the ownership of slaves in their community because he is so fucking annoying and won't go away even when they stopped posting where the meetings were going to be
>ok guys tell Ben he can finally fuck off now
>wait does anyone actually know where he lives
>I mean he just materialized at major Quaker events
>days pass
>eventually they find him in a cave surrounded by wildlife like some kind of Disney movie
>Ben you won will you go away now
>yes
>dies

lol thanks for this user, I had no idea this guy existed

It was featured in NatGen's History or Smithonian magazine. I read it a while back

Retard

Here's one of his pamphlets

Those s:s makes me think of Biggus Dickus.

That's how you used to Write "hard S" in English. It eventually was done away with

I know. It just makes me giggle everytime I see it.

CAN THEY STOP PORTRAYING CAESAR WITH FUCKING HAIR? THIS IS SO FUCKING TRIGGERING. IT'S SUCH A BASIC FUCKING THING TO NOT GET WRONG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Not a life, but even after years of reading history I remain convinced that the Peloponnesian War is the coolest thing that's ever happened and a thousand times the backstabby quality of something like Game of Thrones.

It says Trajan on the picture

I fucked up, user. I'm sorry. If it's of any comfort to you, Trajan wiped out and enslaved my people. God bless.

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Seeing how you're Romanian I have a question for you. Did you guys receive food packages from the U.S during the 90's? I was told by a Bulgarian that they got some but all that was in it was moldy flour even though we sent canned goods over

No idea. I was born in '92 and I'm an autistic shut-in that never leaves his house. I've never heard of anything like this though. Then again, I live in the far north and this is a different world from the south.

Is it true that Russians used to beat you guys in the streets?

There's no Russians here at all. Only Moldovan/Ukrainian Romanian girls coming over to study in college. Go into any college in Iasi/Suceava and like guaranteed 60% of the girls are some Russian-speaking Romanian sluts.
Honestly, the north is a pretty quiet place in general, and people are polite. The south is a complete fucking shithole. Much like Italy.

This was back when Soviet troops would patrol their client states

Are the women of the plains beautiful?

My grandfather got the shit beaten out of him for speaking against the communists but they never killed him because he was a good engineer. But those were probably other Romanians...
Depends what you like. It's not like there's any particular look to them. You've got your block-headed Polack-descendents with their big tits and freckled faces, really blonde girls with blue eyes, Med-looking girls with Roman noses and soft brown skin... There's a bit of everything, I suppose. And sometimes you see that one girl with really white skin, dark eyes, and a flatish nose that you just know comes from a Mongolian gangrape. There have been some good gypsy lolis popping up lately. Like some Korra tier shit with blue eyes. No idea what's going on but they're evolving.

>block-headed Polack-descendents

A lot of Poles get offended when you point that out. Sometimes it seems like they don't realize that they have block heads

What's wrong with block heads?

Nothing really. Poles are good people but their heads are weird

The march and the events leading up to it would be great, and Xenophon himself was a pretty cool guy, but I don't see your average normie being too interested. Maybe a film based on it would do well in a different setting.

Meant for

obligatory
>declared emperor by the will of his army
>victor of several civil wars, became sol emperor of the roman empire
>defeated maxentius after receiving a christian vision the night before, told his soldiers to paint their shields wit the symbol of christ before the battle and led a decisive victory
>a bunch of bloody drama stuff within his family, political intrigue and possibly incest
>moved the capital from Rome and began the construction of one of the greatest cities of all time
>first emperor to declare christianity as the religion of the empire
etc etc

Timothy Dexter is pretty fucking hilarious, film worthy imo
>He had little schooling and worked as a farm laborer at the age of 8. When he was 16, he became an apprentice to a leather-dresser. In 1769, he moved to Newburyport, Massachusetts. He married Elizabeth Frothingham, a rich widow, and bought a mansion. Some of his social contemporaries considered him unintelligent. Many of them gave him bad business advice to discredit him and make him lose his fortune.
>At the end of the American Revolutionary War he bought large amounts of depreciated Continental currency that was worthless at the time. After the war was over, the U.S. government made good on the dollars. By the time trade connections resumed, he had amassed a fortune.
>Because he was largely uneducated, his business sense was considered peculiar. He was inspired to send warming pans (used to heat sheets in the cold New England winters) for sale to the West Indies, a tropical area. His captain sold them as ladles for the local molasses industry and made a good profit.[3] Next, Dexter sent wool mittens to the same place, where Asian merchants bought them for export to Siberia
>People jokingly told him to "ship coal to Newcastle". He did so during a miners' strike at the time, and his cargo was sold at a premium.
>At another time, practical jokers told him he could make money shipping gloves to the South Sea Islands. His ships arrived there in time to sell the gloves to Portuguese boats on their way to China.
>He exported Bibles to the East Indies and stray cats to Caribbean islands and again made a profit; eastern missionaries were in need of the Bibles and the Caribbean welcomed a solution to rat infestation.[1] He also hoarded whalebone by mistake, but ended up selling them profitably as a support material for corsets.
cont

> His relationships with his wife, daughter, and son also suffered. This became evident when he started telling visitors that his wife had died (despite the fact that she was still alive) and that the woman who frequented the building was simply her ghost.
>In one notable episode, Dexter faked his own death to see how people would react. About 3,000 people attended Dexter's mock wake. Dexter did not see his wife cry, and after he revealed the hoax, he caned her for not grieving his death sufficiently.
>At age 50, Dexter authored A Pickle for the Knowing Ones or Plain Truth in a Homespun Dress, in which he complained about politicians, the clergy, and his wife. The book contained 8,847 words and 33,864 letters, but without punctuation and seemingly random capitalization. Dexter initially handed his book out for free, but it became popular and was reprinted eight times.[2] In the second edition, Dexter added an extra page which consisted of 13 lines of punctuation marks with the instructions that readers could distribute them as they pleased.[7]
this guy was a goldmine of absurdity and luck, general whatthefuckery
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timothy_Dexter

>their heads are weird

Wide faces are a sign of high testosterone. Nothing wrong with that.

Besides. I don't get the whole "block-head" meme you can find that in Germany and Scandinavia as well.

He was just Forrest Gump IRL, literally retarded himself into success.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Otto_Skorzeny

Destroyer of the West.

The Marshals of Napoleon's Empire would make a great HBO show.
>Napoleon is never seen, just a figure in the background
>Instead the main characters are the Marshals like Berthier or Ney or Davout
>Starts at the beginning of the French Revolution, and ends when Berthier commits sudoku because everyone knows what happens at Waterloo

left = NORDIC master race aryans
right = shortage of aryan genes, m*diterranean scum in charge of leading an empire

Can Roman experts list all strong enemies of Roman empire?
I mean either bigger armies or capability to invade for at least 50 km from official border.

persia
..
...
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thats it

ah yes Nero, what a saviour of the west

in the middle sometime is when berthier releases hundreds of rabbits for a good hunt with napoleon, only for them to launch immediately and strategically directly for Napoleon and his crew, causing them to retreat from the rabbit hunt

Also when Massena gets his eye shot out during a hunt by accident because Napoleon is a shit shooter. And then Napoleon goes NUH UH BERTHIER DID IT BELIEVE ME I'M THE EMPEROR.

...

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People love epic fight scenes. Xenophon's 10 000 would definitely have plenty of those. Add some fantastic costume designs and sprinkle with alot of backstabby politicing and plenty of sex/romance and you would have yourself a GoT-competitor. Ideally it would be a fusion of the battles from Oliver Stone's Alexander, the intrigue of GoT and the sexploitation and gorefest of Spartacus with a reasonably accurate wardrobe.
The only question that remains is what actors would you like to see and for what roles?

>the intrigue of GoT

Only for a little bit at the beginning, after that it's an army rampaging through Asia Minor.

Not him, but as decentralized as the Achmaenid empire was at that point, you could play up negotiations and local politics of the various places they march through. It's been a long time since I read the Anabasis, but I know there was at least some of that.

>After moving through a late 2nd century "baroque" phase,[12] in the 3rd century, Roman art largely abandoned, or simply became unable to produce, sculpture in the classical tradition, a change whose causes remain much discussed. Even the most important imperial monuments now showed stumpy, large-eyed figures in a harsh frontal style, in simple compositions emphasizing power at the expense of grace.
>Ernst Kitzinger found in both monuments the same "stubby proportions, angular movements, an ordering of parts through symmetry and repetition and a rendering of features and drapery folds through incisions rather than modelling... The hallmark of the style wherever it appears consists of an emphatic hardness, heaviness and angularity — in short, an almost complete rejection of the classical tradition".

Sounds more like sculptors either forgot how to make classical statues or rejected it.

I think the real story with Butler is how he became anti-war and anti-imperialist later in life

>alcibiades
>lmao socrates just let me suck your dick for Zeus's sake
>lmao those Italians pleb tier, just scare em off
>dies

truly inspiring

What and you could always add some extra internal strife about who gets to lead them.

the word 'decadence' has become pretty empty at this point, but it really does mean something. Sometimes societies become so rich and powerful that they simply stop trying. An entire culture of spoilt rich kids living off their inheritance from their hard-working ancestors.

pic very much related

t. saellner

good one tho

*Savior of the West

nice try fag

You're thinking of degeneracy.

Also:
>Sometimes societies become so rich and powerful that they simply stop trying.
Has never happened. What does happen is that certain societal groups start to shift their priorities and perspectives. One example would be the italian population of the roman state. At first it provided the fundamental part of the military might of the state but after a few centuries as a de facto empire the italians started to think of themselves as too good for the military. They probably rationalised it as since their ancestors built the empire it's only fair that they get to reap the rewards and benefits of it.

Top right looks like a pretty neat children's toy.

>Nero

The army was still 1/4 Italian in the 5th century. They were actually overrepresented.

He was a good boy

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The very embodiment of punk.

>>alcibiades
Nephew of Pericles. Student and butt-buddy of Socrates. Saved his ass in a battle too.

Had his own plans for the Athenian democracy. Also the story of the Hermes, Sicilian expedition, being arrested on sea and evading that, working for the Spartans, Thracians, and later Persians is really interesting.

>but I don't see your average normie being too interested. Maybe a film based on it would do well in a different setting.
perhaps, but the battles would be cool
>see professional Greek mercenaries line up for battle, the soldiers of the East trembling in fear of their discipline.

Would be a sight to see and an epic battle.

This guy below
The whole thing was a power struggle with the Persian throne.

>dies
You forgot him cucking the King of Sparta, living like a barbarian in Thrace, and later running off to Persia where he was killed after banging the local babes

It would be a movie that appeals to all Chads

>there will never be a movie about the Kitona operation

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